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  • #2189064

    bad manager, what to do


    by louis29 ·

    I’ve been in my current position for very nearly 12 months. I work in a small IT department, me and my boss. Its my bosses first management position and i’ve got to be honest he’s not very good at it. Things have been getting more and more strained between us because I get that he doesn’t trust me, He never delegates, and can never take my word for something he always has to go back and check and do things his way. Recently he has started picking me up on even the smallest things even things that aren’t my fault. Its got to the point now where it’s starting to effect my life inside and outside of work. My confidence and motivation has gone and i come home from work and it just winds me up even more!!! What should i do? I’m currently looking for a new position but with no confidence its quite difficult to sell yourself in an interview. If i was to hand my resignation in, how do i explain it to future employers. Or what would people views of taking 6 months off then travelling be. Im 24 years of age with 2 years commercial experiance

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    • #3057930

      Talk to your boss

      by zazelle ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      You know him, is it worth a try?

      Ask for a meeting to discuss the situation. Assuming he isn’t very good at on the spot discussions mention when you ask that you feel the relationship between you is getting a bit tense lately and give him a chance to think about this before the meeting.

      Plan what you want to say. Be open and honest but blame the situation, not the person. Say “I feel that the way I’m being managed isn’t bringing out the best in me” rather than “you’re a control freak and I can’t take it any more”.

      Ask yourself what would be the best possible result from the meeting but plan for every possible scenario. How will you defuse things if he gets angry or starts to criticise your work or attitude. Equally importantly how will you react if he agrees with you but has a slightly different spin on things.

      Decide in advance how you are going to end the meeting. If it gets a bit stressful thank him for his input and ask for chance to meet a few days later when you’ve had chance to consider what he’s said.

      Remember that both of you are relatively new to your positions and you both have a chance to grow and learn from this situation without having to leave. If you don’t even try to develop the skills to turn the situation around you could easily walk into the same situation at the next job.

    • #3057924

      Bad managers

      by grahamthorsen ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Well, in my opinion the best thing to do would be to confront him in a relaxed environment. It’s OK to share with him how you feel about his management of you. It’s quite possible that he is completetly clueless about how you feel and what he is doing. Try not to blame him, just try and validate your feelings. This way he has the opportunity to tell you he had no idea. If he does know what he is doing and when you try to explain to him that helping you become more “efficient” (if thats the case) instead of breathing down your neck would be much more productive to both of you. Developing this open communication does a couple important things. 1) It shows that when you have a problem with him you go to him not his superiors. 2) It shares what he might otherwise have no idea about. 3) It gives him the opportunity to change or adjust his management style so that he is more effective as a manager. (After all he is a new manager). Remember that he is still used to being responsible for everything he does as an employee, so it may be hard for him to let go to that responsibility. The last thing I would advise would be to approach him him with confidense. He needs to know there is a problem, that you are willing to work it out, but that you are not intimidated by him either. If at the end all these things do not work, then I would talk to his superior. But make sure you approach him first to give him a chance to adjust. Oh one last thing, you have only been in the corp environment for 2 years. You WILL become better and better at what you do. Just NEVER give up. NEVER. You will get there. And you will proud that you stuck to it.

    • #3072566

      You’re focused on the wrong problem

      by amcol ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      This will not be the last bad boss you’ll ever have. This will not be the worst situation you’ll ever be in. This will not be the only time your self confidence will be tested.

      No situation is black and white. You’ve presented your side, and without doubt if we heard from your boss we’d get an entirely different perspective. Every relationship, no matter what kind, requires both parties to work at it if it’s to be successful. In your view you’re the victim, but only you know…REALLY know…how much you yourself have contributed to making this situation untenable.

      What you’re missing is that you’re allowing this to affect you. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve made the choice to let this person and this situation get under your skin. You’ve relinquished control overy your own life. Why not choose otherwise?

      It doesn’t matter if you stay at this job or get another. What matters is you need to grow up, and rather quickly. Adversity breeds character, and with maturity comes wisdom. You’re lacking in both areas, and that’s why you’re having a problem, not because your boss doesn’t trust you.

      Take a mature, healthy, adult look at what’s going on here and you’ll know what to do without asking our advice. Grow a backbone, and some calluses while you’re at it, and don’t let this affect you so much. It’s just work, it’s not real life.

      I thought all you youngsters had a better handle on the work/life balance than us old farts? Apparently not.

      • #3045887


        by psk_ ·

        In reply to You’re focused on the wrong problem

        I think you may be making assumptions about this problem based on you own managerial experience. Yes there really are unreasonable a–hole bosses out there that were promoted one rung above their competence level, and not all people with a gripe are whiners… Selah

        • #3045878

          Of course

          by amcol ·

          In reply to amcol…

          This poster has presented us with a few sentences describing a situation of some complexity. We don’t know anything about the poster, the boss, the situation, the company, or anything else other than what the poster has said.

          What other choice IS there than to make assumptions? In this as in all posts? And on what other basis is there to make those assumptions, other than our own experiences?

          We’re not mind readers.

