Thanks for calling the Empire, may I help you?

Oh. Hello Mr. Binks. Again. I’m going to put you on hold for a moment while I access your account.

Yeah, that Artoo is kinda mouthy...

… now select, “restore to factory settings.” That’ll shut him right up for you.

Is there anything else I can oppress you with today?

Great. You WILL participate in quick five-minute survey to let us know about your experience.

My system is telling me that there is a cable outage on Alderaan.

Actually, it’s a really, REALLY big outage. I apologize for the inconvenience.

So you dropped your Note 7...

… into an exhaust port? On the Death Star? No worries. You’re fine.

Did you try Force-quit?

Ha! Get it? Force-quit? Oh. You got it the first time. Cool, cool.

25 parsecs, still on hold

C-3PO? Whining, you say? That’s not a bug. It’s a feature.

Dude: Do you HEAR this guy?

Have you checked to see if your moisture vaporator is plugged in, sir?

We thank you for your continued rebelliousness.

I’m obligated to let you know that this call is being recorded for quality assurance.

Uh oh.

Use by a Wookiee automatically voids a warranty. Even that. Yes, even that. Pretty much any use by a Wookiee.

We apologize ...

… we no longer provide support for Old Republic software.

It appears the payment is 12 minutes late.

Can you provide me with the VIN number on your TIE Fighter?

I'm sorry, Mr. Fett.

The cartridges on that blaster are discontinued. Please don’t kill me.

That's an interesting question.

Let me put you on hold while I confirm that this is, in fact, the droid you’re looking for.

Now open Disk Utility and select hyperdrive.

Or just disk drive. Disk drive is cool, too.

Did you back up your data?

We recommend Carbonite. Preserves anything.

No, sir.

I’m afraid there is no way pair your laptop with your AT-AT.

Go ahead and pose...

…it’s cool. The IT guy’ll just be back there … making sure the rebellion has enough data storage.

Also see

• Video: 3 leadership lessons from Star Wars
• CES 2017 video: Cracking open BB-8 droid live on the CNET stage
• The coolest and most expensive Star Wars collectibles your space money can buy
• The 20 coolest Star Wars coffee mugs in any galaxy
• The 25 coolest Star Wars laptop stickers
• Star Wars at 40: CNET celebrates 40 years of the Force
• Star Wars at 40: It’s 2017, and these aren’t the droids you’re looking for (ZDNet)