Geek Gifts to Avoid: Retro Phone Handset

ntThe Retro Phone Handset is a great example of an item I cannot imagine any geek using. I like retro stuff as much as the next geek, but plugging in a handset that is no easier to attach to the human body (or wedge between your head and shoulder) is a waste. I’d rather get the Bluetooth Retro Handset and at least not have the cord there.

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ntThanks to TechRepublic member BurnedSalamander for the suggestion.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Giant Swiss Army Knife

ntI featured the Giant Swiss Army Knife in my (tongue-in-cheek) Gifts for the top 1% of geeks gallery, but its usefulness as a practical gift is about zero. The only thing it really is good for is collecting and displaying. Seriously, who could put something that big to the practical use any of its components were designed for in the first place?

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Prank Gift Boxes

ntPranks are always a fun time, at least for the prankster. These Prank Gift Boxes should allow you to get a good laugh even from the recipient, but they’re really only usable once or twice. Also, for $15 for two empty boxes from ThinkGeek or $8 apiece/$20 for three according to this CNN article, it’s not a cheap prank — especially considering what you get for the prank.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Gift Card Puzzle Vault

ntStores are full of various types of gift card packaging that can range in price from $2 up to $10 or more. That means, after you buy the $20 or $50 or whatever amount gift card for the person, you then drop some more money on a “holder” for that gift card. One example is this Gift Card Puzzle Vault that makes the recipient work for their present — moreso than simply tearing into some wrapping paper.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Stainless Steel Wallet

ntThis is another craze I don’t get: wallets available in Stainless Steel, Aluminum, Duct Tape, or some other non-wallet-like material.  (What ever happened to good, old-fashioned pleather?)  They even have wallets that allegdly shield their contents from RFID scanners. I know not everyone shares my opinion of these items; in fact, read Chad Perrin’s TechRepublic post “Stainless steel wallet review: Two years later.”

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: iCade

ntI was excited when I was given the opportunity to review the iCade, because I thought it would be a cool device. Instead, the device did not function well in most of the games it was designed for (the Atari’s Greatest Hits app) because of the simple on/off switching style of the joystick. Way too many Atari games are designed for paddles or a trackball — both analog input devices that are vastly different than the digitized style of the built-in joystick. The Atari’s Greatest Hits app was more fun to play without the iCade in the middle (you can use the on-screen trackball and paddle to play the games natively on an iOS device).  I chalk this device up to a “great idea, bad implementation.”

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ntPhoto of iCade by Wally Bahny for TechRepublic.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: USB Warmer Cooler

ntUSB coolers and warmers are another “great idea, bad implementation” type of device, as Mark Kaelin wrote in this 2006 TechRepublic article. In his experience, the USB 5 volt connection did not provide enough heat to keep his beverage warm in a common ceramic coffee mug. The USB Beverage Cup Cooler and Warmer pictured (which is different than the one Mark tested) comes with some evidence that it may work better than Mark’s experience, but I’m skeptical.  If you like warm drinks, use a thermal mug, put enough of your beverage in for an hour or so max, and refill when it’s empty.

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ntImage courtesy VAT19.com.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Glow in the Dark Toilet Paper

ntThis image image above does not do the Glow in the Dark Toilet Paper the justice it deserves; the animated GIF on the ThinkGeek site shows the full effect. While this product would be great for making the suggested mummy halloween costume or perhaps a gag gift, I can’t see using it for its intended purpose.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Scrolling LED Belt Buckle

ntCertain types of people are identified by their belt buckles — cowboys, for example. I don’t think geeks need to advertise our nerdiness more than we already do just by being ourselves. But if we did, there is a Scrolling LED Belt Buckle available to ensure that everyone knows.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Virtual Keyboard

ntWhen I saw the Cube Laser Virtual Keyboard for iPad & iPhone, I was skeptical. How can a keyboard projected on a surface work all that well? It turns out I was right, according to TechRepublic member jmgarvin, who said “it’s too bulky and isn’t very responsive” when I asked about his experience using one. A standard laptop-style Bluetooth keyboard is a much better option.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Bacon Soap

ntI like bacon, I really do. Just ask my wife. But I’m not interested in using Bacon-scented Soap or any of the other myriad bacon-related products out there. If I want to taste bacon, I’ll eat bacon; if I want to smell bacon, I’ll cook bacon. It’s that simple.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: Annoy-a-tron 2.0

ntThinkGeek’s Annoy-a-tron 2.0 is another in a long line of “useless after one use” prank noise-makers. If anyone tried to use this on a coworker or family member more than once, they’d probably get throttled. Mark Kaelin reviewed this product for the 2008 TechRepublic Geek Gift Guide, and he gave it two out of five stars. If someone would spend $12.99 on a witty T-shirt instead, I bet you’d get more enjoyment out of that gift.

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ntImage courtesy ThinkGeek.

Geek Gifts to Avoid: TRON Light Cycle

ntLike many of the other things on this list, the Disney TRON Legacy Light Cycle Sam Flynn Zero Gravity RC Vehicle is likely to lose its appeal once you get over its ability to drive up the walls and across the ceiling. While TechRepublic’s Mark Kaelin gave the toy an overall four out of five stars, he did highlight the waning lack of interest in his review. For anyone other than kids, this is probably a waste of money.

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ntImage courtesy Amazon.