Evil Plans- Help Shell plan the perfect party!

No less then a thousand,
Fireworks, lots and lots and lots,
Set up a target range and have the geusts take shots with Bows/Arrows and Pellet Rifles.
Big Bonfire,,

What? That's the way we used to throw them in North Carolina.

will the be a party for family? Teens? Adults?

Need just a bit more info on this, so the plans can be catered to the right crowd.

What is the occasion? Just for the heck of it?

Shell, your having a big party, and I have to find out about it third hand? :(

we need to get an idea from Shell of the numbers involved.

We need to plan for vegetarians, too.

Suggest a people/things to do/things to eat/timings/drinks order of play.

No doubt she'll supply her own music, but Shell needs to look at the logistics of electricals - not just for music, but for any fans etc. they may need outside if it's superhot (like right now)

Also, start hijacking cooler bags from all and sundry to put the drinks in, and remember to put ice cubes from the local supermarket on the shopping list!

Shell is SuperMum! Yay!

:D

GG

but I remember some stuff we used to do when my Mum wanted to distract us during a party.

1st. We played a game where you had to use an orange under your chin and pass it from person to person in your own team. The team that got the orange from end to end of their team line fastest would win. Now each team was made up of boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl, etc. (at least when we got older). Mum always made sure which boys and girls were paired up.

2nd - we played a game where we had a ballon attached to one ankle and a toothpick on the other. The idea was to pop everyone elses ballons. You had to be the last one with an intact balloon.

Tons of fun and no possible BF contact.

THen you can add Pool volleyball the the games and You are not concerned as much about the heat.

as the little one hasn't been in the country all that long.

Will the little one be helping plan this?

Shell, do you have a good list of her friends?

Get a hold of friends, and make a point of saying to invite other friends. Let it branch out.

Need a THEME for the bbq. I have no idea what her and her friends are into, between the age difference and cultural differences.

What works great for music is to pick up one of the radio transmitters for your car, meant for people that had a portable cd player and not a cd player in the car. It broadcasts to an empty channel, then you can have several smaller radios spread around. Much easier for talking if you don't just have one sterio blasting loud to cover the whole area. sure, you would have one area louder, but you could have the smaller ones still filling in.

Food, will this be chicken? Burgers? Brats?

Drinks, what is the drinking age there? Make up a bowl of punch is always grand!

Well if the fire, guns and beer is a no go...,
For my older stepsons, we used to buy a cheap badmitton(sic) set and couple of beachballs.
Using a beachball evens out the playing field as its easier for novices to play and harder for the pros to set up super spikes and slams.

guys..i've got to run out a quick external meeting..so won't be able to join into thread just yet..i'll log in tonight or first thing in the morning!!!!

your too good to me TT & GG
:)

After all these wonderful suggestions, Shell, to make enough time at the end, after everyone leaves and enough is cleaned up, and you are both tired, to save a little time at the end to sit with her and talk about it. Girl time.

Share who-said-what, or funny stories or maybe suggestions if you do it again - and just connect with her. That connection might help you speak into her life on more of a long-term basis, which, I hope, will greatly help your cause. Those are the moments, connecting with her Mom, that a girl will cherish and remember for a very long time. If you two can really connect then, it may smooth the way for future communication on the more difficult issues. The time after the party/BBQ, when moods are high and you are both tired, might give you a great opportunity to strenghthen your relationship with her, when she can learn to be more open to you.

Just a suggestion. I hope everything goes really great! And Tig, you're a genius for starting the seperate thread.

would go over like a lead baloon floats. ]:)
St. Andrews Cross
Floggers
Chains
Rope
paddles
clamps
clothes pins [ not sewing pins, the ones for hanging thm up to dry ]
I have to censor the rest of the list as it's all XXX rated from here on out.

:)

actually, I agitated enough that a party with these requirements is being started up out here, just for me.

edited for emoticon typo

Shell needs to contact everyone she knows who has a son, nephew, cousin or neighbor boy in the age range of the absent boyfriend. Get as many prospective replacements to this shindig as possible.

Also, get any past girlfriends of the loser to attend. These lassies will bad mouth this guy to the point where daughter will see him in a new light.

with the help of the "enemy" that being parents and the other girl. ;)

Your daughter makes the decision with the help of her close friends not already associated with said boy and without your help too.

