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Friday Yuk

By heml0ck ·
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The Little Angel on the Top of the Christmas Tree!
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.

Merry Christmas everyone!

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5 ways Santa is a man

by patb071 In reply to Too late Posted Yesterday

Shows up late
Eats your cookie
Empties his sack
calls you a ho
leaves when you are sleeping

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Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

by Slayer_ In reply to Friday Yuk

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house

Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,

Cause a bimbo?s phone number was in his Blackberry.

He?d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.

Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.

He?d been cheatin? with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,

With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,

Tiger?s sad sordid tale was all over the news.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.

Despite all his cryin? and beggin' and pleadin',

Tiger?s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden .

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,

"If you?re gettin' laid then I?m gettin' paid."

She?s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,

Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

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by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

You really should know that Poor Tiger is only doing what is required of any Professional Golfer. Servicing all of the Birdies that he gets when playing Professional Golf.

It's a perk of the Game and widely advertised when ever you watch any Golf Tournaments. As his wife was the Original Birdy she really should have known better.

OH in case you don't know GOLF is an Acronym like so many other things it is now accepted as a word in the English Language but it was developed in Scotland Originally and means Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden and a Birdy is a real Bird not to mention much sought after by all Golfers. See just how easy it is to misunderstand things when you don't pay attention? :^0

Now you understand why so many females don't like being called Birds, they don't like being linked to the Camp Followers of GOLF.

Col ]:)

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