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  • #2226506

    Friday Yuk

    Locked

    by shellbot ·

    Ok people..its Friday..for those of us in Eire..its a long weekend..you UK folks the same??
    Have a great one everyone..think of me while doing so..Dr has ordered me to do nothing, eat nothing nice or drink nothing nice..so i’m sh@gged..well..not….ah never mind

    Jamaican Baby
    A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
    announcing that his wife had just given birth to “a typical
    Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds.”

    Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
    exclamations of “Wow!” were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
    pains.

    Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, “Say,
    you’re the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
    birth. How much does he weigh now?”

    The proud father answered, “Fifteen pounds.”

    The bartender was puzzled. “Why? What happened? He weighed 20
    pounds at birth?”

    The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
    wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
    said, “Had him circumcised.

All Comments

  • Author
    Replies
    • #2634526

      A to late

      by rob mekel ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      just made the suggestion to re-name an other thread to Friday’s Yuk … but this is as much fun 🙂

      Come back later to contribute some real Yuk

      Rob

    • #2634524

      Mmmmmmmmmmmm :0

      by rob mekel ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Must read the lines first before just posting an answer ….

      [b] you are what shellbot ….sh@gged …[/b]
      [i]would have said boy oh boy but …[/i]
      my oh my girl it’s hitting you hard on friday isn’t it :^0 😉

      Do enjoy your long weekend 😡

      Rob

    • #2636483

      Who rules..

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Men Ruling
      Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.” With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

      The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

      And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

      • #2636460

        Why do you think

        by dspeacock ·

        In reply to Who rules..

        we refer to them as SWMBO?????? 🙂

        I learned very early on that the 2 most important words a man can learn when he gets married are, “Yes dear”.

        I married Miss Right, I just didn’t know her first name was Always!!!!!!

        • #2636454

          it good that men know thier place in this world :)

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Why do you think

          good to see ya again..congrats on your achievement!

      • #2636447

        Oh well ….

        by rob mekel ·

        In reply to Who rules..

        some shortliners

        ———–
        Why are men drinking:

        There are only 2 reasons why men are drinking: Either they have a girlfriend, or they don?t have one.
        ————–
        Appearence

        A young woman is paying in the supermarket. The cashier takes the money, smiles, and asks the woman: “Are you single?”
        The woman smiles very shy and asks him: “How did you find this out?”
        He answers: “Just look into the mirror!?
        ———-
        To contradict a woman

        Why is it not necessary to contradict a woman?
        Because she does that by herself.
        —————-
        Long life

        Female patient: “Doctor! I heard that married men are living longer than single men! Is this really true?”
        Doctor: “No, that’s not correct! It only seems to be longer for them!”
        ————-
        Sex education

        Daughter: “Mama, I think I understand how a woman is getting a baby. But I have one more question. How does the sperm get inside you? Do you have to swallow the sperm?”
        Suddenly, papa says: “No, only if she wants a new dress!”
        ————
        Photografic philosophy

        What’s the difference between a man and a photographic film?
        The film can still be developed
        ——

        You can’t win them all can you 🙂

        Rob

    • #2636482

      Kiss my…

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Cheek To Buttocks
      A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
      So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
      After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
      All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”
      “My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

      • #2636445

        Not allways but …

        by rob mekel ·

        In reply to Kiss my…

        mother in laws:
        ———
        What’s the difference between mothers-in-law and hippos?

        One of the groups mentioned have a fat ass and a big muzzle. The others are living in the water.
        ————-
        The mother-in-law comes for a visit. Suddenly, little Michelle starts licking the dress of her granny. Granny: “Stop! What are you doing?”
        Thereupon, Michelle answers: “Mama is right that the dress is completely tasteless!”
        ———
        After the birth, Barbara’s parents-in-law are coming for a visit. The father-in-law is holding the baby in his arms and asks the others: “Don’t you think that the child looks quite similar to me?”
        Nurse: “Don’t worry! The appearance of small children changes! After some time, the similarities will disappear again!”
        ————–
        Thomas: “My mother-in-law has been staying at our house for 3 weeks now. Tomorrow is her birthday. I fear that she will stay even longer if I make her a beautiful gift!”
        Steven: “Then buy a ticket for her and let this be your gift!”
        ——————
        Mother: “But Thomas! How can you say that your granny is stupid? You will say that you are sorry for that immediately!”
        Thomas: “Granny, I am really sorry that you are so stupid!”
        ————-
        What is the punishment for bigamy?

        You’ll get 2 mothers-in-law.
        ——–
        some have all the luck won’t you say?

        Rob

    • #2636481

      mmm minty

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Pills To The Bull
      A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

      The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: “The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor’s cows!”

      “Wow,” says the banker, “what did the vet do to that bull?”

      “Just gave him some pills,” replied the rancher.

      “What kind of pills?” asked the banker.

      “I don’t know, but they sort of taste like peppermint.”

    • #2636480

      Good sport

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Good Sport
      John receives a phone call.

      “Hello,” he answers.

      The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

      John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

      Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

      John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

      Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

      John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”

      • #2636401

        That’s bad

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Good sport

        Funny, though. 🙂

      • #2636343

        I HAVE THAT ALBUM!

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to Good sport

        AM/FM.

        Your forecast for tonight, DARK. With scattered light though out the morning….

      • #2636305

        That truly is a good sport

        by the scummy one ·

        In reply to Good sport

        this should be sent out to every woman as an instruction manual… :^0

    • #2636478

      Dinner

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Meatballs
      A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull’s testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
      The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, ”Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins”

      • #2636475

        I can see

        by rob mekel ·

        In reply to Dinner

        why you are in the need of a long weekend Shellbot 🙂

        Disgustingly funny :^0

        😉
        Rob

        • #2636474

          i always

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to I can see

          need a long weekend 🙂

          Dang but i’ve an aweful craving for spagetti and meatballs now ]:)

          I don’t think i’ll tell hubby this joke till AFTER dinner though!

        • #2636472

          Depends …. :0

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to i always

          will he be the bullfighter … :8} :^0

          😉
          Rob

        • #2636470

          hehehe

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Depends …. :0

          nah..i’ll save that for when i’m really mad at him

        • #2636342

          NO NO NO Shell

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to i always

          you need to tell him in the MIDDLE of dinner… ]:)

    • #2636477

      Normal weekend over here

      by midniteone ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      – as we don’t get the extra day till the end of the month, but meanwhile…

      Hans was a skilled electrician who was forced to flee from the continent when war broke out in 1939. He found his way to England, then to Wales, and eventually settled in Anglesey. The peace and quiet pleased him and the locals were very welcoming. Every night he would look out across the waters of the Menai Strait, back towards the mainland, and feel very happy with his life, although he really wanted to find a way to repay the welcome he had received.

      One night, some years later, there was a terrible storm and many lives were in danger, not least because the power lines came down. There were casualties backing up at the hospital but doctors couldn’t perform their vital surgery as there was no power and no illumination. Heroically, Hans went out in the storm and, battling against the elements, managed to restore some of the cables so that the doctors could see what they were doing.

      Of course, the local paper picked up on the story, which they ran under the headline – “Menai Hans Makes Lights Work”

    • #2636444

      Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
      (Updated)

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      “Top formations of the year.” Maybe there’s a contest. New crop circles at: http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/2007/sugarhill/sugarhill2007.html

      and

      http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/2007/chute/chute2007.html

      Interesting to know that the farmer of the field at the second link charges for people to view them up close. :^0 :^0

      Check the level of detail. If people are doing them (could be) I want to know how they’re doing it so accurately, over such a large area in such a short period of time. It seems like that could be a good way to advertise a product like International Harvester for example.

      Before you say anything my son-in-law manages 8000 acres for Agri-mega-corp and I’m well aware of the GPS capabilities of their tractors. They have to be using something with a finer touch than his GPS. If memory serves I think that civilian GPS is still limited to +/- 50 feet. If they are using GPS I’d like to view the script so to speak because it had to be well coordinated. One person walking the wrong way one time would ruin the effect.

      I said “could be” a couple of times. Impressive! Isn’t that impressive? What do you think someone will make of that? 😐 😀

      • #2636417

        Impressive!

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        I’m impressed, its very impressive
        ]:)

      • #2636364

        GPS

        by heml0ck ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        Hey Ropes
        The last GPS we got for our field crews states that it is accurate to within a metre….
        Makes it a little more plausible no?

        • #2636332

          Sure does make it more plausible

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to GPS

          I remember that type of accuracy as being reserved for military use of course that was before 9/11. ?:|
          I can’t be bothered to look it all up as I’m too burned out after painting the frickin’ barn roof, again. I’ll just take your word for it.

        • #2635108

          I hope

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Sure does make it more plausible

          …that all the circles on your barn roof are perfectly concentric. Aliens ignore easy targets.

        • #2635070

          This place will stick out like a sore thumb on sunny days

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to I hope

          On one side our barn’s gambrel roof faces directly South and I’m painting it with aluminum paint. It’s so bright when the sun is shining that I can’t bear to look at it without wearing sunglasses. B-)

          Pretty exciting huh?

        • #2635118

          That “could be” IMPRESSIVE.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to GPS

          [i]The last GPS we got for our field crews states that it is accurate to within a metre….
          Makes it a little more plausible no?[/i]

          The GPS or the crop circle??

          :^0

      • #2636288

        I know what I think about this…

        by techexec2 ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        I think you should start a crop circle subscription website and publish an online book for download. That’s what I think. Beats workin’ for the man!

        :^0 :^0 :^0 😡


        Make a donation to keep the web site alive…Thank you.

