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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
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Ok people..its Friday..for those of us in Eire..its a long weekend..you UK folks the same??
Have a great one everyone..think of me while doing so..Dr has ordered me to do nothing, eat nothing nice or drink nothing nice..so i'm sh@gged..well..not....ah never mind
<br><br>
<b>Jamaican Baby</b><br>
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." <br>

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised.

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A to late

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

just made the suggestion to re-name an other thread to Friday's Yuk ... but this is as much fun :)

Come back later to contribute some real Yuk

Rob

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Mmmmmmmmmmmm :0

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

Must read the lines first before just posting an answer ....

you are what shellbot ....sh@gged ...
would have said boy oh boy but ...
my oh my girl it's hitting you hard on friday isn't it :^0


Do enjoy your long weekend

Rob

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Who rules..

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Men Ruling
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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Why do you think

by dspeacock In reply to Who rules..

we refer to them as SWMBO?????? :-)

I learned very early on that the 2 most important words a man can learn when he gets married are, "Yes dear".

I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always!!!!!!

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it good that men know thier place in this world :)

by Shellbot In reply to Why do you think

good to see ya again..congrats on your achievement!

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Oh well ....

by rob mekel In reply to Who rules..

some shortliners

-----------
Why are men drinking:

There are only 2 reasons why men are drinking: Either they have a girlfriend, or they don?t have one.
--------------
Appearence

A young woman is paying in the supermarket. The cashier takes the money, smiles, and asks the woman: "Are you single?"
The woman smiles very shy and asks him: "How did you find this out?"
He answers: "Just look into the mirror!?
----------
To contradict a woman

Why is it not necessary to contradict a woman?
Because she does that by herself.
----------------
Long life

Female patient: "Doctor! I heard that married men are living longer than single men! Is this really true?"
Doctor: "No, that's not correct! It only seems to be longer for them!"
-------------
Sex education

Daughter: "Mama, I think I understand how a woman is getting a baby. But I have one more question. How does the sperm get inside you? Do you have to swallow the sperm?"
Suddenly, papa says: "No, only if she wants a new dress!"
------------
Photografic philosophy

What's the difference between a man and a photographic film?
The film can still be developed
------

You can't win them all can you :)

Rob

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Kiss my...

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Cheek To Buttocks
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

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Not allways but ...

by rob mekel In reply to Kiss my...

mother in laws:
---------
What's the difference between mothers-in-law and hippos?

One of the groups mentioned have a fat *** and a big muzzle. The others are living in the water.
-------------
The mother-in-law comes for a visit. Suddenly, little Michelle starts licking the dress of her granny. Granny: "Stop! What are you doing?"
Thereupon, Michelle answers: "Mama is right that the dress is completely tasteless!"
---------
After the birth, Barbara's parents-in-law are coming for a visit. The father-in-law is holding the baby in his arms and asks the others: "Don't you think that the child looks quite similar to me?"
Nurse: "Don't worry! The appearance of small children changes! After some time, the similarities will disappear again!"
--------------
Thomas: "My mother-in-law has been staying at our house for 3 weeks now. Tomorrow is her birthday. I fear that she will stay even longer if I make her a beautiful gift!"
Steven: "Then buy a ticket for her and let this be your gift!"
------------------
Mother: "But Thomas! How can you say that your granny is stupid? You will say that you are sorry for that immediately!"
Thomas: "Granny, I am really sorry that you are so stupid!"
-------------
What is the punishment for bigamy?

You'll get 2 mothers-in-law.
--------
some have all the luck won't you say?

Rob

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mmm minty

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Pills To The Bull
A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!"

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the rancher.

"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

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Good sport

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

Good Sport
John receives a phone call.

"Hello," he answers.

The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."

John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"

Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."

John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"

Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."

John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

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