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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
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These ones for the girls :)

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his SweatShirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Liverpool .'
And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple are lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

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more for the girls

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

------------ ------------

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How do you keep your man from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'

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another...sort of

by PurpleSkys In reply to Friday Yuk

Hotel Related Incident

A man checks into a hotel in Auckland while on a business trip and was
a bit lonely.

He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when you're calling for a cab.

He popped into a phone booth in Albert Street near the hotel and found
an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in
the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful
long wavy hair, long graceful legs...... well, you get the picture! He
copied the phone number and returned to his hotel.

When back in the room he figures, what the ****, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman says.

God, she sounded sexy.

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my
room and give me one.. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all
alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I
want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've
got in your bag of tricks. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and
whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'

She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 1 for an
outside line.'

It took three hours for him to get the courage to Checkout next morning.

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and another

by critch In reply to Friday Yuk

Why do men have a tendency to name a certain body part?

They don't want a total stranger doing 90% of their thinking for them..

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by PurpleSkys In reply to Friday Yuk

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 61 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"

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