      • #2634956

        A key thing about your two crop circles

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        They’re both in the same county in England and in fact they are no more than fifteen miles apart. You can see both of the sites on the same page of this map.

        http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=425840&y=164041&z=5&sv=425840,164041&st=4&ar=Y&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf

        Wiltshire is the place in the UK most noted for UFOs (although we don’t get anywhere near as many sightings or abducted and anally probed citizens as the US).

        Most of England’s more spectacular crop circles are in Wiltshire (any check of a cop-circle database shows how many are in such a small location!) and there’s only two possible reasons! Either that aliens like Wadsworths 6X or at least one gang of locals have cracked the circle-making.

        They ARE impressive, though.

        Neil 😀

        Edited to add: I browsed the site you referenced and it’s interesting that there are 44 reported circles in the UK so far and 84 in the rest of the world pout together – and most of those in Europe. And most of the UK circles are in Wiltshire!

      • #2635810

        Consult thy Shrink!

        by don ticulate ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        For you are repeating far to many, many words!

        • #2635808

          Consult thy dictionary…

          by techexec2 ·

          In reply to Consult thy Shrink!

          .
          [b][i]”…For you are repeating far to many, many words!…”[/i][/b]

          Consult thy dictionary, for you are misusing far [u]too[/u] many words!

          :^0 :^0 :^0

        • #2635688

          Homophones…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Consult thy dictionary…

          so is that pronounced TechExecTwo, too or to?

        • #2635680

          What’s a homophone? :^0

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Homophones…

          You waiting for a call are you? :^0

          Go ahead and hit me with your best shot. I’m real worried about being the target of your brainpower.

        • #2635677

          Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          by techexec2 ·

          In reply to What’s a homophone? :^0

          .
          [b]homophone[/b] \homo-fon\ [i]n[/i] : an instrument for reproducing sounds at a distance used by people living in San Francisco and West Hollywood

        • #2635672

          Silly TechExec2 – Consult thy dictionary & take the test….

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          http://www.bbc.co.uk/skillswise/words/spelling/recognising/homophones/quiz.shtml

          Perhaps you should start at level ‘A’ as you clearly do not seem to know what they are!

          🙂 🙂 🙂

        • #2635671

          I thought it was a movie

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          or actually three, two of which had Macully Sulkin and Joe Di Peschi Mode in them

          no? oh well.

        • #2635665

          The homophones were probably imported

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

        • #2635647

          Ropes – That Picture of the Boat was not a Homophone!

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          What exactly IS passing for brains around here?

          The other meaning you are after is TWO words!

        • #2635641

          Number

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          We could all ask you the same question. This is the Yuk and although at times I’m certainly far from funny posting here I at least try to make up for it. You have never posted anything that I’ve found even remotely funny and you remind me of the type of person that could screw up a one car funeral. My advice? Get a sense of humor that works with at least one person and/or quit posting while you’re drinking. You’re not going to change anyone at TR with your drivel so just give up trying. I feel fairly safe in saying that no one who is coming here for humor from anywhere around the globe will miss your personal attacks on others for no rational reason.

          I don’t follow everybody’s links. You’ve given me no reason to think that I should give a rip and follow yours. Maybe it’s funny but I just don’t care. You’re not funny. Deal with it.

        • #2635632

          Ropes, You…Rational, GMAB?

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          The evidence in your postings clearly points to the other pole. I don’t care if X knows you outside this forum or you have been a member for Y years under Z names – Rational, GMAB!

        • #2635627

          Almost… almost..

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          almost sounds like a MaxAttack(tm). Let’s see, you showed up… when was that? :^0

        • #2635622

          Showing Up…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          Although there is no way of actually knowing the number of people that decided to become a member on the same day as I, we can deduce that if we A: know the amount of members in TR and B: decide to divide this number by the 365 we would come to a good approximation.

          With this number we could then say any one of these people could be what??

          What are you trying to tell me Ropes??

        • #2636109

          What I think

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          No3 showed up around the downfall of TTM3.
          No3 posted to each of TTM’s posts
          Hmmm. That is about as much as I am adding for now

        • #2636004

          TE2, not everybody who lives in San Francisco or West Hollywood is a…

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          movie sound effects expert.

          😐

        • #2635977

          Absolutely true…

          by techexec2 ·

          In reply to Silly rabbit! Obviously, a homophone is…

          .
          In the real world, that is absolutely true. In the Yuk, and in order for there to be any Yuk at all, there will often be a BIG exaggeration.

          San Francisco and West Hollywood are not the kings of movie sound effects experts. They are only the queens.

          :^0 :^0 :^0

        • #2635788

          Those who live in glass houses

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Consult thy Shrink!

          Should consider well their stones!

          Hint- this isn’t funny any more to any one. I think that you would like to become a part of the community. I am happy to welcome you. I would ask that you consider your international audience and model more positive behaviour.

          Can I ask you to be less abrasive? It will help immeasurably in helping the community as a whole in welcoming you.

          Thank you.

        • #2635785

          I second that! All in favor say “aye” (NT)

          by techexec2 ·

          In reply to Those who live in glass houses

          .

        • #2635781

          Hey you “Supportive flaming…”

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to I second that! All in favor say “aye” (NT)

          Or was it Flaming supportive… whatever. I won’t use that word at you.

          The Pink Ribbon Brigade has started again! Come play and bring your friends!!!

          😡

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=232365&start=0

        • #2635682
        • #2620160

          AWWWW, poor baby!

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Hence my points

          My heart is just bleeding all over the net for you.

        • #2635776

          Tigger: There are those of us

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Those who live in glass houses

          And I am one – and I [b]seriously[/b] respect my opinion – who believe that Numberon3 is a ferret in aardvarks clothing. The fact that Gadget agrees with me doesn’t (much) lessen my certainty in that I’m absolutely certain that the ‘welcome’ is ‘welcome back’, should we so choose to issue the first.

          I don’t.

          Yet.

          Neil 😀

          Keep taking the socks…

        • #2635758

          Aha, and add me to the list

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Tigger: There are those of us

          I have been suspicious since s/he hit up all of the ‘bad’ threads and asked what it was all about.

        • #2635681
        • #2635549

          I agree

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Tigger: There are those of us

          Thought I might try being tactful. But as you say, a waste of energy.

          I agree with you and GG. There are others.

        • #2635709

          Not Funny

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Those who live in glass houses

          But all the above posts regarding the word “impressive” (which spawned from the last round of postings) is????

          This in my opinion is slightly hypocritical!

          Can I therefore ask why it is one rule of Numberon3 and another for the ‘others’?

          Furthermore, on reading the above postings, how can ‘one feel welcome’ here at all?

          Perhaps TechRepublic was not all I thought it was and it now may be time to reconsider my participation with the site as a whole or at the very least some of it members (mental notes being made).

          On3

          Edit – well it’s my post!

        • #2620161

          Come down off the cross, someone else needs the wood

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Not Funny

          You come in guns blazing, insult everyone in sight, are nothing but downright nasty and you’re CRYING because you’re not accepted?

          Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out pal,

          Techrepublic witout you will be like fishhing without bagpipes… the only thing you miss is alot of hot air, noise and baggage.

        • #2619972

          All GUNS BLAZING?

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Come down off the cross, someone else needs the wood

          What This:

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=232261&messageID=2294651

          Hardly GUNS BLAZING is it. The double standards people have on this site are amazing!

        • #2619950

          Hmmm, Let’s see

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Come down off the cross, someone else needs the wood

          Theoretically “new” here but already knows so much about us all.

          Why is this whole thing not passing the “sniff” test?

          Could it be that the rest of us have figured you out? Could it be that what you represent yourself as and what you “say” you are two VERY different things?

          I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Now? Not so much.

        • #2619943

          Now remember Tig NO BOUNCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Hmmm, Let’s see

          Without a Web Cam so we can all see. :0

          Col ]:)

        • #2619941

          You can tell

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Hmmm, Let’s see

          quite a bit in a month of reading and posting. Where is the sniff test here exactly?

          How is the comment I made deemed as “knowing so much about us all” exactly?

          What is with the Cloak & Dagger stuff around here?

          I don’t want or need your benefit of the doubt, but thanks all the same.

        • #2618872

          T2!!!

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Hmmm, Let’s see

        • #2618805

          Bouncing at work

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to Hmmm, Let’s see

          http://youtube.com/watch?v=GP53tcYWKNU

          Did you mean no Pouncing without the webcam?

        • #2635633

          And I thought I was abrasive…

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Those who live in glass houses

          This guy has the personality of course grade sandpaper.

        • #2635631

          You are, but at least…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to And I thought I was abrasive…

          he made it as far as the paper!

          Or as a blackcurrant would say – the bottle!

          Look at my face – what is it telling you?
          (Again my point has been made)

        • #2635601

          Do us all a favor

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to You are, but at least…

          Have a nice tall glass of draino.

        • #2635598

          So Simple Really.

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Do us all a favor

          So Efficient!

          Look at my face now – I must be getting mad, perhaps?

          The Dr.

        • #2636001

          Do you have a pic

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Do us all a favor

          or is the webcam on? I missed ‘the look on your face’ altogether…
          Was it funny, or veins popping out mad (still funny)?

        • #2620157

          I’ve seen your face, you have “Ed Zachary” disease

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Do us all a favor

          now I’ll have nightmares for a month…

      • #2635679
      • #2636167

        I was watching a tv program on crop circles

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to Something to get TE2 all wound up again :0
        (Updated)

        many years ago. After all the hype by experts saying there was no logical explanation, they talked to two individuals that claimed they did the crop circles. They demonstrated how it was done. No GPSes. They first spent time measuring and flagging points they wanted to use. Then went back at night and using a bar they created the circle. The did one geometric design just for the camera to prove what they did. It only took a few hours.

        I think others are doing the same thing. People can do amazing, useless things when they want to amaze others. Of course when someone can make money at it… well you know.

        🙂

        • #2636050

          I’m leaning towards people doing it.

