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Early cause it's my friday YUK

By Jacky Howe ·
Tags: Off Topic
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the ay to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall 'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.

'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Maori clock' he drunkenly replied.

'A talking Maori clock - seriously?'

'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'

'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.

'Just watch' he said.

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back.

His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed,

'For fuxxak's sake, you stupid bastards. It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!'

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Gotta love little girls

by Jacky Howe In reply to Early cause it's my frida ...

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar 'pay' she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'

The little girl replied, 'I will if those arseholes at Bunnings ever deliver the f***ing Gyprock...'

Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it

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:0 <NT>

by .Martin. In reply to Gotta love little girls
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I've got shares

by Jacky Howe In reply to :0 <NT>
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Keyboard for Blondes...

by tcavadias Staff In reply to Early cause it's my frida ...

It's pink, it's kewl... all it's missing is the Harley

-Tammy :-)

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by The Scummy One In reply to Keyboard for Blondes...

I know a few people who could benefit from that -- is that sad or what

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Why can't they keep it that simple

by Jacky Howe In reply to Keyboard for Blondes...

and if they add an AnyKey it would be perfect.

My BAD I missed it. It is perfect.

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it's also missing

by Jaqui In reply to Keyboard for Blondes...

nope, it's not.

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Getting old has its compensation...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Early cause it's my frida ...

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their
wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is
concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they
spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the
expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door
opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and
she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door,
and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat
surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are
done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old,
ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I
Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and
so often.I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were
only good once.
You are truly a great lover, Roger.'

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was
here already?'

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It's nearly Christmas

by Jacky Howe In reply to Early cause it's my frida ...

What do monkeys sing at Christmas <br>
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. <br><br>

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters <br>
They both drop their needles <br><br>

What's Christmas called in England <br>
Yule Britannia <br><br>

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas <br>
Thanks, I'll never part with it <br><br>

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty <br>
Beacause a little water ends both of them <br><br>

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree <br>
A pineapple <br><br>

What do you give a train driver for Christmas <br>
Platform shoes <br><br>

What did the big candle say to the little candle <br>
I'm going out tonight <br><br>

Whats happens to you at Christmas <br>
Yule be happy <br><br>

How long does it take to burn a candle down <br>
About a wick <br><br>

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas <br>
It's Christmas, Eve <br><br>

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day <br>
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve <br><br>

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month <br>
The letter "D" <br><br>

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney <br>
Santa Claustrophobia <br><br>

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve <br>
Black mail <br><br>

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents <br>
Santa Paws <br><br>

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney <br>
Because it soots him <br><br>

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents<br>
Elephanta Claus <br><br>

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down <br>
Stacks <br><br>

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve <br>
Because he's Sooty </br>

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