          As it happens, I have a similar boss. I’ve had quite a lot of managerial experience, both being one and having one…more than 30 years in the IT business. I work with a lot of folks in their early twenties, and believe it or not I was once in my early twenties myself.

          Thanks for your input but the fact that there are unreasonable bosses is not exactly a news flash. Lawrence J. Peter wrote “The Peter Principle” decades ago…nothing revelatory about folks being promoted to the level of their incompentence either.

          My experience and my instincts are both screaming at me that this poster has a lot more to do with the problem than he realizes. He also has a lot more control over the situation that he realizes, which is almost always the case with any situation and anybody. That was my message.

      • #3045872

        why be a jerk when replying?

        by dvsjr ·

        In reply to You’re focused on the wrong problem

        As I started to read your reply to this person in an obviously
        stressful position, I thought you were giving some good advice.
        Then it turned into the angry IT guru sort of thing which I think
        is too bad. Had you perhaps cut out some of the snide remarks
        and condescension, I would have partly agreed. Stress is so
        common in IT situations, we should be offering good advice,
        especially here in a forum devoted to IT people. Getting a thicker
        skin is indeed one way to deal with this, talking it out, going to
        your boss and overcoming some of the apprehension associated
        with it is also a good start. However, its clear that you are the
        junior person, as such you might be looking for acceptance and
        guidance, and you are not getting it, in fact, you’re reading the
        signals he is giving you as negative, which is probably making
        you feel bad. Some of us are more sensitive than others, and
        while some people rudely call it growing a backbone, I think
        where amcol said “you dont really know” is probably right.
        Imagine your boss is stressed, and more to the point, unaware
        that he is giving off indications that make you feel he is
        communicating his disklike with you and your performace. He
        may not mean to do this at all, so go ahead and tell him. Tell
        him how you feel, and I bet you will find he is completely
        unaware of it. Only you can control yourself, that is to say, if you
        let it get to you, then no matter what position you are in, no
        matter how “perfect” you will find this problem coming back.
        Counseling for stress and anxiety is perfectly healthy. You’re 24.
        See someone, get the help you need to deal with stress so you
        can be happy and healthier in your job and in life. I think we
        have all at one time or another been right there in the same
        boat. Good luck!

      • #3045857


        by rlee ·

        In reply to You’re focused on the wrong problem

        I agree on the points that you’ll never know who your other bosses will be, that you need to figure out how to make the situation work, that you need to learn to work with varing styles of management, even Atilla the Hun. Even it any of the means a therapy session with a professional to examine your weak and strong areas when dealign with thes personalities.

        On the other hand, not being 24 and probably considered an old fart, I too had a boss that didn’t have a clue how to be civilized to someone who she deems plyable via blame and condemnation. I know I didin’t have the answer for ever thing but I also knew I couldn’t be the mes she was trying to make me out to be.

        I suggest examining the boss and note what may be goign on for them that is makign him so controlling. Probably stems from childhood stuff you can’t begin to do anything about but learn your bosses style. Then you can anticipate the rage areas and prepare your ego, and yoru nerves, for the impending and you also learn to brush this off a bit better. No doubt while, learning this valuable lesson, you are job hunting.

        Think of it as preperation for your future. endeavors. This experince will not only toughen you up to make it to your next job but it will also help you notice this personality disorder down the road before you get in the door. Good luck!

        …Been there, done that, ego back in tact.

      • #3043591

        Response to OverCritical

        by whidbeytomas ·

        In reply to You’re focused on the wrong problem

        You have identified a problem but you have some work to do. Is your boss out to get you? Is your boss guilty of punishing by proxy? Is your boss unhappy with your performance?

        First review what you know.
        1. You know your boss seems to have a negative view of you.
        2. Your boss tends to act out internal feelings (these feelings might relate to you or to anything else).
        3. The pleathora of negative comments, particularly comments about things beyond your control suggests a predisposition to negativity without regard to facts. (This might be a general behavior or it might have a specific target.)
        3. Your boss might be telling you something (we have no idea what).
        4. You are not happy.

        The first mistake is to assume you know what this behavior means. It is usually a good sign when a boss is communicating. If your boss were silent while harboring these feelings, it would be time to polish your resume.

        I suggest that you document the negative comments, especially comments about circumstances outside your control. In your documentation, include data about time and cirumstances, the complaint, the suggestion for improvement, ect. Be careful be objective and accurate. Sometimes one side sees things bigger than they are and the other side sees things smaller than they are. This information may be helpful in providing prospective, but only if it is fair and accurate.

        Then schedule a time to meet with your boss. Start by letting your boss know that you want to be the best at what you do and you would appreciate his candid opinion on how you can improve.

        If your boss provides meaningful and helpful feedback, keep your list to yourself and see if better communication helps. Try to respond to this feedback and check on your progress. (Be careful not to make yourself into a “project.”)

        If your boss blows you off saying everything is great, tell your boss how happy you are to hear him say that. Then let him/her know that the reason you wanted to talk was because you perceived a problem. If your boss says, “what do you mean?” Show him/her your record of the problem.

