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  • #2175278

    Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

    Locked

    by jaqui

    1. Viruses are free.
    2. Viruses can be gotten from any good bbs.
    3. If detected soon enough, most viruses can be removed from your computer without a huge loss of data and time.
    4. Viruses don’t take up HUGE wads of disk space.
    5. Viruses don’t need 16meg of ram to run.
    6. Viruses do something.
    7. Viruses come in flavors, not just one-size-fits-all.
    8. Viruses use the “cutting edge” programming skills to make themselves less noticable. (until they are ready to be noticed)
    9. Viruses don’t have major bugs. (if they do, then they don’t work, so they’re not virus’)
    10. Viruses don’t have three different sets of documentation that is all mixed up and wrong.
    11. Viruses don’t leak things to the press about the upcomming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp or better yet, XJerusalem.
    12. Viruses don’t put out stupid two page adds in magazines centered around the march 6 “activate button”.
    13. Viruses arn’t on every computer.
    14. Viruses don’t have stupid wizards.
    15. Who cares if a virus is 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32?
    16. Viruses don’t say that they are user friendly”, when they aren’t.
    17. Viruses can run on PCDOS without warnings.
    18. Viruses when installing themselves don’t try to send private info about your computer over the phone lines to microstoned-net.
    19. Viruses install themselves.
    20. Viruses don’t try to push out all compitition. They just try to do their job.
    21. Viruses maker’s don’t try to buy Intuit (makers of Quicken (wouldn’t that be fun, America’s biggest finacial software company owned by a virus maker))
    22. Viruses don’t invade and take over PC Magazine, filling it with 100% junk on Win95.
    23. Viruses don’t try to copy what Apple does.
    24. There are programs you can buy, or get free to remove viruses.
    25. Viruses use compact and efficient code.

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    • #3322343
      Avatar photo

      But it still plays like a Virus

      by hal 9000

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      And people are only too willing to pay for it. Beats me why this is so but it is a fact of life. 馃榾

      Col ]:)

      • #3322337

        try

        by jaqui

        In reply to But it still plays like a Virus

        activatng bios virus protection, before installing windows.
        last time I tried that it locked windows out from the system, it’s a virus.

        • #3322317
          Avatar photo

          No argument there at all!

          by hal 9000

          In reply to try

          I just can not understand why people who seem sane are willing to pay for the thing. I try very hard to stop any Viruses getting onto any computers that I build/maintain but so many want this virus installed and expect it not to work properly I’m constantly amassed. :p

          Col ]:)

        • #3329212

          Do you want a computer?

          by jdclyde

          In reply to No argument there at all!

          or a source of endless torment?

          People have punished themselves for various things for centuries. The only thing that has changed is the “penance” now doesn’t leave a welt.

        • #3342463

          A story about computers…

          by fonken monken uk

          In reply to Do you want a computer?

          The Year:?..1968 maybe? The Place: Melton Mowbray (or somewhere very like it), and a young Bill Gates first hit upon a new idea that would revolutionise the World.

          His dream of putting a box, in every household?.that didn?t work.

          At that moment of the idea?s original conception, Gates was not sure exactly sure what the box would be used for; he only knew it would be expensive.

          But he knew that if he wanted to maintain the illusion to the buying public that he was The World Authority on these wretched things, his box would have to be completely baffling. Thus it was that Gates hit upon the idea of confusing us with unintelligible error messages.
          By the end of 1982, a rudimentary none-working box had been developed. And a definitive list of nonsensical error messages had been collated by a crack team comprising of Gates himself, some top linguists, a coach load of Sunshine Variety kids, and a crazed locust named Frank.

          Thus it came to pass that on January 12th 1983, a human test subject was exposed to the very first test message; ?Error 01, unexpected kebab?.
          The effect was dramatic; as the user became so exasperated that his brain began to weep out of his ears. When his brain had entirely seeped away, that same subject then picked up the phone, and rang all of his friends, enthusiastically recommending that they buy PC?s too.

