Our forums are currently in maintenance mode and the ability to post is disabled. We will be back up and running as soon as possible. Thanks for your patience!

General discussion


Tuesday YUK... this one just couldn't wait!!!

By Jessie ·
So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...She takes my arm and with trembling voice she asks...."Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if its not Christians, it is the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace?
So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic I reply, "You people lost him, again??"
The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going, so I launch into a speech of my own...
"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"
The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked, she looks desperately to the car... Surely one of the men can help.... Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people... I mean Muslims never seem to lose their deity. Come to think of it neither do Jews, or Pagans of any kind."
I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake... What was that about... deity even? I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breathe, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies)."
"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun..." I continue. By now they are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words. "Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly He was Jewish. So if you are really so eager to find him..." I smile gently to soften the ****. "Check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either:)
Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on the evening news A.S.A.P so the Christians can stop looking for him.

<I>I'd like to give credit where credit is due... but I have no idea who wrote this bit.</I>

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

Thread display: Collapse - | Expand +

All Comments

Collapse -

Too funny..

by maecuff In reply to Tuesday YUK... this one j ...

I would have liked to have "witnessed" that! :)

A couple of years ago, we had some people come to our house to talk about Jesus. My son, who was probably 15 years old at the time, listened to them and said, "I'm sorry, we worship vacuum cleaners in this house".

I have no idea why he picked vacuum cleaners, anyone who comes to my house would know immediately that we worship no cleaning apparatus of any kind. It was funny though.

Collapse -

Nostic, Agnostic, Diagnostic.

by Jessie In reply to Too funny..

Nostic = God does not exist.
Agnostic = Not SURE God exists.
Diagnostic = God does exist and this can be proven through the the thorough understanding of the internal workings of complex machinery (such as vacuums).

Collapse -

Agnostic dyslexic

by maecuff In reply to Nostic, Agnostic, Diagnos ...

= Not sure if there really is a dog.

Collapse -

Agnostic dyslexic Insomniac

by jdclyde In reply to Agnostic dyslexic

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Collapse -

even better

by maecuff In reply to Agnostic dyslexic Insomni ...


Collapse -

Much too much time!

by neilb@uk In reply to Nostic, Agnostic, Diagnos ...

But in my defense, I do most of my TRivial posting during the last hour of the day when all the users have gone, a little more during my train journey and now I'm home.

I seem to have upset Max, though, so I'll stop for the day.

Collapse -

Don't stop now!!!

by Jessie In reply to Much too much time!

If you've only pissed off ONE person... there's so much MORE you can do today!

My users never call me... so unless there's a project (which I frequently manufacture just to try to earn my paycheck) I'm here...

Collapse -

Ha I've done that

by Oz_Media In reply to Don't stop now!!!

I worked for one company as an IT manager and graphic designer for nearly 3 years, just by looking busy, even got a few raises.

I later had another employer who knew it well as 'flying a desk', so I actually had to work.

I guess like George on Seinfeld, in a way.

Collapse -

Now I don't care who ya are!

by Oz_Media In reply to Nostic, Agnostic, Diagnos ...

That there's FUNNY!

Very witty ! LOL

Collapse -

Well what can you say now OZ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Now I don't care who ya a ...

At least I wait until Friday but putting on a Tuesday Yuk.

Well it is something that even I didn't think of so to keep your stated New Years Resolution or at least one of them you'll have to post something early Friday Local time to beat all the rest of us who are determined to put you out of business.

OH yes it was funny as well.

I can remember a long time ago I used to work for a very well known computer company and was sent to Purgatory for repairing the M'Boards for the mainframes that I used to work on at the time. Their idea of Purgatory was to make me attend all the motor race meetings as a tech support for a fuel injection system that a subsidiary sold now to me that was a pleasure and no work at all was involved. They never fully understood it though.


Related Discussions

Related Forums