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Friday Yuk

By Oz_Media ·
Tags: Off Topic
Happy Friday everyone!

With US thanksgiving coming up, I guess football jokes are in order.


A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team?s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

?Oh, I really liked it,? she replied, ?especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn?t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.?

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, ?What do you mean??

?Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was? ?Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!? I?m like ??

Helloooooo? It?s only 25 cents!!!!?

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Old Italian joke

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Yuk

An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table...alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.."

After reading the note, the man sends one back to her and it read: "Just so you know, I have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560 SEL, I have over 20 million in the bank, but not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off 3 inches! Just send the bottle back"
Have a good weekend everyone!

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On a Train

by NetMan1958 In reply to Friday Yuk

The story is told of a young Czechoslovakian, a Russian soldier, a little old lady, and an attractive young woman riding on a train.

Shortly after the train entered a dark tunnel, the passengers heard a kiss, then a loud slap.

The girl thought,"Isn't it odd the Russian tried to kiss the old lady and not me?"

The old lady thought,"That is a good girl with fine morals."

The Russian soldier thought, "This just isn't my day. That young Czechoslovakian steals the kiss and I get slapped."

The Czech thought, "I'm pretty clever if I do say so myself. I kiss the back of my hand, slap the Russian and get away with it!"

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by Oz_Media In reply to On a Train

I like it, have a great weekend NetMan

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An observation on observations.

by CharlieSpencer In reply to Friday Yuk

I don't mind needing bifocals; usually it beats putting reading glasses on and taking them back off repeatedly.

The one time they really toast my marshmallows is when I'm walking behind a young lady. I used to be able to surreptitiously observe her gently Weebling* 'assets' simply by glancing downward. Now the lower half of the lenses blur the view. In order to shift the view to the upper half, I must tilt my head downward and blatantly stare. In addition to risking public disdain, it doesn't do the arthritis in my neck any good.

Damn, it's tough to be old.

* Weebling - they wobble, but they don't fall down.

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by Oz_Media In reply to An observation on observa ...

I don't know if that's funny or sad! You need tinted bifocals.

Thanks for joining in and have a most phenomenal weekend!

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Tinted won't help one whit...

by AnsuGisalas In reply to Damn!

As he'll have to aim with his nose to see over the reading area...

But a friendly optician can probably find you upside-downable frames so that you can invert them when needed. Not safe, but safety versus aesthetics isn't a fair fight, is it?

But now, a yuk, dumb and sexist, but potentially original:

Q: Why don't blondes go for vibrators?

A: Because they know not to touch electric appliances when wet...

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Bleach blonde flight attendant

by NetMan1958 In reply to Tinted won't help one whi ...

Q: What does a bleached-blonde flight attendant have in common with a Boeing 747?

A: They both have a "little black box".

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Woah dude!

by Oz_Media In reply to Tinted won't help one whi ...

Nasty, but I like it. I thought you were going to mention chipping their teeth.

It' snot even sexist, but borderline TR fodder, I promise not to tell though.

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If we're on blonde jokes

by NickNielsen In reply to Tinted won't help one whi ...

Q: Why does a blonde use the whole bottle of shampoo every time she washes her hair?

A: Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Cyanide . . .

by Who Am I Really In reply to Friday Yuk

A nice, respectable young lady went into the local pharmacy,

walked right up to the pharmacist,
looked straight into his eyes,
and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked,
"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied,
"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed,
"Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law!
I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail!
Where all kinds of bad things could happen.

Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription"

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