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Friday YUK 2009

By Jacky Howe ·
Tags: Off Topic
A Quick Check for Alzheimer's

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10. This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down

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Mick & Paddy

by Jacky Howe In reply to Friday YUK 2009

Two Irish hunters get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bag six.

Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot says "The plane can only take four of those."

The two lads object strongly.

"Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded.

However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.

A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year." Says Mick.

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at least

by .Martin. In reply to Mick & Paddy

they will know how to get home...

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What?

by Jellimonsta In reply to at least

You expect a couple of Irish fella's to remember how to get home?

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Aahahaha! Thanks! <nt>

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday YUK 2009
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It's just not FAIR!!!

by ThumbsUp2 In reply to Friday YUK 2009

You Foreigners are just too far ahead of the game, time wise! We'll never catch up! You always get the jump on us! Heck, it's not even Friday yet!

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LOL

by Jacky Howe In reply to It's just not FAIR!!!

I've never considerd myself as a Foreigner.

Does that mean if the world blows up we will be the first to go?

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Depends.

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to LOL

On whether it happens tomorrow or yesterday.

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I suppose that

by Jacky Howe In reply to Depends.

I would be OK if it happend yesterday.

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WEWll if you hop in a plane and fly West

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to It's just not FAIR!!!

Far enough it wil become tomorrow before you know it.

Col ]:)

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Seasonal...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday YUK 2009

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell year I decided to make his dthose things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?'

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for
'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came
to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.. I went home, and
giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his
house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark,start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the **** is that?' she asked. My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.' 'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and
Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the
car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her
to perfect health.

I can't wait until next Christmas.

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