No, it's not a paper jam

We haven’t used paper in over 100 years.

Thanks for calling Starfleet. How can I help you?

You changed your tricorder language to Klingon? Again?

Yes, your coms are being received

He’s just ignoring you.

Do you know what he asked me?

He asked me if the new version of OSX would allow us to transport at warp speed.

Yes, the food replicator is working just fine

But then again, I’m security, so, maybe it isn’t.

There are tribbles reproducing in the transporter room?

Well I can’t imagine why that would be an enormous problem.

Sir, I think the Starfleet Twitter has been hacked again

Someone is tweeting about a Ferengi escort service.

No, this isn't Scotty...

And I’m afraid we can’t beam you into the transporter from 16 lightyears away.

Just a few more security questions before we can access your account

What are the galactic coordinates of your home planet?

You're stuck in the turbolift?

Did you try selecting a destination?

Your tractor beam is malfunctioning?

Ma’am, I think you’re looking at the control panel upside down.

On the phone with a Vulcan

He told me my tech support advice was highly illogical.

Yes, you're welcome

You live long and prosp —- great, he hung up.

Also see

• Gallery: The greatest Star Trek laptop stickers of all time (TechRepublic)
• Gallery: These are the greatest Star Trek T-shirts of all time (TechRepublic)
• Star Trek captains offer 4 leadership lessons that could save your career (TechRepublic)
• Star Trek technology in real life: Tricorder, tractor beam, and phaser (TechRepublic)
• Tech leaders share how Star Trek inspired them to pursue a career in technology (TechRepublic)
• Star Trek: Discovery continues the mission of futurism and bold social commentary (ZDNet)
• ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ fights for more than Trekkies’ hearts (CNET)