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  • #2269997

    Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

    Locked

    by steffi28 ·

    And it’s midday and no one else had bothered I thought what the hell I might as well start it off!!

    So here’s your horoscopes 😀

    Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
    You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

    Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
    You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over you friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a yellow-bellied coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.

    Aries (March 21 – April 19)
    You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. The only time you are nice to people is when you need something, and then you kiss a lot of ass. You are a prick.

    Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
    You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamn Communist.

    Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
    You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are a bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini people are notorious for thriving on incest.

    Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
    You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit.

    Leo (July 23 – August 22)
    You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

    Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
    You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers or pimps.

    Libra (September 23 – October 22)
    You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, your are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are cum-guzzling whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

    Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
    You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

    Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
    You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or potheads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked.

    Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
    You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

All Comments

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    • #2588746

      Nice! It’s like the Demotivators version of a horoscope

      by jasonhiner ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

    • #2588745

      This may be more a Friday Bluuue, than a yuk, but

      by deadly ernest ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      I recently read another post where a dedicated MS fan was going on about how stupid it was to have so many different versions of Linux available. Each giving a different look, and focusing on some different aspect of the O/S.

      This got me thinking and I went to look at the MS web site about how many variants of Windows is out at the moment. Over an hour of going through marketing garbage and no single page listed everything available – just a few with some options. I ended up going to a an on-line IT store and seeing how many variants they have for sale, oh boy.

      Now I won’t really go into the bit about CD vs DVD or 32 bit vs 64 bit, OK. But, check this list out –

      Windows Media Center
      Windows Server
      Windows Vista Home Basic – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Basic DSP – full, OEM, upgrade (whatever DSP is)
      Windows Vista Home Premium – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Premium DSP – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Business – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Business DSP – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Ultimate – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Home Ultimate DSP – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Academic – full, OEM, upgrade
      Windows Vista Academic DSP – full, OEM, upgrade
      (NB: couldn’t establish which variant the academic was based on)

      Blimey, that’s 32 variants of current Windows (ignoring 32 or 64 bit options), add in XP and you have another dozen.

      Then you have to buy one of a dozen variations of MS Office 2007, variations with different application packages with options for academic – oem -upgrade – full.

      Prices in Aust dollars varied from $132 to $527 for Vista and $169 to $783 for Office 2007. That’s a cost of $301 so $1,310 depending upon which variation set up you get, per machine. And those prices DON’T include any on-going support from MS.

      And people complain about the variations in Linux – sheesh, wake up people. And for a few hundred bucks, you can get a lot of long term
      support in Linux as well as getting your O/S, office package, and much more. AND you get to install it on all the machines you like.

      ———–

      On another tack or is that tacky point re your troll Markp – isn’t that what cats etc use to identify their territory.

      • #2588743

        Does that mean

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to This may be more a Friday Bluuue, than a yuk, but

        RE the cat thing, that these two are fighting over their place in the yuk?? :p

        I had a funny website about the varients of Linux it was a bit like Jason’s pic’s. I’ll see if I can find it later 🙂

      • #2588634

        You missed some varieties

        by dryflies ·

        In reply to This may be more a Friday Bluuue, than a yuk, but

        you rolled all the server variants into one. There is,
        storage server (available on OEM NAS devices)
        Small business server
        Web Edition
        Standard edition
        Enterprise Edition
        Datacenter Edition
        In addition to that, most of those come in R2 and SP2 varieties. for 6 variants plus 3 more if you count the R2/SP2 as variants.

        • #2600649

          Sorry, but I was damn lucky to find the list i did find.

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to You missed some varieties

          OK, I’m on a slow dial up – comes from living where the air is breathable. heavy traffic is 6 cars a day along the road down the front of the property. However, after spending over an hour getting lost on the Microsoft web site, trying to find a list of the variations of Windows being sold (I’d seen 30 or 40 marketing web sites and only references to Windows Server, Home Basic, Home Premium, Business, and Ultimate – no technical information either) and getting no where fast, I switched to the on-line shop of an MS partner and had a look at their software page to find the listing I used. Since the web site was aimed at retail home users and small business, I’m not surprised they didn’t list all the server options, but hey, they sure had enough variations to try.

          With MS you can now get Windows with various grains of sugar added. At least with Linux, the variations do come with noticeable differences.

    • #2588742

      Hmmm does JD REALLY like girls??

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      I’ve just had a thought! JD is a Gemini! According to the horoscopes I’ve just posted he’s bisexual :p

      Sorry JD get yourself out of this one :p

    • #2588709

      They Walk Among Us

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      I was at the checkout of a Kmart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again… same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually happened to me in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane.

      They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
      ===================
      I walked into a Mickey D’s with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon For a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little Chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re already buy-one-get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free” She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

      They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.
      ===================

      One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one Of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the Sky and said, “Where?”

      They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

      They Walk Among Us!!
      ===================

      I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting
      to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

      They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a Seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

      They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

      They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went To the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags Never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry
      because she was a Trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked
      me, has your plane arrived yet?”

      They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”

      Yep, They Walk Among Us!
      ===================

      They Walk Among Us, AND they Reproduce, and Worst of All They VOTE

    • #2588682

      I’m a Pisces

      by maecuff ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      And I agree with the first 5 words of my horoscope, but that is it.

      Anyway..

      A woman walks by a petshop. A parrot in a cage in front of the store says “Hey lady, you are so ugly. You are the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman doesn’t respond and goes on to work. On her way home, she walks past the parrot, and the parrot says “Hey Lady, Oh my god, are you ugly. I’ve never SEEN an uglier woman.” Well, now the woman is pissed, she goes into the store and complains to the manager. The manager apologizes profusely and promises that it will never happen again. The next morning, the woman walks past the parrot and the parrot says “Hey, Lady.” The woman stops and says “Yes?” The parrot says “You know.”

      • #2588596

        As another Pisces

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to I’m a Pisces

        I agree with the first eight words.

        I leave you with a few thoughts…

        It is better to have loved and lost than to spend your life with a psycho.

        Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them.

        Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move bodies.

        As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

        If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

        and finally

        Someday we’ll look back on all of this and plough into a parked car.

        Neil 🙂

        “They told me I was crazy… but what do cornflakes know?”

        • #2588580

          Ha!

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to As another Pisces

          Yes, I SHOULD have said the first 8 words, but, apparently, that isn’t correct.

    • #2588681

      I’ve Invented a New Sport for TR

      by now left tr ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Post Skimming –

      http://techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=228889

      Read all about it and then see my record attempt. Dare you beat TTM?

      • #2588666

        no

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to I’ve Invented a New Sport for TR

        you win, game over.