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to I was watching a tv program on crop circles

          I saw the same documentary.

          I’d just like to see someone create a complex circle in broad daylight, one that would fool the experts. I thought that the circle in the TV show was kind of lame but that may be due to a faulty memory chip. 😀
          Did you know there are Cereologists, people that study crop circles in grain fields? I’m a Cereologist of sorts, I study my cereal grains close-up, first-hand in a brown bottle. Saves a lot of walking.

        • #2620189

          It is always funny :D how, if someone connot figure

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to I’m leaning towards people doing it.

          how something was done, it must be magic or from outerspace. Humans have been ingenious for thousands of years, modern day humans do not have exclusive right to this. 🙂

          I remember in S. America, there are designs on mountains they say that only someone flying over them can view. They cannot comprehend that ballon flight has been around for a long time and does not take modern technolgy to make one. 😀

    • #2636443

      Kids :) ]:)

      by rob mekel ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Don’t you love them…
      ————–
      Father: “If you learn for school today, we will watch the football game tomorrow in the stadium!”
      Son: “And if the game is sold out, I will have wasted my time!”
      ————-
      Little William is sitting on one of the best places of the stadium watching the Super Bowl. A prominent figure who is sitting beside him asks William: “How could you afford such an expensive ticket?”
      “The ticket is from my father!”
      “And where is your father right now!”
      “Probably at home looking for the ticket!”
      —————
      2 soccer players were starting a brawl. The referee doesn’t notice that at first. As he sees it he runs to them and asks: “Who started with this nonsense?”
      One of them says: “He! He was the first who hit back!”
      —————-
      Mary and Linda are playing golf together…
      Linda: “Yesterday, I hurt myself between the first and the second hole!”
      Mary: “That’s really stupid because it will be difficult for you to stick on a plaster between your first and your second hole!”
      :8} :0
      —————
      Don’t take them all to liturally … as live 🙂

      Rob

      • #2636438

        Spoiler warning also do NOT look if you’re easily offended!

        by ontheropes ·

        In reply to Kids :) ]:)

        • #2636425

          It has always

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Spoiler warning also do NOT look if you’re easily offended!

          been a nasty one …
          —————
          A catholic priest asks his colleague: “Do you think we will still be alive when celibacy is abolished?”
          The other one says: “I don’t think so! But our children will be alive at that time!”
          ————
          to get extinct 😀

          Rob

        • #2636367

          Spoiler #2

          by rpip ·

          In reply to Spoiler warning also do NOT look if you’re easily offended!

          Jesus lives again on page 682 and forever after

        • #2636357

          Yeah!

          by texaskat ·

          In reply to Spoiler #2

          I like the way you think!

        • #2636328

          I was waiting for someone to say that.

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Spoiler #2

          Congratulations!

        • #2636225

          well I read different books

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to Spoiler #2

          because I’m a Buddhist (of sorts) but to keep this light, how about the Buddhist who went up to a hot dog vendor and said ‘make me one with everything’?

        • #2636217

          But the hot dog vendor…

          by critch ·

          In reply to well I read different books

          when asked about the change for $20 bill that the buddhist paid with said

          “But change comes from within….”

        • #2636212

          Nice One

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to But the hot dog vendor…

          ROFLMU (for Unenlightened) AO

    • #2636419

      Destroy the computer

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      • #2636505

        wow

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Destroy the computer

        i guess she don’t like internet porn then does she..
        yeesh..some people

      • #2636502

        Good Grief, Charlie Brown

        by midniteone ·

        In reply to Destroy the computer

        I’m speechless – well, almost – which at least stops me hijacking the thread.

        Good grief.

        On a different, and lighter, tack, can we have an updated version of the Turing Test? Something like, if you’re working under properly controlled laboratory conditions, and you’re getting messages, apparently from another terminal, and you can’t tell whether it’s a human or a computer, then basically you’re stuffed?

        alternatively, consider the day that Descartes went into McDonalds and asked for a burger and they said ‘do you want fries with that?’ and he said ‘I think not’ and promptly disappeared…

        or the proton that thought she was pregnant and her partner said ‘are you sure?’ and she said ‘I’m positive’…similarly, an electron was queueing up for the cinema and just got ushered past the pay desk and said “what’s going on?” and they said “for you, no charge”

        have a good weekend

    • #2636414

      What’s the best way to draw a great sexual climax out of your wife?

      by nodisalsi ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Who cares?

    • #2636412

      NHS – Family planning advice

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

    • #2636404

      Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

      by maecuff ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      Heinz ketchup is having a commercial contest. My son in law and his buddies spent 8 hours filming this 30 second commercial. It’s not bad..

      I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We’re taking off in a few minutes and heading South. I have my second interview tomorrow morning at 8:00AM. Wish me luck.

      • #2636399

        Good luck!!

        by shellbot ·

        In reply to Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

        yeesh, an interview at 8am on a saturday morning??
        thats rough

        • #2636397

          It was supposed

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Good luck!!

          to be this afternoon, but they had to cancel. They’re actually doing me a favor as we were going to be in town anyway for my older son’s birthday. We live about 3 1/2 hours away now.

        • #2636330

          Sorry to hear

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to It was supposed

          that your not feeling well today…. ;\

          Good luck and knock ’em dead!

          😡

      • #2636395

        Not funny not funny , you say,

        by rob mekel ·

        In reply to Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

        and who of these zombies might be your SiL, hahahaha 😉

        Goodluck Mae have a good interview and stick to one thing … they need you … 🙂

        😡
        Rob

      • #2636394

        Mae for luck cross your

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

        Ice Pick & Shovel.

        Col ]:)

      • #2636322

        Good luck Mae

        by ontheropes ·

        In reply to Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

        I hope you get the job that you want. I have over 90 resumes and applications out and have had exactly one nibble and one interview and I didn’t get the job. You’re already doing better than I am. THAT should make you feel good.

        I should possibly take “Master of my Domain” off of my resume but I like it on there.

      • #2636264

        Good luck!

        by locrian_lyric ·

        In reply to Not really a yuk..but funny anyway

        and if you need anyone to ‘convince’ the hiring manager, I knows a few guyz with middle names of “the” who are very persuasive.

        IF you know what I mean…

        fughetaboudit!

        (and to the humor impaired, yes that was a joke)

    • #2636366

      Three days

      by locrian_lyric ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      A man, tired of his wife’s nagging told her that if she continued, that she would not see him for three days.

      She continued and he warned her again, “If you don’t stop nagging me, you won’t see me for three days”.

      She still continued and he told her. “For the last time, if you continue your nagging, you will not see me for three days.”

      Sure enough….

      One day passes and she does not see him.
      The second day passes, and she does not see him.

      However, by the end of the third day, the swelling began to go down and she could open up her eyes enough to see him.

      ****************************

      What’s the first thing a woman does when she get’s out of a battered wife’s shelter?

      The dishes if she’s smart.

      ***********************************

      A mailman, ready to retire, is making his last day’s rounds when he finds a beutiful woman wearing a neglige waiting for him at one of his stops.

      she pulls him inside, gives him the best sex he’s ever had, then gets dressed and makes him a fine breakfast.

      As he finishes the breakfast, she walks over and puts a dollar in his shirt-pocket.

      Bewildered, he asks her what’s going on.

      She explains to him that when she asked her husband what she should do for him for his retirement, her husband said “SCREW HIM, give him a dollar!” then “The breakfast was my idea”

      A woman was widowed seven times,
      Her first six husbands died from eating poison mushrooms, the seventh from a blow to the head (he wouldn’t eat the mushrooms)

      • #2636348

        Personally I find the first two offensive

        by jamesrl ·

        In reply to Three days

        About as funny as cancer or a heart attack. Which is to say not very.

        Telling these kids of jokes may make some stupid men think that assaulting your spouse isn’t very serious.

        From personal experience, I can tell you, it isn’t funny and is serious. My wife had a friend who was beaten – black eye as a matter of fact, and we let her stay at our place with her baby in tow for a couple of weeks.

        James

        • #2636325

          That is the key to humor

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Personally I find the first two offensive

          if it is hurtful or hateful (or both) it isn’t humor.

        • #2636317

          You’ve just eliminated all political humor.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to That is the key to humor

          Let me tell you something else about humor.

          Maccabe humor tends to originate from people who’ve gone through tragic events.

          Humor itself is often a coping mechanism for anger, loss or tragedy.

          Show me someone who does not laugh at much and I’ll show you someone who hasn’t cried at much.

        • #2636271

          Macabre humor is one thing…

          by dsrobinson ·

          In reply to You’ve just eliminated all political humor.

          making light of treating a person like property is another. Been there, done that. I’ll end up in prison if it happens again, coz the perp’ll be dead.

        • #2636267

          Two words:

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Macabre humor is one thing…

          SO WHAT?

          You want to hear how my ex tried to poison me?

          How about my having to disappear and drop off the grid entierely?

          My wife went through the same kind of crap.

          That was reality, this is humor.

          Macabre humor comes from surviving all kinds of hell.

        • #2636258

          Richard – empathy

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to Two words:

          Richard,

          There is no universal humour.

          We are all different.

          But you state things as if they are universal “That was reality, this is humor”.

          Try and have a little empathy and respect for others opinions. I did state when I objected to your joke that it was MY opinion.

          James

        • #2636213

          Empathy?

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Two words:

          Given what I’ve seen thus far, it’s a rare commodity around here

          I’ll concern myself with its manufacture once I receive the raw materials.

          Until then, I shall continue to follow the examples set here.

          On a related note, I find that the most apt phrase in the English language is the phrase “take offense”.

        • #2635097

          Richard_RPU: empathy is…

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Two words:

          the basic premise common to all communication. Without some recognition of the other person’s existence, as a person with inherent similarities to yourself, you would not bother to communicate. That, in a nutshell, is why I don’t believe in Asperger’s Syndrome.

