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Friday Yuk

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by shellbot

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193 replies

by shellbot

hasn't it?

Lets put it down to some sort of Monday illness..

Its colder than heck here in Dublin..can't handle this! Not sure i gonna cope with Toronto in Feb.

Got a weird song in my head..probably form the US, andyone know it..
The Rodeo Song? (i think thats what it called)

"Oh its 40 below and i don't give a f***
got a heater in my truck and i'm off to the rodeo.
Well here comes Johnny..."

maybe its canadian, who knows...

40 mins till quittin time folks..will i survive? tune in tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.

by gadgetgirl

he'll put in another appearance, and another protest....

and then we'll get the angel 'moticon again....

- and neither of us will have been convinced!

:p

GG

by steffi28

I dont get any holidays cos im only on work experience. I have to work overtime in order to get anytime of. I worked enough hours before christmas so that I had 2 weeks off I was back in Germany for 3 days when my father-in-law died. I want entitled to anything and now im -65 hours and being told that if I havent made them up by the middle of Feb I'll lose money, so when your leaving at 5 think of me doing 12 hours with absolutely nothing to do cos my boss has decided to go on holiday and thinks that reading websites about SharePoint is enough for me at the moment :( :( :(

On the bright side I do have internet access and admin rights so I can mess about when I want lol (although I shouldnt say that should I, Im very good and dont do anything I shouldnt do!!!)

by dontknowwhatimdoing

I invite these ladies to do their worst. I feel confident that after a considerable amount of time and effort I would be able to turn them around (or over, or sideways...). ]:)

Edited because I made a mistake. I meant to use the angelic emoticon. :O

by gadgetgirl

and be prepared to suffer your fate.....

We think three on to one (DE) is a wonderful way to win an argument.....!

Shell, Steffi - you guys get his arms and legs, I'll bring out the [b] featherrrr dusterrrrrr [/b] ]:)

GG

by dontknowwhatimdoing

That sounds good!!! Oh wait a minute... I'm supposed to convert you..right? Well keep on trying (please).

BTW I'm hoping you bring out more than the erm..feather duster. ]:)

by gadgetgirl

but your problem is:

[i] what are we going to do with it? [/i]

As jd would say - be afraid. Be very afraid.

:0

GG

]:)

by gadgetgirl

I'm just packing up for home now.

Dunno is all yours - just save a little teensy piece of him for me...

Keep up the good work, Stef

(thanks to you and Shell - best Monday I've had in yonks!)

GG

by dontknowwhatimdoing

(wagging my finger and giving you ladies a stern look) Ladies, you must remember that the meek shall inherit the earth. There are also potentially young people and fine upstanding citizens (like me) on this site that we must teach. Would you want to be responsible for corrupting them? THINK of the message you are sending, I implore you.

O.K. did that work?

by daveo2000

I fear that some may mistake your shock and dismay at hearing GG's shameful admission. Your words might be taken as some lewd reference to something that I don't quite understand.

BTW, why is that poor smiley face lying on the side gasping for breath? It appears that it was so taken aback by GG's comments that it is banging on a door to get out! Or maybe crying in anguish at the thought of GG's purity (and yours too) being put to these evil tests.

by daveo2000

First you want us to put on your shoes. Next you will be asking us to put on your socks, then unmentionables and the like!

Well, I am heartened to hear that you are "very good and don't do anything that you shouldn't". That will make my job easier to bring you back to folds of the Pure.

by daveo2000

I hear your cries for help. I can feel the pain in your words as you scream for your closet Purity, clawing at the back of the evil which has thrown you to the floor and is ravaging your pristine...

Um, I'm a little off topic.

Yes, I can see that you can be brought back to the Pure side.

by daveo2000

I salute you! Few and far between are those that could take on such a tall order!

I can see in your signature photo that you are a shy, deferential spirit of Pureness. You are brought to hide behind a mask to protect your inner self from the live, vile, evil veil that wraps our three chosen ones from the Purity that will, one day, be theirs.

No doubt, they will seek to bring you discomfort by lewd reference. I can see that you have already prepared yourself by telling them of the goodness of your intentions.

Yes, you are ready for the task at hand. You will be well able to forge your way into the valley of thispair and push forth and raise your head and shower them with Pureness.

For now, you can rest your head in your hands and ponder the work to come.

Be brave.

by shellbot

"You will be well able to forge your way into the valley of thispair and push forth and raise your head and shower them with Pureness."

Daveo..is that THISPAIR or DISPAIR?

