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Friday's yuk

By Oz_Media ·
I would have added it to Guru's discussion but I wouldn't want to blaspheme a good discussion (sure).

What's up Officer

Two guys are driving through Texas when
they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up, taps on the window
with his nightstick, the driver rolls down
the window, and the trooper smacks him in
the head with the stick.

The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son.
When I pull you over, you'll have your
license ready."

Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm
not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's
license, and he's clean. He gives the
guy his license back and walks around
to the passenger side and taps on the
window. The passenger rolls his window
down, and the trooper smacks him with
the nightstick. The passenger says,
"What did you do that for?"

The cop says, "Just making your wishes
come true."

The cop continues, "I know that two
miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I
wish that guy would've tried that with me.'"


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After the pubs shut...

by GuruOfDos In reply to Friday's yuk

Paddy O'Reilly has a very substantial win in the Irish Lottery and decides to show off to his pals by buying the biggest, flashest, most expensive Rolls Royce that the Dublin dealership has in the showroom. Naturally, the best place to find his buddys and show off is at the local pub. Being rather flush with the 'folding', he treats everyone in the bar to several rounds of drinks and needless to say, Paddy indulges in a fair few pints of Guinness and several whiskeys himself.

Closing time arrives and Paddy, somewhat worse for wear, sets off for home in the Roller. A couple of officers of the Garda Siochana are sat in a layby in their patrol car as he drives past erratically, clipping the kerbs and generally swerving all over the road. They can almost smell the alcohol on his breath as he drives by so they decide to give it the 'blues and twos' and pull him over.

The police stop the Rolls, and ask Paddy to step out of the car. Paddy, being well over the limit, is giggling and chuckling to himself.

'What about you, Paddy?', says the first cop. 'Been out celebrating, have we?' Paddy is quite amused by all this and the chuckling continues unabated. The second cop isn't having any of this so he takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the ground.

'Stand in the circle and DON'T move!' he tells Paddy. He then takes out his nightstick, walks over to the front of Paddy's new car, and smashes a headlight. Paddy is getting quite amused now.

The first cop then takes out his nightstick, goes to the back of the Rolls and smashes both rear light clusters. When he looks round, Paddy is laughing his head off.

The two cops then lay into the windows and smash all the lights and glass on the car. Paddy is now rolling around on the ground and holding his sides from laughing so much. Cop #1 then takes out his sidearm and shoots the tyres while Cop #2 jumps up and down on the roof. When they turn round, Paddy is almost choking with laughter and the tears are rolling down his cheeks.

'What's so bloody funny, Paddy?, the first cop asks. 'We're going to do you for drinking and driving, and we've just smashed your car up, so why are you laughing so much?'

'Oh Bejeesus!', Paddy replies, 'every time you boys have been turning round and hitting my car...I've been stepping out of the circle!!!'

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Ahh, Guru does it again.

by Oz_Media In reply to After the pubs shut...

I love the British terms in your jokes, they always take me back!

"'We're going to do you for drinking and driving,"

Reminds me of old Blakey, "I'm gonna get you Bulter!" Speaking oh Blakey, I saw him in some woerd late night show lst week, he was runnig a strip club, still had the conductores hat on and that same smug grin, gotta love him!

Have a great weekend Guru,

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Cop this one ...

by jardinier In reply to Friday's yuk

A true story: If you ever testified in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this Cop. A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

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by Jellimonsta In reply to Cop this one ...

Thats awesome!..... you know the difference between a lawyer and a carp?
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller and the other is a fish.

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hee hee

by GuruOfDos In reply to

And what is the difference between a doner kebab and an old '*****'??

One is often smelly, has loose sides with bits of meat hanging out,is greasy and only eaten when you are incredibly drunk...

...and the other is a Greek delicacy!

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