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friday yuk

By NZ_Justice ·
Is there some order or something to who creates these things?

Well I thought I would share these with the TR.

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the **** out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .......Snowstorms ............. You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ........ Parking Spots....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Thanks NZJ,

by mjwx In reply to friday yuk

you beat me to it. Damn Western Australian time zone. just for that i might have to tell a few kiwi jokes.

-----------------------------------------------
Why can't Kiwi blokes take their girlfriends to the Rugby?

They eat all the grass.

-------------------------------------------------
An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?

The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90 m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks."

"The guy next to me is 1.85 m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock."

"Next to him is a bloke who's 2 m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"

The first bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

--------------------------------------------------

An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun shoots the watch to pieces. He says "In Seth Efrika we have so many diamonds that we don't need to wear the same diamond twice".

The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glass that we don't need to drink out of the same cup twice".

The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi.

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Disturbing news about beer

by NickNielsen In reply to friday yuk

Yesterday, government scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men can turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Gained weight.
2) Talked excessively without making sense.
3) Became overly emotional.
4) Couldn't drive.
5) Failed to think rationally.
6) Argued over nothing.
7) Had to sit down while urinating.
Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary......

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Despite this being in the wrong place......

by gadgetgirl In reply to friday yuk

I'll post my two penn'orth anyways....

(should be in the miscellaneous section, NZ_J!!)
[wonder if NeilB will notice or post another this week!! ]


A little boy goes to his father and asks: "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"

Your mum and I first got together in a chat room. Then I set up a date via e-mail with her and we met at a cyber cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your mum agreed to download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of as had used a firewall and since it was too late hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and said: "You've Got Male"
***
Q: How did the beaver get online?
A: He logged on!


And finally, because you expect these things from me?..(!)


What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"I don't know why you?re shaking, she's going to eat me."

]:)

GG

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Awww GG

by stargazerr In reply to Despite this being in the ...

It would have been fun to see Neil do his nut again

]:)

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you see, that's the main problem I have....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Awww GG

had it all my life....

I'm just too nice.

Even to people who stand me up!

(Wonder how many more times I can mention that?!)



GG

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Being nice is good

by stargazerr In reply to you see, that's the main ...

But I say, lets pin the tail on the donkey ... I'll go sharpen the pin ...

]:)

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whoops

by NZ_Justice In reply to Despite this being in the ...

this might explain. borrowed from this thread.

http://tinyurl.com/bf25u

"I am upside down you know. on the under side of the world. Gravity is different. Laws of physics are different, we are way too liberal about every thing.

"There is also a dense atmosphere that stops electrical signals of understanding from reaching the brain when one sees or hears or reads something. This dense atmosphere also affects spelling and grammar. People who are most affected are born in the South Island and Stewart Island.

People in OZ aren't as effected because they are closer to the equator the same goes for Argentines and boks."

But now when you answer a network qusestion in the tech Q & A you could post a link to this thread that is in the network section and make their day.

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Network Administration seems to be a popular subject

by stargazerr In reply to friday yuk

Ahh Well ... Here goes ...

An extremely ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons. A man approaches her;
- "Are they twins?"
Puzzled the woman replies;
- "No. One is 7 years old, while the other is just 3. Why do you ask ?" The man replies;
- "No particular reason, I just can't believe someone f***ed you twice!"

]:)

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Are you sure,

by rob mekel In reply to Network Administration se ...

you?re not talking about yourself? ]:)

Cause I asked her that question. Nicer as you re-call but, in essence, the same. lol

(It was irresistible to do, lol )

Rob

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Let me ponder this awhile

by stargazerr In reply to Are you sure,

Dont recall seeing you Rob ... Are you sure you werent staring into a mirror and having your usual "Talking to I" fit??

]:)

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