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Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Well it's only Wednesday in North America but for some peers it's Thursday, thus the title.

Friday Yuk? Well I needed one today, alright?

As I Mature

I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope that they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a**holes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you beter have a big willie or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can continue vomiting long after you think you are finished.

I've learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regadrless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there better be a LOT of money to take it's place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when somethig isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon, and the less important ones never go away.

Reality bites doesn't it?

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by ITgirli In reply to Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

two t-shirts I have recently bought and the one I'm wearing now.
1st shirt-
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

2nd shirt-

shirt I have on now-
byte me

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Those ae cool

by Oz_Media In reply to t-shirts

Have you seen uuuuuuuuuuuh, damn can't think of thier site now but they are a complete GEEK site that sells EVERY geek toy and trinket you could want. USB memory watches etc. They hae a GREAT selection of geek shirts, including the ones you metioned if I rememer tha name of the site I'll pass it to you, perhaps someone else may rememer?

It was pretty popular here for a while, I'm just not geeky enough to remember I suppose.

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my son..

by maecuff In reply to t-shirts

Introduced me to a website where you can buy those shirts and more.

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by Oz_Media In reply to my son..

Thanks maecuff! You pegged it, they have all kinds of cool gizmo's for the guy (or gal) who doesn't have enough crap strapped to his/her wrist or waist.

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by ITgirli In reply to THAT'S IT!!!

That's where I bought one of those shirts. I bought another from and the last one I found a couple years ago at target.

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Well this side of the International Date Line

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

It's now Saturday mourning and I didn't see this earlier, partly because I didn't look I suppose. Anyway today we have to vote for our next set Federal Politicians. So in light of the erections latter today I'll throw in a few Aussie Political jokes.


As reported in this weeks media.

Apparently an Australian reptile the Bearded Dragon are becoming a very popular pet among American reptile owners this has only started happening after George W Bush took in John Howard as his latest pet.


A Cow Cocky is living on his property way out in the bush. At the nearest town the Politician's roll in all together as it is so remote and everyone is sharing the same buss to get around. Well being politician's they press the flesh and then have a few drinks to make themselves feel better. They then stager out the the buss and demand that the driver gets then all to the next town that is 500 KMS away within 3 hours for their next meeting. The buss driver replies that he just can not get them there in the time allowed to which every one of the politician's replies "We are the Current/Potential leaders of this country no police officer would dare interfere with our progress as we have passed laws preventing anyone from interfering with an election!"

Well they have had the buss drive on the go for several day by now and he is tired but he attempts to get them to their destination. The buss is traveling at 150 KPH when it goes out of control smashed through a fence and hits a tree nearly cutting the buss in half. The Cow Cocky hearing the crash wonders out onto his veranda and sees lights toward the road so he jumps on his tractor to have a look to see what is going on. When he arrives at the crash site he is greeted by the bus almost cut in half up a tree politician's lying all around and his fence destroyed.

So being a piratical farmer he repairs the fence and with his tractor drags the buss off the tree and then proceeds to dig a hole and buries all the politician's in it. He then tows the buss up to his shed for parts that may be useful to him on the farm.

Three days latter when the Politician's have failed to turn up to several of their arranged meetings the police are called in and start tracking them from their last known position. Eventually they come to the spot where the buss ran off the road they see a new section of fence and deep marks on the ground and tree behind the fence.

They go up to the Cow Cocky's house and ask has he seen the politician's? He replies that at 2.00 AM 3 days ago there was a smash down the road and he had attended the crash repaired his fence and towed the remains of the buss to his shed for parts.

The Police ask about the Politician's and the Cow Cocky replies "Well they where dead so I just dug a big hole with my tractor and buried them!"

The Police asked "Are you sure that where all dead?"

The Cow Cocky replies well some of them did protest that they where not yet dead but as they where all politician's I couldn't believe a single word that they said so I just buried them all!"


Q How do you know when a politician is lying?

A You can see his/her lips moving!


Tomorrows Headlines in the Hobart Mercury

The Governments answer to protecting old growth forests in Tasmania is to provide all 95 year olds with wheel chairs made out of old growth timber!


As reported on last nights news

The American Politician's are closely watching the Australian Elections this week end as they believe that the outcome in Australian will be a good pointer as to how things will turn out in November.


Well I saved the best till last and what makes this so good is it is real.

According to the latest opinion polls 50% of Australian's intend to vote for the current Government. 50% of Australians intend to vote for the Opposition!

And 18% are undecided!

And here I was thinking that only 100% of the voting population could vote but apparently there are 118% capable of voting in the erection today!


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Gives new meaning to the phrase "Vote early and often"

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Well this side of the Int ...

Have a good one Col.

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A Philosophy on Life

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

A Philosophy of Life

I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.

I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time.

God, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.

If you don't like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.

If it's true we are what we eat, I am either fast, cheap, or easy.

Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!

"Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!

Our policy is to always blame the computer.

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends - none of us can

Take my advice, I'm not using it!

Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?

You know you're getting old when you stop to think and forget to
start again.

I love to give homemade gifts, ... umm, which one of the kids would
you like?

I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!

By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!

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The Baptist Bra

by TomSal In reply to Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. He
told the saleslady "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked? "What kind of bra?" He repeated
"A Baptist Bra" - She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist Bra, and
that you would know what she wanted."

"Ah, now I remember" said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for
them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or
the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type."

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the
differences?" The lady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The
Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen,
Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright." He mused on that
information for a minute, and asked "So, what is the Baptist type for?"
"They," she replied, "make mountains out of molehills."

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Thanks OZ

by tp205 In reply to Wednsday /Thursday Yuk

I hope your holiday was fine...I was out sick most of last week, but I am saving a fine yuk for this weeks Friday..

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