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Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

By jimmy-jam ·
Tags: Off Topic
Anybody start the Yuk?

I haven't seen it?

Where is it?

I'll have to find something to start it with...

:ar!

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A man walks into a bar

by jimmy-jam In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

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:^0 :^0 :^0

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to A man walks into a bar

I think I'll keep that one...

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Two blondes walk into a bar..

by jimmy-jam In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

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Another man walks into a bar

by jimmy-jam In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."

The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."

The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.

"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."

The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.

Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

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(groans...)

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Another man walks into a ...

Delish. :^0

The blondes, too.

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Jesus and the Redneck

by jimmy-jam In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and asked, "Is that Jesus down there?"

The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.

The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slow. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti.

He also looked down the bar and asked, ?Is that Jesus sitting at the end of the bar??

The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one!?

?Hey, is that God's Boy down there?"

The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

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Huge Hole in the Ground

by tcavadias Staff In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

Two guys are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says " Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"

The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down there and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says " There's this old transmission over here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count
one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come
crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

And the old farmer said " Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old transmission!"

-Tammy [_]3

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Two men in bar

by puppybreath In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.

After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him. "This place is great, isn't it?" he asks.

The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger's remark, replies, "Why do you say that?"

The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, "Follow me." The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room. The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.

"Here's why." The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft!

"The air currents are great here!" he exclaims. "It's very relaxing."

He floats back into the room. As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.

The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window - down to the pavement twelve stories below. He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.

Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air. He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.

The first man grins and returns to the bar. Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.

"You know," he says, disgusted. "You're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

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A Night With "The Girls"

by XnavyDK In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.

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Just a word of warning here JJ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk 4/10/2009

GOD had a look in and has said that he is returning to TR this past week.

He started the Friday Yuk so if you want to continue in his Footsteps you need to start with a Joke not a Question. :0

Col

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