Don't be showering me with nothing..not quite into that hon ]:)

by steffi28

I am thinking of other people by being impure didnt you read my previous message? The one about me not being a lady. Im thinking of the children! Those poor children will starve if we're not there to make sure people need screen wipes!!!

by steffi28

You know things put in brackets are never true right?? I WILL NEVER NOT DO THINGS THAT I SHOULDNT, its far too much fun doing things you shouldnt do

by dontknowwhatimdoing

Let it go. I can feel the conflict in you. It is not too late. Don't make me use my "force" against you. ]:)

Edited because dang it, I meant to use an angelic emoticon. How in the blazes do you make one?

by w2ktechman

I think that they have tasted the Dark Side and have had too much fun. It's too late for them and their impure thoughts/ideas. They have been in the dark for some time (more than a day and people usually do not return).

I think it would be better off keeping new members away from them as much as we can (or at least warn everyone)!

:)

by steffi28

Its much more fun over here! Just let me invite them over the more the merrier I always say ]:)

You sure you dont want to join us?? ;)

by hal 9000

Who'll do everything that she's told to do without complaint.

[i]Ducks for cover and beats a hasty retreat now[/i] :D

Col

by w2ktechman

but I havent taken the final leap of faith for the never returning trip. Hmmm, I guess I just kinda whimp out after looking at the edge.

by hal 9000

Normally you would be bring out he entire Duck to use it's feathers. :p

Face facts you are being drawn faster to the white light of Purity. :D

Col

by gadgetgirl

It's the [i] chicken [/i] you meant! Using all of the [i] chicken [/i] is just plain kinky!

Now, if you want to revisit the "Dawg and Duck" post, I think I may just have that stashed somewhere....

White light of purity? - Doesn't exist where I am, babz! I banished that YEARS ago!!

:p

]:)

GG

by hal 9000

And your affliction with Ducks I didn't want to confuse you by using a different form of Fowl. :p

Incidentally I now have 2 Geese that need Trauma Counselling because I've been looking after them for over a month nearly 2 now and they are starting to get worried. I keep mentioning Goose Liver Pate and things like that to them as I walk past them and have a picture of a Goose with it's beak held open while grain is poured in sitting by their enclosure. Now whenever they see me coming they run and hide and that's only when I'm coming out to feed them they are quacking in their feathers when I change the water in their pools. :p

Col

by lowlands

I should have checked in on TR today!

I read some of this thread last Friday night, I think it had some 25-30 posts in it. And then all of a sudden on a Monday you people go crazy!

I can't keep track of it any more. reading through some of these posts though I think it's time for something new, something Friday Yukkish, but with a twist. Probably Monday Naughties or something like that.

Moderated for lack of rude content by JD, GG and Steff

by nicknielsen

The following have been attemmpted: Monday Water Cooler, the Midweek Madness, and several others. The only thing to actually hang around for more than a couple of weeks was the Friday Yuk. And none of them work as well as the spontaneous combustion that hijacks an otherwise normal discussion thread.

As for missing stuff, don't feel bad. These explosions usually happen when I'm on the road, so I'm always coming in late, too.

by daveo2000

Steff and GG were being led down the path of Purity by JD based on Hal's Impossible Mission assignment.

Shell and then decided it was all just too silly.

by steffi28

Dunno, there is definitely nothing good in me, and anyway what are you doing feeling me?? :D ]:)

by rob mekel

that's a statement I like Steffi :)

Just give us a small view on what you will do what you shouldn't do ... in other words just give us a tip ... lift a tip of the curtain ... or tip it all of :0 ;)

[i]must be careful here ... could be taken the wrong way (even my thoughts go the DE way) .., must be very very careful[/i]

]:)
Rob

by steffi28

I honestly dont think theres a right way to take what you said lol.

And as for the info well you will just have to use your imagination ;) ]:)

by shellbot

don't know why the heck i had that in my head yesterday..haven't heard it in years!
Not even sure where i heard it :)

by hal 9000

Why didn't you realise that you where being felt till you where told?

Does that denote a lack of sensation in your body? That you have to look before you feel. :D

Col ]:)

by daveo2000

I am sure that I wrote [b]despair[/b] and some netherworld force had its evil way with my Pure words.

Anyone want to own up to corrupting my Pure Words? It simply COULDN'T have been me!

by steffi28

I just pretended I didnt so that I could see what it was like on the pure side. Thats why I pretended to be upset about it too ]:)

By the way I really didnt like my couple of seconds over there it was much to light and fluffy for my liking!

Edited to add - MMMM light and fluffy like milky ways, but obviously not in any pure sense of the words, chocolate isnt pure, right?

by daveo2000

Rejoice, Steffi!