        I think the best strategy with a boss like this is a low key effort to open communication. Low key and assertive. (Most people confuse assertive with persistent or aggressive; the primary attribute of assertiveness is mutual respect.) But if communication only leads to more abuse, you know it is time to consider other options (legal or alternate employment).


    • #3072521

      It’s just a job, for pity’s sake!

      by jkameleon ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      > My confidence and motivation has gone

      Confidence: You may never, ever allow anything to affect it, no matter what. If it can be affected by something as unimportant as your boss, there must be something seriously wrong with you.

      Motivation: Awwww, c’mon! You get your paycheck, don’t you? What else would you want, a little kiss on your bottom perhaps?

      > and i come home from work and it just winds me up even more!!!

      You may never, ever take your job home with you. It’s bad for your nerves, bad for your family life, and above all- it’s unprofessional. Learn to switch it off the very moment you leave that office building. Belive you me, you’ll feel much better.

      > If i was to hand my resignation in, how do i explain it to future employers.

      There are better future employers waiting for you in the future, as well as worse. Live with it.

      • #3071066

        I agree and disagree with some of your comments

        by why me worry? ·

        In reply to It’s just a job, for pity’s sake!

        But I was stuck in the same situation in terms of “bringing your work home”

        As a senior systems engineer, I was required to be on call 24/7 and could not avoid coming home and forgetting about the office. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been woken up at 3:00am or so (not to mention my wife who was angry as hell) simply because it was easier for the idiots in 2nd level support to call me instead of attempting to troubleshoot the problem themselves. How can this not affect someone emotionally? You can’t even come home without the office coming home with you. They may as well have implanted my cell phone in my head so that they could track me 24/7 for stupid things. Yes, being on call 24/7 is part of the job and is something I was aware of as part of this field, but when you get called excessively at 3:00am and then be expected to come to work at 8:00am sharp and be able to function after have gotten minimal sleep, I don’t see how this arrangement is beneficial to anyone. Yes, there is no loyalty among employers, as I have seen firsthand, and anyone is expendable, but this excessive 24/7 on call bullcrap has to stop if we are to keep our sanity and not go on a shooting rampage against our former employers.

        • #3071172

          I’ve been through that.

          by jkameleon ·

          In reply to I agree and disagree with some of your comments

          No salary can compensate it, because there’s no way one can endure this for long.

        • #3044583

          Same Situation, Different Rules

          by jonathanpdx ·

          In reply to I agree and disagree with some of your comments

          I worked for an organization that had 24×7 support, but it was with the understanding that if we WERE called in the wee hours, we didn’t have to show up at 08:00 sharp the next morning. Since we were already on an electronic leash, it’s not like we were very far away, and it did allow for a little more rest between emergencies.

          If it did turn out to be something that 2nd-level could have handled, that was always made perfectly clear to them and their supervisors in a tactful manner as an after-action report. Funny how, when they were made to look stupid (in a nice way) how they started solving problems themselves.

    • #3072350

      This will happen again

      by dc guy ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      You might as well learn to deal with this situation now because it will happen several more times during your working life.

      All of the suggestions given here are good. However, don’t be surprised if “talking to your boss” doesn’t work out the way you hoped. He was probably a technician before his promotion, he has very little experience in management, and technicians tend to have poorly developed people skills, that’s one major reason they go into IT.

      You may be able to help him, you may be able to create a better working relationship, one that nurtures him into becoming a better manager.

      But it’s also possible that this won’t happen. The guy might be a hopeless jerk. Or your relationship may have progressed to the point that it can’t be repaired. Or he may be some executive’s wife’s niece’s husband and nobody cares if he’s doing a good job.

      The best advice you’ve gotten is to learn to compartmentalize this so it doesn’t affect the rest of your life. He’s a cockroach, don’t take him home with you. Of course that’s easier said than done. But there are all kinds of things you can do to improve your coping skills, from TM to EFT to Jungian therapy to going out dancing to getting absorbed in a fascinating hobby.

      Do you have a dog? Get one if you don’t. Spending more time with your dog is a guaranteed stress reducer.

      Everyone should be prepared to live through two or three years of this type of situation without having it get too far under their skin. It’s going to happen.

    • #3071067

      I was terminated due to corporate politics and nasty managers

      by why me worry? ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Read my thread and you will see how bad things can really get in a corporate setting

      • #3071166

        Reply To: bad manager, what to do

        by louis29 ·

        In reply to I was terminated due to corporate politics and nasty managers

        Thanks for all the input, Its definatly got me thinking.

        We sat down at my pay review and i mentioned, the trust issue and the lack of work being delegated, he said that he did trust me and was very pleased with my standard of work. He then asked me what i thought needed doing, and he then said ok you do all that. Since that day I have had nothing delegated down to me apart from simple mundane tasks. That was back in April. We work from seperate offices, at either end of the country so getting to sit down with him can be quite tricky

        I try not to take it home with me, and if I have a bad day i quite often go to the pub!!

