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Another Friday!!! Another Yuk; albeit, early. B-)

By sleepin'dawg ·
Tags: Off Topic
.
.This one is for the ladies because they'll relate to it so well

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her
full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the
corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.
Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her,
his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft
murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly
released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of
surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare
flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory,
boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his
movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her
every need.

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had
gone unfulfilled for so long.

And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he
paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too
big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into
place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and
contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of
gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long
before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She
would want to do it again and again and again............

Don't ya just love shopping for shoes! :^0

Dawg ]:)

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Cure for Migranes

by DMambo In reply to Another Friday!!! Another ...

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house.

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:^0 :^0 :^0

by The Scummy One In reply to Cure for Migranes

Love It -- brought a big smile and giggle

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Memories

by Jacky Howe In reply to Another Friday!!! Another ...

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

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What

by Jacky Howe In reply to Another Friday!!! Another ...

In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in, looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky-and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. Finally, one man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask: "Why does the male brain cost so much more?" The doctor smiled at his childish innocence, and so, to the entire group he said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

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The Nag

by Jacky Howe In reply to Another Friday!!! Another ...

This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

Whit wis that fur?" he cries. "That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she. Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on." She seemed satisfied ;apologised, and went off to do the housework.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he "whit the **** wis that fur?" "Yir horse phoned!"

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The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

by puppybreath In reply to Another Friday!!! Another ...

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf a lot, and drank beer and scotch,
and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

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An Excellent Tale

by The Scummy One In reply to The World's Shortest Fair ...

I must admit

However, the flaw is that if he was a fairy, why then, would the woman have turned him down, and why would he have asked in the first place ?

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It was a fairy tale

by puppybreath In reply to An Excellent Tale

because anyone that happy would have never wanted to get married in the first place.
;-)

Why would you bring up sex when you're talking about marriage? Everyone knows that your sex life ends once you're hitched. :-)

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I knew the even shorter version

by jdclyde In reply to It was a fairy tale

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after.

THE END

Sometimes, less is more, ya know?

Besides, having a wife is just legalized prostitution. They say you aren't paying for sex, but boy, do you pay. You have to do things for them, you have to buy them gifts, you have to talk to them. It is just all to much....

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I pay for my sex to old fashioned way,

by road-dog In reply to I knew the even shorter v ...

Divorce court.....

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