          Gates was elated, and before long the general public themselves were being subjected to messages as unfathomable as ?System integrity bedevilled?, ?Code 02; insane error?, ?Insert square thingy?, ?Cannot find clitoris?, ?Message#7: spurious crash pretext?, ?OUT OF SPONGE!? and ?A required dll. file is in Basingstoke?.

          The public were in awe of Microsoft, and their money poured in. Before long Gates was the second richest man in the World, after Wim Pooterblatt, the inventor of marmalade.

          It was at around about this time that Gates logged onto his home PC to calculate exactly how much money he had earned. Only for his screen to choose that ironic moment to flash up a message telling him that his C drive had been corrupted by ‘shifty Yemenese beatniks’.

          He is still completely unaware that he is rich.

    • #3329128

      I liked number 15

      by tony hopkinson

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      Had a big argument with a major vendor of software to run under windows about that, they’d lied about doing it to their code as well, presumably on the basis that their customers would be too thick to notice. Sales guy told me it was OK because windows had Thunk’d it.

    • #3329078

      I liked 6

      by oz_media

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      True to the point anyway!

    • #3329076

      Personally, I see it as more of a plague.

      by dc_guy

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      Sort of like the Black Death or the Spanish Flu.

    • #3329014

      5 reasons my banker doesn’t mind –

      by dafe2

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      1 – Credit Card Dept – Paid
      2 – Morgage – Paid
      3 – Car Loan – Paid
      4 – Line of Credit – Paid
      5 – ‘Toy’ Loans – Paid

      Couldn’t help it………………I liked all of em ———> nice job!
      Needed the laugh today.

    • #3328992

      23, 24, 25

      by jaqui

      In reply to Here are 25 reasons why windows is not a virus:

      best 3 for me.

      • #3342482

        for a counter point

        by jdclyde

        In reply to 23, 24, 25

        someone needs to dig up the Why Windows IS a virus.

        • #3342455

          Virus like behavior

          by changeadvocate

          In reply to for a counter point

          It is spreading worldwide.
          People get it from their IT coworkers.
          There is no cure that will allow (the) Office to work right.

        • #3342431

          Norton AV for Win 3.1

          by jessie

          In reply to Virus like behavior

          … detected Win95 as a very LARGE virus… and would kill it… “repaired” all those long file names. 馃檪

          I worked Tech Support at Gateway when 95 first came out, and had SEVERAL customers get really pissed off because they’d loaded AV for Win 3.x and allowed it to “clean” their systems… which subsequently would not boot… ROTFLMAO!!!

        • #3342258

          Remember Norton System Works with Win95?

          by oz_media

          In reply to Norton AV for Win 3.1

          The System Works didn’t know what to do with the autoexec.bat and the AV would quarantine it. LOL 馃榾

          Gotta love Norton! NOT!

        • #3250846
          Avatar photo

          Thanks very much OZ

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Remember Norton System Works with Win95?

          I had forgotten that little nasty piece of trivia and you had to remind me of it. 馃檨

          As I remember there where numerous other problems as well but I’ve just had a look at some old Norton’s Software System Works Gold and while it did have the System Works it didn’t have any AV products in it.

          At the time of that piece of software being new I was using a AV product from Leprechaun which worked very well but unfortunately it didn’t play at all nice with Norton’s System Works so I had to dump it and go all Norton’s. Not my favorite solution to a problem particularly as the writers of the Leprechaun Product never got back to me after I gave them a copy of the offending software so they could sought out the problem.

          Col ]:)

        • #3250836

          You’re right

          by oz_media

          In reply to Thanks very much OZ

          It wasn’t the NAV it was in System Works itself, Windows File Checker or something like that it ran would delete it.

          Shoulda heard this Aussie I was talking to today. I have to fly into Vencouver South Terminal tomorrow afternoon to meet him. He runs a company there that trains and hires out staff in training for Javaa and J2EE stuff. He needs someone to quote on some marketing ideas for him, he was pretty funny to talk to though. His cell phone was cutting out (only on HIS end) so I heard him yelling “Can ya hear me mate? I think me phones gone on the blink, did ya get me email?” Sounds very animated and …er…’carefree’ shall I say?