        • #2588637

          And to be honest

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to no

          Smorty would prefer that TTM not continue doing this.

          A bad plan all around and could get the offender removed from the site.

        • #2588628

          Really

          by now left tr ·

          In reply to And to be honest

          All he had to do was say so!

          Why did he say nothing????
          I Assume he has hands to type with?
          (OK, OK he did just never saw it)

          But I still see this as no different than the time the message thread limiter were not working yet somehow once again when it is my idea it is a head shake and an offense!

          I can now assume that rules only apply to a few?

          🙁

        • #2588613

          Tech Mail

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Really

          I followed your link and “read” as much as was there. Including Smorty’s post.

          And yes, we were all dressed down for the thread thing. When the PTB says “no”, we pretty much listen.

          The rules apply across the board.

        • #2588607

          Never saw it until now

          by now left tr ·

          In reply to Tech Mail

          so there you go – do I get a badge now?

        • #2588600

          Tech

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Never saw it until now

          I understood that you might not have seen it. That was the reason to bring it up. I felt certain that had you seen the note, you’d not have linked as you did.

          I know that you aren’t going out of your way to irritate.

      • #2588591

        GAME UP THE POLE!

        by now left tr ·

        In reply to I’ve Invented a New Sport for TR

        Shorty’s have stopped the game on a technicality. Poor light or something….

    • #2588661

      Sarcastic Quotes

      by heml0ck ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      ? Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
      – Ashleigh Brilliant

      ? It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
      – Paul Newman

      ? It’s a catastrophic success.

      ? I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
      – Stephen Bishop

      ? History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
      – Abba Eban

      ? No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
      ? I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
      ? I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
      ? I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
      ? I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
      – Groucho Marx

      ? The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
      – Frank Zappa

      ? The 100% American is 99% idiot.
      ? The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
      – George Bernard Shaw

      ? He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
      – Oscar Wilde

      ? He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
      – Victor Borge

      I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
      – Mark Twain

      ? I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
      – Clarence Darrow

      ? If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
      – Charles Pierce

      ? You have delighted us long enough.
      – Jane Austen

      ? A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
      – Winston Churchill

      ? He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
      – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

      ? Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
      – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

      ? He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
      – Abraham Lincoln

      ? He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
      – Irvin S. Cobb

      ? He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
      – Forrest Tucker

      ? He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
      – Billy Wilder

    • #2588654

      Did I do something wrong again? :_|

      by hal 9000 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Or has that Steffi just been leading me astray again? 😡

      Col ]:)

    • #2588653

      I see the mods have been busy!

      by locrian_lyric ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Darn, now I gotsta put away my +2 flamethrower!

      That’s okay, I’m a better nocturnal fighter anyway…

      Just bring on them nocturnals!

    • #2588649
      • #2588624

        Very funny

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Hilarious

        I haven’t read the whole thing yet, but so far, extremely entertaining. And it makes me feel a little better. My husband and I argue, but apparently, we don’t REALLY argue.

        • #2588612

          it’s been awhile since I first read it

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to Very funny

          and it has gotten much longer…
          It’s been on the web for a loong time.

        • #2588581

          You have to wonder

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to it’s been awhile since I first read it

          why they stay together?

        • #2588573

          you know what they say about love

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to You have to wonder

          it is dumb….

          [i]for those of you that didn’t “get” that, think deaf and dumb….. = blind….. I knew you wouldn’t get it without me having to spell it our for you because you are a little on the slow side and just don’t get the things other people get when they get what it is that you don’t get because you just don’t get what it is that they get because you are not they so you will continue to not get it while the whole time they get it because they do get it because they are not you and you are not they and I have to wonder if anyone is still reading this far into this or not or if they stopped after the first few times the circular logic kicked in and the dog started chasing it’s tail for my amusement until it ran into the wall and fell down, again for my amusement because I am just like that, especially today because I really have not been getting a whole lot of sleep lately and it seems to be having a mild effect on my thought processes right now and I just keep going and going and going and going andgoingandgoingandgoing

        • #2588555

          Awww JD

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to you know what they say about love

          not getting much sleep?

          You knew I would read every bit of it didn’t you, it was a given eh!

        • #2602184

          As my mother-in-law is fond of saying

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to you know what they say about love

          Love is blind, deaf, dumb, and retarded.

      • #2600933

        I read pretty much of it,

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to Hilarious

        but became too much. He seems to be a writer and in a very strange relationship. If most of this is true, then I pity the kids.

        But then he does like to wear her underwear.

        :^0

      • #2600865

        I am not sure what is sadder…

        by jc2it ·

        In reply to Hilarious

        …That I can relate to much of what he writes or that I have read most of it.

        Good post.

      • #2600101

        Didn’t know my wife’s name was Margaret

        by ozi eagle ·

        In reply to Hilarious

        😀

    • #2588648

      too much time – or not enough meds…

      by jeyltd ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      …while lurking about stumbled on this post –
      HA!
      thanx for the boost.
      jey

    • #2588640

      wow

      by retro77 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Wow these are really not that nice:

      Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
      You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a ****.

      • #2588617

        There not supposed to be nice :p

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to wow

        There supposed to be funny 🙂

      • #2600931

        If you take them seriously, then you are in trouble

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to wow

        I just laughed at them. 😀

      • #2600885

        I take it you are on Welfare???

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to wow

        Is that why you are insulted? Or is it because you are soon to be a welfare puppy???

        LOL — JK

        • #2600031

          Damn You W2K

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to I take it you are on Welfare???

          Now all I can think of is Eddie Murphy saying

          Goes something like this
          “I got an ice cream
          you got no ice cream,
          You cannot have it
          your mommas on the welfare
          And you daddy’s an alcoholic”

          Was that one from Raw or Delerious?

        • #2599912

          That was RAW I beleive

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Damn You W2K

          Ahh, some memories. Now I wanna see it again!

        • #2599898

          Is that the same one

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to That was RAW I beleive

          With the rules on the fridge??

          “One, ‘Lillian cannot use the phone.’
          Two, ‘Lillian cannot… Since you’re such a smart m0therfucker, you can’t go outside anymore either.”

          and the funniest

          If theres a fire:

          “And I don’t give a fcuk if the
          m0therfucking house is burning down. If I come home and a fireman putting the house out, I say:’How you find out the house
          was burning? We got a call from your wife,’
          I kick your m0therfucking ass.”

          Ahh Eddie he’s so funny!

