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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
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I notice there was no Yuk last week??
I'm pretty low on jokes..but whatever..better than nothing right? ]:)

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!
I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she
had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling,
cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him Spike!'

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Duties of Wives

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Greece and bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and the housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmy had married a woman from Italy. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Belfast girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, laundry and ironing done twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a handyman.

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Ha Ha

by Wizard-09 In reply to Friday Yuk

Very good :)

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Little Johnny

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

***

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother,
who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

***

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

***

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him .
'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'

***

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied,
'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy
and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said,
'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .'

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Ah man - funny for everyone but me

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

I've gone braindead

Spent the past 2 hours trying to get the selected item in a select box..ready to tear my hair out..untill it dawned on me..using server side scripting.. might need to actually hit the submit button for the server to process it..

sunofa..

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Even

by Wizard-09 In reply to Ah man - funny for everyo ...

Better, just found out that one of the servers that runs TS and Runs the hotel software is running on 512 of RAM, and they wonder why the thing is running slow and can't process the reports :0 what a shock.

I said will that will cost you ?181.90 for the RAM required it get this thing running right, pull your hair out I have none at the min after seeing that lol.

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yikes

by Shellbot In reply to Even

512..hahaha..shouldn't laugh, but i can just imagine the frustration of waiting for those reports!!

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Laugh

by Wizard-09 In reply to yikes

I was ROTFL, they wont get the reports to I get the RAM to update it lol, It's host 5 TS connections, It host the hotel software that is big on RAM I mean come on I think my PS3 would do a better job lol.

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What do you get...

by Jellimonsta In reply to Friday Yuk

if you cross Star Trek with Monty Python?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luVjkTEIoJc

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haha

by Shellbot In reply to What do you get...

nice..but reinforces my idea that some people have way too luch time on thier hands!!

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bah humbug

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

no one got any yuks at all??

come on..
tis a sad day .. everyone's lost thier funny bones

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