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  • #2200059

    A Sunday Yuk anyone?

    Locked

    by purpleskys ·

    Sick Leave

    I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted ‘CRAZY’ then he would tell me to take a few days off.

    So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So that the Boss would think I was
    CRAZY’ And give me a few days off.

    A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked ‘What are you doing?’ I told him I was a light bulb. He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’ I jumped down and walked out of the office.

    When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her ?..And where do you think you’re going??

    (You’re gonna love this…..)

    She said,

    ‘I’m going home too, I can’t work in the dark!”

All Comments

  • Author
    Replies
    • #3004493

      See…

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      This is why Scummy is going to get kicked if he tells me to go blonde one more time!!

      When the heck did sunday arrive…….
      < shakes head ... rubs eyes... >

      • #3004492

        i dunno

        by purpleskys ·

        In reply to See…

        i woke up and that’s what my calendar said…and if you think about it, was that blonde not smart??? i mean honestly…if the lightbulb is leaving, one can’t work in the dark ;)…i’d use it 😀

        • #3004488

          lol

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to i dunno

          ya..i’d use it if i could i guess 🙂

        • #3004463

          See — I WAS right :D

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to lol

          and you ARE wrong (again)

        • #3004461

          Nah

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to See — I WAS right :D

          I really wouldn’t say it.I was just trying to make Purple feel better about her admission that she’d say it

          😀

        • #2760786

          hey now

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to Nah

          first rule of defence…admit nothing

        • #3002992

          Hey….I use it all the time…

          by darryl~ ·

          In reply to lol

          Ask Purple.

          People actually fall for it…..that’s the scarey thing!!

        • #3002961

          and he does…

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to Hey….I use it all the time…

          he is blond afterall 😉

      • #3004470

        Isnt that something you would say?

        by the scummy one ·

        In reply to See…

        I think so!

        • #3004466

          i think not

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Isnt that something you would say?

          🙂

          therefore..i am correct ]:)

        • #3004464

          I think so

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to i think not

          and I read it on the Internet, so it must be true

        • #3004462

          you don’t really want to go here do you?

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to I think so

          It could be painful for you..
          ]:)

        • #3004459

          You are already painful to me!

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to you don’t really want to go here do you?

          But, with the denial, you are paining yourself much more

        • #3004455

          you are already is painful to me??

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          wtf does that mean?

          is it missing a word??

          🙂

        • #3004449

          I never typed the ‘is’, but I edited it out

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          must be that Hal units chip messing with my keyboard again :0

        • #3004448

          The Scummy One is obviously an alter-ego of the HAL

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          The same spelling mistakes, the same grammar errors, the same unintelligible comebacks…

          There’s some serious issues there.

        • #3004445

          Hey hey…

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          I am not painful..

          Admit it..go on..you like my devil may care attitude..

          and you know that i could take you anytime ]:)

        • #3004444

          LOL @ serious issues

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          Thats putting it mildly 😀

        • #2760785

          “alter ego of Hal” :^0 :^0 :^0

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to You are already painful to me!

          I can spell definitely rather than defiantly in its place :^0

          No, I suspect that the HAL unit has put a screw me up chip in my keyboard, which randomly adds/removes characters or adds is, it, the or and periodically.

        • #2760788

          Shell not thinking

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to i think not

          isn’t that what I have said all along? :p

          And just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make you correct… 😀

        • #2760776

          i am a woman

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Shell not thinking

          therefore I am always correct.

          you haven’t learned that yet??

        • #2760773

          “I am woman”

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to i am a woman

          “Therefore, always correct.”

          Inquiring will do neither of you any good. The “always” does it. He has no choice. There is nothing to learn of how you are.

          This is not a correction.

        • #2760771

          .. :) ..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to “I am woman”

          Santee..for you I could almost admit to being wrong 🙂

        • #2760767

          Oh; I’m sorry

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to “I am woman”

          This being Sunday morning where I am, private religious services being held to save Neil’s soul, I inadvertently left the microphone on.

          I’ll turn it off, now.

        • #2760763

          I don’t think

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to “I am woman”

          Neils soul will co-operate 🙂

        • #2760760

          If said woman were always right

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to i am a woman

          she wouldn’t need to ask what I have or haven’t learned…… :0

          When shell wishes to be correct, she starts out her sentences with “Jd told me ……..”