        • #3045932

          thanks for this

          by rachelpena ·

          In reply to Reply To: bad manager, what to do

          definitely helpful .. not in IT but working in a support position in a tech company. =)

        • #3045810

          Waiting for delegation?

          by techlizard ·

          In reply to Reply To: bad manager, what to do

          It sounds like back in April your boss asked you to take the initiative to take on what you thought needed doing, now you’re waiting for it to be “delegated” to you? Maybe you feel he doesn’t trust you because in six months you haven’t picked up the ball and ran with it. A lot of times in IT we are not directed, we know what needs doing and we do it.

    • #3045913

      Bad? How do you know?

      by mgtucker ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      There is too much judging going on. If you think and feel the way you do, find another manager. It is always better for YOUR career to help, support, affirm your manager no matter what. Your post shows your new-ness. Either develop yourself under a new-ish manager or find an experienced manager who will take you under his/her wing. Check your posts, Email messages, everything you do for misspellings, mistakes, anything that takes away from your professionalism. Develop your professionalism. What if your boss is trying to help you? You are ultimately responsible for your life despite who your boss’s bosses put in charge of your job.

    • #3045909

      I would do the same thing…

      by rajuegypt ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      If you had that position, I bet you would even screw it up more than him..Managers do have to be so techie..Its not his Job, its your job. His ass is on the line and not yours.. basically you are on the safe side and he is just cautioning you not blaming you. Take it easy pal!! I know nobody credits you there.

    • #3045890

      Beer now that’s a positive solution

      by antispock ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Alchohol should only be used for celibrations.

      If you have a bad day, go for a walk not a drink. Get out and breathe.

      If your boss isn’t giving you tough assignments go home and work on some Open source software project. If your projects are that easy then you should have time at work to bring the open source projects with you.

      Think what contibuting to an OCR for Linux product would do for the world at large, your self esteem and your resume.

    • #3045819

      The Golden Rule

      by jcjr031064 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      I can relate to your experience. I once had an officemate who compared me with another fellow and i was getting the bad end of it. It shattered my self-confidence.

      What I did was to remember that i can bring any matter to the Lord – big or small. For some it might be a small thing. Big or small, it was affecting me. Times come when the challenges are more than we can handle. So I prayed to the Lord about the problem. Sometime later, the person became nice to me – Of course faith in God allows me this:)

      Give your boss a chance. Prove your worth. Be good to him when he is good and be better when he is bad.

      That way when you leave – you will be missed – your attitude and your productivity- and when your future employer asks him about you – I don’t see any reason he’ll say anything bad about you – unless he wants you back really badly 🙂

    • #3045796

      Many times a good quarter back need to lean how to coach.

      by beoweolf ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      After a year, you are way past your probationary period. I say that to bring up a point; a possible reason for a manager (especially in a smaller shop) to question the actions and bird dog an employee, is what he feels is a lack of progress or committment, Whether its true or just an impression based on comparing your work ethic to his or her fanaticism is something only you can evaluate.

      First…its way past time to have a sit-down with this manager, ask if there is some specific reason he seems to be dissatisfied with your work lately. The point is to clear the air, so no matter how nit-picky his complaints come across, take the time to listen without comment until you get the jist of the problem.

      If the issue have any validity, ask what he needs you to do to resolve the problem, what you are looking for are specific directions with identifiable goals and milestones.

      You manager, justified or not, seems to have issues with you performance. So far he has been unable to communicate clearly what that problem is so you will need to get it out in the open so that it can be addressed. That should be his job, but as a lot of new managers find out…hints are not the same as directions. Most technicians are loath to correct or second guess a colleage, but but a manager is responsible for the output, performance of his subordinates. If anything he is failing you, by not explaining what the problem is.

      It is very possible that the issue may be based somewhere higher on the food chain. His boss(es) may be going thru another round of cost cutting and putting pressure on him to justify your retention. He may be going thru first phases of job burn-out, many freshman managers have not learned how to turn off the job when they get home and take problems as a personal reflection of competence.

      Bottom line: clear the air with your present boss or prepare your resume, put out feelers with your peers and start discrete inquiries towards looking for a new position. Even in the stressful, job market of today, there is no excuse to remain in a position you find toxic. You can’t continue to tip toe around your boss. Do both of you a favor and either get on the same page or move on.

    • #3045757

      Talk to him/her

      by mark.harris ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      You have to discuss this with your boss, and then with his/her boss if it doesn’t improve.
      You might begin by asking what behaviors you have that are causing your boss not to trust you. What does he/she think induces trust? If you are indeed doing those things, then do your best to stop.
      You’d be surprised how much can change with just a few small changes. As he/she trusts you more (via your behaviors), you’ll both behave differently and things will improve.
      This is not about blaming yourself, it’s about changing things you can change. You’re not about to get your boss to change by asking him. That doesn’t work with anyone in your life — not permanently. You can only change your own behavior.
      That said, if you try this for a while (say, 6mo) and it doesn’t work, then it might be time to give up & get another job. But you’ll have the confidence that you tried your best.

