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Friday Yuk (for Germans everywhere)

By OldER Mycroft ·
Tags: Off Topic
A German guy approaches a lady of the night. 'I vish to buy sex viz
you.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 20 an hour.'
'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's place, where the German produces four large
bed springs and a duck caller.

'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he
had said, to her hands and knees

'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
She does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to **** zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.)

She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room
by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it
is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,

'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'

'Ah,' says the German . . .'zat is ze....



four-sprung Duck technique

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Eh...

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk (for Germans ...
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Vorsprung Durch Techniik - Audi slogan ...

by OldER Mycroft In reply to Eh...

It translates to:

Advancement through Technical Excellence + V G SEX! :^0

http://www.audi.co.uk/audi/uk/en2.html


<Link>

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If you have to explain it......

by jdclyde In reply to Vorsprung Durch Techniik ...

I still don't get it..... :0

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Hey Mycroft!

by neilb@uk In reply to Vorsprung Durch Techniik ...

They don't use that advert in the USA.

I got it, though...

Neil

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SCHITT !! - I didn't take that into account when I posted, but ...

by OldER Mycroft In reply to Hey Mycroft!

Also didn't take account of a Woman's view from Dublin either! :^0

<Germanic sh/t opportunity>

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Thanks Shell

by jimmy-jam In reply to Eh...

I thought I was the only one. :)

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You certainly not the only one

by SJMcD In reply to Thanks Shell

Jimmy-jam, you are certainly not the only one. I didn't get it either as the ad hasn't reached "Down Under" yet.

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*pwhhaaww*

by Shellbot In reply to Eh...

nope..still don't get it :)

I'll conceed that one will have to be german to understand it...

a mate was goin gout with german girl for a few years..she would tell jokes and be holding her sides from laughing..half of them i didn't get..the other half just were not funny!

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For a change: Stupid Tech Support Solutions

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk (for Germans ...

Rather than laughing at the users, lets laugh at the techs for a change!!

****

Back when high-speed internet was first getting started, my parents wanted to hop on the bandwagon right away and called a technician to come set them up. At the time I was in junior high school and couldn't be there when the tech showed up.

It is important to note that although we were quick in getting high-speed Internet, we didn't have a particularly state-of-the-art machine. It didn't have a cdrom drive, for example, but I assumed the tech would be installing the software from a floppy.

Imagine my horror when I came home and found my mother trying to dig the CD out of our ancient 5 1/4" drive with a key, while the "tech" stood behind her, scratching his head and saying, "I've seriously never seen one of those before. Are you SURE it's not a cdrom drive?"

*****

Customer: "Hi, I can't seem to connect you guys are you having a problem?"
Tech Support: "Well sir, what dialup software are you using?"
Customer: "The one you provided."
Tech Support: "And what version is it?"
Customer: (says the version number)
Tech Support: "Oh, that's the problem you need the latest version."
Customer: "Ok, how do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Well, just transfer the file via FTP."
Customer: "Well that would be nice, but I can't connect to the Internet."
Tech Support: (sounding exasperated) "I told you just to FTP the file sir."

****

Me: "I can't seem to get this download to complete. What might be causing it?"
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Me: "Windows NT."
Tech Support: "Well, you have to be running Windows 98 or better in order to download it."
Me: "Ummm, I am. I'm running Windows NT4, SP5."
Tech Support: "Are you on a PC or a MAC?"

*****
A friend of mine told me that when he was in junior high school (mid-to-late nineties), they got a computer in the classroom free for the students to use during breaks. The first thing many of them would do to was to change the dull Windows 95 desktop. The school's IT Manager for some reason thought of this as vandalism, so he frequently fixed it in the only way he knew how -- by reinstalling Windows.

I was almost on the floor laughing when my friend told me about how the IT Manager had come into their classroom one day and told the students, "Will you STOP changing the desktop background? I've had to reinstall Windows every day for the last two weeks now!"

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more...

by Shellbot In reply to For a change: Stupid Tech ...

I called up tech support because Internet Explorer insisted on opening everything I was trying to download with Quicktime.

Customer: "Internet Explorer insists on opening everything I try to download with Quicktime."
Tech Support: "Ok."
Customer: "So whenever I click on anything that I want to download it tries to open it with Quicktime."
Tech Support: "Are you sure that its not a Quicktime file?"
Customer: "No it's an exe file."
Tech Support: "So it's not a Quicktime file?"
Customer: "No, and I can't right click either, to do a Save Target As."
Tech Support: "Oh, but you're sure it's not a Quicktime file, right?"
Customer: "Yes, it is an executable file, DOT E X E, not DOT M O V."
Tech Support: "Is it a .exe that can be opened in Quicktime?"

*****

I use a cable modem ISP, one of North America's largest ISPs. During one of their interminable outages, I called to demand what the problem was.

Tech Support: "Is your computer on? Is the modem plugged in?"
Me: "Yes, it's on and working fine. The modem's plugged in, but it isn't getting anything from your end."
Tech Support: "Ok, can you click on the 'Start' button and type 'WINIPCFG'--"
Me: "Yes, I know. My IP is listed as 169.XXX.XXX.XXX."
This IP was the one Windows 98 usually gives when it's supposed to have one assigned to it but doesn't get one.

Tech Support: "Well, sir, that's the problem."
Me: "Yes, I know. I'm getting no IP. I'm not in the network."
Tech Support: "No, sir, the problem is that you're using a Mac."
Er....

Me: "I'm sorry?"
Tech Support: "Sir, your IP is a Mac IP. You're not using a PC."
Me: "Uhhh, I am using a PC. It's a Dell with an Intel PII-450 CPU. I'm running Windows 98."
Tech Support: "No, sir. Your IP indicates that your computer is a Mac. IPs that start with those numbers are used by Macs."
Me: "You know, I don't think it works that way. I'm pretty certain IPs are assigned based on where the computer is in a domain and a subdomain and such. I know all your IPs assigned in this area start with XXX. And I'm quite certain my computer is a PC."
Tech Support: "I don't think we use 'domain' here."
Me: "Can I speak to a supervisor, please?"

*****

After owning my computer for a little over two months I noticed the system was sluggish.

Me: "My system's really slow on bootup."
Tech Support: "Have you been on the net for a long time?"
Me: "Well, yeah, about a month or two."
Tech Support: "Try deleting the cache. Oh, and do you have a virus scanner?"
Me: "Yes, it was the first thing I put on the hard drive."
Tech Support: "Oh, get rid of it. That's the problem. Those virus scanners screw things up on your disk. Get rid of it."
Me: "Isn't that risky?"
Tech Support: "And you'll have to format your hard drive with Quick Reinstall. That's really all I know."
Me: "Um...sure. Sure I will."
A friend cleaned up my system path, and the boot lag cleared right up. And guess what? I didn't have to format my hard drive after all

*****
Me: "I was thinking of installing Linux, but I was wondering if you knew if the modem works under Linux."
Tech Support: "Oh, I'm sorry, we only support Windows."
Me: "I know. I was just wondering if you knew if it was possible."
Tech Support: "But we only support Windows."
Me: "I know, but just to save me some time, have you heard of anyone that got Linux to work with the modem?"
Tech Support: (getting annoyed) "Why can't you just use Netscape?"
Me: "Uh, wha? It's not a browser, it's a--never mind. Thanks for your help."

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