        • #2635010

          everyone deals differently.

          by dsrobinson ·

          In reply to Two words:

          Richard_RPU: I’m sorry to hear that your ex tried to poison you and that you had to disappear. I’m glad you have (apparently) found a way to deal through humor. Some of us haven’t reached there yet.

          Personally, I feel that puns are the highest form of humor. And a loud groan of appreciation is the beset response. 🙂

          Hope you have/had a lovely weekend.

          D

        • #2635634

          absolutely

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Two words:

          If I brought up my AS as often as you do, I’d reccomend counseling to myself as I would obviously be obsessed.

          There is a selective empathy in here. I find that in 90% of cases those who scream most loudly for it demonstrate an appalling lack of it themselves. I am severely disinclined to affect any semblance of empathy to those individuals.

        • #2618598

          What is your profession, Richard_RPU/Nobody_of_note?

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Two words:

          [i]If I brought up my AS as often as you do, I’d reccomend counseling to myself as I would obviously be obsessed.[/i]

          I comment on a great many subjects, to many peers here at TechRepublic, and I often cite sources, particularly when I’m interested in persuading my audience of the validity of my analysis. The fact that my posts [u]to you[/u] are all or mostly about the syndrome you use as an excuse for your rudeness are a reflection of your own verbose posts about your “Asperger’s Syndrome” and my opinion of your pleas of innocence by means of ignorance, and not of a personal obsession with you. I really find nothing about you interesting, and am just disgusted that you expect everybody else to afford you special treatment. You’re just a prick.

          I’m over it. Your turn.

          [i]There is a selective empathy in here.[/i]

          Do you believe you’re being treated unfairly? I’d be offended, if I gave a rat’s ass about your worthless opinion.

          [i]I find that in 90% of cases those who scream most loudly for it demonstrate an appalling lack of it themselves. I am severely disinclined to affect any semblance of empathy to those individuals.[/i]

          90%? I assume you have documented this measurement. No?

          Empathy is neutral of the intent of its use. Whether you use your ability to relate to others’ emotions to be respectful or disrespectful of them is separate from your ability to guess the emotional effects your words and actions will have on people. You have demonstrated your ability to empathize for the purpose of being disrespectful. If you never use that ability to understand other people to respect them, that is a choice, not a syndrome.

          I have the integrity and the courage to tell people I hate that I hate them, and why, you pathetic little liar.

        • #2617699

          Wow, I’ve made an impression on Absolutely.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Two words:

          You fear what you don’t understand, you hate what you fear.

          I suspect that your courage extends only so far as your keyboard.

          You proclaim your… honesty? and laud it because you are deliberately rude and obnoxious to those you dislike for one reason or another.

          All that demonstrates is a complete inability to control your impulses. I doubt that you would have the same bluntness or courage to insult and disrespect people in real life the way you do so on the net.

          You whine on endlessly about me. Is is simply because you don’t like others playing in your sandbox?

          You’ve contributed no articles, no discussions, nothing worthy of mention at all and yet you set yourself up to sit in judgement of others.

          You are a bitter little man with delusions of some grand importance. That importance, like your courage, also does not extend past your keyboard.

          The day that I need to justify my existance to someone as lowly as you is the day the moon falls out of the sky.

          Now try to demonstrate some maturity and move on.

        • #2617335

          But Yet Again – a BAD ONE

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Two words:

          Do you see a pattern emerging?

        • #2618180

          NoN vs AB

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Two words:

          While I do not always agree with AB, he is usually consistent with his positions. Not the most sympathetic of people, but then he has never claimed to want to be everyones BFFL.

          NoN on the other hand, you decide to make your personal attack about AB in the meat world based on what?

          Keep it real and about what you know. You do not know AB, nor what he is like behind his keyboard. Are we all just stereotype geeks in our mommies basement when you get upset at someone? Not very imaginative of you.

          Keep it to what you know.

        • #2618141

          Or in MY case

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to Two words:

          in my Mummy’s basement

          Just want to get the cultural differences correct…

          :d

        • #2634865

          some political humor is

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You’ve just eliminated all political humor.

          most isn’t.

          HATE is never funny. Doesn’t matter who it is against.

          The woman/man bashing generally aren’t intended to be hateful, but some are hurtful.

          It is one thing to laugh at someone that fell down. It is another to have pushed them down and then laugh.

          and yes, humor has been ruined by angry people like Rosy O’Donnal who make a living off of being a hateful angry bitch.

        • #2635615

          ALL humor has an element of meanness to it.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to some political humor is

          and to your analogy,

          I have not beaten anyone and laughed about it.

        • #2636002

          So then

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to ALL humor has an element of meanness to it.

          you beat them with a straight face!!! :^0

          JK. I know, this was in bad taste

        • #2635782

          Richard, I understand your basis

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to You’ve just eliminated all political humor.

          But I have to tell you that there are appropriate audiences and this international audience might not be the one.

          I make some incredibly bad breast jokes. I agree, it is part of how I deal with my personal situation. And I am very upfront about my personal situation- I can’t care about it as much as I need to care about raising awareness in others.

          With that said, I am also aware that others might find such joking tasteless and in poor humour. I think that James was saying as much.

          I understand completely that you struggle with socialisation issues. I have ADHD and have struggled as well. I KNOW how hard it is when you just want to be accepted… and cannot find a path to acceptance.

          Macabre humour may not have a place here. A lighter touch is more acceptable.

          I know that you want to be a part of the community. I see you trying to do just that. Perhaps we need to support you better. If that is the case, help us to understand how to do that.

          We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken.

        • #2635757

          Are you saying Rich is ‘Broken’???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Richard, I understand your basis

          :^0 :^0 :^0

          That was really funny Tig.. Thanks. 🙂
          This yuk needs to lighten up a bit.

        • #2635602

          In the way a horse is perhaps.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Are you saying Rich is ‘Broken’???

          (nt)

        • #2635603

          Thank you.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Richard, I understand your basis

          If I had gotten a response like that earlier, I would have simply gone back and edited the post and apologized.

          My difficulties lie in… I guess you could say *where* the *line* is.

          I can identify extremes but not borders.

          I know enough to know that, for example, joking about someone who died at their funeral isn’t appropriate, and that most ‘knock knock’ jokes don’t offend anyone.

          Anything else, I have no idea.

          At this point, I honestly don’t know if people are actually offended by what I post or are just looking for excuses to attack, with the exception of Absolutely who apparantly has a deep hatred of me for some reason….

          I should go back to lurking, shouldn’t I?

        • #2635564

          Lines

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Thank you.

          Actually you will find that the line moves depending on person & persons participating in that particular forum. I have said too much…

        • #2636147

          My Opinion

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to Thank you.

          Although I often do not agree with your posts, I do not think that you should be silenced by a few people.
          You shouldnt just lurk because of a couple of people.
          Often you do have an extreme side to you, which is why the attacks may come in. But it is another viewpoint to add to discussions.

        • #2636043

          No need to lurk NoN

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to Thank you.

          You’re a lot less offensive than you think and actually add to a discussion. That’s more than can be said for some people.

          Funny thing about Absolutely. I used to virtually despise him and pass over everything that he wrote until one day I read what he said and it made sense to me. I went back and re-read a lot of his posts and most everything he wrote made sense then and makes sense now. :0

          You’d think that that oughta’ worry me but it doesn’t. I think that the only thing that changed was me but I like it like that. B-)

        • #2636318

          James,

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Personally I find the first two offensive

          and I went off the grid hiding from an ex who was trying to kill me.

          My wife had similar problems.

          We both laugh at those NOW because we lived through abuse.

          I see you had no problem with the joke about the murderess though.

          If you don’t like the jokes, pass by them.

        • #2636314

          You have a right to be tasteless

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to James,

          And I have a right to comment.

          If you don’t like my comments, pass by them.

          James

        • #2636312

          Political correctness it tasteless

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to You have a right to be tasteless

          and completely bland, devoid of humor, and a blight upon the planet.

          but enough of it’s good points.

          But, just curious. You didn’t mind the joke about numerous men being killed, but jokes about two women abused offends you.

          Does that mean that you object to abuse but not murder, or that you just think that jokes about men suffering are funny and jokes about women suffering are not.

          Hmmm, if that’s the case, do you suffer from misandry?

        • #2636308

          To be honest

          by jamesrl ·

          In reply to Political correctness it tasteless

          I object to the violence aspect of the first one. The second one to me comes across less like a joke and more like a threat.

          The murdering one is abstract – poisoning isn’t graphically violent like the idea of the eyes so swollen that you can’t see.

          I’m not generally politically correct.

          You can object to my opinions all you want, you can call what I’ve said every name in the book. I have my opinion, you have yours, and I’m not going to change you, nor you me. You can accept that and move on, or you can get pissy.

          James

        • #2636304

          your opinion, your right.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to To be honest

          Me,

          I use humor to vent and to laugh at the things that have nearly killed me over the years.

          You’ve said your piece, I’ve said mine, as far as I’m concerned we can shake hands on it and go on with our respective opinions unscathed.

        • #2636181

          If you don’t like the jokes, pass by them.

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to James,

          If you are actually out of touch iwth reality enough to think you have a right to post what you want in a private website, then you should study what the US consitution actually means. YOu recited it for 12 years, well maybe 5 or 6 anyway, and yet you seem to misunderstand what teh right to free speech entails.

          TIP:It doesn’t mean you are free to say what you wish without repercussions.

          As far as telling a long time TR member that if he doesn’t like it he can lump it, in essence exactly what you said, how about getting a grip on reality yourself.