        • #2599850

          GhonaherpasiphilAIDS

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Is that the same one

          Now that one was funny.
          “do you mean you have a burning sensation”
          “No doc, I am shooting flames out of my D**k”

          or — (making siren sounds while sitting on a car roof)”Pull Over, Pull Over, I want to frisk you, Pull Over”

          LOL

        • #2599160

          the ice cream bit

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to GhonaherpasiphilAIDS

          is from Delirious….
          not sure about the others tho’

    • #2588639

      a few intemperate thoughts

      by locrian_lyric ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

      A coward dies a thousand times before his death, the vallient taste death but once. That’s enough, isn’t it?

      Whenever I pass a sign that says “caution, deaf child” on the road, I think “What, should I plug my ears and make it a fair fight?”

      Why is it that all parking lots these days look like they’re expecting the special olymipics?

      AND

      Why is it that all handicapped spots have pictures of wheelchairs, yet you rarely see someone in a wheelchair parked in one.

      Why do they have braille on the keys of ATMs, but no braille display?

      AND

      Why are there braille on the keys of the drive-through ATM?

      What does it mean if a blind person says “see you later?”

      I don’t believe in violence as a last resort. It’s more effective if you start with it.

      If I had two demons and rented them out, would I be the LESSOR of two evils?

      Who’s sick idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word ‘lisp’.

      I knew a dyslexic atheist, he didn’t believe in DOG.

      I think Starbucks exists so that jerks have a place to get coffe.

    • #2588587

      So [i]THAT’s[/i] how you pick up a biker!

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      A little old lady who had always wanted to join the local biker club walked up to their clubhouse and knocked on the door. A big hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms and chest opened the door and looked at her.

      “I want to join your club,” she said.

      The biker was amused and decided to play along. “Before you can join you’ll have to meet certain requirements. First of all, do you own a motorcycle?”

      “Sure do,” said the little old lady. “It’s parked right over there,” and pointed at a big Harley in the driveway.

      “Do you drink?” asked the biker.

      “Yep, I drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”

      Now curious, the biker looked her over closely and asked, “Do you smoke?”

      “Like a chimney,” she said. “About four packs of Camels a day and a couple of cigars in the evening while I’m shooting pool.”

      Impressed by her answers, the biker said, “One last question: Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

      The little old lady thought for a moment, then said: “Nope, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times!”

    • #2588567
      • #2588558

        The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

        by heml0ck ·

        In reply to a couple of good sites

        ~from “http://skippyslist.com/?page_id=3”

        The Skippy List

        Explanations of these events:

        a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
        b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
        c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
        d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (?What about especially patriotic porn??)
        e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (?Schwarz?what is *that*?? said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? ?Um?.a rubber sheep?I can explain why that?s there?.?)

        To explain how I?ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly?.. I?m funny, so they let me live.

        The 213 Things?.

        1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I?m supposed to be working.

        2. My proper military title is ?Specialist Schwarz? not ?Princess Anastasia?.

        3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

        4. Not allowed to challenge anyone?s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

        5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

        6. Not allowed to play ?Pulp Fiction? with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

        7. Not allowed to add ?In accordance with the prophesy? to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

        8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don?t like to War Criminal posters.

        9. Not allowed to title any product ?Get Over it?.

        10. Not allowed to purchase anyone?s soul on government time.

        11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

        12. Not allowed to join any militia.

        13. Not allowed to form any militia.

        14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

        15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ?Sic Brass!?

        16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ?Samson like powers?.

        17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

        18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ?Barbie Girl Dance? while on duty.

        19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I?m right.

        20. Must not taunt the French any more.

        21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

        22. Must never call an SAS a ?Wanker?.

        23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they?ve been smoking crack.

        24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it?s true.

        25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

        26. Never tell a German soldier that ?We kicked your ass in World War 2!?

        27. Don?t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

        28. Don?t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

        29. The Irish MPs are not after ?Me frosted lucky charms?.

        30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

        31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

        32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

        33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

        34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

        35. Not allowed to sing ?High Speed Dirt? by Megadeth during airborne operations. (?See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I?m off to meet my maker?)

        36. Can?t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn?t over).

        37. Our medic is called ?Sgt Larwasa?, not ?Dr. Feelgood?.

        38. Our supply Sgt is ?Sgt Watkins? not ?Sugar Daddy?.

        39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

        40. I do not have super-powers.

        41. ?Keep on Trucking? is *not* a psychological warfare message.

        42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind?s baser instincts in recruitment posters.

        43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

        44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

        45. I am not allowed to ?Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy?s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies?.

        46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

        47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

        48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

        49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for ?magic beans?.

        50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

        51. Not allowed to quote ?Dr Seuss? on military operations.

        52. Not allowed to yell ?Take that Cobra? at the rifle range.

        53. Not allowed to quote ?Full Metal Jacket ? at the rifle range.

        54. ?Napalm sticks to kids? is *not* a motivational phrase.

        55. An order to ?Put Kiwi on my boots? does *not* involve fruit.

        56. An order to ?Make my Boots black and shiny? does not involve electrical tape.

        57. The proper response to a lawful order is not ?Why??

        58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we?ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

        59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

        60. ?The Giant Space Ants? are not at the top of my chain of command.

        61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ?I have been promoted three more times than you?.

        62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

        63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

        64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

        65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

        66. There is no ?Anti-Mime? campaign in Bosnia.

        67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

        68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ?Block out the space mind control lasers?.

        69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

        70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

        71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

        72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

        73. No military functions are to be performed ?Skyclad?.

        74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

        75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

        76. ?Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around? is *not* a cadence.

        77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them ?You don?t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.?

        78. I may not call block my chain of command.

        79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

        80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

        81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

        82. May not form any press gangs.

        83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with ?I recently had an experience I just had to write you about?.?

        84. Must not use military vehicles to ?Squish? things.

        85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

        86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ?field of honor?.

        87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

        88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ?Mom?.

        89. Must not refer to the Commander as ?Dad?.

        90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

        91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

        92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ?Romper Bomper Stomper Boo? is probably not appropriate.

        93. Nerve gas is not funny.

        94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

        95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

        96. ?Redneck Zombies? is not a military training aid.

        97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

        98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ?Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.?

        99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

        100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

        101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

        102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are ?casualties of war?.

        103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

        104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ?Cool Mint? Listerine? bottle is not a good combination.

        105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

        106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD?s.

        107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

        108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

        109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

        110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

        111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.

        112. When saluting a ?leg? officer, an appropriate greeting is not ?Airborne leads the wa- oh?sorry sir?.

        113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ?Full Monty? every time I hear the song ?Hot Stuff?.

        114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

        115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

        116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

        117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

        118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

        119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

        120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

        121. I should not use government resources to ?waterproof? dirty magazines.

        122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

        123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

        124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

        125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

        126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

        127. ?No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages? does not imply that a Jack Daniel?s ? IV is acceptable.