However, I do agree with having options handy, read my thread suggestion. Especially the "orange game" ;)

Hire someone to read tarot cards or palm reading? That would be a good way to get them talking together.

And if you are trying to distract your daughter by introducing her to more appropriate members of the opposite sex, after the outdoor festivities are over, move the party inside and have a 'horror movie' theme. You know, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, stuff like that. Then when the little girls get all wiggy over the movies, they'll look to the boys for 'protection' (supervised, of course).

It's a raft riding on a sea of hormones. This is about the time where I just need to clam up for the next 7 to 10 years and hope that everything's "normal" by then.

Maybe a temporary gig as a monk.

a garnish?

Read ealier post- women are meaner than cat sh*t. I know, I is one!

Fortunately, Shell gets to read all this and, knowing her kid and the situation, make the call.

I can see where the jealousy thing can come in. But when I was teaching, a sympathetic, "poor thing. I dumped him last year. Just so needy..." doesn't set off the b*tch alarm, it just starts new thinking. I saw girls exposed to that who were broken up in a week. Very subtle.

That said, it could easily back fire.

Hard call here.

Think that may be part of the dynamic here too. All I know is that she does NOT want to go back to Canada.

If all that comes of this is that she begins to move in a new circle where she feels valued and validated, she will likely chuck Mr. Needy in the bin. And this is a good thing.

Somewhere along the line, daughter's self esteem took a beating. One thing that will definitely come of this- she will be the star. That will help. She will have an opportunity to mix in a crowd that will be more emotionally healthy. That will help too.

I know what you're referring to. I know the psychology behind it too. I think it may be early enough that re-direction will work. At least I hope so.

And why is that so true? Why do ANY women, not to mention, so many women, do that? I have never understood it. Is it the same reason that so many intelligent men go after the undisciplined, stupid bimbos, half their age that they have nothing in common with? Do both these women you mention and these men just look for excitement without any idea of what a real relationship can be? I don't know, truly. What do you think? Why would this young girl settle for someone so beneath her (and you know she must be worth so much more, with Shell for a Mom).

Your thoughts? Anyone's? ?:|

Edited because I'm stoopid. Shell, I meant to say you, not Mae...although you both are obviously worthy Mom's...my hat's off to you both - and so are my apologies for my error. Thanks JD for calling me on it. ;)

I could see my daughter saying "Oh, so you think of this when Bruno is gone for the week?? Let's just schedule it for next week when he's back"

So as GG pointed out somewhere, best to make it spontaneous, but time limited because the coming weekend is the only weekend it'll work due to [insert lame excuse of your choice.]

The more machinations going on behind the scenes, the more likely she'll see through it all.

On the other hand, I think the TR ladies (and some of the show tune-lovin' guys) are having a whale of a time planning this thing out.

There is always the "I've got your nose" game.

'cos I never felt anything..... ]:)

GG

not entry, entendre.

And you should know better, considering you know I have IBS!!!

:p

GG

(I'm taking it)

ok, women are NOT stupid to go back to an abusive ex and it is NOT a genetic defect. It's a slanted view of logical thinking. It's the way a straw looks in a glass of water when viewed from the side. Honestly.

There are reasons for return to a bad relationship:

1. No alternative - nowhere to live, with or without kids. Womens shelters can only take an infinite number. At the crunch times of year, especially Xmas, space is horrendously short.

2. No money - if the woman is a housewife and mum, she may have absolutely no income of her own and in that case may be totally dependant upon her other half to even get the bus fare to get to the shelter in the first place. Once there, they can help, providing she can get in, in the first place.

3. Better the devil you know - once you've been in this syndrome for a number of years, you're convinced that every man is equal to the one you have, or worse. And, believe me, you don't want worse, yours is enough.

4. Independance - some women just don't get the independance thing at all, due to their upbringing. You're taught that you leave school, take a dead end job, find a man, marry, have kids, leave work, become housewife. End of story. Independance is a totally foreign concept.

5. Sheer, pure fear. If she doesn't go back, he gets out of jail, finds her, does even more damage, and in some cases ends her life. Any life is better than being dead, right?