          IF you post offensive or tasteless material here, it will be flagged, reported and your ID will be nixed. Yes you can start another, ‘you guys’ usually do, but what a pathetic existence that is?!?!

          WHen it comes to posting offensive jokes, don’t expect people to pass it over, TR’s Friday Yuk is something we have done for years, in good taste. If you feel a need to share such immature and unethical trollop, please do so on your own website and simply invite your TR peers to view it.

          You don’t have a right to post what you like here, get a grip!

        • #2635152

          Man you missed a few Yuks

          by ontheropes ·

          In reply to If you don’t like the jokes, pass by them.

          There were a couple of Yuks that embarrassed me and made my ears get red and it was a couple 3, 4 of the women. I probably shouldn’t be the one to say anything and I just let the posters be but holy crap Batman, it can get pretty raw here. Raw and not really all that funny.

          I’m also not trying to knock or justify anything someone else has posted. I spend most of my time at TR just taking care of my own shlt. That’s a fulltime job and enough for me.

        • #2618711

          No doubt

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to Man you missed a few Yuks

          I missed a lot of everything. My time here as gone from many hours a day to a few minutes every few days. Life just changes, but who knows I may be a regular again one day.

        • #2618683

          You know, Oz

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to No doubt

          You will always be a “regular” to those of us who care.

          Stay strong, my friend.

          🙂

        • #2635618

          Ah, the minister of truth and light speaks.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to If you don’t like the jokes, pass by them.

          get over your self-importance and self-righteous indignation.

          If you’re offended it’s because you choose to be.

        • #2618707

          No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to Ah, the minister of truth and light speaks.

          Whilst you sit there like a pot calling the kettle black, you may want to take a few comprehansion lessons.

          I never at any time, not once….nope nada, said that I was offended by anything. IN fact I am confident that I could easily grossout, offend and disgust the majority of TR peers with little effort, (most here that know me would attest to that I am sure).

          The issue is not that I or anyone else is offended. The issue is that this is a forum that is not moderated, for the most part. We are left to our own devices and, between peers here for years now, have found that a level of respect is needed to make sure people form other countries, races and backgrounds re not directly offended (that is actually in teh forum rules somewhere too).

          When someone crosses that line, it is PEERS, who are to speak up and ask the poster to mellow out. If not, many peers start to email the TR staff and complain. In most cases those peers are some who simply read and never post here.

          Either way, it is undersireable, classless, discourteous and just plain pathetic to post offense jokes. The Friday Yuk was something we had to fight for as it got out of hand a few times and just about got nixed. BUT…seeing as we acted a little more compasisonate towards races, sexes etc. it was kept online as it was a way for regulars to interact and share light hearted banter on a Friday, not as a dirty joke forum like the kiddies giggle over so.

          So, self-importance, self-righteous, yes that’s what it’s called when yuo show courtesy toward your fellowman.

          You are coming off as just another typical Yanker who read a book once and thinks he knows the meaning of life.

          Get bent, yes that is a direct insult toward yourself.

        • #2618701

          I am offended

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          that you think you are more offensive than the rest of us!

          B-)

        • #2618699

          I’ll “:earn to read” when you learn to spell

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          oh, minister of truth, light, purity and all that is good, just and right with the world.

          I’m suprised that your posts don’t instantly transform into quantum singularities as you manage to cram so many words into so few ideas.

        • #2618686

          OK, kids

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          Oz- This poster simply did not have the social “rules” available to him. I know that when he can be in a calm place, he can discern when he is going over the top. This isn’t anything he WANTS to live with and he has proven time and again a willingness to say he is wrong when he is able to understand that he is. He is in no way typical, but rather atypical. And he is a good guy at heart. He means no ill.

          NoN- Oz is as blunt as it gets. And more so. We love and value him for that. Oz could be a great mentor to you, as could OTR.

          BOTH OF YOU! I see no pink ribbons on either of you! Let’s take the time to concentrate on the good stuff- even if it is only for this little while.

          You two are remarkably similar and could benefit one another. Please choose to be the “bigger man” and be nice. Yes, Oz. I know. I will never let on that you’re “nice”.

          🙂

          Edit because I am now spelling like JD. This is not good.

        • #2618604

          Note, jdclyde: Oz_Media said ‘the *majority* of TR peers’

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          “IN fact I am confident that I could easily grossout, offend and disgust the majority of TR peers with little effort…”

          That includes peers like me, who are offended by his combinatio nof typing “skills” andl ack of a speel cheeker.

          😀

          PS Oz_Media, your spelling is much less terrible these days. Have you been ill?

        • #2617723

          Tig

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          It is so simple, quick and easy and yet so misunderstood, isn’t it?

          I am sure everyone here, yes even Maxwell, are great people to have a few beers with or chat with at the little league baseball game. But when it comes to plain logic, people seem to be completely unkempt.

          People without a common sense of logic and plain understanding common sense are beyond me. This isn’t a matter of opinion or political correctness, it is a matter of common sense and bad taste.

          People that are offensive but don’t see how or why, need help.

          I know when I am being offensive and generally it is intentional or with good reason, not just for fun.

          Oh well, you know very well I’ll never understand Americans.

          The rest of the world is from Venus, Americans are from….well, from America. 😉

          (see know evenb that doesn’t make sense because most Americans are not even American, they are immigrated Europeans?! But they invaded and renamed a country and pretended it was their land of origin, wht can you say?

        • #2617719

          Abs

          by oz_media ·

          In reply to No I’m not, ;earn to read for a change

          New keyboard on my notebook, I don’t use it on my lap as much because I usually log in when I am at my hotel or office, not on a ferry or sitting in traffic as much.

          Yup, the typos are still there, it wouldn’t be TR without them though. People would think I was an imposter! 🙂

          Cheers,
          OM

        • #2636315

          nevermind…

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Personally I find the first two offensive

          no text

      • #2636183

        Dick, you’re being a putz!

        by oz_media ·

        In reply to Three days

        You seem to understand that dark humour is okay, you also seem to have a sense of humour I sometimes share with ‘the guys’ over a few beers at the race track.

        YOu don’t seem to be able to differentiate between tasteful and offensive though.

        I often share some completely tasteless and very rude jokes that would make a trucker cringe, but I don’t do it here.

        These forums, in case you didn’t yet notice, include people from all walks of life. Some have been exposed to such humour and accept it, others have not. Some have had a fnu life, some have been beaten or had stalker ex husbands after them.

        My point is, your sense of humour is not fit for such a public forum. It isn’t a matter or other people’s sense of humour, it is a matter or your lack of understanding others that are here. YOu really dont’ know who ANYONE is here and really don’t know what makes them tick.

        I study psychology and love to dig into people and find out what makes them tick, but even after about 7 years of TR, I cannot say that I actuallu KNOW what makes people here tick. I just understand thier online personalities.

        Bottom line is, if you don’t KNOW without a doubt if something will be accepted, then it is tasteless and, worst of all, inconsiderate to do so.

        Save your off colour jokes for beers with the boys, I do and I don’t seem to lack anything because of it. Some here would appreciate my twisted humour, but others won’t and I wouldn’t expect them to suck it up and accept what I feel is funny.

        Think of others before you post what maybe only YOU feel is funny.

        Besides, you REALLY need new material, grade 8 was a long time ago for me, I don’t need to be reminded of the moronic spew that I once thought was funny.

        • #2635184

          Why the offense???

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to Dick, you’re being a putz!

          It is in the Yuk, we have had many other bad jokes here. And this really isnt as bad as people are putting to it.
          Honestly I come to the yuk to see jokes, good and bad, tasteless or not. The YUK is known for jokes, these were obvious jokes, I did not get the impression that they were to be serious. So whether I like them or not, I dont get what the issue is to get several attacks.
          P.S. Those are mild to some of the jokes I hear all the time. Also, there have been some pretty bad ones in YUKS of the past.

        • #2635101

          Offense?

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Why the offense???

          That was HILARIOUS: Oz_Media told somebody else s/he is tasteless. For an encore, I’m going to tell somebody that s/he is opinionated.

          :^0

        • #2634868

          could this mean

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Offense?

          OZ is getting soft in his old age? :0

        • #2635848

          Too little data to say with certainty.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to could this mean

          If you’ve noticed an increase in airborne swine departing from your rectum, that would tend to support the idea of Oz getting soft in his old age.

          I picture him just getting more ornery in his old age. He was probably just annoyed.

        • #2635612

          Are you done with your fit of temper?

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Dick, you’re being a putz!

          Since you’re so fond of middle school references, why don’t you knock off your cliquish behavior.

          I made one post that was off-color and perhaps inappropriate. You are off on an endless and quite childish tirade about it.

          Since you study psychology, you may want to review the section on ‘projection’, as you are demonstrating a textbook example of it.

        • #2635569

          You seem to make a HABIT of this…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Are you done with your fit of temper?

          I am willing to bet you were great friends with the back off a hand, ruler, belt or cane like striking implement.

          Am I correct?

        • #2620156

          Projecting again?

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to You seem to make a HABIT of this…

          Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean it happened to others,

          and given your responses, I’d say the prefered point of impact on you was likely the the skull above the right frontal lobe.

        • #2619938

          Who are / were you anyway?

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Projecting again?

          .

        • #2618680

          Well Number

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Who are / were you anyway?

          He is a person of value to this community and someone that we are willing to have some patience with. He has asked for that patience by stating his needs and being willing to hear feedback.

          He is an important peer in this online world because he has chosen to be.

          Who/What are you?

          Near as I can see you are a wanker who whinges on about how you are not being treated fairly by the peers of the board- regardless of the fact that you should have no expectation of deserving that. Everyone else earned their stripes, why should you be a special case?

          More importantly, you violated a few very important, but very secret rules. No, I will not tell you which ones. Bet no one else does either.

        • #2618076

          Wait a minute….

