After Hours

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Friday Yuk

By heml0ck ·
Tags: Off Topic
My apologies if there already is one, but I look forward to this all week...

Here we go:

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take
comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "Don't!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"


"Do Not eat the fruit!" said God.


"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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I've been looking for this!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

I thought I just hadn't had time for a proper look for the yuk, or I would have obliged....!

(Then again, it's Friday and I just may have been in dippy tart mode and not looking properly! )


A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:
"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing,replies:
"Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks
"Dddddoooo yyyouuuu sssell aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds,
"Yes we do".

The old woman asks:
"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee howwww tttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe dddaaaaammmmmnnnnn ttthingggg offffff?"

Have a good weekend, all!


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for our American friends celebrating Thanksgiving

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

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for the Uk people

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk
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by Oz_Media In reply to for the Uk people

"Politically correct"

While this would be unacceptable in the USA (though they are the most politically offensive country on Earth), In Canada it seems okay (as your other post demonstrates). POLITICALLY incorrect would be directly aimed at the politics of teh country involved, believe me, in the UK this ouwld be just fine. Not many people with stick-in-bum syndrome there.

I find that in the US but even quote a few people in Canada, people are so set on being politically correct, yet everythng in their society/lives consists of a lack of manners, class or style. They simply have no ideqa what is PC and what is not. It seems that bad manners and public rudeness is acceptable, but a poltitician offering a finger or slapping someone is unacceptable.

Someone can be as rude, classless and offensive as they want, but if someone says 'black man' in a non-derogatory way, it is unacceptable.

I just ignore it most of the time, some people think eating with a fist on your fork and changing hands with the knife to cut food is actually good manners. Others are repulsed by it, but have no issue with seeing a **** on TV or in a newspaper.

Some have no table manners at all, btu scream blue murder when (for example) Janet Jackson's **** is exposed for a split second on national TV.

I am a person who feels my own manners and etiquette in public is important, but I couldn' tcare less if a PM was to kick his opponent in the nuts.

I suppose it's all down to personal pride and responsibility, some people expect OTHERS to show such consideration or responsibility while they don't see the issues they have themselves.

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Heya Oz :)

by rob mekel In reply to PC?

It was Friday, I guess late, having some drinks before posting or ...
you had a strange kinda keyboard


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You shoudl know by now

by Oz_Media In reply to Heya Oz :)

I cant type to save my life. That's why I have a copy editor for my day to day work.

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a couple of F-15's

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk

A couple of F-15's fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the old transport plane to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective

The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level.

After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and took a leak."

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for the Canadians

by heml0ck In reply to Friday Yuk
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by Oz_Media In reply to for the Canadians

Priceless! Almost as good as when cretien choked the crap out of some bystander in the way and took him down. I think he was demonstrating proper crowd control to the RCMP that were supposed to be protecting him.

Yeah, our politicians seem to spend less time spinning stories to make people dislike their opponent, they just tell them to FO in public instead. Gets the point across without the BS.

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Well here in Auss

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to LOL

We are supposed to have Truth In Advertising the Broadcasting Review Panel scrutinies every add that goes to air and make sure that the details are all prefect and correct. Then we have the Political Adds where if there is any element of truth in one it's removed immediately. :^0

Apparently Political Advertising is the only form of advertising where you are given lies to sallow and if there is even the merest hint of truth in a Political Add it's unacceptable.

Got to love the Pollutes as no one else will.


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