You have started the long road to recovery! Purity has helped you to not to suckcum to the evil attempts of one that might push you further to the dark side!

As Hal said, you didn't "feel the force". The only explanation is that you were protected by Purity! Oh, happy nanosecond!!

Either that or, I suppose, maybe, it is possible that he didn'tknowwhathewasdoing...

by shellbot

you just got too close to us and now you've been corrupted.

and steff did not have pure thoughts..i can't believe your spreading lies about her like that..

and now am going to go daydream about chocolate..(while i eat my dry tuna on wholewheat Ryvita.. :( )

by steffi28

HELP HELP HELP!!!

Their telling me that im pure, or getting there :(

I dont wanna be pure! Help me please :(

Just to prove I aint pure....

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

----------------------------------------

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff

So there, I aint Pure!!!

Edited to thank Shell for coming to my rescue :D

by shellbot

the Pure isn't so Pure now is he ]:)

I think if we analysed this, we would find you are secretly longing to be one of us?

Go on..it doesn't take much..join us on the dark side..be free with your DE's..

by shellbot

if that post don't get em running for cover, i'm afraid nothing will girl!!!

wow..you deserve some sort of prize for that one!!

:)

hehehe

by shellbot

slavery = illegal

speaking of such things..where's Jaqui ?

I'd have thought he be lurking in this thread somewhere..

by rob mekel

choclate comes in a variety flavours you wouldn't believe.
The milk taste I like best as the ones with sugar crunches or nuts (NO DE X-( )
The pure I like the least [i]how appropriate this is :) [/i]
Alltho straight forward choclate is the best to use in nice dishes with hare for instance or other wild dear oops deer, my dear :) ;)

Rob

by hal 9000

That Chocolate is the food of the Pure Gods. Those relegated to the [b]Dark Side[/b] get to eat Bitumen as the only substance that comes close to that [b]Heavenly Chocolate.[/b]

Even though it's highly Addictive it's still Heavenly and not allowed on the [b]Dark Side[/b] because it will confuse those true believers way too much.

That's why I'm so Pure and Good I'm addicted to Chocolate. :p

Come into the [b]Light of Purity[/b] and enjoy the chocolate. :D

Col

by steffi28

That they will get the "If you cant beat 'em join 'em" attitude, and anyway it was scaring me when people were saying I was pure so I had to give them what I know they really want :D

by shellbot

usually giving people what they really want is where one first starts on the path to the dark side..

can you believe Col..saying choclate is only for the Pure???

Going to have to teach that boy a lesson soon ]:)

by hal 9000

Apparently that serving only has 1 calorie per serving so all [b]Pure Women[/b] are told to have at lest 20 servings a day to help loose weigh that they didn't want to gain.

Now just which of the [b]Pure Brigade[/b] told you about that and who let out the secrets of the Pure Women of the world? Really I think this is all just a attempt at face saving as you are really pure and are attempting to break away from all that is good and turn to a life of debauchery and fatness. :D

Instead of remaining [b]Pure & Slim.[/b] Of course I know that you will fail miserably but you need to learn that for yourself I suppose. :(

My Poor Misguided Child. :)

Col

by steffi28

Its impossible to think that something so tasty and lovely can be pure! Pure people get stuck with Fruit & Veg, and nothing else!
Or Maybe that was the pure and slim diet you were talking about oops my impurity has ruined my mind :D and I love it ]:)

by hal 9000

Steffi said that she was a slave because she was doing Work Experience and had no holidays. I'm not the one using & Abusing her so don't pick on me when she's perfectively willing to accept this situation. :p

Besides when I'm bad I've very bad and when I'm providing a service to women I'm very very good. :)

Other than complaints about needing a break to recover I've never to this day had a single complaint from any female and I have seen many attempt to crawly away to escape getting exactly what they asked for.

However now that I'm a Hen Pecked, Under the Thumb Married Man I no longer offer that service to women and even [b]SWMBO[/b] knows better than to ask. :D

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

Steffi is returning to her real self and despite attempting to fight that process is getting there. :D

The great shame of it is that Mt Phelps murdered his entire team and then committed Suicide to not take on this mission. That note that I found with what I now know was blood dripping off it was actually the finial straw that drove him over the edge. He got his entire team to lie down in the car park after reading their mission and ran over them in a Range Rover whit all it's wheels spinning at top speed to kill off his entire team because they couldn't face the possibility of defeat then set the engine to a fast idle and got between the bull bar and a 8 foot diameter concrete post and was eventually crushed to death. Unfortunately because of the shoddy second rate building prates used by that Multi National Mall Company he managed to knock down 6 of those concrete posts and eventually the next 4 floors of car park collapsed killing him. :)