          😀

        • #2760758

          Microphone back on

          by santeewelding ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          Whoa, brother JD. You court damnation.

        • #2760752

          Oh man..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          next year..the gathering..
          payback ]:)

        • #3002981

          Do you know how many times I have heard

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          “I’ll get payback” or somethig similar from a woman???
          Unless it is a GF or something — there never is any payback. So, when a woman says it (especially putting it off for a year), all I can do is laugh heartily at the prospect :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0 :^0

        • #3002945

          Payback..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          well..the lengthy time span is kinda due to that being the next time i will see him..

          plus.i need a while to think up something extra special for him.. ]:)

        • #3002939

          Yeah, I can see the problem

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          you need a while to think something up

          And you state that ya aint a blonde :^0

        • #3002938

          Some things

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          need careful planning..

          🙂

          I could be a redhead if ye want..but blonde..no 🙂

        • #3002936

          It wouldnt fit you well

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          a blonde suits you, however, a a good redhead is hot 😀

        • #3002934

          .. :p …

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          i’m not going to dignify that with a response..

          oops.. does this count as a response??

          sh*t..maybe it does..
          ggrrrr

        • #3002917

          Yes, tis a response :^0

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to If said woman were always right

          only a blonde would think otherwise (see, it fits you)

    • #3004490

      psychology

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about
      psychology when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I bet you
      can’t tell me something
      that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

      She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

    • #3004484

      Probably been posted before..

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      but i’m cleaning out my inbox…so posting before i dump it.

      Hospital Charts
      Actual writings on hospital charts:

      1. she has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

      2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

      3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

      4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

      5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

      6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

      7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 years old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

      8. The patient refused autopsy.

      9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

      10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

      11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

      12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

      13. She is numb from her toes down.

      14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

      15. The skin was moist and dry.

      16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

      17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

      18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

      19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

      20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

      21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

      22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

      23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

      24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

      25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

      26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

      27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

      28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

      29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

      *******

      18 cracks me up 😀

    • #3004481

      Another old one..but worthy of a laugh

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
      ‘You Can Be THE Man of Your House.’

      He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, ‘From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of s*x that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me
      dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?’

      The wife replied, ‘The f*ckin’ funeral director would be my first guess.

      • #3002985

        That would be the exact response

        by darryl~ ·

        In reply to Another old one..but worthy of a laugh

        I’d get from Purple.

        Really…..then she’d add to it “but only if they could find your body!”

    • #3004477

      and yet another….

      by purpleskys ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      Dear Tide,

      I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative! To my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
      What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

      Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

      • #3002983

        Refer to my post to the one above…..

        by darryl~ ·

        In reply to and yet another….

        Need I say more?

        • #3002956

          :-D

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to Refer to my post to the one above…..

          0:-)..shhhh…geesh…

          edit for title

        • #3002953

          LOL

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to :-D

          so he knows where he stand then? ]:)

        • #3002951

          hehe

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to LOL

          he sure does…in the kitchen, cooking my supper 😀 ba-hahaha

          edit: some emoticons aren’t working…maybe it’s just me

        • #3002946

          Glad to hear

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to hehe

          that! 🙂

          So..did he come to you as is..or was there a lot of training involved?

          ]:)

        • #3002944

          as is where is

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to Glad to hear

          no training required…not sure how i got so lucky 😉

          edit for bad typing

        • #3002937

          Coolio

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Glad to hear

          Wish I had the same luck ]:)

        • #3002876

          OKAY….truth be known…..

          by darryl~ ·

          In reply to Glad to hear

          I was so Pi**ed off with the female portion of humanity when we first met she’s lucky she survived. Her 3 brothers were/are close friends of mine & the twin sister of one of the brothers “convinced” her to come visit (she picked flowers on the way….giggle)….Trust me….all training that’s been involved has been from my end…..I’ve found that “sparkly” things like diamonds & other precious stones work well to keep her in line.

          Oh my G*D….she’s home….I’m in trouble now….wish me well.

        • #3002874

          pffttt….

          by purpleskys ·

          In reply to Glad to hear

          back to the kitchen with you ! now behave…

    • #3004451

      Bowling At The Strip Club!

      by the scummy one ·

      In reply to A Sunday Yuk anyone?

      Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
      The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin?”
      His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
      “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
      When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser.”
      “No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”
      A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual table dance?”
      Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
      The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!”

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