          Type of guy who’d knock out the FedEx guy for saying he needed a form filled out.

          Thier office is in South Terminal (completely unrelated to aircraft in ANY way) next door to the pub though so it’ll be fun anyway. 馃榾

        • #3250801
          Avatar photo

          Yep that sounds just like one

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Thanks very much OZ

          Of my fellow country men, don’t bother with the phone when the other person can hear you yelling even if you are a few hundred miles away. Here that is only spitting distance. 馃檪

          Sounds like the perfect place for a meeting and with the pub so close I’m betting that is where the meeting will be held anyway. Now do you need a translator? I’m available. 馃榾

          Col ]:)

        • #3342408
          Avatar photo

          Well isn’t it obvious?

          by hal 9000

          In reply to for a counter point

          First to gobbles up system resources at an alarming rate.

          It constantly gives you the wrong reports regarding time that will be taken to install something.

          You get erroneous reports on all critical systems in the box ranging from free HDD space to the amount that the CPU/s is/are running at. My all time favorite is seeing 0% CPU usage on XP with 47 processes running that just can not be correct.

          The more you give it in the way of system resources the more it wants.

          Has there ever been a version of Windows that actually worked the way that it was claimed to work. This has got so bad nowadays that MS no longer provides any documentation with the Windows Product.

          Any MS application first checks the amount of free space on any HDD before starting the install process and then repeats this process again before you even reach the actual install.

          When you install office on a large HDD you get an error report that the install can not proceed because there isn’t enough HDD space available and then it goes on to tell you that a few hundred MEG is required for the install and you only have a few hundred GIG free.

          But the best that I’ve ever seen was an error message telling me that Device 6 was not installed. After spending hours digging through the MS Knowledge Base I eventually rang MS Technical Support only to be told that Device 6 was the CPU. When I asked just how an error message could be displayed without a CPU fitted I was just stonewalled and told to fit a CPU so the computer would work.

          Col ]:)

        • #3342336

          I had that problem

          by jdclyde

          In reply to Well isn’t it obvious?

          with my car when I forgot to put the motor in. Here I am going down the road and the id10t light comes on and i couldn’t figure it out for the life of me.

          They tell me you need to have a motor. Who would have thunk it?

        • #3251162
          Avatar photo

          Well at least without a motor

          by hal 9000

          In reply to I had that problem

          You do not expect it to work but when in DOS you Partition a HDD and then loading Windblows you get the error message it gets a bit confusing.

          But I just pulled everything off the M’Board and reseated the things again and it worked I don’t know what I did but I didn’t touch the CPU so there had to be something there that didn’t like me.

          But perhaps you would like to explain to me just how you can get an error message on a monitor without a CPU fitted? If that was normal for that M’Board I would have brought more of them as they must have had some form of processing power built in. 馃檪

          And it was a Slot 1 CPU so it would be kind of hard to overlook something so big and obvious even for me. :p

          Col ]:)

        • #3251144

          Col,

          by jaqui

          In reply to Well at least without a motor

          I’m sure you could achieve that.
          don’t sell yourself short.
          you can overlook anything if you really don’t pay attention.

          馃槈

        • #3251067
          Avatar photo

          Well then Jaqui

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Col,

          How did I manage to partition the HDD’s without a CPU?

          Sorry but I still don’t believe MS on that one and while I’m not calling them all bald faced liars Device 6 can not be the CPU! 馃檪

          By the way you forgot the “SARCASM ALERT” heading to your post. That thing was a passive Slot 1 CPU with a heat-sink about 3 inches wide and while it was black it was way to big to miss, maybe not seated properly but then again that doesn’t explain how I managed to partition the drives does it? :p

          Col ]:)

        • #3251042

          ~lol~

          by jaqui

          In reply to Col,

          I’m not saying you are wrong about the cpu.
          I’m saying that you could have overlooked a second one if you really wanted to.