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Who are / were you anyway?

          “whinges on about how you are not being treated FAIRLY by the peers of the board- regardless of the fact that you should have NO expectation of deserving that”

          Secret Rules….

          Says it all…..I was right about here!

      • #2634942

        Hmmm..

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Three days

        Thinking about all the comments here.

        Having been on the receiving end of an abusive relationship (many years ago, before I learned the value of a good, strong shovel), I can understand how these jokes are offensive.

        I can honestly say, I didn’t find them offensive, just not very funny. But to each his own?

        With that being said, a lot of humor stems from hurtful or hateful ideas. Blond jokes aren’t very friendly, are they? And personally? I’d rather take a punch to the head than be stupid. So, which is more offensive? A joke about beating a woman, or a joke about how stupid women are?

        There have been a score of women bashing/men bashing jokes posted here. I’ve posted quite a few men bashing jokes (although, mine WERE funny). 🙂

        Okay..please feel free to continue to disagree. Just my .02.

        • #2634929

          Thank You

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Hmmm..

          I saw that you posted and thought you were going to say something about WATB, however, you refrained from it…

          Honestly, I didnt see where the fuss was about it myself

        • #2635610

          Thank you.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Hmmm..

          for saying what I’ve been trying to say, only far more articulatley.

          and yes, your jokes are quite funny 🙂

    • #2636320

      Happy

      by rpip ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was preoccupied with what my day held and I rear-ended a car at a stop light because I was not really paying attention.

      I had hot coffee in my lap and I was running late. “Great, just great”,
      I muttered.

      The driver opened his door,leaned out of his car and stared at me.

      He was a dwarf.

      He got out, studied the damage on his bumper, and walked towards me as I rolled down my window.

      He said, “I’m not happy”.

      To which I replied, “Well… which one are you then?”

      I know… but I just couldn’t help it…

      • #2636316

        If you have a hearing problem, listen to this…

        by locrian_lyric ·

        In reply to Happy

        Okay, it’s a bad one…

        sue me.

        • #2636299

          That reminds me…

          by rpip ·

          In reply to If you have a hearing problem, listen to this…

          of a rhyme we recited as kids, half a century ago…

          One bright day in the middle of the night,
          Two dead boys got up to fight.
          Back to back they faced each other,
          Drew their swords and shot each other.
          Deaf policemen heard the noise,
          Came and shot the two dead boys.
          If you don’t believe this lie is true,
          Ask the blind man, he saw it too.

        • #2636297

          Unfortunately…

          by rpip ·

          In reply to That reminds me…

          Political Correctness didn’t exist in the ’60s. Especially in grade school. Guess I’ve been scarred for life!

        • #2636295

          Scarred for life indeed!

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Unfortunately…

          You ended up with an obviously malignant growth called a ‘funny bone’.

          Me, I’m diabetic, half-deaf, mildly autistic, dysgraphic, on medication for anxiety and have a whole host of other problems.

          If I didn’t have my sense of humor, I would have ended it all long ago!

        • #2635559

          Insted off spouting off your list….

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Scarred for life indeed!

          Just get on with it. This has to be about the 10th time you have stated your ‘list’.

          How about I give you my list?

        • #2620164

          I’m sure immaturity tops your list

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          followed by:

          being friendless
          chronic halitosis
          crabs
          drooling
          being repulsive to both genders
          lack of opposable thumbs
          limited intellect
          inability to get along with others.

        • #2620130

          My List

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          Nothing – not a Jot.

          My heart is bleeding all over the net for you and ‘your list’…

        • #2620115

          Oh don’t be so modest.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          Your list is quite extensive…

          I see we need to ad denial to it.

          but by all means, feel free to bleed all you like.

          6 pints worth should do the trick

        • #2620085

          You know Number

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          First on your list is the inability to differentiate between alpha and numeric characters. Sad, really.

          Don’t you dare attack someone on this board who has had pain in their life. Don’t you dare attack them without having a sufficient understanding of their life.

          You moan and whine because others are being held to a different standard than you? How dare you do as much and then attack another peer?

          This man lives every day of his life with a disease that limits him, regardless of his efforts to live past those limits. Who the F*CK are you to judge him?

          All it takes to help this peer to understanding is a conversation that helps him to put meaning to what he is saying and how he may be affecting others. You? Not so much.

          I am truly sorry you are such a deep seated putz that no one of right mind could want you around. I am sorry that you not only never developed social skills but have no rationale for same. And there are the top two points of the list you claim to be non-existent.

          You represent yourself as the worst of human expression- abrasive, rude, intolerant, and reeking of a need for body freshener.

          Regardless of what you call yourself this week, you are well advised to find another sand-lot. This one is taken.

        • #2620023

          I was judged first by him

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          and besides, I don’t really care what you think – the guy is an idiot.

          http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=232261&messageID=2294952

        • #2619916

          Your list is growing.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          The line of what is and what is not socially unacceptable may be blurry to me, but when I cross it, it is usually unintentional.

          YOU, on the other hand, are deliberately viceous, malcious and cruel.

          If your list were truly non-existant, you wouldn’t be whining incessantly about how bloody unfair this little corner of cyber-space is.

          What you fail to understand about me is that when I post my ‘list’ it’s not about evoking sympathy any more than TiggerTwo is when she speaks of her battle with cancer.

          While I can not speak for TiggerTwo, I can say that my reasons are for inspirational purposes. “Hey, I overcame all of these problems and am living a full life, you can beat your problems too”.

          You, by comparison, incessantly whine about how unfair TR is to you.

          We have cancer survivors, abuse survivors, survivors of every conceivable tragedy who rarely speak of it except to say “look, I beat it!”.

          And you whine on about how unfair life is being to you here.

          I doubt that you could handle the problems that the LEAST of us here have faced. For all I know that could be me. But you see, those of us who have faced REAL pain and REAL problems in our lives don’t tend to whine on about the little things because we know just how little those things are.

          You are a tiny little person with tiny little problems who feels so insignificant that he has to make light of the problems of others. If I ever get into the mood to feel sorry for myself, I’ll think of just how pathetic YOU are and I will thank Gott in Himmel that I was not born to live your life.

        • #2618851

          Water,

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          Ducks Back.

        • #2618678

          Sorry, buddy

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          That last was a .TTM classic.

          You suck. You may leave now. Cover = blown to snit.

        • #2617434

          Who is ths TTM person

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

          and how come they have ‘classic’ sayings?

        • #2619627

          Nobody’s buyin it, DonT

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Insted off spouting off your list….

        • #2636296

          ROFL! I loved that one!

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to That reminds me…

          That made the rounds in our school as well!

      • #2635100

        That was VERY …

        by absolutely ·

        In reply to Happy

        un-Smurfy!

    • #2636311

      How many Politically Correct folks does it take to change a lightbulb?

      by locrian_lyric ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      A: THAT ISN’T FUNNY! MY UNCLE DIED WHILE CHANGING A LIGHTBULB AND YOUR JOKE IS COMPLETELY INSENSITIVE!

      • #2636204

        something similar..

        by critch ·

        In reply to How many Politically Correct folks does it take to change a lightbulb?

        A “good” friend and I were to getting on a elevator that would have many more getting in as we descended.
        He nudges me and says “hey, when a bunch of people get in, ask me how my sister’s piano lessons going, ok?”

        Car fills up and we are at the back wall, so I say “Hey, Jim! How’s your sister’s piano lessons going?” (chuckle, chuckle)

        The #$%#$@ turned to me with a stricken look on his face and said “Hey, man, that even funny… you know my sister lost both hands in that car accident!!”

        Everyone turned around to see what kind of a #$%#$%#$ (ME) would say such a thing.

        I killed the little mofo as soon as we got off….

        • #2636197

          Ouch!

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to something similar..

          I never pulled anything QUITE that bad…

          Still, I did do a few good pranks in my day, but mostly harmless.

        • #2635557

          What Never?

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Ouch!

          Not even with the pair of tweezers that sit in your bathroom?

          The classics are the best!

    • #2635121

      A link for Neil

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

    • #2635645

      Monthly motorcycle pic.

      by ontheropes ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

    • #2636088

      How about a few more beer/drinking jokes

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says “You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants”
      The pirate replies “Ay, it’s drivin’ me nuts”

      ———————————

      What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?

      A: They’re both out looking for a tight seal.

      ——————————

      An Irishman named O’Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.

      The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O’Malley in the eye, and said, “I’ve some bad news for you.
      You have cancer, and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month to live.”

      O’Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O’Malley said, “Well son, we Irish
      celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer, and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints.”

      After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O’Malley’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O’Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.”

      The friends gave O’Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.

      After his friends left, O’Malley’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. “Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!”

      O’Malley said, “I am dying of cancer, son. I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.”

      ——————————–

      A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

      “Did you know,” says the cop, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

      “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

      —————————-

      The Lone Ranger comes into town during the hottest part of summer. He stops outside a bar and tells Tonto to run in circles around Silver his horse, waving his poncho to keep a nice breeze on Silver while he goes in to have a drink drink. A couple of minutes later a man dressed in black swaggers into the bar and says “You the Lone Ranger?” “Yes, I am” the Lone Ranger replies. “Oh,” says the man dressed in black, “Did ya know ya left your injun runnin?”

      🙂 😀 :^0

      That’s it, I am leaving for the day.

    • #2635917

      Geez Guys..

      by shellbot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      way to take a Yuk and make it all serious.. 🙁
      so much for looking forward to a good laugh when i got into work this morning…..now I’ll just have to go to work on my evil plan to annoy my employers..
      if i get fired, its yer fault for getting me in a bad mood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      ]:)

      *no tv and no beer make homer go something something…*

      • #2635892

        Would you like some cheeze with that, madame? :p

        by absolutely ·

        In reply to Geez Guys..

