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Friday Yuk

By .Martin. ·
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Don't complain it is early, it is Friday for me!

now for a joke (no offense intended):

A man goes to the pet shop, and buys a parrot.

the next day is Sunday and the man goes to church with his parrot.
on the way they pass a construction site, a worker calls out 'bring it up, bring it up' and the parrot repeats "bring it up, bring it up".
the man keeps walking, and he passes a shoot off between the police and a criminal, one of the policemen shout 'shoot him down, shoot him down' and the parrot repeats "shoot him down, shoot him down".
the man continues on, passing a carnival, only to hear 'hit the big one, win a prize', which the parrot also repeats.
The man finally gets to church, and the reverend in giving a speech.
the reverend say 'the devil is below us' with the parrot replying with "bring him up, bring him up", the reverend continues saying 'god is above us' with the parrot replying "shoot him down, shoot him down", finally getting annoyed the reverend throws a bible at the bird, when the bird flies away it hits a fairly large lady behind it, and from the rafters the parrot says "hit the big one, win a prize"

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As my Dad used to say - "follow a decent with a brilliant!

by OldER Mycroft In reply to Friday Yuk

This is a story about
A Fly, a Fish, a Bear
A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

OK?

There is a moral to this story.....
In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, 'Gosh...if I go down three inches I will feel the mist From the water and I will be refreshed.'

There was a fish in the water thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'

There was a bear on the shore thinking, 'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches That fish will jump for the fly... And I will grab the fish!!' It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich.

'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches... And that fish leaps for it... That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.' Now, you probably think this is Enough activity on one river bank, But I can tell you there's more....

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, 'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches... And that fish jumps for that fly.. And that bear grabs for that fish... The dumb hunter will shoot the bear And drop his cheese sandwich.' A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, (as was fashionable to do on the banks of This particular river around lunch time)

'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches.. And that fish jumps for that fly And that bear grabs for that fish And that hunter shoots that bear.. And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich . Then I can have mouse for lunch.' The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich....

The cat jumps for the mouse.. the mouse ducks... the cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, Some poosy's gonna be in serious danger. !! ~ Fer sure fer sure !! :^0

<Childish humour + decent spelling>

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Good Job!

by .Martin. In reply to As my Dad used to say - " ...

I'll have to remember that one!

But I would say brilliant...

:)

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The Therapist

by Bizzo In reply to Friday Yuk

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex.
"You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told
her friend.
"That's amazing!" Mary replied, "so have Tom and I".
"We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda.
"Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary.
"But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. "So how
did the sex therapy work out, Linda?" Mary asked.
"Things couldn't be better!" Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical
exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us.
He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch
of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and
toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my
******, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his
***** with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact, it's better than it's
ever been!"
With that endorsement, Mary talked her husband into an appointment with
the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed, the
doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can
do for you," he said.
"But doctor," Mary complained, "you did such good for Linda and John,
surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give
us some help? Any help at all?"
"Well, o.k.", the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you
to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of
Cheerios......"

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Perversions

by Bizzo In reply to Friday Yuk

A guy walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. There
is a good looking girl sitting a couple of stools over, she
looks at him a gives him a wink. He scoots over and offers
her a drink, which she gratefully accepts. After a few mild
pleasantries of conversation, the young lady mentions she is
going through a divorce.
"You too huh?" says the man. Why are you getting a divorce?"
"My husband thinks I am too perverted." was her reply.
"What a coincidence, MY wife thinks I am too perverted!" hesays
to her. "She says I am too kinky when it comes to sex..."
"Wow, my husband thinks the same of me, why don't we explore our
perversions together?"
He agrees, they finish their drinks and leave the bar. Knowing
neither can go to one anothers' house because of their estranged
spouses, they drive to a remote location where they can be alone.
The woman was becoming quite aroused about this time, and jumps
into the back seat, and takes off her clothes in anticipation of
what is to come...
"Please hurry baby, I want to get kinky with you!" she moans from
the back seat. She hears him fumble with his belt, then hears
his zipper come down, then finally his pants coming down.
Nearly beside herself, she is somewhat surprised when she hears
him pull his pants back up, then his zipper, then his belt getting
fastened.
"Hey, I thought we were going to explore our perversions here!"
she complained. "We did!" he says, "I just sh1t in your purse!"

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Google Humor

by CaptBilly1Eye In reply to Friday Yuk

Don?t ask Google for any international directions.
:-)

I don?t think Google is always looking for the shortest route?

http://tinyurl.com/6fh32c

Google doesn?t calculate breaks and, evidently, they didn?t want to take an eastern route due to the pirates.

They have you stop in Hawaii and then kayak again to Japan. Someone must want to help the Hawaiian tourism dept.

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Haha!

by Pringles86 In reply to Google Humor

That is awesome! It would only take me 35 days and 10 hours to get to Japan from Phoenix... I can go 35 days without sleeping or taking breaks, no problem. I better go get my kayak!!

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from Melbourne to Japan

by .Martin. In reply to Google Humor

I only have to kayak 5404 km

and it will only take me 22 days to get there! I wasn't planing anything for the next 3 weeks!

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Obviously

by SJMcD In reply to Google Humor

Someone at Google does kayaking for a hobby. Haven't they heard of Flying !!!!

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I'll have to download millions in the next 10-15 minutes! <NT>

by .Martin. In reply to Yipee! I'm Rich!
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