It's now Saturday mourning and I didn't see this earlier, partly because I didn't look I suppose. Anyway today we have to vote for our next set Federal Politicians. So in light of the erections latter today I'll throw in a few Aussie Political jokes.
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As reported in this weeks media.
Apparently an Australian reptile the Bearded Dragon are becoming a very popular pet among American reptile owners this has only started happening after George W Bush took in John Howard as his latest pet.
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A Cow Cocky is living on his property way out in the bush. At the nearest town the Politician's roll in all together as it is so remote and everyone is sharing the same buss to get around. Well being politician's they press the flesh and then have a few drinks to make themselves feel better. They then stager out the the buss and demand that the driver gets then all to the next town that is 500 KMS away within 3 hours for their next meeting. The buss driver replies that he just can not get them there in the time allowed to which every one of the politician's replies "We are the Current/Potential leaders of this country no police officer would dare interfere with our progress as we have passed laws preventing anyone from interfering with an election!"
Well they have had the buss drive on the go for several day by now and he is tired but he attempts to get them to their destination. The buss is traveling at 150 KPH when it goes out of control smashed through a fence and hits a tree nearly cutting the buss in half. The Cow Cocky hearing the crash wonders out onto his veranda and sees lights toward the road so he jumps on his tractor to have a look to see what is going on. When he arrives at the crash site he is greeted by the bus almost cut in half up a tree politician's lying all around and his fence destroyed.
So being a piratical farmer he repairs the fence and with his tractor drags the buss off the tree and then proceeds to dig a hole and buries all the politician's in it. He then tows the buss up to his shed for parts that may be useful to him on the farm.
Three days latter when the Politician's have failed to turn up to several of their arranged meetings the police are called in and start tracking them from their last known position. Eventually they come to the spot where the buss ran off the road they see a new section of fence and deep marks on the ground and tree behind the fence.
They go up to the Cow Cocky's house and ask has he seen the politician's? He replies that at 2.00 AM 3 days ago there was a smash down the road and he had attended the crash repaired his fence and towed the remains of the buss to his shed for parts.
The Police ask about the Politician's and the Cow Cocky replies "Well they where dead so I just dug a big hole with my tractor and buried them!"
The Police asked "Are you sure that where all dead?"
The Cow Cocky replies well some of them did protest that they where not yet dead but as they where all politician's I couldn't believe a single word that they said so I just buried them all!"
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Q How do you know when a politician is lying?
A You can see his/her lips moving!
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Tomorrows Headlines in the Hobart Mercury
The Governments answer to protecting old growth forests in Tasmania is to provide all 95 year olds with wheel chairs made out of old growth timber!
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As reported on last nights news
The American Politician's are closely watching the Australian Elections this week end as they believe that the outcome in Australian will be a good pointer as to how things will turn out in November.
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Well I saved the best till last and what makes this so good is it is real.
According to the latest opinion polls 50% of Australian's intend to vote for the current Government. 50% of Australians intend to vote for the Opposition!
And 18% are undecided!
And here I was thinking that only 100% of the voting population could vote but apparently there are 118% capable of voting in the erection today!
Col
