Wallpaper……master tool of satan! (Happy Friday…)Locked
Looking for a quick, inexpensive way to do something disgusting, hateful, and downright evil? I have the perfect suggestion: Install unattractive wallpaper directly to unprimed drywall. Go ahead, indulge your unmatched misanthropy! The cruelty of this deed will be truly insurpassable, and you’ll have the pleasure of knowing that, years from now, your act will cause some innocent, decent, kind homeowner hours and hours of unmitigated, merciless, apocalyptic misery.
This poor soul, the future owner of your house, will curse you and spit on your family name. She will feel so spectacularly abused by your belligerent deed that she’ll pray you have a chronic groin rash. Scraping, ripping, spraying, scraping some more, realizing half the go$@#mn drywall is coming off with the hideous wallpaper, crying uncontrollably – this will be her lot during days and days of toil. Just think of the pain you can cause!
So much pain for her through so little effort for you! – and all you have to do is walk up to your unprimed, unfinished, unpainted freaking drywall and slap some fugly wallpaper on it. Walk away. Then sell your house to someone with some taste and laugh all the way to hell. You sick ba$#ard.
So I’m telling you. Want to have a black, black, pitchblack soul of Satanic essence? Just do what I say and apply ugly, stupid-looking wallpaper to a surface that ANYONE WITH THE INTELLIGENCE OF A SEWER RAT (or Google) could tell you is the WRONG D#$N SURFACE ON WHICH TO HANG WALLPAPER, MORON. You’ll be amazed by how much this simple weekend project will make someone, someday, loathe your very existence.
Really, I’m just trying to help. Feeling sociopathic? Want to do something downright inhumane but don’t want to go to jail? Looking for ways, through home decorating, to express the side of yourself that’s ruled by pure, galling, blackhole-like malice? Then there you go. Indulge yourself. Wallpaper unprimed drywall and call it a day. Good for you and have fun in hell.
(P.S. My kitchen looks really good now despite the rude wallpapering behavior of the first homeowners, those jerks. But I stuck with it because I rilly rilly wanted red walls instead of vomitous brown and tan speckly wallpaper from 1984. Refrain from e-mailing to ask me how I did it – just Google like I did.
Eye of the tiger, baby. Eye of the tiger.)