6. Fear of being alone. Going from total dependance on someone to being totally alone (in mind, if not in actual fact) can send some women over the edge. We're a nurturing, caring lot; we can feel this more than men at most times. No one to talk things over with, and having to take ownership of decisions, maybe for the first time in your life, can be somewhat disconcerting.

7. Loneliness. Different from the above, as this is the emotional sense. Even if the guy you are with is beating you up, the way it is percieved is some kind of attention; therefore you are not on your own. (I know that reads oddly, but I think you get my drift.) Due to lack of emotional "contact", whether real, perceived or imagined, there are some of us who feel like the only person in the world, even when standing in a crowd.

As for "dangerous" men/boys, I wonder what you mean by that. Some can be dangerous without being violent; some can just be verbally abusive; some are dangerous through their controlling behaviour. Some through sheer mental abuse combined with any of the above, or on its' own. It again depends on the perception - what is dangerous to one woman may not be dangerous to another: it depends on the make up of the individual.

Ok, nuff. Apologies for the rant, jd, but you of all people know I have soapbox items that I just have to step up to. I have the feeling you already knew this one was on my list; and why I was so eager to help Shell out in the first place.

Rant over, I'll go and take my soapbox over to Beth's thread now - know nothing about MP3 players, but when it comes to hearing.....

(wot? pardon? :p )

GG

Edit: cos I must have stepped on the keyboard when getting down from my soapbox

jd will be missing from the board every third Tuesday of the month, then.

GG

]:)

I left this at five posts last night, and logged in this morning to find 50+!!

WOW! Fan-dabby-dozie!

(They're a good bunch here, aren't they?)

Right, couple of things.

1. Can't remember exactly where you're based so I don't know if you're on the UK or EU legal side when it comes to alcohol. I'm good with either, let me know if you need any help with ages, private functions etc.

2. Avoid stopovers on the night - have local timetables handy for buses/trains etc. If you say yes to one person staying, I reckon you'll get a houseful.

3. If they're enjoying it too much they may not want to leave (see above) so set a home time and start closing it up about 30 minutes beforehand.

4. How about getting a few disposable cameras to record the occasion? (yeah, I know, but would you put a digital camera into the hands of partying teenagers? I think not!)

{Aside: If you have the Poundland stores over there, they have them in - you could by a number and just leave them around the party area}

I assume like all women that she's into hair and make up stuff. Why not get her a small something in this line to help mark the day? She'll always remember the bbq that way, and it (hopefully) will bring back good memories.

Above all, Shell, keep working on the confidence front with her. This could work well if you get her to do the planning - the occasional "oh, that's a good idea" will be good, but if you go so far as to tell her "I wouldn't have thought of that!" not only do you prove you're human, you're building her confidence.

(Don't go too far though - she still has to see you as SuperMum, so make that something significant, but small, if you get my drift)

What's the weather forecast like for you? What's your alternate plan if it's not good?

Sorry to belt all the questions out etc., but I know if you're going to do this, it's going to have to get underway tonight.

Need any bbq recipes?!

GG

~awaiting further input.......~

:D

that is with clothing on. :p

I can't make it out of the house without, I get jumped before then. ]:)

Good one...

I have seen the other side of it here in good ol' New Jersey and in CA where I used to live. They really are "cats" when it comes to the "other woman". Girls are a strange lot. I think though that it is important to have her surrounded by people who point out the good qualities of some of the other guys at the party.

Get her thinking of others as a possibility and then she comes to the decision herself to dump the bf and switch. Just my thoughts.

Well everyone has really come up with a lot of good ideas for the party. I am not sure what more to add, but you might want to make sure you have lots of trash bags available. :)

Oh, there is another volleyball type game we used to play. We would take a party streamer and put it across an area and then take balloons (yes multiple) and you had to keep all the balloons going back and forth over the streamer. We sometimes put water in them, so if they popped, you got wet. Not a lot of water (you still want them to float), but enough for a little surprise if you held on too tight or hit it too tight.

Um, given this is 15+ year olds and mixed group you could do a bathing suit competition where the guys judge the gals. That might be too controversial, but given how girls like to do dress up and guys like to "oogle" the girls. It might work.

