General discussion

Locked

Friday Yuk

By HAL 9000 Moderator ·
Well as there doesn't appear to be one posted yet or it's got lost in the New Site Layout I thought I would add this. Hopefully I'm even logged in as Hal.

Best-ever resignation letter (allegedly) sent by a fed up US employee.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who
watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for
the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around
the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in others. You have a
sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on
overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to
comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody and all of your little twisted repugnant
obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*ck with your systems
administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Graeme Hurd.

Col ]:)

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

71 total posts (Page 1 of 8)   01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05   Next
| Thread display: Collapse - | Expand +

All Comments

Collapse -

I like that one. <nt>

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk
Collapse -

I expected it to say

by w2ktechman In reply to Friday Yuk

Sincerely,
HAL 9000

Collapse -

Fraid not W2K

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I expected it to say

I'm not that polite.

At one place after having 3 resignation letters torn up I Faxed the last one to the Boss all 17 pages of it and I was out before the end of that day.

Silly fool thought he was hurting me when he actually did me a favor. He could never understand that I liked organized places and not complete farces that the new GM had turned that particular place into. :^0

He was even saying that I had engineered the entire departure because I could organize a new business in under 3 days where he couldn't allow his staff to organize a New Phone Advert for a move from the primary place of Business. It was all one mistake after another and highly unprofessional. But the thing that tore the entire job as far as I was concerned was he expected me to repair product without any spare parts or a place to work apparently sitting on the floor and attempting to fix things was acceptable as a Professional Service to the Customers to him. Of course he lasted all of 18 months at the company before they threw him out on his ear and they have yet to fully recover from his Management 25 years latter. I'm well out of that place and very happy that I escaped so easily.

Col ]:)

Collapse -

I am handing in my

by Jacky Howe In reply to Friday Yuk

RESIGNATION

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good..

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So... here's my check book and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this. further, you'll have to catch me first, cause... Tag! You're it!

http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/family/resignation.shtml

Collapse -

Thanks True Blue...

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to I am handing in my

another favorite.

Collapse -

Stupid Internet Company Names - believe it or not, these were/are for real

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk

Stupid Internet Company Names

The following are all legitimate companies that didn't spend quite
enough time considering how their online domain name might appear
... and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out...

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that
represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can
exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company:
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South
Wales: www.molestationnursery.com .

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always:
www.ipanywhere.com .

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is:
www.cummingfirst.com .

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web
site: www.speedofart.com .

Dawg ]:)

Collapse -

ROFLMA :) <NT>

by Jacky Howe In reply to Stupid Internet Company N ...
Collapse -

Some Odd Things to Ponder

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk

Some Odd Things to Ponder


Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?

If you are going to shoot a mime, do you need a silencer ?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the
mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks
on the doors?

If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make it stick to the
pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from
a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when
you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if
the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called
cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same
substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?

Dawg ]:)

Collapse -

Good one! <nt>

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Some Odd Things to Ponder
Collapse -

More Odd Things to Ponder

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Yuk

More Odd Things to Ponder

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you
get a Philip's Screwdriver?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be
wearing night gowns?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to
begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners
depressed?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars
in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall
has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from
Holland called "Holes?"

Back to Software Forum
71 total posts (Page 1 of 8)   01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05   Next

Related Discussions

Related Forums