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Friday Yuk -- early edition

By GSG ·
Tags: Off Topic
The Three Drinkers

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the frothy head.
The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing happened.
The Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you little *******!"

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Support email

by GSG In reply to Friday Yuk -- early editi ...

We got the following today in our support email that we use for general, non-emergent issues.


User: I keep getting this weird symbol pop up in emails that some people send to me. Can you tell me what this is? Do I have a virus or something? Here's the copy of it : )

Tech Support: It's a smiley face

User: I don't see a smiley face. I just see : ) Why do I keep getting this?

Tech Support: You get it because the sender is typing in the smiley face symbol.

User: But i don't get a smiley face. I just get : )

Tech Support: Turn your head to the left and look at it. It means that the sender is smiling.

User: I think there's something wrong with my computer because I'm not getting a smiley face. All I see is : )

Tech support printed it out and are going to walk over to the other building, turn the paper, and show her that when it's turned it looks like a smiling face.

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Top 10 Christmas eating tips

by Michael Jay In reply to Friday Yuk -- early editi ...

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

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Excellent!

by JackOfAllTech In reply to Top 10 Christmas eating t ...

Especially #4 and not just for mashed potatoes. If it's not whole milk it's just flavored water and I won't drink it.

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Anyone see (hear) the drunk christmas song?

by patb071 In reply to Friday Yuk -- early editi ...

Saerch youtube and put in drunk christmas song. Best song i have ever heard.

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My personal favorite...

by Fregeus In reply to Anyone see (hear) the dru ...

..is the 12 pains of christmas


TCB

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