        128. ?Shpadoinkle? is not a real word.

        129. The Microsoft ? ?Dancing Paperclip? is not authorized to countermand any orders.

        130. ?I?m drunk? is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

        131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.

        132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

        133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

        134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

        135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

        136. Shouting ?Let?s do the village! Let?s do the whole fucking village!? while out on a mission is bad.

        137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

        138. Even if my commander did it.

        139. Must not teach interpreters how to make ?MRE? bombs.

        140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

        141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ?The Pen is Mightier than the sword?.

        142. ?Calvin-Ball? is not authorized PT.

        143. I do not need to keep a ?range card? by my window.

        144. ?K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free? is not an authorized uniform.

        145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

        146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

        147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ?.

        148. Putting red ?Mike and Ike?s? ? into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

        149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

        150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

        151. The proper way to report to my Commander is ?Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir? not ?You can?t prove a thing!?

        152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ? batteries.

        153. I should not assign new privates to ?guard the flight line?.

        154. Shouldn?t treat ?piss-bottles? with extra-strength icy hot.

        155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

        156. I will no longer perform ?lap-dances? while in uniform.

        157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.

        158. The revolution is not now.

        159. When detained by MP?s, I do not have a right to a strip search.

        160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

        161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

        162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

        163. Take that hat off.

        164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

        165. I do not get ?that time of month?.

        166. No, the pants are not optional.

        167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

        168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

        169. Not even if they *are* ?especially patriotic films?

        170. Not allowed to ?defect? to OPFOR during training missions.

        171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General?s helicopter.

        172. ?A full magazine and some privacy? is not the way to help a potential suicide.

        173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

        174. Furby ? is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it?s actually DOD policy).

        175. We do not ?charge into battle, naked, like the Celts?.

        176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

        177. I am not to refer to a formation as ?the boxy rectangle thingie?.

        178. I am not ?A lesbian trapped in a man?s body?.

        179. On Army documents, my race is not ?Other?.

        180. Nor is it ?Secretariat, in the third?.

        181. Pok?mon? trainer is not an MOS.

        182. There is no FM for ?wall-to-wall counseling?.

        183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ?

        184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something ?I saw in a cartoon?.

        185. My name is not a killing word.

        186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

        187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

        188. May not challenge officers to ?Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn?.

        189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

        190. Must not make s?mores while on guard duty.

        191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

        192. The proper response to a briefing is not ?That?s what you think?.

        193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

        194. Shouldn?t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

        195. Shouldn?t use Photoshop ? to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

        196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

        197. I am not allowed to sing ?Henry the VIII I am? until verse 68 ever again.

        198. Not allowed to lead a ?Coup? during training missions.

        199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

        200. My chain of command is not interested in why I ?just happen? to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

        201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

        202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the ?Safety Dance? and the ?Safety Briefing? are never to be combined.

        203. ?To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys? is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

        204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an ?Easter Desecration.?

        205. Don?t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. (?Broken clutch pedal?, ?Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs?, ?flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged?)

        206. Not allowed to get shot.

        207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

        208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are ?hearing conversations? from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

        209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism?this was the same dinner.)

        210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing ?Eat Pork or Die? in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

        211. Don?t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

        212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don?t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

        213. Do not convince NCO?s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

        • #2588553

          i really like #77

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

          😀

          and number 87!!!

        • #2600944

          I like them :)

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

          Need a new supply of monitor wipes now :p

          Oh and JD, number 178 was written just for you :p

        • #2600934

          I liked 87 the best

          by lockoutgirl ·

          In reply to The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

          That had me laughing all the way through!

        • #2600704

          I don’t understand #124

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

          “124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.”

          ??

          Anyway, I should rest my stomach for a bit. I’ll read the remaining 89 tomorrow.

        • #2599836

          This was interesting, and wanted more information

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

          Here is what I found:
          ————————

          A few years ago, I spent some time in the Army. Some people seem to find this piece of knowledge amusing for some reason.

          It was just some emails I sent back to a few friends of mine. I was stationed in Bosnia, it sucked, and I got bored. I mean *really* bored. People who have been on a military deployment can understand what I am talking about here. I?d tell my friends back home about the kinds of pranks me and the other soldiers would play on each other to keep amused. By about month three, I had taken to ending every email with a few things I was no longer allowed to do. It didn?t actually start as a joke (See item number 1). My friend assembled these into a list, and named it ?The 101 Things Skippy Can?t Do? and started passing it around. The problem was, there were only 30 or so items on it. And people seemed to like it. So I wrote some more. And some more. And I kept at it for a few years. Acquaintances of mine would pass it back and forth, and laugh at it. Shortly after 9/11 another friend of mine asked if she could make a web-site out of the list. I said ?Sure, why not?. I would occasionally get email about it, but didn?t think much of it any more. After it had been up for a few years, my friend asked if I wanted to keep the site going. I figured ?This gag has been done, it was funny for a while, but I don?t feel like paying money to keep this going.? It went down, and I forgot about it.

          A few months ago, I go contacted by a journalist, looking for the author of the list. I was told it was now a considered ?The definitive guide to subversive army humor?. I wasn?t so sure about that (I?m pretty sure that the StrategyPage.com humor section covers that) but out of curiosity I did a search for my list.
          ———————————-

          All other information just had ‘suspended’ at top of page.

    • #2588563

      As a taurus it was bang on…. Until It claimed I was a communist.

      by f4a6pilot ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      I liked the other part…

    • #2600950

      Embarrassing Medical Exams

      by captbilly1eye ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      -I hope this isn’t a repeat-
      .
      [pre]1. A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her Baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted The lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I Noticed that there were several cabs — and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco
      .
      2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly And slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big Breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA
      .
      3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that Her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than Five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family That he had died of a “massive internal fart.” Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
      .
      4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his Cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble With one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. “The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running Out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered What I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on His body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch Before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA
      .
      5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How Long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she Answered, “Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was Alive.” Submitted by Dr. Steven Swans on-Corvallis, OR
      .
      6 . I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while Checking up on a woman I asked, “So how’s your breakfast this Morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t Seem to get used to the taste” the patient replied. I then asked to See the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.” Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit , MI
      .
      7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with Purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of Tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly Determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on The operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been Dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the Grass.” Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short Note on the patient’s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the Lawn.” Submitted by RN no name
      .
      AND FINALLY!!!…………….
      .
      8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite Embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my Embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly Burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my Work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?” She Replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, “I wish I Was an Oscar Mayer Wiener .”

