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friday yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
an oldie but goodie :)


A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. ?Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1?- These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love ?kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads!

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead
gorgeous, help with the ?housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth ?floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


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Double post

by rob mekel In reply to friday yuk
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Ha - best of the lot so far!!!!!

by NOW LEFT TR In reply to Double post

a Classic - got any more :-)

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by rob mekel In reply to Ha - best of the lot so f ...

Those double postings are getting annoying X-(

But tnx for the compliment :^0
alltho it was not totaly of my doing TR did help me, didn't they ? :0


edited for those @#$%$#@ emoticons

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Woman ?

by rob mekel In reply to friday yuk

Oh man, had a good laugh about it :)

Here is an other one... or more
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until December 24 to do his Christmas shopping.
Or is it... man ?
Well let us sleep on it

Have a great friday and an even better Weekend. :)


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Blondes vs Redheads

by heml0ck In reply to Woman ?:|

Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something

Q: How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds

If you love a Redhead, set her free.....if she follows you everywhere you go, if she pitches a tent in your front lawn, and if she puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.

Q: What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A: The piranha. They only attack in schools.

Q: How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A: She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.

Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A: Normal

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A redhead!

Q: How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A: She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl

Q: How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

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Money wasted on some studies

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to friday yuk

At a recently released study it was found that women speak nearly 3 times as much as men per day the average may says 7,000 words while the average woman says 20,000 words. Proving that the average woman has to get in at the start and finish off the discussion.

Or the other startling result that has been found. Women in general spend 8.5 years of their life shopping. 2.5 years is for food and other necessaries for living and the other 6 years is for Makeup, Clothes, Shoes and whatever else takes their fancy. :)

Have a great Friday and an even better weekend.

Col ]:)

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two men

by heml0ck In reply to Money wasted on some stud ...

Two men are chatting in a bar.
Says one:
"I haven't spoken to my wife in 15 years."
"Really?" says the other. "Why not?"
"Don't want to interrupt...."

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An open letter to my furry friends

by Tig2 In reply to friday yuk

My Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it to become your dish and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest!

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep at right angles to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out at the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is NOT a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

And for your comfort, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:


1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

4. Finally, remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they eat less; don't ask for money all the time; are easier to train; usually come when called; never drive your car; don't hang out with drug-using friends; don't smoke or drink; don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions; don't wear your clothes; don't need a gazillion dollars for college; and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Have a great weekend all! :)

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Why Dogs Are Better Than Women

by heml0ck In reply to An open letter to my furr ...

Dogs don't cry.

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

Dogs think you sing great.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to
a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are
running late.

The later you are, the more excited dogs are
to see you.

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other

Dogs don't mind when you have two dogs.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another
dog's name.

Dogs are excited by rough play.

Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

Dogs understand that flatulence is funny.

Dogs love red meat.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

Anyone can get a good looking dog.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave a lot of things
on the floor.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs understand that all animals smaller than
dogs were made to be hunted.

When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you
incessantly, you can shoot it.

Dogs like beer.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the
Blowfish album.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching

Dogs never criticize.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice
to get your point across.

Dogs never expect gifts.

It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

Dogs don't worry about germs.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog
you ever had.

Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as
opposed to in your wallet, desk and the back of your sock drawer.

Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

Dogs never want foot rubs.

Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

Dogs can't talk.

Dogs aren't catty.

Dogs seldom outlive you.

And finally, dogs are man's best friend. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Nuff zed?

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Why Dogs are better than Men

by Tig2 In reply to Why Dogs Are Better Than ...

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
4. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
5. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
6. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
7. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
8. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. You can train a dog.
12. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
13. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
14. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
15. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
16. Dogs understand what "no" means.
17. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
18. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
19. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
20. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
21. You can house train a dog.
22. You can force a dog to take a bath.
23. Dogs don't correct your stories.
24. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
25. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
26. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
27. Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
28. Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
29. Dogs admit it when they're lost.
30. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
31. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
32. Dogs take care of their own needs.
33. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.

How Dogs and Men are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both are threatened by their own kind.
4. Both like to chew wood.
5. Both mark their territory.
6. Both are bad at asking you questions.
7. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
8. Both tend to smell riper with age.
9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
10. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
11. Neither does any dishes.
12. Both fart shamelessly.
13. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
14. Both like dominance games.
15. Both are suspicious of the postman.
16. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
17. Neither understands what you see in cats.

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