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A Distinct lack of Courtesy

By Aaron A Baker ·
It really annoys the heck out of me when someone asks for help and you start moving mountains to help them.Then they don't even have the courtesy to come back and check to see if anybody cared about their little problem. They don't even come back and stick an acknowledgement post. Since most of us are only too glad to help in any way we can, I should think a reply of any kind would be in order.Yes?
This really ticks me off. I must admit to being disappointed. The person asks for a file, I'm here, ready to send it with the accompanying files as it can't be just the one, I ask where they want it sent and they can't even be bothered to give us the courtesy of a reply?
I 'm very disappointed in the lack of tact and consideration and here.
The point is that when someone asks any of us for help, we are only too glad to do our utmost to accommodate. We hand out secrets, "I've learned a few myself here" we talk procedures we're even willing to send out various parts of programs in an effort help a fellow member. I should think that the courtesy of an acknowledgement would be the very least the person could do.
Nobody's looking for adulation here but when you go through the trouble of trying to help and then the person completely ignores all the people in that post, it becomes insulting and infuriating.
I 'm wondering if you feel the same way. Is your time not as valuable as mine.?
If you spend any of it on me, is it not natural that you would expect an acknowledgement of some sort? Perhaps even a Thank You?
Please Forgive my rant, I' disappointed in the distinct lack of courtesy and consideration shown to us here.
Do you feel as I do?
Thank You
Aaron X-(

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This is

by Jaqui In reply to A Distinct lack of Courte ...

a common complaint about the Tech Q&A section.
[ lots of discussions about it in miscelaneous and site ideas / feedback ]

TR is looking at revamping the TQ&A to resolve the issue.

and yup, a lot of us agree with you.

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I don't

by amcol In reply to This is

Agree, that is.

Look at the way society has become. A generation or two ago it was expected that gentlemen would hold doors open for ladies, that rude language was never appropriate in public, that common courtesies and civilities would be observed. Not anymore. If very few people say "thank you" when you're dealing with them face to face, why would you expect they'd do so here, where it's easier to hide behind the anonymity of a screen name and therefore be completely unaccountable for one's actions?

I also disagree because when I respond to someone's query, whatever it is, I do so because I want to be helpful...not because I expect anything in return, not even a simple "thank you". My motivation is to assist, that's all. If you want to be polite and demonstrate gratitude, wonderful...but that's gravy, and I won't hold it against you if you neglect to do so.

You may want to modify your expectations and examine your own motivations, and you may find a way to avoid getting upset by all this. In the end it really doesn't matter.

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It Matters Very Much

by Aaron A Baker In reply to I don't

I couldn't possibly disagree with you more. If the world is going to **** in a handbasket are we supposed to go along?
There is such a thing as Common Courtesy and I see nothing wrong with it being practiced here.
The case of which I speak asked for a file. He got many answers but no file. So being relatively well organized, I found the file and took it along with the accompanying files, zipped them and then asked him where he wanted them sent. I expected nothing for this. After all, that's what we do, we help each other and on many occasions I have indeed read the word Thank You and see nothing wrong in continuing the practice. This jerk not only ignored me but never even came back to check on his own post thus ignoring all the other techs as well.
This Sir, is bloody rude. Although there is no expectancy of reward in any kind including Thank You, a small acknowledgement wouldn't have hurt.
I give out advice all the time and am always willing to help and most certainly do not get a thank you every time, but this time got to me because I went to a lot of trouble for the ingrate and he never even gave us the courtesy of coming back to check up on his own post.
It's all very well to say that this is the way of the world now and that we have no right to expect anything, I however feel that this is an incredibly arrogant attitude severely lacking in proper etiquette. Where did you or anybody else get the idea that you would entitled to any kind of help or opinion and would be, by mere virtue of your presence be absolved from the basics of proper conduct i.e. Courtesy?
Rather than me lowering my expectations to your level, I would suggest that it be you who re-adjust your sights to aim as little higher in life and that definitely includes the odd thank you or you will find yourself left behind in the dust with all the other like minded, wondering why.
Common Courtesy Sir, is exactly that, Common i.e. Everybody who knows how to live, does it.
Arrogance may be the order of the day, however it's still repelling and repulsive.
Try it, it doesn't hurt, trust me. :)
Oh and by the way, I still open doors for ladies.
Thank you for your input

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Simmer down, tiger

by amcol In reply to It Matters Very Much

I agree with you. For the most part.

I'm a big believer in setting the right example, because I'm an even bigger believer in the concept of personal responsibility. Just because no one else is polite and courteous doesn't mean I, or you, shouldn't be.

