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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
Right..whens the last time we had a Yuk?? Get with it people

The Italian Firefighters.................

One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

To everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!

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Oldie, but good anyways

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

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ha

by RookieTech In reply to Oldie, but good anyways

Friday (((((((HUGS))))))

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That's funny

by TheProfessorDan In reply to Friday Yuk

I think I will tell that joke (though I will clean up the language.)

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Ah come onnnnnnnnnnn

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

No one has a joke to add??!!

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wedding white....

by heml0ck In reply to Ah come onnnnnnnnnnn

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."

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Discovery of Electricity

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk

Most folks believe that Ben Franklin discovered electricity with his famous kite experiment.

Actually, a women made that discovery possible.

The real story was that Ben Franklin was laying in bed with his wife one night, leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

She told him to go fly a kite. The rest is history.

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Male Point System

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk

The Male Point System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here's a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets(-1)

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
But return with beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It's her father (-20)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Who is a dancer (-6)
And was Homecoming Queen (-

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A Night Out with The Boys

Go out with a pal (-5)
And the pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Lotus (-10)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop3 (-3))
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't care because you have one too" (-800)

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)

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only a -2??

by Shellbot In reply to Male Point System

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)

thats NASTY!!

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So...

by Jellimonsta In reply to only a -2??

it's only -3 when you resort to the hand towel! ;\

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ah man..

by Shellbot In reply to So...

< laughs >

you've done that haven't you!!!!!!!!!!

gross..gross...gross....

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