        It is no longer last Friday. You are not the only person who just endured Monday. Why should the rest of us not have been in a crappy mood, just like you?

        🙁

        *all whining and no jokes of his own make Shellbot a smelly hypocrite*

        I don’t care who ya are, that there was funny.

        • #2635872

          most definately..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Would you like some cheeze with that, madame? :p

          well, ye can be in a cr@ppy mood but keep the p!ssing contest out of the Yuk.

          Thats a place for laughter and smiles..not you lads having a go at each other..

          oh two points:
          I did not endure Monday, it was a long weekend here ]:) ..this Tuesday business is a real drag though 🙂

          Secondly, I’m a woman!

        • #2620087

          I believe you.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to most definately..

          “Secondly, I’m a woman!”

          I believe some other members of the impure brigade have questioned that, but since you said it on the Internet, now I know it is true.

          😉

          However, a less credulous person might start to wonder at the use of the word “drag” adjacent to the claim that you’re a woman!

          Shellbot:
          “oh two points:
          I did not endure Monday, it was a long weekend here ]:) ..this Tuesday business is a real [b]drag[/b] though 🙂

          Secondly, I’m a woman!”

          :^0

        • #2620082

          Only you, Absolutely

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to I believe you.

          I saw that not until your post.

          Work takes an evil toll…

          Shell’s all woman. Takes a woman to know for sure…

          How do I get an “evil” emoticon???

        • #2619946

          OK just for you Tig the Emotions are here. :D

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Only you, Absolutely

        • #2618870

          As if you don’t know!

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Only you, Absolutely

          [pre]]:)[/pre]
          =
          ]:)

        • #2620019

          I’m offended…

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to I believe you.

          typical man..ignore me for ages, and then when you do give me some attention, its not the kind i want ]:)

          🙂

        • #2618865

          Sorry about that.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to I’m offended…

          What kind of attention do you want?

        • #2618850

          i’ll let you know

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Sorry about that.

          when i decide ]:)

        • #2618608

          Right. Of course.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Sorry about that.

          While you’re “deciding”, I’ll return to ignoring you.

          :p

        • #2618570

          okily dokily

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Sorry about that.

          ..
          to be frank i actually don’t have a witty comeback..
          jeez..i must be rundown or soemthing..

          🙂

      • #2635883

        Shell

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Geez Guys..

        I guess we’ll have to teach the boys how to play nicely together. Well, except for JD, he already knows how to play nicely with the other boys. 🙂

        • #2635874

          how did the job interview go?

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Shell

          😡
          Rob

        • #2635863

          It was fine

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to how did the job interview go?

          I felt better about the first one than the second one, but still, it seemed to go fine. I’m just waiting now. I expect to hear something sometime today.

        • #2635868

          its probably a lost cause

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Shell

          i’m starting to think they all jumped on testosterone or something..cause its really just turned into a big male-b1tching session on here lately.

          ah well JD is special.. and thats the reason we love him isn’t it???

        • #2620215

          “Calm down dear, it’s only a commercial…”

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to its probably a lost cause

          …or did they not inflict that particular commercial on you?

          it seems to be surprisingly easy for a thread to get hi-jacked – I got into a discussion with Mae last week which went off-track and had the Absolutely man complaining at me (and likely quite rightly) – but there were a few decent ones in there somewhere before someone wheeled the big guns out. not a bad Yuk to have put your name to.

          meanwhile, other than being nice to a fellow TR person (which we would do anyway, although I’m still checking my machine for catnip every time I see that avatar of yours!), why are we trying so hard to calm you down? why aren’t we winding you up like mad so you go away and give management a hard time? seriously mixed motives here.

          anyway, it’s not far to the end of the day – unless you’re keeping TR time, in which case they never seem to close…

        • #2620199

          Actually,

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to “Calm down dear, it’s only a commercial…”

          and I could be wrong, but I think Abs was just hanging sh*t on you.

        • #2620192

          You could be right

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to Actually,

          but I wouldn’t really know, as I’d need to read 12 months’ worth of TR posts to catch up on who everybody is (and, to borrow a phrase from HHGTG, I tend not to notice sarcasm unless I’m concentrating), but I did think it was a fair point. Even though my original throwaway had been in my slightly bitter but slightly more facetious but still less than serious mode.

          I don’t know how seriously “you TR people” take your pleasures – well, I could have put THAT differently, couldn’t I? – but I wasn’t overly surprised if the ‘Yuk’ was supposed to be sacrosanct and Not To Have Serious Stuff In It. I wouldn’t crash a vicars and tarts party in formal dress, or make with the wisecracks in the middle of something which people were clearly taking to heart. Well, not often anyway. Obviously, had I seen THIS week’s ‘Yuk’, and some of the belligerent crossfire which seemed to blow up out of a clear sky, I might have thought differently.

          You could be right, and thank you for the thought, but no-one ever went TOO far wrong by playing with a straight bat (English cricketing reference). What’s of more concern is to find out how I seem to have lost the knack of writing a short post instead of an instalment from a Much Longer Novel…

        • #2620187

          This is true..

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to You could be right

          you DO go on and on..

          🙂

        • #2620182

          for 3 reasons

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to You could be right

          1. I’m in the middle of a bidding exercise which needs thousands of words hence the word machine is definitely ‘on’

          2. I’ve got a high typing speed and

          3. I’m busy trying NOT to leave any unjustified statements lying around for anyone to latch on to

          paranoid? me? naaah…

        • #2620179

          and point 4

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to You could be right

          after 27 years in local government, I’m a bureaucrat (!!)

        • #2620018

          I know

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Actually,

          what can one do though…

          i’m devastated..
          🙂

        • #2620014

          well midnite

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to “Calm down dear, it’s only a commercial…”

          I’m actually a huge fan of thread hijacking..
          and as for why are you trying to be nice to me..well..could be for several reasons..
          1. I’m such a wonderful person that everyone just falls all over themselves to keep me happy
          2. I’m such a delicate creature that is upset easily therefore needs to be handled gently
          3. I’m a homicidal female continuously on the edge who picks her victems at random.

          I’d like to think its for reason 1, however..there is a wee small chance it could actually be number 3.

          Anywho’s..the Yuk is for jokes..thats the end of that discussion and anyone who doesn’t like it..well..well…well…


          🙂

        • #2620009

          Reasons?

          by midniteone ·

          In reply to well midnite

          well I could say that every other correspondent seems to be walking a thin line between (1) and (3) so maybe it’s safer to fall in with the crowd. not only that, but I thought your doctor had been busy depriving you of all of the significant joys of life, so not a good day to provoke someone, really.

          on the other hand, who needs a reason when I’m just such a nice guy? (Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it…)

          have a good one

        • #2620004

          ahh..

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Reasons?

          maybe thats why I’m so homicidal this week..?? I didn’t think of that (dr depriving me)..
          maybe a decent meal and a few beers would get me into a better humour 🙂

      • #2635879

        Now Shellbot ]:)

        by rob mekel ·

        In reply to Geez Guys..

        you had an extra day off … we all poor guy’s and gall’s had to work real hard on monday … so sjeeehs slack us some breathing time … I didn’t yet recover from ou..(oops) [b]my[/b] Weekend ;\ :0 :^0

        😡
        Rob

        [i]edited because @#$%$# emoticons[/i]

        • #2635866

          and that extra day was great Rob ]:)

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Now Shellbot ]:)

          ah, my post wasn’t meant for you Rob. 🙂
          i’ll give ye all the slack ya need..
          well..i’d say with a weekend like that..you may need a few days to recover ]:)

      • #2620169

        Go Shell!

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Geez Guys..

        Rant Away, Piss peoples off, get fired, but raise hell beforehand.

        While you are at it, spike the executives coffee with food grade caffeine. They will bounce off the walls with the extra dosages… Should be fun to watch! :^0
        Another good one would be to add laughing gas to the air flow. Just a few tanks here and there, should make for a good day altogether. Take photos and have laughs for a year (or more).

        • #2620011

          hehehe

          by shellbot ·

          In reply to Go Shell!

          got into a giggle fit yesterday when i thought about how much fun it would be to spike the coffee with laxatives. ah..such fun that would be..
          alas, my evil plan is not near as exciting.

          Got a new manager..i’m not so happy about it, once again i report to someone who knows nothing about IT. So..I’m dragging out all the work form the past 2.5 years that is yet “awaiting approval”, “awaiting sign off”, “awaiting budget”, “awaiting executive reply” or whatever my previous managers have passed the buck on. Trust me there’s a lot of it…I’m compiling it all and then will escalate it all to her to deal with, so the next time someone asks the status of a particular project i can just pass the buck like everyone else does..

          Yes..not professional…but they not treating me like a professional..i’m only here for a short time, then i’m gone..so whatever.

    • #2618827

      THIS is what I’m talking about

      by don ticulate ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      • #2618812

        If you don’t want a bloody nose…

        by locrian_lyric ·

        In reply to THIS is what I’m talking about

        don’t pick fights

      • #2618782

        I have JUST figured all this out!

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to THIS is what I’m talking about

        You two are really my 9 year old son and the neighbor kid, aren’t you?

        “you started it”
        “did not”
        “did too”

        waaaaah waaah waaah..

        On the other hand, perhaps not. I think my kid might be a little bit more mature. He would have walked away from it by now..

        • #2618776

          I’m sure your kid is more mature than me.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to I have JUST figured all this out!

          Always know your limits, I say.

          😀

          Point taken though.

          I’ll drop it then.

        • #2618774

          Very cool

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I’m sure your kid is more mature than me.

          It was getting boring.

          I need more stimulating entertainment when I’m slacking off at work.

        • #2618764

          Hmmm, I’ll have to think of something funny to put in the Yuk file….

