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Friday Yuk

By Steffi28 ·
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Woooo, I beat everyone too it now I just need to find something funny to put in here....

Firstly my warning to all men

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here is another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine
didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches Don't mess with them.

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The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Hate Men

10. They are unable to make eye contact-only **** contact.

9. No matter how many times you cut your hair, they will never notice.

8. If they sleep with 50 women they consider it an accomplishment worthy of praise.

7. Flagellating in public-enough said.

6. Their vast amount of lame excuses.

5. The bigger the man, the bigger the baby.

4. "It wasn't me."

3. If caught in the act, they will still deny.

2. No periods-No PMS.

1. Because they're men!

-----------------------------------------------

1. Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.

2. Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

3. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

4. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

5. What's the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.

6. Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

7. Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

8. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

9. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

10. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

11. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three-one to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

12. How do men sort their laundry?
Filthy, and Filthy But Wearable.

13. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

14. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.

15. How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A. One - men will screw anything
B. One - men will screw up anything
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.

16. How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.

17. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

18. How do you save a man from drowning?
You take your foot off his head.

19. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who cares? Has it ever happened?

20. What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum under them.

21. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack.

22. Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the **** out of you.

23. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

24. How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

25. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

26. Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3 1/2-inch floppy.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.


Happy Friday

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Well look at it this way Steff

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

How do you think I felt when I was dragged out of Bed at 5.30 AM by SWMBO about something that she forgot that she did the previous night and when I walked into my computer Lab about 30 minutes latter I found that Jaqui had already posted a Blond Joke. I'm 10 hours in front of GMT and at least 18 hours in front of Jacqui but he still beat me to it & I got abused into the process because the Superior Woman couldn't remember what she had done the previous night.

Besides you deserve to be beaten as often as possible by other women so you don't enjoy it anywhere near as much.

Col ]:)

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Yes but you got it last week!!

by Steffi28 In reply to Well look at it this way ...

I just wanted for once in my life to come first!!

Edited to add- I love DE's

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Steffi, if you want to come first, just get your

by Deadly Ernest In reply to Yes but you got it last w ...

significant other to pay you a little bit more attention during the preliminaries.

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I was expecting this

by Steffi28 In reply to Steffi, if you want to co ...

But I thought Col would of beat you to it and said it first!! hahaha

As you can see from my first post I am man hating at the moment so maybe thats why I didnt come first

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so it's

by rob mekel In reply to I was expecting this

a attitude issue then :)
isn't this always the case with woman

Rob

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It isn't always attitude

by Tig2 In reply to so it's

Sometimes it's aptitude.

How's it going? :)

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:^0

by rob mekel In reply to It isn't always attitude

Wouldn't you get that not a bit sooner then when on the doorway to heaven ? :0

TY, it's going great. Lots of work :) less time for running around TR but hey work pays the bills, isn't it

Are you already getting some butterfly's for the big day ? and I wasn't talking about the 3 running day's. Come to speak of that any milage done?

Well I'm of into the weekend, hiha, cheers and have a great weekend yourselfs :)

Rob

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umm..well

by Shellbot In reply to so it's

i agree with Tig..its more apptitude than attitude..

a girl can have the best attitude in the world, but if TR is not working properly, that Yuk is not going to get posted..

:) :)

Happy friday!

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so now it's ]:)

by rob mekel In reply to umm..well

TR's fault ]:) Isn't this blaming on who can defend the worse/least :^0
... unless ... give us more emoticons ... a spoil cheater :^0

So what is your aptitude/attitude Shellbot ? hope it's not a yuk one but a one

Have a great weekend and as said before, cheers, have a great weekend yourselfs :)
Rob

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Rob..

by Shellbot In reply to umm..well

for once i'm going to keep my mouth shut..
:)

have a great one!

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