Silly bunch of fools it's been so easy the cracks are appearing after just one day and they'll all be on the straight and narrow by Wednesday and DMambo will be locked away by the end of the week and the rest that he's managed to mislead will be cured of his objectionable practises by the middle of next week. Not even a 10 day job and they all proffered death over this mission. :(

Col

by hal 9000

If you are really pure chocolate has no adverse side effect upon you. You can eat 10 pounds of it an hour and not put on a single gram of weight. It will not cause 1 single skin blemish and will just taste soooooooo good that it's not funny. :p

On my last trip to Switzerland I wasted hundreds of $ on chocolate and lived perfectly well on it without the need to eat anything else just Pure Undiluted Chocolate.

The only down side was one company who I worked for had a promotion giving away swiss chocolate and they locked it in the safe to keep it away from me. :(

Any other time they would stick whatever they where giving away in my workshop in a corner but not the chocolate. They wouldn't even let me buy some and eat it. So I just had to import several boxes and have them addressed to me to drive the Sales Manager Crazy thinking that the company had sent me Chocolate for safe keeping. :D

Col

by hal 9000

When you where following that New Diet to the letter?

More importantly how much did you loose?

As for Chocolate it was invented by the Pure Gods for the Pure of Heart to consume and live on. My addiction has only gone to the stage of about 3 Kilos per day of Swiss or Belgian Chocolate. The Swiss is really much better but at a pinch I'll eat the Belgium stuff when the shops here have run out of the Swiss stuff because I've eaten it all. :p

Col

by hal 9000

But GG has gone MIA. She PM'd me yesterday begging for a cure so I've organised an intervention to cure her of her Impure ways you are loosing the founding member of your little club. :(

After we've put her through the 8,567,983 step program she will return all nice and covered in smiles never to visit the [b]Dark Side[/b] ever again. Actually right at the moment we are using a newly developed UK Adversion Therapy where every time that she has an evil or Dark thought she gets hit over the head with a hammer. :D

Col

by steffi28

You know a lady never discusses her weight.

On second thoughts, im not a lady. Well lets just say im still on the diet but really dont need to be. You know the Peter Kay diet "14 Stone in a day" well its better than that!

by rob mekel

And ... how .. many ...[i]ahum[/i] days are you in the program :^0 :D ;)

And even stating "better than that" [b]whoha[/b] my dear impure Lady what are we gonna do with you ;)
Come to me and have a chocolate treatment :)

:x
Rob

by steffi28

Trust me ]:) once you join you'll never leave. Errr I mean you'll never want to leave, yeah thats what I meant.

Once you join you'll never want to leave :D

by daveo2000

It is your youthful innocence that leads folks to think of you, not as a lady, but as a budding flower, Pure as the Ivory Snow girl gently holding that little baby in her arms.

Nothing could be more Pure than that, could there?

by dontknowwhatimdoing

that you were good DEEP down!!! I was right there IS good in you. It keeps coming out. I must now feel for the good in gg, t2, mae and all the other ladies of the Impure brigade!!!
I'm sure I will be able to find the right spot.

by steffi28

You better had be able to find the right spot or you will have a lot of dissapointed ladies on your hands!!

by steffi28

Im only here to lower the tone if you make everyone around me pure I will have no purpose in life. Please dont do this to me. As previously stated - I'll do anything ]:) ;)

by dontknowwhatimdoing

Your last joke didn't help anything. It was about married women for goodness sake!!! How can that be impure. It looks like I am getting to you ;) I think I'll just keep pounding on you for a while going deeper and deeper till you come to the light. ]:) :D

by sleepin'dawg

It's like I've always said, "I like women. I think every guy should own one."

[i](Duck, while Mae's shovel swings viciously over my head.)[/i]

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by gadgetgirl

meet Dawg - the [i] other [/i] founder member of the Impure Brigade...... :D

Oh, this is gonna be [b] FUN[/b]!!!

GG

by hal 9000

Now back to your bed and away from that Nurses Station PC where you are hacking into the Internet illegally.

I can see some intensive Thearpy will be required here for this infraction of the rules. :D

Col ]:)

by steffi28

I was worried about you Col was threatening to do scary things to you like, make you pure *shudders*

I knew you wouldnt sucumb! :D

by sleepin'dawg

[b][i]crazy, they'll drive you insane.[/b][/i]

Why hello there titch. Nice seeing you again too.Have some Madeira m'dear and be careful you don't get too much mud for your duck.

