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Friday Yuk

By aidemzo_adanac ·
Tags: Off Topic
Well a bit late but it's a long weekend in BC so I forgot about it.

Completely tasteless, not politically correct but a chuckle for some all the same.

Ahhh, old age....

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen's home. Every night after dinner Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.

They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" and he replies "***"."

Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fool, you couldn't get it up if I held a Gun to your head!" "I know," Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige", says Mildred, who gently, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Howard's aging manhood again.

Then one night Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make sure that he was OK. She walked around the senior where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Howard's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?!?"

Howard smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."

Told you it was tasteless and politically incorrect!

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Go git 'er!

by aidemzo_adanac In reply to Friday Yuk

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a
mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling
around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything
they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old
lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old
blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his
son,"Boy, go git yo momma.... "

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by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

Bloke walks up to a sheila in a pub, and says: "Pardon me, miss. Fancy a $!#@?"

Sheila turns to him and says: "I do now, you sweet talking #@$+@&*!"

Elle MacPherson tells is so much better. B-)

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by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

completely tasteless, yet a good bellylaugh!

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Joke of the Week May 26 2013 from my local News Paper

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

A bloke bought himself a voice activated robot car. One day he asked the car to go and pickup his kids from school. An hour latter he got a call from the police to say that the robot car had been pulled over for having too many passengers and the car was saying it had collected his children.

When he and his wife get to the Police Station, they find six kids jammed in the back seat: the neighbors’s two sons, the cleaning ladys daughter and the wives best friends 3 kids. The wife yells at her husband: “Don’t tell me all these are all your children!” To which he calmly replies “You tell me first why our 2 kids are not in the car?”

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