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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
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Right, I'm a bit early..but since I actually have to work at my new job I don't have much time to hang out on here anymore

Anywho's..happy friday you slackers!

Dirty Magazines
One day mom was cleaning juniors room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

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And another

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

At the Zoo with Dad
A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.

"That's an elephant", the mother said.

After the child repeated after her, he asked, "Mommy? What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?"

The mother replied, "That's his trunk, sweetheart."

"No, no", said the child, "Behind that!"

"Oh, that's his tail", she said.

"No, no!" the boy exclaimed. "That thing in the middle!"

The woman was flustered and replied, "Uhhhh, that's nothing, honey!" And they moved on.....

The next weekend, the boy's father came to pick him up and the child cried, "Daddy, let's go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!"

The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, "Elephant!"

"Very GOOD", beamed the father. "I'm proud of you for remembering all these animals!"

The boy asked, "Daddy? What's that thing hanging down on the elephant?"

The father replied, "That's his trunk."

"No!", the boy moaned, "Behind that!"

"That's his tail", the father replied.

"No, no! That thing in the middle!"

The father stammered, "Er...what did your mother say it was?"

"She said it was nothing!"

"Well", the man said, puffing out his chest. "Your mother's spoiled!"

*******

Father's Advice
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

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"DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!" :^0 :^0

by The Scummy One In reply to And another

So where is Carrie these days?

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Twist <NT>

by rob mekel In reply to And another
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<nt>

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk
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A 6 year olds marriage plan

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl
across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in
handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious
step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"


"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the
next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get
scared of the dark."


"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy
answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in
exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married,
you're liable to have babies, you know."


"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not
going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on
it!"

See I'm really quite nice.

Col ]:)
Now who stole all my good jokes. :_|

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Genie in a boat...

by Router boy In reply to Friday Yuk

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one
of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie
would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the
castaways, a genie came forth. This Particular genie, however, stated
that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without
giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire
ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled
by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle
lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men
considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're
going to have to **** in the boat."

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Good, Better, Best

by Router boy In reply to Genie in a boat...

GOO
In Seattle, WA A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem- a 12- year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'.
The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER:
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Silverdale , WA A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST:
A Young woman was pulled over for speeding. A WA State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, 'I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball.'
He replied, ' Washington State Troopers don't have balls.'
There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.

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by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Good, Better, Best
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yet another Twist

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

A man walks along, and sees an old man sitting on a park bench. The old man is perhaps eighty, and is crying his eyes out.

The first man approaches the elderly one and asks "What's wrong?"

The elderly fellow replies. "I just married a twenty-year old girl, and..."

The first man prods him: "And? Do you have troubles with..."

"Oh, no, no. I have incredible stamina for a man my age, and we make love twenty-three times a day."

The first man, obviously surprised, asks "So what's wrong?"

"I forgot where I live!" bawls the old man.

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:^0 -- Awww

by The Scummy One In reply to yet another Twist ;)

What a sad story -- oh well, is she expecting someone to
come over???

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