However, I wasn't talking about practicing common courtesy (and here's one place I disagree with you...there's nothing common about it, and therein unfortunately lies the problem). I was talking about adjusting expectations, and the motivations we have for doing things.

You did all the right things, up until the very end. You went out of your way to help someone out, and you did so simply to be helpful. So you say. But then you got upset when the object of your assistance seemed ungrateful. (You may not be entirely correct about that, BTW...isn't it possible the person you helped hasn't yet picked up the file you sent, or has been unable to respond to your assistance for some reason?) If your motivations were so pure, simply to be helpful, then it doesn't make sense that you'd be so indignant when the object of your assistance doesn't acknowledge that help. And, since common courtesy isn't so common, you're really doing yourself a disservice by expecting it.

If you had helped me, you would have received an expression of gratitude pretty quickly. That's me. The person you helped didn't do so. That's him/her. Either way, you did the right thing. You're done. Why get upset when someone doesn't live up to your standards? You can only reasonably apply those standards to yourself, and if you find people disappoint you then you have the option of severing your relationship with them. No harm, no foul.

I think you're overreacting. But that's just me. And I still open doors for ladies, too.

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Regarding my Outburst

by Aaron A Baker In reply to Simmer down, tiger

Please forgive my outburst.Rudeness, inconsideration and calloused disregard always bring out the absolute worst in me. You're right of course in the sense that we have no right of expectancy, however having said that, when you go to some effort in order to help someone, I don't think it's an unrealistic expectation.
Courtesy, consideration and manners are everything if a person what's to get ahead in anything at all. But they are particularly helpful in a situation such as this where one doesn't know the other but helps anyway. That's the real reason we { I } come here, to see if I can help. So naturally I was more than just a little peeved at this situation.
While I'm on the subject, I want to state quite categorically that this applies to no one here. I've dealt with all of you and you with me over time and it's been marvelous, may it continue to be as such. I felt insulted not only for myself, but also for all of us who do the same as I did and take the time and effort to help.
I assure you that I have no expectancies and shall be only too glad to continue helping in any way I can.
So to one and all, Please forgive my outburst and know that I was offended not only just for myself, but for all of us who try to help these types.
I'm glad to hear that you also open doors for the ladies.
True Gentlemen are becoming rare, so Well Done indeed.
Warmest Regards

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by TonytheTiger In reply to It Matters Very Much

"There is such a thing as Common Courtesy and I see nothing wrong with it being practiced here."

No, there's nothing wrong with it, but I'm not sure expecting it is right either. You cannot make people feel or behave as you expect them to. All you can do is react to their behavior. How you choose to do so is entirely on you.

Additionally you shouldn't presume that the lack of courtesy is deliberate. It's hard to tell what's going on on the other end of the connection. Maybe the guy who typed in the question got hit by a bus on his way to lunch that day (though I sure hope not).

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So you must lower your standards Aaron

by jdclyde In reply to It Matters Very Much

or you will never fit in with the self-centered new world order going on.

How DARE you expect someone to say thank you for doing something for them? Next you will want maybe a cookie? What could you be thinking?

Oh, your thinking that it IS customary to show some graditude to people that do something for you.

Ok, I take it back. Give them ****!

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You know what they say...

by maecuff In reply to So you must lower your st ...

When dealing with rude people..remember this: It takes 42 muscles to frown. It only takes 4 to pull the trigger on a decent sniper rifle.

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by jdclyde In reply to You know what they say...

That is even better than the X amount of muscles to reach out and beotch slap them, that I am accustom to hearing!

I just can't believe the people in here that EXPECT this behavior as if it is the standard now. Glad I don't dwell in the sewers they are in! Some of us STILL have standards and hold the people around us accountable to the same.

I have been known after doing something for someone and they are rude like that to say "Oh, your welcome"!

Many moons ago, I worked in a gas station. A customer walked in and I said "Hi, how are you today?". Their response was "Give me two packs of Marlboros". My response was "Give me $2.50" (man, were smokes really that cheap?)

At that point, they realized a JERK they had been and appologized. I wished them a good day and they were off.

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Too bad

by maecuff In reply to Mae

good manners can't be expected. It takes so little effort to be polite. My children have been taught to say please and thank you. I get compliments on how polite they are, when in fact, they are only doing the bare minimum.

I don't know if it's just the small town I live in, or if it is this way everywhere, but it seems that more and more people are just WAITING to get pissed off about something. There isn't enough time to say thank you when you hold the door open for someone, but god forbid, you accidently get in someone's way, or something of the sort, and they are ready to take the time to scream about it. Makes that sniper rifle look more attractive.

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