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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Damn that was a quick week! Monday holidays always seem like two days off to me (the glass half full thing).

Not only do you get an extra day on the weekend but you have a shorter week to follow, so it's like two days off! :) As Thanksgiving is not that big of a deal to most Canadians, it was a real hang out and do f-all day for most around here. My buddy from Alabama can't believe how laid back it is here, compared to back home where it's almost bigger than Christmas for most.


Anyway, YUK TIME!

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."


Principal: " What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps in to?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......

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Okay you miserable buggers!

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Yuk

A little kid gets on a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,

"What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

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What can I say I'm Miserable

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73!

I'm sooooo happy, because I live at number 67.....

So it's not far to walk home afterwards!


MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE!!!!!!

A FOURSOME OF GUYS IS WAITING AT THE MEN'S TEE WHILE A FOURSOME OF WOMEN IS HITTING FROM THE LADIES' TEE. THE LADIES ARE TAKING THEIR TIME.

WHEN THE FINAL LADY IS READY TO HIT HER BALL, SHE HACKS IT 10 FEET. THEN SHE GOES OVER AND WHIFFS IT COMPLETELY. THEN SHE HACKS IT ANOTHER TEN FEET AND FINALLY HACKS IT ANOTHER FIVE FEET.

SHE LOOKS UP AT THE PATIENTLY WAITING MEN AND SAYS APOLOGETICALLY, "I GUESS ALL THOSE FUCKING LESSONS I TOOK OVER THE WINTER DIDN'T HELP."

ONE OF THE MEN IMMEDIATELY RESPONDS, "WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN GOLF LESSONS INSTEAD!"

NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO DUCK. HE WAS 43.......

Why did I think of Mae when I saw that one? :^0

Your not getting any more as I would have to look.

Col

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Old Blue

by NickNielsen In reply to Friday Yuk

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of beach before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

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Four Great Religious Truths

by NickNielsen In reply to Friday Yuk

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

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Where is my like button....NT

by JamesRL In reply to Four Great Religious Trut ...
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