    • #3043744

      Help Your Boss Be A Better Boss

      by wayne m. ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Remember, your boss’s reputation relies on the work that you do. He may not be used to accepting that sort of pressure, so help him ease into it.

      Don’t be concerned if he wants to check up on your work. Instead, as soon as you are done, go get him to give it a once over. If he points something out, ask him what you should have done differently.

      If there are some tasks that are hot issues with him, be pre-emptive and ask him how you should approach the task. He may still come back later and complain, but resist the urge to say you did what he told you. Just ask what you should have done and leave it.

      By doing this, you will start to understand what your boss is looking for, even if he can’t quite articulate it. You will also start building his trust that you are trying to do the job his way.

      Focus on doing your best. Don’t be overly concerned with someone checking up on what you are doing; often that is an indication that he thinks it is important. I don’t think the situation you describe justifies quitting the job, but you are closer to the situation than I am. If the greatest concern is how other employees would view an employed period on one’s resume, the situation is probably not that bad.

    • #3043738

      Reply To: bad manager, what to do

      by mt_abbas ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Your manager is feeling very insecure at that position. Talking to him would not be very useful. Just follow his directions, may be that might give him some sense of security and he gradually changes his attitude.

      Another possibility is that he wants you to leave. If I were you, I would keep a low profile and stay put and wait until his patience runs out and he does something contrary to company’s dicipline (swearing, racial remarks, insulting….) That is the time, when you hit back by reporting it to his manager or the HR. This will put the manager on defensive as it will bring his management skills into question.

      And also remember in reality, the subordinates fire their manager. His boss only bring news to him.

    • #3043601

      First things first.

      by raven2 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      1. Take care of yourself. Do some work to get your resume and self esteem together. Have a resignation letter in your briefcase, so if you need to you can hand it to bozo and walk out.

      2. Here is an exercise to get you going. Do a list of 25 accomplishments, you will need to ask for help with this. Talk to supportive friends, co-workers, or other counsilers. And I do not mean have a “pity party”, candidly talk about your strengths, skills, talents, and goals.When you have them look for themes or threads that are in most or all of them.

      This will be the basis for resume review and setting goals. Use that information to review your resume so it can be updated and revised.

      3. Step up your networking, or start networking. It is here where you will find your next job.

      A company where you have to put up with bad managers is not a company to stay with. General Patton said that moral problems do not start at the bottom of the command chain but at the top.

      As to what to say to a potential employer regarding leaving a company. -“I decided that I could find a better place to use my talents by looking outside of my current company.” Everyone has had to deal with management bozos.

      Good luck, An online site that has some no / low cost mini-seminars that touch upon some of the points I made is
      Another suggestion is to take a look at employing a career coach to help you make the transition.
      Recommendation of

    • #3043571

      Read with caution…

      by uplinkspider ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Many will hurry to give you advice and it?s very likely that their advice is going to appeal to reason but it?s only good advice if you?re dealing with reason but it?s obvious that reason is far removed from the scenario. If I read right there?s the boss and there?s the subordinate who due to being the only one around the boss, and under his command, he doesn?t have an opportunity to vent off to anybody else or become distracted by anyone else. We?re not dealing with a logical situation here but with an emotional one so why not put logic away and employ emotion. Let?s say you come to a confrontation, can he or will he fire you? Who will he then boss? My advice is not popular but do dare to go head on with the boss, pound per pound butt heads with him or her as the case may be. If he doesn?t own the company then he must have a boss himself to answer to and explaining why he needs to fire somebody is not an easy task. And if the boss is a male and the subordinate a female, watch out. Who knows, you may even have a law suit in your favor. Better yet, take your boss as a mentor, ask his advise, empower him, make it his ideas that you act on, compliment him and most likely you?ll find that your boss will mentor you and if you decide to go head on with your boss and he fires you then you?ll be illegible for unemployment and you?ll have the bragging rights to say that you went toe to toe with a meat head. You?ll be surprise how these dynamics work, many great working relationships, as in love, come about as the result of a climatic confrontation. Bottom line is you don?t need to allow yourself to be degraded or subject yourself to abusive behavior. Stand up to yourself, yep, yourself and your fears and believe in yourself. I did say that my advice wasn?t popular and most likely will be followed my a string of rebuttals. Take care.

    • #3043428

      sounds familiar….

      by mtaylor ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Well, this is pretty much what I have to deal with here. My boss got on the fast track to the dept head by way of a bad choice of the company to hire a leader for us which we did not need. This person, who was the department head before my current boss, was not a technology person and had little experience in anything but BSing his way through things. He took my current boss under his wing to make sure that he had his butt covered from the tech end, then rewarded him by giving him a glowing recommendation for promotion to the dept head after he left.

      Problem being, the kid (and I say “kid” because this boss of mine is only 28!) has ZERO people management skills. His way of solving a problem is to make a change or decision that will “fix” things quickly, basically so he won’t have to deal with them any longer and get onto “more important things.”

      He is one of those numbers managers who micromanages everything, trusts no one (even himself), uses managese terms like “proactive” and is very regimented. Basically he is a tight[butt].