      Dr. Wouldn’t submit his name .[/pre]

      edited for formatting hassles

      • #2600945

        Happy Friday

        by captbilly1eye ·

        In reply to Embarrassing Medical Exams

        The biggest ‘Joke’ surrounds tomorrows date – 07-07-07.
        Because people see that as good luck…

        [b]There more weddings planned for tomorrow than any other day in history.[/b]

        Have a Great Weekend!

        • #2600943

          It’s also

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Happy Friday

          Something to do with religion and fatima, and a few religious conspirisists (is that even a word) think that either the second coming will happen and/or the world will end! So enjoy tonight, while you stil can mwahahaha mwawhahaha!! :p

    • #2600937

      LOL — these are great

      by w2ktechman ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Especially the Capricorns….

    • #2600874

      Beer contains female hormones !!

      by dadspad ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Tests revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a serious look at their beer consumption. Their theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

      To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 pints of beer each to consume. Within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects…

      Gained weight,

      Talked excessively without making sense,

      Became overly emotional,

      Couldn’t drive,

      Failed to think rationally,

      Argued over nothing,

      Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

      No further testing was considered necessary !!!!!

      😀 :^0

      • #2600873

        A Lot Of Explaining :D

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to Beer contains female hormones !!

        There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down…and saw her husband was holding a device…a vibrator…soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She goes completely ballistic.

        “You impotent bastard,” she screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”

        The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: “I’ll explain the toy… if you explain the kids.”

        • #2600867

          A Blonde Game Of Intelligence

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to A Lot Of Explaining :D

          There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

          The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

          Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

          Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

          The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

          Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

        • #2600859

          That is not a true blonde

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to A Blonde Game Of Intelligence

          I bet it was a wig!!! It wasnt bleach, or natural!!! :^0

        • #2599830

          Personally, my opinion is that the guy was

          by dadspad ·

          In reply to That is not a true blonde

          blonder than the girl!! 😀

          After all he could not think his way out of this one, he did pay her the $50.

        • #2599826

          That was because she out-smarted him

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Personally, my opinion is that the guy was

          that is why I say she must have put on a wig, as if it were bleached, the damage would have been done as well :^0

    • #2600753

      [i]This is so bad it’s good.

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After carefully planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

      However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

      When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

      “Monsieur, that’s the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

      (And you thought I didn’t have De Gaulle to send this to you!)

      • #2602269

        Noooo. Doesn’t work in British English

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to [i]This is so bad it’s good.

        We pronounce his name “Van Goff”. It wouldn’t work for Rob Mekel either as the correct Dutch pronunciation is closer to Van Hoch (and they should know).

        And there isn’t an artist called Depetrol.

        And they don’t have “blocks” in Paris.

        Got the Monet bit though. Nearly cracked a rib laughing. 😐

        • #2599648

          :) Hahaha :D

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Noooo. Doesn’t work in British English

          The Monet and Degas come trough but the “van Gogh” part puzzles me. 🙂

          but then again Paris is the City of the CanCan or is it the GoGo 🙂

          Rob

          [i]emoticons … ggrrrr[/i]

        • #2602513

          Hi Rob – where have you been?

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to :) Hahaha :D

          Anyway, US people pronounce van Gogh as “van Go” (rhymes with toe) and then the joke makes sense. I knew that but I was just being picky with Dawg’s pun.

          Neil 😀

        • #2599136

          busy busy busy :)

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Hi Rob – where have you been?

          Hence my “van Gogh” versus Van Gogh 🙂

          Rob

        • #2599041

          Your “van Gogh” screwed me up completely.

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to busy busy busy :)

          I sat and looked at my post and your post and – finally – said to myself “Hmmm. That must be the correct ‘Dutch’ way to write it! Rob ought to know!” and changed my Vans to vans.

          D’Oh!

        • #2599579

          your right

          by rob mekel ·

          In reply to Your “van Gogh” screwed me up completely.

          The right way to spell “van Gogh” is this way.

          the dutch “van” before a name is the equivalent from the “of” in the xxx “of Wales”

          Btw in “van Gogh”‘s times there weren’t that much Vans around 🙂

          Rob

          [i] edited because of typo, as if there weren’t any left[/i]

    • #2600733

      Hey! A new career option!

      by nicknielsen ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Drivin’ the pimp bus. :^0

      Go ahead and challenge me [i]now[/i], Lexus driver!

    • #2602275

      Movie Quiz!

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      how much do you know?

      http://www.filmcritic.com/movie-quiz/index.html

      I got 95% 😀

      • #2602268

        I bombed with 47%

        by neilb@uk ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        :_|

        • #2602263

          I’ll admit

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to I bombed with 47%

          I had a teeny bit of help from the hubby.

          Actually a lot of help, hubby claims to be the mastermind behind IMDB, and to be honest after 4 years of asking him random questions and him not getting one wrong I think he actually might of hee hee.

        • #2602226

          Me too

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to I bombed with 47%

          No free time and no desire equals a poor score.

          Ask me about dry wicking and socks and I will bet that I get 100%!

        • #2600208

          I kicked your

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I bombed with 47%

          ass..

          But really, with a 47%, that wasn’t real hard. 🙂

        • #2599806

          Ah, but how did you do on the test?

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to I kicked your

          😀

        • #2599719

          76%

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to Ah, but how did you do on the test?

          It’s not a great accomplishment. I have a bizarre knack for remembering movie lines, quotes from books, conversations. Nothing that will get me anything in life. Other than being REALLY good at dredging up the past when I argue with my husband. 🙂

          Speaking of my husband, he has this movie review book by Roger Ebert, he’ll pick a movie, tell me the characters and when it was made and I can USUALLY tell him the movie. And it doesn’t remember if I’ve actually seen it or not, I can remember movie trailers from my high school years.

          I was actually bummed with my score, I thought I’d do better.

        • #2599652

          I can be magnanimous in defeat

          by neilb@uk ·

          In reply to I kicked your

          if I could just remember how “defeat” goes. Doesn’t happen much.Actually, I have a pretty hard time with “magnanimous” as well.

          My turn will come.

        • #2603216

          I understand completely

          by maecuff ·

          In reply to I can be magnanimous in defeat

          I’m just glad it’s not ME that has to deal with it. This time. 🙂

          You shouldn’t feel too bad. It’s kind of a wienie win for me. It isn’t something to be proud of, to know so much about bad/mediocre movies.

      • #2602255

        Oops, it requires javascript

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        which are not allowed to run on this system.. Maybe Monday when I am at work!

        • #2602242

          Hmm

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Oops, it requires javascript

          I have NoScript installed and I could do it, maybe its stopped working properly then 🙁

        • #2602236

          After a re-look, it requires a flash plugin.

