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Friday Yuk

By Steffi28 ·
Tags: Off Topic
It's 1:30 here so it's officially Friday!! Thought I'd start the Yuk as I'm awake :)

Anyway before the jokes start I received the best piece of news about 10 minutes ago when I read about Microsoft's press conference a few days ago, Final Fantasy XIII is not going to be Sony exclusive!! Best news I've heard all year, I was thinking of buying a PS3 just because I love FF and have every other game and had to have that one too, now I can stick with the only good thing MS have ever made and buy FF on my 360 Anyway good news done with commence jokes :)

Just for Scummy some church related jokes

The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him.

The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, ?Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a **** job.?

He says, ?You have sinned.?

Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but **** job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a **** job. The altar boy answered, ?Oh, about five dollars.?


Top Ten Things You Never Hear In Church

1. Hey! It?s my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I?ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let?s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I?ve never heard before!
8. Since we?re all here, let?s start the service early.
9. Pastor, we?d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!


A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, ?I had an affair with a woman? almost.?

The priest says, ?What do you mean almost??

The man says, ?Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.?

The priest replies, ?Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You?re not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.?

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.

The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, ?I saw that, you didn?t put any money in the poor box!?

The man replied, ?Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!?

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You Wanna Earn $5

by w2ktechman In reply to Friday Yuk
Collapse - seems like Friday there...

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk

so enjoy...

BTW...Mae hates this vid clip, but this li'l dingleberry gets me guffawing.

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Im with Mae on this

by Dumphrey In reply to seems like Frida ...

Wow, he was so annoying I wanted to scream. All I noticed is that he kept rolling his eyes up and in, in a weirs cross-eyed look, like 2 times a minute...
Maybe he needs to eat more carrots.

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by maecuff In reply to Im with Mae on this

And the eye rolls are what cracks mojo up. I just don't get it. Mostly, he has a very good sense of humor, then something like this comes along...

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Its like Dumb and Dumber

by Dumphrey In reply to Dumphrey

99% of my friends find it to be the funniest thing alive, mostly it makes me cringe in pain. But Woody Allen does much the same to me, and sadly, Will Farrell is beginning to have that effect.

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Mostly, I like Woody Allen

by maecuff In reply to Its like Dumb and Dumber

I really liked Manhattan Murder Mystery.

Will Farrell? Not a big fan at all.

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Dumbest movie...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Its like Dumb and Dumber

I ever say. Hubby and brother were rolling with laughter though. I don't get it. Agree re: Will Farrell, too. Bleah.

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Yeah, I gotta agree...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Im with Mae on this

he didn't last long.

I think Mae needs to take the shovel to Fred. Knock some sense into him, maybe.

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Pizza Chimps Battle Flying Rodent

by mojodelirium In reply to Friday Yuk
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by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Pizza Chimps Battle Flyin ...

There was a 'bat episode' on campus last semester. People were utterly stupid over a poor little bat that was just hanging in a corner waiting for everyone to go away so it could get out of Dodge. I watched in amazement as people freaked and shrieked like mindless dimwits.

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