      Worse yet, his lack of trust and micromanagement have been pupmped up even further by an employee in the dept who takes advantage of freedoms (like time off) and is barely qualified to do his job. So my manager is constantly having his worst fears realized by this person’s ineptitude and absence!

      I have my M.S. in management science. I was never considered for a position in management, even though I once owned my own business! Why? Becasue my management style and my boss’s are so radically different that he thinks that I cannot manage! I am the type of manager that hires people that I know can do the work, give them direction and guidence, but then LET THEM DO THEIR JOBS! IF they need help or if there is a problem, I will trust them to address this with me. If I see that they need help, I will offer it. What I do not do is jump all over things to make sure that they are actually getting done every moment of the working day. I am not a micromanager.

      My boss however is. Example: Yesterday (because this happens EVERY DAY here) I got a call from someone for help. I was on my way into an unavoidable important meeting. The helpdesk manager had come down to ask me if I could go to the person that needed help. I told him that I could not. All of this was in front of my boss’s open door. My boss immediately suggested that my my colleague go instead (DUH!) and so I said, “OK, I will ask him to go,” and I did.

      Within 10 seconds, my boss was on the phone to the same person that he just asked me to take over for me asking him if “he was on it!” Now I ask: Is that necessary? Of course not!

      This is how I live here. So, I understand.

      What to do? Well, here it is just a question of how much longer I can stay until I find something new. I have attempted to speak to him about his problems, owned up to my portion of what may be contributors to problems, only to find that every time I lose. In speaking to one of my other colleagues who is a professor of management, he peggs my boss as being someone who needs control in his life or he dies. And even if you win an argument/conversation with him, you still lose because his control goes all the way to his being right and steering conversation!

      Is this what you are dealing with? Well, if so my suggs are these:

      1. Realize where the problem is. It is never just one person. you may be partially responsible for these problems BUT NEVER take ownership of your manager’s. Your problems are yours. If they are not really problems, though recognize them for what they really are and move on.

      2. Talk to him/her about it. Use an off-worksite neutral location. Ask question for clarification, do not be accusatory, talk about how you perceive the situation. REHEARSE it first. If your manager still seems to be clueless that there is a problem or doesn’t seem to want to own up to responsibility for themselves in this, at least then you know that you may have to make another choice.

      3. If your manager refuses to see anything but how they want to see things, re-evalutate your position there. there is no sense in beating your head against an immovable wall. there is a stigma attached to being a leader and that is “I am YOUR leader and you will do as I say because I am your leader.” This “because I said so” attitude is not the right attitude to have, and will lead to problems. A good leader will listen, ask questions, take total stock of any situation and realize that they are indeed employees themselves and therefore only worthy of respect and leadership if they can execute it properly. Anyone else doesn’t belong in a leadership position.

      4. Don’t beat yourself up about your manager’s ineffectiveness. It’s not your problem. If they can’t see that you are a good employee, screw em! You know you are. If they refuse to see that, move on.

      I hope that this helps. If you need anything else, e-mail me. It’s always good to bounce things off another person!

    • #3046147


      by eyost05 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Look, you cannot be all things to all people, so perhaps you can be true to yourself and allow you to grow.
      Life is all about action and acting.
      No one can tell exactly what your thoughts are so even if you are not confident you can exude confidence while being interviewed. This is not lying. The only way you can be confident is to experience it through acting it out. Remember those times when you gained confidence in past experiences and then during the interviews bring that image to mind and live it out. The interviewer will see this as pure confidence.
      Also, keep in mind that you are leaving your position to better yourself (more opportunity) a word of caution…always speak highly of your current or past employers no matter what.
      Positivity will get you that better position that you deserve.
      good luck, no go kick some butt and get that new position in a better environment.

    • #3045694

      Ive been in exactly the same position

      by robertcleiper2003 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do


      I found myself in almost exactly the same position as you 18 months after I graduated Uni. I had gone back to Uni after working as a builder for three years where conflicts are resolved on the site immediately and often violently. Always the conflict was forgotten after it was resolved, though.

      The politics, the sniping and the continual critisism that went on in the office of my new job I found to be childish and more than a bit petty. Because I found it impossible to engage in the same playground antics it became apparent very soon that I was the new whipping boy.

      Life was hell. Every comment stabbed deeper and deeper. The slightest mistake was blown up and dragged out for days. Good work was rewared grudgingly and always with a comment like so you finally managed to do something right. As you can guess confidence went out the window and my private life suffered accordingly.

      I thought I had made a very big mistake ever thinking that an office job was for me. I was lucky though. Even with my confidence shattered I looked for and got another job.

      What a difference. I couldnt believe there were better places to work. The work was the same but the people were positive, professional and motivated. I couldnt believe that made such a difference. The environment was such that you could actually mess up without fear of two weeks of harrassment, therefore people didnt mind owning up to messing up, therefore the work got done quicker.

      There are better places to work, there are better people to work with. You have been doing this for 12 months – leave before that bastard grinds you down completely.

