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Friday Yuk - Top 10 reasons Trick or Treating is better than sex

By Oz_Media ·
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.

8. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.

6. Person you are with doesn't fantasize you're someone else, you already are.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last nine months.

4. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.

1. If you don't get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more

Have a safe and Happy Haloween, be careful with fireworks, drive safely and watch out for kids on the streets.

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Why Pumpkins are better than men

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Yuk - Top 10 reaso ...

Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men

1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.

2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.

3. One usually makes a better pie.

4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!

5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.

6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.

7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.

8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.

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Things we've learned from horror films

by Oz_Media In reply to Why Pumpkins are better t ...

Okay, keeping on theme:

Things we've learned from horror films

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. It isn't.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to ****.

If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and leave NOW!!

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing. Even then, don't do it.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it WILL catch you.

If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Meskatonic University, Camp Crystal Lake, Haddonfield, Illinois, one gas station towns or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, or band saws. This is especially true if they are wearing a hockey mask or one made of human skin.

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Running out of gas late at night

by JamesRL In reply to Things we've learned from ...

Funny you mention that...

...I grew up in the country, and our house was at an intersection, but a mile off the highway. Before cell phones existed, we did have people knock on our door with car troubles. Sometimes they ran out of gas, sometimes they were drunk and ran their car into a ditch, but the most common was in the winter snow/ice, when they were driving all seasons and lost control.

There was a garage that had a tow truck a few miles away and we would dutifully invite them into our house, wake up the tow driver and wait with them inside till the truck arrived.

To be honest, I thought we were more indanger from them, especially the drunk ones. At lease we knew they wouldn't be driving any more, the tow truck guy got a lot of business from the police, so if he towed a drunk person's car out of the ditch, he wouldn't let them drive it away.

It all went away with cell phones, now people won't knock on the door.

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Or a flat

by Oz_Media In reply to Running out of gas late a ...

a la Rocky Horror, 'kick the tire if you're an a**hole, Brad!'

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Re: Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men

by CharlieSpencer In reply to Why Pumpkins are better t ...

9. Eating pumpkin is good for you.

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So is,,,,

by Oz_Media In reply to Re: Why Pumpkins Are Bett ...

Well that's what they say anyway, protein.

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The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires

by maecuff In reply to Friday Yuk - Top 10 reaso ...

15 Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.

14 Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.

13 Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs.

12 Three Words: Daylight Savings Time

11 Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck yelling, "Look Ma! It's Elvis!"

10 After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

9 After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.

8 No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

7 With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.

6 No warm blood for miles around DC.

5 Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

4 No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

3 Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."

2 Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.

and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Vampires...

1 Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.

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by Oz_Media In reply to The Top 15 Complaints of ...

These things usually track around every year,m same stuff different year, but one's new for me. Love it!

Have an awesome Hallows Eve, but stay away from CANDY !!! (are you handing out rice cakes this year?)

I guess next year, with all the hard work you guys are putting into your exercise and diet regime, your hubby can go as Richard Simmons and you can go as Jane Fonda. (or whatever young, fit people the kids are into these days. Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda, dating myself just a little bit there, carbon dating that is)

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I bought

by maecuff In reply to Awesome!

gummy worms. I think I can resist gummy worms.

we're having a block party tomorrow night, so tomorrow afternoon i'm going to have a make a bunch of low carb snacks to get me through the night..and bourbon. bourbon helps.

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by Oz_Media In reply to I bought

Careful, HEAPS of sugar!!

But the alcohol makes it seem irrelevant.
Block party, had a few when I lived in NS but not these days. I don't even do candy for Halloween anymore (well for myself maybe) but I don't get ANY trick or treater's by my place. Gotta love apartments!

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