Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar.
I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on
final exams, extreme virginity, and fear of being kidnapped and
executed by anal electrocution. I also suffer from the guilt of
not forwarding 50 billion flucking chain letters sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-
year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be
able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck
parents sell her to a traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send “his” email, $1000? How stupid are we?
“Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
I’ll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!”
What a bunch of bullschit.
Basically, this message is a big FlUCK YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain
mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing
a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this
country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and which, if it
makes it to the year 2010, will be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fluck
them!
If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your
closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being
will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being”
forwards about 90 times. I don’t flucking care. Show a little
intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to
by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it’s your own
unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening
to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,
delete it.
If it’s funny, send it on. Don’t piss people off by making them
feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been
tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is
the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this email,
lest he end up like Miranda.
Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow
morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume
your genitals.