      And to all those people who say I couldnt hack it in the first job? I say you dont have to: after 10 years my friend still works for that company under the same boss for 20% less money than me. This guy graduated ahead of me in my class too.

      A bad boss can ruin your life and your future. Dont give em the steam off your highly qualified shite.

    • #3044354

      Reply To: bad manager, what to do

      by adam.chen ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      I had the same situation 3 years ago. My boss was such a ” talking without listening ” guy.I never thought he was a competent leader.
      If you feel your confidence eroded. Try this way:
      1. List all you advantage on current position or the one you are looking for.
      2. List all your boss ‘s “bad”.
      3. Get comments on your boss from other colleagues and list them.
      4. Compare above lists to see what’s wrong.
      5. Find the reason then change yourself or pickup your confidence.
      In this way, I found all most all my colleagues in the department had the same feeling towards the boss. He even did not have a good reputation in other department. If this is the case for you,you will surely feel much better and know what to do.
      Do not take a long off. Tell the truth to your future employer. Most of people have the same experience as you. You are not alone!

    • #3044306

      Build up your resume and leave

      by angry_white_male ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      My experience with bad bosses is that they’ll always be bad bosses. Someone must like they guy (or he’s related to or sleeping with the right person)… or the person that put him into that job was blinded by this guy’s IT abilities and didn’t give his management/leadership skills any thought in the hiring process. Most techies tend to be introverted and do not make good leaders. Finding the best of both worlds is difficult.

      I’m in a similar situation (my boss, former network admin, zero management experience promoted as the Dir of IT for the company because our former CEO was impressed with his technical skills). His inexperience and lack of leadership skills clearly shows and it’s frustrating for all of us (even people outside the IT organization know it). We have a new administration here and his bosses are aware of it – but have bigger issues to deal with coming into the next fiscal year. Lucky for me, I’m on the CEO’s list of “up and coming” people here – so there’s light at the end of the tunnel thankfully. At 34 with a wife and 2 kids – I need to settle down in one place (the benefits here are very good). Moving to a new company every 2-3 years isn’t an option anymore.

      In the meantime, build up your resume and start to develop an exit strategy for yourself… there are better bosses/companies/jobs out there – however because the IT job market is competitive, you need to bide your time somewhere and develop meaningful experience. It’s obvious that you work for a small company and that your job is a stepping-stone, or they wouldn’t have hired an inexperienced 23 yr old fresh out of college.

    • #3044960

      beyond picky

      by pete1978 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      louis29 stated, “Recently he has started picking me up on even the smallest things even things that aren’t my fault.”

      I can take that one step farther. I had a boss that sent me onsite to a customer to correct the mistake made by another tech in my company. Because I was suppose to be correcting the error the other tech made, my boss wanted me to run my solution past him before I suggested the solution to the customer.

      The other tech had the customer order a tape drive that was not compatible with their Net OS. My solution was to exchange the tape drive for compatible equipment, but this would cost the customer about $500 more. When I called my boss with this solution, he threw out my solution and gave me one of his own.

      My boss’ solution involved installing used tape drive that my boss had in a closet for about three years. This solution avoided the customer spending more $$$ on new equipment.

      It didn’t work. The used tape drive failed immediately. The day it was installed, I told my boss that it was not working and that we needed to revisit the idea of exchanging equipment. I was berated for such a suggestion and told that we needed to make it work.

      For two months, I had a personal tape drive setup on this customer’s workstation backing up critical data files so that the customer had a working backup while my boss sent other techs to the customer’s site to see if they could make it work. None of them could get it working. For two months, my boss refused to accept the idea that we needed to try a different plan.

      Finally, using the original incompatible tape drive my coworker had the customer purchase, I setup the customer’s workstation to backup the server over the network. Of course, many server OS files were not included in the backup using this solution but it was faster and better than the backup the customer was getting using my tiny old tape drive.

      For the next year, in nearly every conversation with my boss regarding my job performance, he blamed me because his solution didn’t work. Somehow, I was to blame not only because my co-worker had recommended the wrong equipment, but also because my boss?s idea didn’t work. The real kicker is that I didn’t even know there was a used tape drive in a closet at our company until my boss provided this “solution”. But, the whole problem was my fault according to my boss.

      So, how do you deal with a boss who blames you when his ideas are bad?

    • #3044895

      The solution to it all

      by khonkonen ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Outwork him. This is the only real way to gain a place, a name for yourself, and control over how things are handled. I know how you feel. He can try to control you, but he cannot control the knowledge base. You are a network guy right? Get deeper into protocols, Active directory, Cisco routing, advanced security. Find a project that is a necessity to the company/organization and you will be free of his or her games.