          I’ve watched people walking down the street overlook / completely not see, the ladder and face plant against it.
          or face plant into a post.

          bounce off me headfirst into posts, buildings, thier car, the guys they are running away from.

        • #3251015
          Avatar photo

          Well then Jaqui

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Col,

          You would have loved a trick that my wife did. She was driving the mobile home and pulled up at a pub directly in front of the Police and fell out of the thing as she forgot that she was sitting up so high and for some unexplainable reason thought that she was driving a car. She went A over T right in front of a Breath Test Unit and she wondered why she was pulled up to blow into the bag as she attempted to drive out. 馃榾

          I know I could have over looked that Bloody CPU but their supposed explanation for the error message just didn’t add up and they where so insistent. 馃檨

          Col ]:)

        • #3251001

          true..

          by jaqui

          In reply to Col,

          I agree that the techs definately need to do more than read from a script.

          I have this nasty habit myself of getting so focussed on something that I don’t notice anything else….

          I slept right through a 3 hour fire alarm malfunction… with big old fashioned bell only 13 feet from my head.

          get completely focussed and don’t even hear when people talk to me.

          I lose days sometimes while working on different projects, then notice all the phone messages, while having been right beside phone for last three days working.

        • #3250988
          Avatar photo

          God I’m glad that someone else does those things

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Col,

          I’m constantly in trouble from “Her in Doors” for going out on a job and not returning for a few days for not ringing her and telling her I’ll be a bit late. 馃榾

          I just get tied up in what I’m doing and forget about everything else although I insist I’m getting better and at least now I think about calling home generally before I leave the place 3 or 4 days after I said I’d be home for tea.

          Well she has my phone number and can ring me if she is at all worried of course invariably the mobile battery has gone flat so she gets the voice mail which I can not access till I get into the car to recharge it and even then I only check it after I get home. 馃榾

          But when I run into one of those problem machines I just walk away and have a smoke and I tend to forget what I was thinking and come back and fix the problem in 5 minutes that I’ve just wasted the last 5 hours trying to fix. Although that doesn’t always work, but what I find amazing is that when I admit defeat and call in one of the staff to help me out I tell them exactly what I’ve done and they think along exactly the same lines as I’ve been wasting my time on for God only knows how long and they then proceed to do everything that I’ve just done so instead of wasting X man hours over it, it gets added to by a factor of just how many become involved.

          Then there was that apprentice who insisted on making up patch leads and used the same cable for CAT5E and Crossover leads. Of course after a hub was replaced one of the crossovers got mixed up with the straight through leads which took hours to fault find. That alone should be a valid defense on a murder charge. 馃檪

          There I was sitting down with 2,000 odd patch leads and a cable tester to find the faulty one only half a day wasted because he couldn’t follow directions or I think he did it deliberately just to Piss me off. When I found the problem lead which just had to be one of the first ones in the line he claimed that the other cable box was too far away so he just used what was handy. Now I no longer make up those things as I can buy then cheaper than making them but just to get to me he walked in the other day with several red CAT6 leads and 2 where crossovers. He just had to show them to me and insist that he didn’t do anything wrong as even the commercial ones where the same color. Again that should be grounds for murder as he is nothing but a Smart Ass who had to go out and find some second rate retailer who had them all in the same color. Actually I think he made them up himself but I can not prove it and they did come in unsealed plastic bags so I think he got access to a bag sealer as well. 馃檪

          I’ve since removed any crimping tools from him and have made it clear in no uncertain terms to all the other staff that if he is ever allowed by one of them to make up cables again it is grounds for instant dismissal without any possible recourse. 馃榾

          Actually at one place where I was working in a Police Station I actually asked how long I would get for murdering him and the officer who was ease dropping insisted that I would get life with hard labor (which had a certain appeal) but the Sergeant who I was talking to insisted that I would get a medal as he would never allow any charges to be brought against me for attempting to kill that poor excuse for a person.