Mini Mum! What a nickname for GG. From this moment forward, she's MM to me.

Mini Mum. I love it! hahahahahahahahaha

haha

ha

hoo boy

:D

no credit to me, gg told me that her daughter calls her that. ]:)

My father was not physically abusive, but he was extremely emotionally abusive, this included frequent screaming, displays of contempt and obvious disappointment in his children. When I was much younger, I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years (age 15 - 20). When that ended, I realized that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for and would never stand for such treatment again. Today, I have a great deal of compassion for women in similar situations. I hope the best for your sister and I hope that you can overcome that fear. Again, I understand your fear. I flinched for years. I don't anymore.

- Jaq, I'm beginning to wish I [i] hadn't [/i] told you that!

(and yes, before you ask, she CAN still pat me on the head...not my fault I'm small....but perfectly formed! )

What really got me was when she introduced me to the latest boyfie just after I'd been to the docs, and was diagnosed with tinisinovitis (sp??!!)

"This is my ickle Mini Mum, with the Teeny Tiny Virus"

grief..... :^0

GG

of knowing exactly what you mean.

Went to my uncles' funeral, and was escorted into Chapel by Cuz no. 2, on the basis of "We black sheep have to stay together"

- he had "had" to get married as his girlfriend was pregnant (they just celebrated their Ruby wedding, 2 sons, 5 grandkids)and was the first of us into a "forced" marriage.

- I had to get divorced to save my sanity, and was the first to get divorced in the entire family.

Cuz No. 2 is still the same - I get included into his extended family at any family gathering, whether Ma and Pa are there are not. It has changed, though, mainly because the above are no longer seen as "out of the ordinary"; but they still, in church families, have a slight whiff of shame about them.

I still say if you want to marry, it should be a renewable contract. If it's working, you renew; if not, you don't. Simple as.....

You never know, definitively, if someone will change, or the circumstances that will force them to do so. (Been there, done that)

Just a half a step towards the soap box, apologies again....

Grief, there must be a sale on soap boxes in my brain today.

GG

of course this is turning out to be the busiest week in history for me..grrrr

ok, i've read about 60% of posts..have meetings and then classes, so not sure if i be back today

some good stuff guys..

hmm..to be honest, i think this guy has had very few girlfriends..a couple, but she would already know of them..in fact, she is good friends with one of them.
secondly, a few of her friends told her what they thought of him, and she not hang out with them anymore, they are all "sluts" apparently. the boyfriend agrees. wow..surprise me

i think JD was right, this guy fills a need for her, he "loves" her so much and has put her on a pedestal..

she was human last night..i don't want to read anything into it, but i almost get the impression she is almost relieved he away on holidays..she's making plans to go to the movies and stuff...with OTHER PEOPLE (shock and horror)

i'm wondering if she knows he's not good for her, but is waiting untill something better comes along??

another frustration..i was thinking the party be saturday, but she went and agreed to babysit for some friends yesterday afternoon before i could bring up the idea...and she can't go back on it now..so dunno..is a Sunday party cool??

not sure if as many people would show up, but worht a go i guess..

Jaq..goth, i wouldn't have thought it..you being so respectable and all..i said to her a month or so back.."why can't you go out with someone more interesting, like a goth or something"..she was not amused :)

Daughter / Friends / Other Parents / BF does not see this thread then. Could end up with proverbial egg 'dans le visage'.

I still have the gut reaction, I may always have that. But my reaction to abusive people is very quick and very final now. One of the few times I actually dated someone for more than a week (lasted about 4 years), it was one of those emotional abusive relationships. He took advantage of my issues about my father.

One day I turned around and said enough is enough. To me it was normal, but I was also very unhappy. So we had a "talk" about it and he lifted his hand to swing...I broke 3 of his ribs and he certainly wasn't going to be using his jewels for a long time. I don't really remember it well, but I made it very clear that hitting wasn't going to happen.

Now I am and have always been a pacifist. I don't believe in violence, but I snapped and I do have an Italian temper. Very bad temper. I just don't let it out. I get quiet. This guy found out that I was not going to be abused in any way anymore.

Oh, and he gets out of jail in another year, I am told. He put his next gf in the hospital. He never came near me again, but he still didn't get it.