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Hmm

          But I dont allow flash either. I am on a Windows box right now…

          I figured that I spent $1700 on this thing last year, and I was going a month between boots. So for the last 2 weeks I have been using it mainly.
          However, I seem to be missing my Linux notebook. And since cleaning up means that I un-buried it (literally, I swear), I can start using it again. Actually, it wasnt so much as buried, but cases of water blocked me from it.

      • #2602222

        Ok,

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        I forgot that (as a Win box) this thing has IE. So I took the test and failed with 47%

        • #2602218

          I am so sorry, so very very sorry!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Ok,

          I can’t believe I made you use IE, please don’t punish me too much!

        • #2602210

          LOL — not your fault

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to I am so sorry, so very very sorry!

          I blame MS.

          Anyway, I am running late, gotta go! Fight is starting soon. Pizza is cooling down (or gone by now).

      • #2602206

        Unfair the test is rigged

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        I only got 57% and failed and even then I had to guess most of the answers which I got right. So to pass this silly rigged test you have to [b]Give a Dam, Watch Movies, Read the Credits and generally care.[/b] X-(

        Could be why I did so bad as I don’t give a Dam, very rarely watch movies, never watch the Credits and I don’t care! :p

        Down with Rigged Tests!!!!!!!!!!!! B-)

        Col ]:)

        • #2602144

          1 more HAL. P.S. — Where is Daveo???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Unfair the test is rigged

          Bomb shelter perhaps???

          Oh yeah, I am totally with you 100% on the movie thing. I think I knew 3 or 4 of them. After that it was all guesses, for the same reasons you posted.

        • #2602103

          Personally I think that Steffi scared him off. :^0

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to 1 more HAL. P.S. — Where is Daveo???

          Did you notice that Daveo dropped out the moment that Steffi admitted to becoming a Bottle Blonde? Any sensible person would have headed for the hills as the [b]End Is Nigh![/b] :0

          As for the 1 to go if I answer another 300 questions in the next 3 weeks 1 might be accepted so I can reach my preferred number. Seems that you have to be all warm & fuzzy to get answers accepted now. What I do find funny is that I get several Peer Mails asking for more information about some answers that I give and then thanks when they solve the problems but the original question never gets rated. I suppose if I really cared I wouldn’t be answering questions though. 😀

          But the ones that I find funny are the questions that get asked of me through the Peer Mail system and when i expand on the answer I find that the originating E-Mail address doesn’t exist. I wonder how TR gets the necessary confirmation for new accounts to be opened.

          Cheers

          Col

      • #2602092

        Hey, I’ve not heard of three quarters of those dang films

        by deadly ernest ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        yet I got 66% – the films I heard of, I got right, the rest were guesses.

        Mind you, since my separation in 1994 the only times I’ve been inside a movie house has been to take my son – of those the only ones I remember are Ants, and the first two Harry Potter films,

      • #2600218

        You Win…

        by captbilly1eye ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        I saw all those films except two.
        But I only got 76%.

        chalk it up to ‘old-timers’ disease.

        Fun quiz.

      • #2600210

        I thought I’d do better

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        I got a 76%

      • #2600199

        Ok, I took it…

        by nicknielsen ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        …and failed. 52%

        But I got all the questions about animated features right!

        • #2600197

          That’s okay then

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Ok, I took it…

          Proves you know the really important stuff, anyway.

          How did your Martini and Scotch work for you? After 11 miles in blistering heat today, we are finally beginning to feel somewhat human. Ibuprofen and a Manhattan are helping.

          I have come to the inescapable conclusion that I truly am insane…

        • #2599742

          Cooled me off, thanks :x

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to That’s okay then

          But then I took them outside to drink them. B-)

          I won’t be cool for another day or two, though. The A/C won’t be fixed until tomorrow at the earliest. It seems nobody has the part in stock… Why am I not surprised? :0

          And didn’t we already have the circular discussion about insanity last year? Something about you can’t be insane if you think you’re insane. You know…Catch-22! :^0

        • #2602385

          Yep. But what’s a re-hash of an old subject between friends?

          by tig2 ·

          In reply to Cooled me off, thanks :x

          That’s quite some catch, that Catch-22.

          I have it on very good authority that I am certifiable, however. 30 miles this weekend. I must have forgotten somewhere along the way that I am an old, fat, woman and should be off somewhere knitting or something.

          Silly me!

          We have some left over storm activity here, should I email it?

        • #2599043

          We’ll take it!

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Yep. But what’s a re-hash of an old subject between friends?

          94 yesterday, hotter forecast for today! Anything to just cool down a little…

        • #2603137

          Thank you soooo much!

          by nicknielsen ·

          In reply to Yep. But what’s a re-hash of an old subject between friends?

          That storm was just what we needed. It’s humid as all hell, but the temps dropped almost 10 degrees. 😡 😡 😡

      • #2599809

        61% but the test wasn’t fair.

        by absolutely ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        I didn’t know the answers to some of the questions.

        • #2602494

          I thought it wasnt fair because

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to 61% but the test wasn’t fair.

          I hadnt seen most of the movies that it was about. 1/3 were chick flicks, another 1/3 were kids shows.

          I dont watch them…

        • #2603180

          That is correct. “I didn’t know some of the answers” …

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to I thought it wasnt fair because

          [u]because[/u]:

          “I hadnt seen most of the movies that it was about. 1/3 were chick flicks, another 1/3 were kids shows.

          I dont watch them…”

          We’re correct.

      • #2599139

        not too bad

        by heml0ck ·

        In reply to Movie Quiz!

        Seeing as I haven’t seen about half the films on the list…

        80%

        • #2599067

          Ok Hemlock, you gotta

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to not too bad

          read what the percentage of the site says, not what you think you got!!! :^0

        • #2599050

          eh?

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to Ok Hemlock, you gotta

          You lost me…..
          Must be because of the three day headache i’ve got….

        • #2599036

          just teasing a bit

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to eh?

          but if I gotta spell it out…

          Ok, since you had a higher score than most of us, and said that you guessed on many of them, I commented back stating that you shouldnt just ‘guess’ at your score, that the website showed it.

        • #2603319

          ahh ok… now I get it!

          by heml0ck ·

          In reply to just teasing a bit

          but if you think about it, I only guessed at 50% of the questions, totalling 60%….
          does that get me back in line with the herd?