          Col ]:)

          Incidental I’m going to print out your reply and leave it where “She Who Must Be Obeyed” can see it just so she can no longer insist that I’m the only inconsiderate Bastard in the entire world. :p

        • #3249828

          to bad you are

          by jaqui

          In reply to Col,

          down under,
          I could use another tormentee of the female persuasion.

          but I work at home, so she can see exactly what I’m doing and when I’m doing it.
          kind of kills that inconciderate bastard thing when she’s only across the room working almost as much on her own computer.
          ( 3d graphics work )

          hmm..
          ok, I’m gonna put her website into my profile for url.
          ( custom graphics, 3d character creation, website artwork, custom artwork )

        • #3249800
          Avatar photo

          Well firstly you need to find some on site work

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Col,

          Just to keep you out of the house. Then you can become as bad as me.

          I showed “She Who Must Be Obeyed” your post and she is convinced that I put you up to it and you can not really be that bad I must have told you what to say. 馃檨 Talk about a no win situation, but she let something slip tonight when there was a guy over to pickup his computer she told him that the daughter is going to the US in August and I just innocently asked where she was going. The reply was CA now I’m making a list and checking it twice just to make sure that she can get everything that I want for both the VW and Ducati. The joy of only having to pay excess baggage instead of freight, now I wonder if I can fit a complete bike into that order. 馃檪

          A few weeks ago there where 2 Gull Wing Mercedes put up for auction and I offered to buy her one as I knew if I said I wanted one I wouldn’t be allowed to buy it for myself, well everything was going great until she found out that other cars and bikes where up for sale as well so I wasn’t allowed to go but Honest I only wanted one of the Gull Wing Door Mercedes and I wouldn’t have given that Vincent Black Shadow a second look Honest. 馃檪

          Col ]:)

        • #3249536

          A Vincent Black Shadow and a Gullwing???

          by sleepin’dawg

          In reply to Col,

          What’s wrong with the woman??? What is a fine upstanding sort as yourself doing harnessed to such a Philistene. Obviously she doesn’t appreciate the finer things in life. Somewhere in there; there must be grounds for divorce. If the nights get cold take one of the dogs to bed. Oops my apologies; you’ve already done that. I can only assume you are doing something wrong. Doesn’t this woman know what a Black Shadow is??? Never mind it’s being one of the most visceral bikes ever made??? How come you haven’t taught her better??? For shame!!!By the way any parts for Nortons you come across wopuld be greatly appreciated. :^O Migawd, a Black Shadow??? Has the woman no soul???

          Dawg ]:)

          And for what it’s worth I won’t help with your alimony payments. You should have trained her better. Migawd a Black Shadow??? Next you’ll be telling me she wouldn’t appreciate an Isle of Mann or a Garden Gate. Geez Col, is she the best you could do??? The woman has no soul. You have my most sincerest sympathies!!! :^O 馃槈

          Dawg

        • #3250567
          Avatar photo

          Well to be fair to her

          by hal 9000

          In reply to Col,

          She did say to an insurance assessor who came out to look at my Damaged Ducati 900 SS that when he was going to buy one but couldn’t because his wife got pregnant if it was up to her she would have chosen the bike. 馃檪

          But she knows me far too well and actually rode pillion on a Series C Vincent Black Shadow to the Bathurst Easter Meeting quite a few years ago now when I got stopped for allegedly not stopping at a Police Speed trap by on old English Sergeant many miles further down the road.

          I did get out of that particular little problem as I said that it was an old bike and couldn’t go as fast as was being claimed by the other Police miles behind me and I really didn’t fail to stop either it was just someone else and I just happened along at the wrong time. But that all went to heel in a hand basket when he drew himself up to his full height and said “Don’t try to BS me I used to race these things back in the UK!”