Oh and GG, I am only 5 ft and 3 inches if we stretch a bit. So size is very irrelavant. :)

a final enough way to deal with it when the other half is abusive.

I say terminate with extreme prejudice. ]:)
[ can we think along the lines of 6 sticks of dynamite going off inside the body? or even more ]

heck, at 6' and 135 lbs I was abole to toss a couple of guys with 4 inches and 30 pounds on me each around like toys, size doesn't matter if you know how to use what you have. [ DE intended ]

at me for that :p

I don't mistreat my wife, nor my girlfriends before I got married, but I have had a number of girlfriends that left me because I wasn't treating them badly.

I bet that compared to abusive relationships, being treated with respect as a person could be concidered being treated like a princess.

If we got together, I don't think there would be any stopping us. We'd either make everything perfect or be extremely destructive..and I'm pretty sure that either way we went, we'd have a hell of a time doing it!

But, shooting for 45 years, and playing trombone for 38 years leaves you slightly deaf I've been told.

I have never abused a woman in my life, although I have hit hundreds in training for self-defense classes. (sparring light contact).

I don't think that loud is bad I can now hear loud.

I got told that my pianissimo is not on trombone and my forte is fortissimo by my latest director.
my Fortissmo is open the &%^_ window and let it out!!!He is a flautist by trade.

He is a great kid, active at church on the NRA shooting team, and going to be a Chiropractor...

Right in the middle of one of my rants early in our marrage she busts out with; "If you would just realize that I am right in all matters and all things, we would get along much better."

I was stunned. I just laughed and responded, "Yes, Dear" in my most snide voice. I to this day don't rememeber what we were arguing over..

When we first got married, I would yell at the TV over the cubs doing something stupid or something, she would jump out of her skin. I remember our first loud fight. She recoiled from me like I pulled a knife.

Now I have never raised a hand towards her. At first, i was hurt that she would think I would do such a thing. Then I realized (she explained), what was happening.

It has been almost 6 years of marrage(7 living together) and she still jumps if I come into a room unexpectantly. I no longer yell at the TV and she no longer recoils when I forget that she is right in all matters and all things. Of course, I no longer yell like I used to either. I just couldn't stand to watch her recoil from me.

She is just now seeing the house as a safe place. It is probably the first time in her life the has thought of home as a safe place.

She does, however, acknowledge that I am always wrong which is almost as good.

BTW, I do know the difference between being LOUD and being abusive. Shoot, I am loud. over 20 years of Saxophone and 15 years of teaching in a College Lecture Hall without a microphone and over computers and printers, well lets just say I don't ever need a microphone and certainly won't ever have a front row at a lecture.

I have to keep reminding myself about the volumne control - Off and Blast are not the only settings. However, it is what is said in that particular tone that is the difference.

For example, I work with a very Senior VP, his is LOUD, and I generally don't have a problem. However, one day I got to work and all of a sudden I heard him from across the room really angry and LOUD. Well I wouldn't go anywhere near his office and I had a meeting in there in a few minutes after the incident.

Next thing I know he is at my desk asking if we are still meeting. I asked if he was ok and if he needed to reschedule that it would be fine. He said, we could meet and everything was fine. Then he did a double take and asked if I was ok. Apparently I had gone paper white from the incident. Last time I heard a "male" use that LOUD tone and those types of words was when my father's fist was putting me into a wall.

I thought I had things under control - SURPRISE!. This type of thing just sneaks up on you. BTW: We haven't had a problem since I explained that he kind of startled me with his rant. He was yelling at our mutually hated, err dispised PM.

Anyway that incident was months ago. I tend to know the difference and just stay away until the "anger" part isn't in the voice anymore. Just my way of dealing I guess.

But none of this helps Shellbot with her party planning. That is what the thread was all about. :)

So any more ideas for Shellbot???? Especially since she mentioned about doing this on a Sunday.

Well Jaqui, I didn't think I would be looking your way. Tj depends if your son is actually looking and would be that way towards a girl. I gots lots of friends who would treat the right guy like he is the most perfect person in the world and spoil him rotten (oh that describes me too) IF he is a real prince in shining armor that would respect and be a true partner with them. ;)