    • #2602231

      Jingle Bells

      by steffi28 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Hidden Message??

      http://www.portalmix.com/club/revista/curioso/Jingle_Bells_Reversed.swf

      Edited because although I dont wanna give it away I felt a little guilty so WARNING DONT LOOK IF YOUR LIKELY TO DIE OF SHOCK :p

      • #2602203

        OH the Demonic Practices of Modern Music

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Jingle Bells

        Terrible this must be outlawed at all costs immediately. It will adversely affect the young with this Satanic Message being constantly feed to then while they are unaware of it happening. :0

        Now I can see why Tig had to Kill Steffi to protect the [b]Innocent Youth of the World.[/b] That one works on so many levels I’m still laughing. :^0

        Col ]:)

      • #2602143

        Was that scary!

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Jingle Bells

        Didnt notice…

        However, that evil message may torment the weak or blonde among us :^0

      • #2602565

        Made me jump :^0

        by dadspad ·

        In reply to Jingle Bells

        Very funny. Had to turn down speakers fast.

        😀

      • #2603217

        Steffi, you owe me a keyboard!!!

        by captbilly1eye ·

        In reply to Jingle Bells

        I jumped outta my chair and spilled my coffee all over it!
        LMAO!

        Thanks for that one. My first thought was “I gotta use this!” Much better than similar one’s I’ve seen! I got a lot of mileage off it.

        Later I was flooded with emails that said nothing but “you bastard!”
        …and here I thought they all knew me by now.
        😀

        • #2603056

          ooops

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Steffi, you owe me a keyboard!!!

          I didnt think to put a coffee may be spilt warning :p

          I nearly threw my laptop trying to get the thing away from me hahaha

    • #2602139

      Who does this remind you of???

      by w2ktechman ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      • #2602100

        A Kamikaze Antelope that has just had a Bottle Blond wash

        by hal 9000 ·

        In reply to Who does this remind you of???

        Well as a member of the heard I can see the reason it’s much better to sacrifice one to the Lions than to have them come chasing the entire herd. :0

        Also by hitting the tree that hard the thing would have killed itself and not have been subject to any pain & suffering as it was killed by the Pu$$y Cats. 😀

        But then again on the other hand the Pu$$y Cats may consider eating a brain damaged animal to be bad for their health and just moved on to get away for the stupid thing. :^0

        OH Steffi [b]Don’t Mention the War[/b] and you’ll be A OK where you currently are. :p

        Col ]:)

        • #2602023

          LOL

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to A Kamikaze Antelope that has just had a Bottle Blond wash

          Yes, those Pu$$y Cats seemed un-interested for the most part, with a little bit of confusion.

          They were probably thinking “Bleach Blonde”, and decided to stay away :^0

          Edited to add: The bleach really works fast on the brain, especially for those with damage already!!! :^0

        • #2600029

          Are you insinuating what I think your insinuating??

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to LOL

          :_|

        • #2600023

          You had’nt crossed my mind on this

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Are you insinuating what I think your insinuating??

          because your brain damage is small to compared to this bleach blonde!
          Cheer up!

        • #2599991

          Looks like it to me Steffi. :D

          by oh smeg ·

          In reply to Are you insinuating what I think your insinuating??

          But Techman wouldn’t even consider insulting you like that would he now? :^0

          Col ]:)

        • #2599983

          Yes, yes he would

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Looks like it to me Steffi. :D

          And thats one of the reasons I’m not talking to him :p

        • #2599975

          Now I am insulted!!!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Yes, yes he would

          That you think I posted it just to make fun of you! 🙁
          You dont think well of me do you!! 🙁

          Ok, I will hide for a bit and let you cool off. 😡

          But before I go, I must admit. That You WERE the reason I posted it… 😀 :^0 😀 :^0

        • #2599637

          Now you know why

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Yes, yes he would

          I don’t love you anymore :p

        • #2602546

          Ok, I apologize

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Yes, yes he would

          I only put that last line in cause, well, I was upset!

          please forgive my feeble attempt to insult you back!!! 😉

        • #2603055

          W2K I don’t accept!

          by steffi28 ·

          In reply to Yes, yes he would

          You have to suffer my silence for much longer so I know your TRULY sorry 😉

        • #2599581

          Suffer???

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Yes, yes he would

          The silence is golden… :^0

          Oops, I mean I am sorry, and, I, um, hmmm., um, miss your replies???

          Oops again, I didnt mean for it to sound like a question! 😡
          Just chalk it up to me being a male, there, that oughta make things right!!! :^0

    • #2602093
    • #2600231

      for Sunday – A serenity prayer.. The type of prayer Mae makes. ;) :^0

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Serenity Prayer

      Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

      And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

      Help me to always give 100% at work… 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays.

      Help me to remember when I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

      • #2600205

        I’ll have to remember these..

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to for Sunday – A serenity prayer.. The type of prayer Mae makes. ;) :^0

        I believe I’ll be meeting either my new boss or my replacement tomorrow. I have to have SOMETHING to focus on. You know, like where I can hide the bodies.

        • #2600202

          Easy!

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to I’ll have to remember these..

          in the Basement!
          In the Attic!

          Wait, why am I helping you!!!

        • #2600108

          Because the friends that you had over for dinner

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Easy!

          Found the bodies in the freezer and reported you to the Police. 😀

          That’s a good a reason as any. :p

          Col ]:)

        • #2600021

          THE BEAST HAS ARRIVED!!! ]:) ]:) ]:) ]:) ]:) ]:)

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Because the friends that you had over for dinner

          . ]:)

        • #2599829

          Don’t hide them, dispose of them

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to I’ll have to remember these..

          Method One:

          Get a property near a smelly factory or swamp etc; buy a very large steel tub with a good closing lid; buy one industrial strength wood chipper; buy a huge ceramic tub.

          Hang bodies over ceramic tub, gut them and remove entrails, allow to drain until empty of blood.

          Place bodies in large steel tub, place lid on, light large fire underneath, secure lid well.

          Boil until meat totally disintegrates and comes away from the bones. Crack bones to allow interior contents to drain out into tub.

          Run bones through industrial wood chipper; mince entrails; and mix both with blood and add some actual wood chips with a nice fragrance – pine is good.

          Add some perfume to steel tube and continue boiling until meat and everything is totally disintegrated into the water – it should now be a thick fluid.

          Filter tub contents several times while keeping on the boil. Check fragrance, add more perfume as required.

          Pour contents into molds and allow to set; sell bars of soap and ‘blood and bone’ fertiliser. Nice profit earners.

          —————

          Method two.

          Learn to make good meat pies. Set up business selling own meat pies. Set up butchery in back of shop. Butchery victims and sell large quantities of pork pies. Another good profit earner.

          ——————

          BTW: Both the above method (with a few extra steps involved, but not mentioned) have been tried and tested as workable methods in England in the past. The people blew the deal by not being selective enough with the victims and got caught obtaining their raw materials.

          edited to add:

          I almost forgot another method.