As the high priestess of the LOOD (Loyal Order Of the Duck) you may choose any and all whom you wish to initiate into the secret rites and mysteries of the order. As the Dungeon Master 'tis I who get to mete out the appropriate punishments.

For instance DM, an obvious wannabe, should be coated in maple syrup and thrown naked into one of the many gay biker bars which one can readily find in his part of Vermont.

Well I'm back!!! 'Tain't much but it's a start.

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by gadgetgirl

I should "Titch" you one right around the mush - [i] [b] if I could but reach up there.....! [/i] [/b] :p

You know you're a Grand Ducker now, right?

A while back, our ducks "got it together" - in fact, it's so long ago, the offspring have gone through the duckle and ducklings stage, and are ducks in their own right.

SG will need to be initiated a.s.a.p., as her duck chose her when it was still at the duckle stage. It really does need to get some London mud soon.

There are still three left; Tig and Mae are obvious choices, and as Jessie is busy, and CuteElf lost in Alaska, I'd suggest Stef as a possible third. Of course, we'd have to arrange for mud monitoring first.

Y'r duck is fine. Missing you, of course, my mine is keeping it well occupied.... ;) ;\

As for appropriate punishments - put Jaq in the dungeon (well, you are closer to him than I! :D ) [i] and then don't do a damn thing to him.......[/i] ;\

Now - give me a hand re-corrupting this lot, would you, Col seems intent on telling everyone I've left the Dark Side.... :D

(I just know you know better!)

GG

:x

]:)

by dontknowwhatimdoing

to work as long as I need in order for you to come over to the light! Remember, there is much more you can see in the light! ;)

edited for spelling

by hal 9000

But knowing you lot we'll probably feel the rumblings from here. :p

I shudder to think what London will look like after the event. Just let me know when it's happening so I can warm members of my family to escape London at that time so they don't get injured by the resulting whatever it is that you Impure lot do. :)

I'll also arrange to have a string of quacks lined up to treat you after the event so you can continue to party on. :D

If necessary I can arrange to have more Alcohol added to your blood so it doesn't get too thick and dilute the alcohol down to anything above .08 Blood in your Alcohol. :^0

Col ]:)

by gadgetgirl

- especially as my "oppo" is back on! :x

(you should have got a pm from me as to why I was missing - yes?)

There's no more a chance of me turning pure than Bill Gates giving away M$ OS programs for free.... ;\

For example: was looking on the net last night at vibrators which have remote controls..... :0

and wondering if I should get Col to do a wiring diagram to hook [i] that [/i] up to the mains - after all, one set of batteries wouldn't last an entire football match..... :p

well, not for me ..... ]:)

GG

by steffi28

But promise not to tell anyone cos they will laugh, but I dunno where the PM's go :s

And, my uni have a deal with microsoft and ive just got Vista for free. I suppose the uni must of paid for it somewhere along the line, but I got it free. Im scared :( But then again Bill Gates didnt personally had it out so I suppose your safe right??

Please tell me your safe. ARRGGHH Im going insane! Dont let them take you away from me, I dont wanna head the Impure Brigade with just Shell, and anyway your much more impure than me. I would never think to use a vibrator for 90 minutes!!! Then again I like football :s

Edited to add - I also dunno how to do the smilies with the squiggly faces :(

by gadgetgirl

go to the email addy that you used to register with the site.....

if you pm me, I can send you a test mail back (and then re-tell you what I told you yesterday.... sheesh..... )

As for your squiggly faced 'moticon, they aren't on the site list....

Don't get me on 'bout 'moticons, I've been asking for more for AGES .... :_|

GG

by steffi28

I should of actually used an email address that I check from time to time :s lol there was about 6 PMs there that I knew nothing about. Im not ignorant just thick lol.

by sleepin'dawg

have some Madeira m'dear.
How does an english girl hold her liquor???
In the usual way; by the ears of course.

BTW where is SG? She is conspicious in her absence.

BTW absinthe does seem to make the heart grow fonder; especially amongst certain members of the distaff set.

[i]I know I'm going to catch hell for this one[/i]

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by rob mekel

SG pops in and out so now and than. She told me she is very busy. And you're right the absence of someone makes one realize how fond an absentee can be to one.

Don't know if others will be all over you for this one. We'll sure will take into account your own absence a while back :) ;)

We did welcome him back, didn't we ?:|

Rob

[i]edited for emoticon typo (still)[/i]

by jdclyde

Although I don't know how long we need to

for TR to give us a bigger variety. Poor GG even did a whole discussion on these and just ened up


Or was that from jumping on the trampoline?

Far be it from me to

about this, but it would be nice to get some more variety.


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