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Friday yuk

By rob mekel ·
Tags: Off Topic
Well friday is well on its way so ...

Here we go
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President Bill Clinton called Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Bill, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainement! I will get on hit right haway." said Jean.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said President Bill.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" asked Clinton.
"No prob'lem," replied the Prime Minister, and with that, Chretien hung up and called the president of Trojan.
"I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, an sen'em to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be bleu, blanc 'n rouge in color; hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia' meter."
"That's easily done. Anything else?"
"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem MADE IN CANADA, size: MEDIUM."

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A more heavy one
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On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of ?100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's ?7000." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's ?7500." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my **** to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!" The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands sahr!"

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Have fun all and a great weekend. :)

Rob

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old people

by heml0ck In reply to Friday yuk

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer
_______________________________

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it
very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know...the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

_________________________________

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling
slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

________________________________

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Train Travel (Not Impure!!)

by DMambo In reply to Friday yuk

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

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ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Train Travel (Not Impure! ...

What where all those people doing crammed into the rest rooms?

That's perverted and implying that they are now all confirmed members of the Iron Tracks Club. :)

DM your purity filter is obviously still out in a failed attempt to be repaired isn't it?

Smoke on the Water Fire In The Sky Nope that's just the Red Glow from the east here and it's DM realising just how disgusting his above post was. I just hope that you can't get Skin Cancer from that Bright Red Glow! I've seen less intense sunlight, things are so bright here now. I hope the curtains don't get destroyed any faster now that we have both Sunlight & the Red Glow of Embarrassment. :^0

For something truly pure look here.

http://tinyurl.com/wwvav

Col ]:)

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"You Can't Handle the Truth"

by DMambo In reply to [b]ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! ...

An innocent crammed restroom joke and you insist on looking under every rock for something that isn't there. When will you realize that I shall always remain above the gutter where you and your friend wallow.

The only glow you see is the bright white light of my untainted purity.

Please don't add jealousy to your manifold sins.

"Oh bad, bad, naughty Zut" er... I mean Col.

Oh, and have a nice weekend!!!!

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I'm beginning to worry about you

by maecuff In reply to "You Can't Handle the Tru ...

Purity = spanking from Col?

You know, the whole 'naughty Zut' bit. Doesn't a spanking come next?

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I saw this and immediately thought of you DM

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to "You Can't Handle the Tru ...

http://tinyurl.com/yd5m6p

And no I don't believe it for a single minute either as when you see 2 people entering an aircraft Rest Room there is only one meaning that you can take away from that.

The same applied when you see more than one person entering a train restroom they are up to something no good and didn't want to spring for a sleeper. :^0

As Bat fink says My Wings are like a shield of steal and will protect me from my enemies! while all DM can say is My purity shines like a bright light to attract attention and attack.

Incidentally the Iron Tracks Club was around long before the Mile High Club was even dreamt about. So do you still wish to pretend to attach yourself to that Bright Red Glow in my East? :)

Col ]:)

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Col, Is that all true ?

by rob mekel In reply to I saw this and immediatel ...

Your:
"The same applied when you see more than one person entering a train restroom they are up to something no good and didn't want to spring for a sleeper. "
can't be all true :)

Often seen a parent and child going to the restroom, a Mile High (more or less), and I do think that that should be interpreted otherwise then you imply ]:)

Rob

edited for those @#$%$#@ emoticons

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Rob children are different

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Col, Is that all true ?: ...

You only worry about them when the parent doesn't come out with them.

Did I hear someone say something about Blue Ice? :^0

Col ]:)

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What about

by rob mekel In reply to Rob children are differen ...

When the child comes out :0 (and no(on the DE), the restroom is meant ]:) ) without the parent that acompanied it?
Should be worring to, wouldn't it.

Rob

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No that's not worrying

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Rob children are differen ...

IT's TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To even think about another uncontrolled child running around an aircraft out of control. When things like that happen you start to pray for severe turbulence.

Actually I was on one flight out of Saudi Arabia where they actually lost a child on a 747 at cruising altitude. It was under it's parents control when the plane took off and somehow disappeared in flight. Now if only those people would control their children while a plane is in flight things like that couldn't happen. :^0

Col

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