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Very cool

          🙂

        • #2618709

          Will Look forward to Yuk 2045

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Hmmm, I’ll have to think of something funny to put in the Yuk file….

          EDIT: MY post – will do as I please with it.

        • #2618670

          With Ernest?

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Will Look forward to Yuk 2045

          Burt’s friend? Just being helpful. With earnest.

        • #2618605

          With earnest?

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Will Look forward to Yuk 2045

          I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’ve heard “in earnest”, never “with earnest”. You?

          What we really need here is an Australian homophone. Some sort of marsupial joke would also be welcome.

        • #2618556

          marsupial joke or …

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Will Look forward to Yuk 2045

          down under …

          This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

          Once she’s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lies beside her. She’s really pleased to have met this guy.

          At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.

          The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion! After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

          The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can’t properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

          “Just a minute, big boy,” she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, “I think I need to try some of your tonic!” She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed – only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team………………..

          just one word … Cheaters 😉

          Rob

        • #2618070

          Not bad Rob.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Will Look forward to Yuk 2045

          I was looking for something from “Deadly Ernest” from Australia, but that was a good joke. Thanks.

        • #2617687

          Disappointed!!! :(

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to I have JUST figured all this out!

          It seems to be happening more often, and I do not know why!
          It seems that Mae is not using the WATB term much at all lately, and it seems to be needed more.

          Ok, I will do it
          RichardRPU and No3
          Stop being a Whiny Ass Titty Baby

          Now, here is a nice little site that describes you both pretty well

          http://tinyurl.com/6wbv

        • #2617678

          You’re right

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Disappointed!!! :(

          it does apply and I’m glad you brought it out. I just thought it was getting overused and wanted to give it a rest for a while.

        • #2617667

          I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Disappointed!!! :(

          PERIOD.

          I quit running from bullies decades ago.

          I won’t back down now, or ever.

          This yutz has made fun of my disabilities, used the phrase ‘inferior genetics’ as a descriptive of me and done far more than just bickered.

          I would be just as tenacious if he or anyone else attacked someone’s disabilities. There is no call for that, EVER.

          I know I’m not the only one with physical disabilities in here and I won’t set the example of running and hiding from some online putz who gets his rocks off by jumping on people’s weaknesses.

        • #2617654

          On the other hand

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          ignoring silly things like this (really, do you CARE what anyone on this board thinks?) isn’t a bad idea.

          All it does is keep the bickering and petty behavior going. It just becomes ridiculous, childish and boring.

          I’m all for a good argument (or abuse) but after a while, it’s time to let it go.

          What do you hope to gain? He isn’t going to do an about face and see things your way. You aren’t going to see things his way. It’s just going to escalate until you both look like clowns.

        • #2617644

          I stand on principle

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to On the other hand

          But I will take a different tactic.

          I won’t get in the mud with him, but I will not allow those kinds of attacks to go unanswered.

          I invited some of my friends from a private forum on another site to join me in here. It’s a board for people with AS, WHICH by the way, became private/invite only because trolls were coming in and pulling this exact kind of crap.

          They’re actually afraid to come in here because of that kind of garbage. Autistics don’t tend to have very thick skin, but I am not as easily frightened off as most.

          I am ignoring his little swipes though.

          I’ve dealt with his type before, they eventually give up when confronted. I think he’s about done.

          As for whether he sees things my way or not, I don’t care. Nobody will call anyone genetically inferior without catching all kinds of hell while I’m around. I don’t care if it’s directed at me or anyone else.

        • #2617544

          But you miss the point entirely

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to I stand on principle

          They give up much faster when ignored!

          Feed a Troll you get to keep it as long as you feed it.

          Ignore the same Troll and it goes away so fast that you don’t see it leave.

          It’s as simple as that.

          Col

        • #2617546

          Or maybe Mae

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to On the other hand

          Drive 1,300 miles and burn down a Trailer? 😀

          Col ]:)

        • #2617934

          One does wonder

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Or maybe Mae

          It could happen..

          Best to never give me your home address in the event I find myself on your side of the planet.

        • #2617651

          NoN

          by pser ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          As a person with a ?physical disability? and who has been kinda following this ? shall we say ? behavioral display. Let me say I know how much words can hurt, especially one with disabilities. I was born with a VERY ?visible? congenital birth defect and grew up being laughed at, made fun of, etc. but I gotta tell ya ? I grew out of letting those words hurt me a LOOONG time ago. As well, NOTHING this guy has said offends me as one with a disability, so no need to fight for me. Who cares what this a$$ said on a web forum? Your reactions are just feeding this prick; let it go, be the bigger and better man. I can appreciate your wanting to defend anyone w/disabilities but I don?t think this is what is going on. I think you have been targeted because of your reactions. Stop reacting and in time this # will find someone or something else to disparage. At the moment, this troll is feeding off of your insecurities and you?re handing it to him/her on a silver platter ? let it go Bro.

          Also, I think NoN is a bit of a self-deprecating ?handle?. I would hope that is not what you REALLY think of yourself.

          Peace and understanding

        • #2617526

          Just got to say

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to NoN

          Thank you. I tried, but I didn’t say it better.

          Have your angel on my vest…

        • #2617558

          THAT, I can respect.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          “I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered”

          Nor would I. I do not agree with many of the words you say but I respect your right to say them.

        • #2617528

          I understand where you’re coming from

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          But there are better ways than outright confrontation.

          I have been accused of murder for the unspeakable act of killing cancer cells. Who was right? Them or me? I actually worried about that for a long time. Then I had to get good, solid information and get over it.

          I may be up for replacement because I am a survivor and open about it. I have never worried as a contractor because I am disposable labor. But in a CTH role? Probably should have kept my mouth shut.

          If this yutz is who I think he is, he can put sandpaper to shame. Downside is that he feeds off of the negative emotions and so he keeps coming back. Don’t give him yours.

          I understand the driver. Heck, I have replied to him too. Have to stop that.

          There is a point where you just have to walk away and let the bits (and bytes) go where they will. Post fun, lighthearted stuff (at least in the Yuk) and enjoy the postings of the people you like. And skip the ones you don’t.

          Stay away from threads that fuel your anger. That is where you are most at risk of being perceived as “over the edge”.

          This is an online world. If it makes sense to you, respond. But if it is only the “noisy gong or clanging cymbal” of an idiot an ocean away, don’t waste your time.

        • #2617268

          I will take your words to heart, thank you.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to I understand where you’re coming from

          I’m done.

          I do have a savant skill called pattern recognition, and I have his down now.

          I will no longer feed him. He will eventually attract the attention of someone who will take it out on him in RL.

          That person will not be me, of course.

          Your analysis of the situation is correct.

          I was reminded of the greek philosopher epicurus who to this day has his name associated with excess due to the slander of a single disgruntled former student.

          However, I see that nobody is buying this joker’s lies. Therefore my concerns were unfounded.

          That is a good idea about staying away from threads that fuel my anger. I shall attempt to do that.

        • #2618173

          And I will stop busting your chops.

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to I will take your words to heart, thank you.

          Or at least lay off for a while.

          😀

        • #2617423

          Hypocrite

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          So let me get this straight. I inform you in another thread that I have a mental illness issues and you along with Old Mycroft then proceed to rip me to shreds over having such problems. You then have the utter cheek to complain when, in defense, I start to suggest the same over your physical genetic issues.

          You sir are a hypocrite of the extreme and I shall have no more to do with you.

        • #2618092

          Does that mean you are leaving again?

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Hypocrite

          Good. You were a pain in the a$$ the first time you showed up and you haven’t changed a bit.

          You use the letter “i” entirely too often. Perhaps psychotherapy is in order?

        • #2618081

          So…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Does that mean you are leaving again?

          How is this any worse than me suggesting a shrink to ropes exactly?

          Somthing I was SLATED for.

          ??????????????????????????

        • #2617267

          Was it incorrect?

          by tonythetiger ·

          In reply to I will not allow accusations of me having ‘inferior genetics’ go unanswered

          Are your genes defective? If they are, they are… no need to get upset about it.

          If you are offended, it’s entirely on you. That’s why they call it “[b]take[/b] offense!” It’s a choice.

        • #2617243

          You know

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Was it incorrect?

          I haven’t met too many people who are defective in some way.

        • #2617240

          Funny, I havent met

          by the scummy one ·

          In reply to You know

          too many people that were not defective in some way.

          I have met plenty of defective people, including myself

        • #2617222

          You’re right.

          by tonythetiger ·

          In reply to You know

          Therefore what?

        • #2618148

          I meant to say AREN’T

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to You know

          not are..

          totally changed the meaning of my post, didn’t it?

        • #2619104

          I read what you meant, Mae.

          by tonythetiger ·

          In reply to You know

          🙂

        • #2618185

          The Seam came away on my 501’s

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to Was it incorrect?

          Totally defective jeans!

        • #2618135

          Oh, that was SO funny…

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to The Seam came away on my 501’s

          when compared to root canal therapy.

        • #2618095

          Neil

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to The Seam came away on my 501’s

          I am just shaking my head,

          Your talents are best spent elsewhere.

        • #2618075

          What did you expect…

          by don ticulate ·

          In reply to The Seam came away on my 501’s

          from le poof Langlais?

        • #2618136

          You’re right.

          by locrian_lyric ·

          In reply to Was it incorrect?

          I’ll just go take myself out of the pool right now eh?

        • #2619105

          That’s a choice many make.

          by tonythetiger ·

          In reply to You’re right.

          They choose not to procreate. It’s not the end of the world. Passing along genes is not the only (nor necessarily the most important)way one can contribute to humanity.

    • #2617780

      Humor is often

      by tonythetiger ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk

      our “brave front” when facing a distressing situation.

Viewing 22 reply threads