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A few for the musicians among us...

By pgm554 ·
What has 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

A guitar player gets electrocuted while on stage at a gig,so he is at the pearly gates talking to St Peter.

All of a sudden he hears a guitar riff that sounds like Eddie Van Halen and he asks St Peter if Eddie has died and made it here too.

To which St Peter replies "Na,that's just God,he only thinks he's Eddie Van Halen."

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From a sax player

by wordworker In reply to A few for the musicians a ...

You might notice that there are very few jokes about the clarinet. This is out of sympathy. The clarinet has already been the butt of so many jokes - the saxophone, for instance.

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
1-Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles.
2-The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.
3-The grip.

What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?
The exhaust.

What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in.

How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
Put a chart in front of him.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None--they just steal somebody else's light.

What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

What's the best thing to play on a guitar?

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Buddy Rich

by pgm554 In reply to From a sax player

I knew one of the trumpet players from Buddy Rich's band.This was a favorite among his ex bandmembers.

A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumour that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"

Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.

A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"

"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.

Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.

She recognised his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.

Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.

Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"

He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."

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Another drummer joke

by SonicClang In reply to A few for the musicians a ...

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? A Drummer

Ok, that's my only musician joke, and I play drums so I can say it. I actually had a drummer get really offended at that once. haha. Really, anyone who thinks drummers aren't musicians needs to listen to Dream Theater or Rush.

I make music for games, I love a good musician joke every now and then.

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Same here

by pgm554 In reply to Another drummer joke

Went to school with Vince Coliauta and learned how to play from him.
Pert and Portnoy ain't bad.

Unfortunatly you don't hear much of their stuff on radio anymore.

Most FM stations have a 400 song "tight" playlist and they ain't playin' much Rush or Dream Theater.

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by jkaras In reply to Same here

those were some funny jokes!! I am suprised many people like Dream Theater. My high school buddies are serious fans never missing a show. I had listened to a couple of their songs but I just didnt get the devotion. I thought they were good but nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone has a good underground band that they love that doesnt pander to the pop hit list. I do like Rush and they blew me away during the Presto tour. They are in town this next month but the tickets are rediculously overpriced like many aging bands demanding way too much money, thanks to the Stones and the Who, Streisand, Madonna, yadda yadda. I think $35 is a fair price, over than that is just getting out of hand seeing nosebleed seats starting at $65-400!!!! I wish I could witness a musical renissance during my lifetime even though it doesnt look good, but I will still hold to that dream.

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Peart ain't bad.

by Oz_Media In reply to Same here

Thought you said you were a drummer, Peart ain't bad????

Living in Canada we still get our blast of RUSH on most local rotations. One local station, a derivative on a major Canadian comunications company that is again a derivative of a US cumunicaions companym that is aderivative of a major TV network that is a derivative of an even bigger media corporation (phew!) is able to play whatever they want. THey are one of the most popular radio stations out west and stick to their advertised theme that they 'play what they want to.'

As a manager/promoter and former musician myself, I LOVE Rush. I have met them all several times and they really are the genuine article. NO hidden agendas just music and touring, they work DAMN hard!

Since Neil has overcome his losses and written his new book since riding his motorcycle across America, they have been hard at work again.

THey have recently released their latest work, FEEDBACK ( a great disk without weak spots and with excellent production that so many disks are devoid of since ProTools was cut down to nothing for desktop use).

RUSH is currently on a world tour (in the US now), I am looking forward to seeing them at a few Canadian dates and tipping a few beers with them again next year.

Long live Rush!

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Sorry fogot a musicians joke

by Oz_Media In reply to Peart ain't bad.

I have a book at home of 1000 drummer jokes, I'll see if I can dig it out (still haven't completely unpacked).

Yes tha drummer is usually the band's **** that will play for anyone, as long as he is at gigs on time. MOST pro drummers, NeilPeart included, still do a lot of session work for other bands. Most bands use sessionists as drummers in the studio as it gets the job done faster than relying on a live musicians meter.

I just wish Metallica had used a session drummer to replace Lar's mess on the latest St.Anger.

That's the problem when you let a drummer produce, the snare is NEVER right, he's got more ping and ring from his snare than a toy drum, what the **** were they thinking, they shoulda kept Bob Rock happy instead of being too big for their boots and thinking they knew better and didn't need production.

(ANOTHER BAND WHO BOTCHED IT WITH CHEAP PROTOOLS! Doesn't anyone in North America use Cakewalk or CueBase?)

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Ahh yes the Mr. Peart reference

by TomSal In reply to Another drummer joke

Great joke first off. lol.

And I had to reply considering you mentioned my favorite band of all time...Rush (who I'm going to see next month when they come to Philly).

Neal Peart, definitely an artist/master/genius of the drums!

He's simply incredible on the drums.

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drummer joke

by manycaps In reply to Another drummer joke

Thats a good one. Percussion/drums I guess now
have some melodics to them..I also play drums
but pick the guitar last 3 years....

We're always the first one at the gig and the
last to leave the gig.

No justice..

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Found em

by Oz_Media In reply to A few for the musicians a ...

Here's a few:

Q: How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
A: The knocking speeds up. (also "Knocking slows down" or "He doesn't know when to enter")
(Have wasted SOOOOOO many studio hours with bands who won't hire session drummers!)
If you threw a drummer and a bassist off a cliff, which would hit the ground first?
Who cares?
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
a)"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
b) Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
c) Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
d) Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
e) None. They have a machine to do that.
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

Why to bands need Roadies?
To translate what the drummer says.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."

How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin. (My ex-wife is a principal cellist for the symphony)


How do you tell if a bassist is dead?
What's the difference?

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!

Getting tired of typing there's SO many musician jokes!

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