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Christmas Jokes

By NickNielsen ·
Tags: Off Topic
It's the last Friday before Christmas, I can't go anywhere until after the holidays and my leash got tugged at oh-dark-hundred, and there's no Friday Yuk yet. Here goes.


A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said, "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep, the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5.00 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did, " chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the **** goes underneath the horse, not on top."


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," said Saint Peter.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carol's."

Edit: I've been informed that this discussion is hard to find because the tags are screwy, so I fixed the tags. And Merry Christmas to you all!

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Get your Elf name here!!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Christmas Jokes

My new name? Peppermiz Mistletoe!

now, to see who else I can "do".....



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- and some more jokes.....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

(think I now have holidayitis as well as Fridayitis.....sorry, everyone! )

Santa's Top 10 Sayings....:-

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.
7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)
8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!
10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

- - - - - - - - - - -

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.

She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable."

Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."

Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says "Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift."

Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can't get up the chimney with my **** this way!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Finally, what every man would just LOVE for Christmas.

Unfortunately for you lot, these were a limited edition in someone's dreamworld, and have sold out.....

Merry Christmas, all!



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by Maevinn In reply to - and some more jokes.... ...

is there a(-) button on there?


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You will let us know when they

by w2ktechman In reply to - and some more jokes.... ...

are back in stock, right?

Oh, never mind, I will setup a script to check 500x a day

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Only 550 times a day

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to You will let us know when ...

You're not really desperate are you? :)

Personally I'm checking 500 times per hour just in case my current one breaks. They are marvellous.


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by NickNielsen In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

Sparky Fluffy-Paws here!

Got the Santa hat out, going to wear it around on calls today. The problem with that is that the hair and beard make me look like Santa, so I get a lot of second looks from kids (and parents too!).

Edit: Oh! Merry Christmas, GG

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Oh GG..

by maecuff In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

Yours is better than mine. I'm Buttons Monkeybuns. I guess that's normal for an elf? And really, I'm not much taller than an elf, so perhaps it fits.

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Wow, this really works!

by DMambo In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

My elf name is Grumpy McHairupmybutt.

It's Christmas magic, that's what it is!

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by Zen37 In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

My Christmas Elf Name is Dingy Tum Tums

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My oh My, GG :)

by rob mekel In reply to Get your Elf name here!! ...

You're elf name is great. You did put up some mistletoe, didn't you?

My new elf name is gonna be Blinky Bubba-Louie

Have great day's and a Fantastic loving and lovely New Year.


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