          At that stage I thought that I was well and truly stuffed but he let us go on our way and his only request was could I drop in to his town on the way back so he could have a look at the bike which at the time was the Presidents of The Vincent Owners Club in NSW. So I was treating it very carefully. At Bathurst I arranged for the major part of the Vincent Owners Club to drop in with me and there where every thing from Comments to the Big Black Shadows about 35 bikes in all. When we pulled into town the people hid and we had a hard time even finding the Police Station as no one would talk to any of us but when e eventually got there this guy was nearly wetting himself with all of those bikes to drool over.

          But I think that the real reason that I wasn’t allowed near the auction was the Vincent as last year I picked up 3 speeding tickets in 1 month on the Ducati and wore out a set of tires in under 3,000 KMS. Not a bad effort really as I wore out the front first which is pretty spectacular so I was still in the bad books for that little incident. It didn’t matter that I got out of every speeding offense but one set of road Pirelli’s in 1 month was just way too much for her to handle.

          The fact to both of the Mercedes where in show condition and that there where several other bikes as well was her main sticking point. It would be perfectly OK for me to buy one for a few K and then spend a couple of Hundred K rebuilding it bit her seeing so much money go out in one hit is all too much for the and the fact that there where 2 of those Mercedes being auctioned didn’t help either as she was convinced that I would be coming home with both of them. They only sold for a 1/4 Million AU each so being in perfect condition I think they where good value for money.

          Then there is the old argument that I already have far too many “Play Toys” and I never get time to finish them off to my satisfaction as if you can ever restore something to its original condition. 馃檪 You just have to keep adding parts when something doesn’t look quite right. But she continually points to the mobile home which has now been sitting for about 4 years after it was stolen and while all the pannel work has been done it needs painting and some rust cut out as well. But every time I say I’m going to attack it she comes up with some other item that she wants done first.

          The really frighting thing is that I just can not trust her to go out and buy me any parts as she once came back with 36 K worth of parts when all I sent her out for was an $18.00 part. She smiled sweetly and said “But you need these things.” Kind of hard to argue with when she was sought of right but it was a racing bike and she brought 2 years worth of spare parts in one hit which was a major pain in the hip pocket.

          She’s seen me on the Ducati’s far too many times to even consider allowing me a Vincent and as she said it wasn’t a Black Lighting so I wouldn’t really want it would I?

          Then there was the fact that I used to deal with Phil Irving quite a lot in the old days and he has given me a pile of mods for his beloved V twin motors wouldn’t help one iota either. She just knows me way too well as I would forget about the business and hide in the workshop tearing the Vincent apart and when its motor was rebuilt it would just sit there and not even get any oil added. Well to the motor at least as this is exactly what I’ve done to the VW as I’m a tiny bit frightened as to just how it will perform so it has now been sitting after a new motor was built up out of all new parts for about 6 years and I have as yet to add any oil.

          Another reason why I’m not allowed anywhere near CA either as all the good bits and pieces come from there and she knows I know exactly where to go so in under half a day I could blow the bank balance without any problems.

          She also knows if I had of brought one of those Mercedes she wouldn’t have got to drive it either as I would consider it in the same league as the Ducati it’s a no go area for anyone at all other than myself and the best she could hope for is to be a passenger in it on the few occasions when I was to drive it anywhere. But of course she used some other week excuse. Like you have not had the pannel work and paint done on my car yet. But every time I attempt to take it away I’m not allowed anywhere near it. All it needs is a bit of pannel work on the rear end the back pannel replaced and repainted which from the guy I get to do all of my painting means a strip down to bare metal and fix anything that is even slightly wrong then the paint is applied in fine even layers until it is several microns thick and then another 20 odd layers of clear is applied. If no when I actually get it done she will not be game enough to drive it anywhere as it is now getting hit by shopping carts when she goes shopping and getting the paint either chipped off or scratched buy what looks like a key just over the drivers side rear wheel. But I’m allowed to drive it quite often now but every time I’m told she can not be bothered in moving her car so I can get out it needs fuel so I’m constantly filling it up before I can drive it anywhere. Talk about a snow job if ever there was one. 馃榾

          Col ]:)

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