          Dress the corpse properly, freeze and ship to New Zealand, sell to Maoris as cheap meat. They call it long pork, they got a very particular liking for the flavour of white long pork during the English Maori wars.

          Thats what all that ceremonial dancing with the poked out tongue is about – the words translate into something like “You’re going to make a nice tasty dessert for me, you’ll be finger lickin’ good.”

        • #2602501

          Now you are just scary ]:)

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Don’t hide them, dispose of them

          Good thing you and Mae are on different continents. I would hate to see you 2 get together for any amount of time…

        • #2602478

          Way too much work

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Don’t hide them, dispose of them

          There is a reason Louisiana is listed as the second most dangerous state in the US.

          Gators…..

        • #2599040

          Here in Australia, we have some decent sized crocs

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Way too much work

          mostly in the Northern Territory. in fact, back in the mid/late 1980s I was working at the Department of Immigration – when we had a number of people attacked by crocodiles in the NT. The NT Dept Immigration people put their names through the computer and found several of them were overstayers – that is people who didn’t leave when their visa ran out (what USA people call illegal aliens).

          Well, one of the NT Dept Immigration people was a reasonable cartoonist, he did a good cartoon of a crocodile with carrying a person off, the person’s passport was out with the visa showing, stamped expired, and Departmental Compliance Branch Badge was on a chain around the croc’s neck – it was headed “New Immigration Compliance Staff in Northern Territory Very Active”

        • #2599035

          So that’s how you folks get rid of illegals

          by w2ktechman ·

          In reply to Here in Australia, we have some decent sized crocs

          or ‘overstayers’

          What do the crocs ask in return for hunting them down???

        • #2576629

          Hey, they’re already getting a free meal

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to So that’s how you folks get rid of illegals

          what else could they want?

        • #2599598

          Actually, “overstayers”

          by jdclyde ·

          In reply to Here in Australia, we have some decent sized crocs

          account for a very small portion of the criminals that have gotten into our country illegally and are living here the same way.

          Funny how they claim it isn’t fair to follow the immigration laws here in the US, but their own country has much stricter policies and punishments for doing the same crime.

        • #2576627

          Yeah, well it’s harder to jump our borders, although

          by deadly ernest ·

          In reply to Actually, “overstayers”

          we do get enough who try. we call them ‘boat people.’

          The numbers of ‘boat people’ (those who arrive here by boats unlawfully entering our waters) are a very emotional topic down here. They make up the smallest single group of ‘proscribed non-citizens’ we have, but represent the greatest danger in every way. many claim to be refugees, but don’t meet the criteria of the UN Convention on Refugees.

          The biggest issue is most lie their heads off to try and enter the country without going through the normal screening processes, many wouldn’t pass the normal screening processes – that’s way the unlawful approach. None of these people have undertaken any health or character screening tests prior to heading our way, and they usually give false details in order to avoid being properly identified and claims rejected due to failing to meet migration criteria. Economics is the main motivator for many. Sadly, a few percent are genuine refugees, but they use this unlawful method in the hopes of jumping to the front of the queue – the worst aspect, is many people here in Australia aid them in this flagrant violation of our laws.

          With those who enter under valid visas and then over stay their visa, we’ve had an opportunity to do basic health and character checks and know who they really are before hand – in most cases. Many voluntarily head back home after several extra months stay; but not all.

      • #2600011

        That is not Mae’s prayer, you heard wrong

        by jdclyde ·

        In reply to for Sunday – A serenity prayer.. The type of prayer Mae makes. ;) :^0

        It is the “Senility Prayer”…. :0

    • #2600107

      Who wants to play now?

      by hal 9000 ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Dam it I’ve lost that [b]Angelic Emotion[/b] again. :0

      [i]Edited because[/i] Now who wants to know what happened to Daveo? :^0 😀 :^0 😀

      Col ]:)

      • #2600095

        Time to send those emails

        by absolutely ·

        In reply to Who wants to play now?

        to everybody who has an unrated question from HAL9000!

        :^0 😀 :^0 😀 :^0 😀 :^0 😀 :^0 😀 :^0 😀

        • #2600043

          Who would that be Abs?

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Time to send those emails

          I’m very careful to close off any question that I ask and I don’t have any open questions that I know about. :p

          But if there is one all I an say is [b]The Devil Made Me Do It![/b] :0

          Col ]:)

        • #2599823

          Questions that you ASK?

          by absolutely ·

          In reply to Who would that be Abs?

          Are you saying you only answer Questions posted by other accounts, which YOU open?

          I wasn’t actually going to send any emails, but now I’m curious!

        • #2599713

          No what I’m saying is that as far as I know I’ve

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Questions that you ASK?

          Rated ever answer to any question that I’ve ever asked on the Q&A Site at least.

          Or to be more precise every question that I’ve ever opened as I have asked quite a few people who have asked questions for more information in an attempt to help them solve a problem but I don’t think that they count as questions do they?

          Besides yesterday before I looked on the Net I received several Peer Mails telling me that I had hit 666 along with the jpeg image just in case someone rated another answer before I could look. :p

          But everyone is too scared to play with me as now I’m dangerous even Mae will not speak to me as she’s scared of me. :_|

          But that could be because I did make some comment about who is scared of a shovel when a chain saw does a much better and faster job. :^0

          Col ]:)

      • #2600068

        Woot you made it!

        by steffi28 ·

        In reply to Who wants to play now?

        Now you just have to hope and pray that nobody rates any of your past answers :p

        • #2600044

          Steffi that will no doubt happen some time latter

          by hal 9000 ·

          In reply to Woot you made it!

          But till them [b]The Beast[/b] has time to play. :^0

          But for the time being I’ll be using my alter ego to answer questions. :p

          An account that I opened when I couldn’t reliably get into TR and hasn’t been used much till now. :^0

          Col now that I’m a big devil I’ll have to find something else to add here. 😀

      • #2600018

        I still want to know

        by w2ktechman ·

        In reply to Who wants to play now?

        what you did with Daveo??? :^0

    • #2602555

      Ride ’em, cowboy! Be aware he’s a [i]”BLOND”[/i] cowboy. :^0

      by sleepin’dawg ·

      In reply to Friday Yuk – As I haven’t created one in ages :D

      Ride ’em, cowboy!

      The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots So the sheriff arrests him for indecent exposure.

      As he is locking him up he asks ” Why in the world are you dressed like this’?

      Cowboy: ” Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her…. and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did…. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants… So I did… Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts…So I did… Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of funny and says: “Now go to town cowboy….”

      “So here I am.”

      [b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

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