    • #3044859

      Reply To: bad manager, what to do

      by margarettnt ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      I was in a similar position – my manager was a new hire, his manager was trying to get promoted to VP – and NO WAY was she going to admit that he was a total screw-up because it would have affected her plans for herself. When lay-off time came the two of us who were running the app were told goodbye – our extra hard work to try to compensate for his clear dislike of us had no bearing on the decision. The contractors who surfed the web all day, showed up late, took long lunches and left early while billing for overtime and faking test results stayed. His boss got her promotion to VP and then quit a couple of months before the layoffs, the manager got moved to the side and away from managing people. He’s still there gold-plating every project he touches – he has a dr jekyll/mr hyde character and somehow his word hasn’t been evaluated for what it’s really worth yet. Your only chance in this situation is to flatter the guy and show him how great you think he is all the time, find another opportunity in the company or outside and go for it. If your boss’s boss is too concerned about self-promotion, corporate politics or running other areas of the company you are not going to get any relief. HR is not going to do anything if they aren’t getting some support from above your boss. Get what you can and go without making enemies – your co-workers who have integrity will still respect you and you will still respect yourself. My big flaws in this situation were not flattering the guy all the time, not being blond or male – which really have no bearing on the work I was doing at all.

    • #3044842

      talk to your manager

      by pg05 ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      good luck

    • #3115658

      Healing with thoughts

      by goldmoon ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      First of all: I completely understand your problem and sympathize with you. This is an extremely difficult situation (affecting almost all of us at a certain point in life) which sometimes takes all our wisdom and even heroism to handle.

      The main dilemma in such a case is to decide if
      the situation is reparable or not, because
      sometimes people just don’t click, no matter what we do, due to the a huge gap between their
      personalities, work-related and general world-view. In most of the cases, however, (as I tend to believe now, having learnt from my own mistakes in the past) we are all thrown into a situation for a reason. When we are driven into suffering like this, we may want to try not to judge it, but to heal it. I have been in similar situation in the past and, in fact, contradictory to what sounds reasonable, when I tried to “heal” it by better performance, it was counterproductive, because I developed more negative vibrations around me. Even if I killed myself over work with the most selfless intentions, the too tense focus on work and perfection was perceived by the others as a sort of threat.

      I think it is a good idea to consider (as it was
      mentioned in some replies ) that your manager is
      also very likely to suffer from the negativity that has been thickening between you guys. (He probably does not show it, though) The vicious cycle is like this: the more negative response he may receive and sense coming from you, the
      more negative he will become, therefore the more
      negative response you will receive and give again.
      The hero is the one who tries to break this cycle.

      What you may try to do in this case is to give him and yourself some time, and – knowing that we are all in the same boat after all – start thinking of him with the compassion and understanding as you would think of yourself or a friend. In fact, we all are “psychic” and respond to each others’ inner thoughts first of all; all the other forms of communication are derived from the very truth of our thoughts.

      The more loving and pure thoughts you will send him the more likely things will start to change towards mutual understanding and sense of humor, and, God knows, he may even become your friend one day.

      PS: in any case, you have all the reasons to keep up your confidence and inner inspiration.

    • #3137670

      First test for intentional vs. unintentional badness

      by info ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      Hello Louis29,

      You’re in quite a difficult situation, and as you can see from the responses, this topic is a hot button for a lot of people. Take your time and prepare yourself to determine how best to deal with this situation.

      First, determine whether your boss intends to cause you harm or is inadvertently causing you harm. If his behavior is unintentional due to his lack of skills, he may be open to working with you in a different way if you make him aware of the effect he’s having on you. However, if his behavior is intentional, he’s a bad boss who can’t be managed or corrected no matter what you do. Bosses who want to behave badly can affect you psychologically and diminish your self-esteem and confidence no matter how strong your fortitude if you remain in the situation long enough. Check out to learn more about intentionally bad bosses. Thirteen different bad-boss types are profiled in the book “Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Boss?” See if you boss is described in one of those profiles. If he is, follow the suggested strategies in the book for his type. If he’s not, consider yourself lucky and follow the advice of those who posted to this thread suggesting that you meet with him?but don’t do that unless you’re sure he doesn’t want to harm you.

      Best of luck,

      Marilyn Haight

    • #3127498

      open your mind to your boss

      by ashley_ludan ·

      In reply to bad manager, what to do

      I think your problems is very popular for the working people. You should know most manager always looks like serious and unfriendly to his your age and experiance, actually you look so young-which has not enough experiance during the society.In fact,you should tries to believe that your boss is not real untrust at all, he just wants to practice your abilities of your work. why I can say that? because if he doesnt trust you, he will not employ you. Try to open your mind to your boss, it’s the best way to change the relative between your boss and you. I suggest you can talk with your boss about your family or your hobbies after go off work, I’m sure no boss would knit his brows after finishes his job.Talk more to him and makes him change his impression of you.You should know that your manager is not universal, he will give you opportunities when he meets some hard problems. so don’t give up to show your advices to him; one day, when he notices and sures your skills, he would take your advices in the end. But you should pay attation that always make a plan before you want to take your word with him. Some superfluous words would caused him crazy! And fight to him if he blames you or do some things which made you unhappy.I think you should try to develop the skills to turn the situation because it’s not only necessary to your work presently but also helps your to conquer other reverses in the future. Or if you won’t try to conquer it, it would continue bind you if you get other new jobs! Allow me to offer my heartiest wishes-Good luck!

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