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  • #2275331

    Joker in trouble – Help!

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    by dgettere ·

    I hope someone can help me out a bit here. I have a quick wit and a dry sense of humor. About a year ago I made a comment that was a joke, but some took seriously. Since that point, I believe that I am viewed as a “risk” and “not trustable.” I have been treated as if I am a 3 year old, and my opinions are not valued even though I have been at my job for seven years, in my industry for ten, and have been in the IT industry for fourteen. I have tried to fix the problem, but there is a lot politics and LOTS of misinformation that is also involved. The biggest problem is that I am well liked, respected, and admired by all of the other employees, but there are three IT department employees that are the problem (one is my new boss.)
    It?s been everything from not inviting me to important meetings to piling work on me to out and out intimidation. I don’t know what to do, I feel like the more I do to improve my image, the more I am ignored.

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    • #2735130

      Well to be frank

      by jamesrl ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      If you have truly made an effort and had a heart to heart with your boss, I would call it a life lesson learned and move on. Get that resume polished.

      It is very difficult to overcome a bad impression.

      James

      • #2723577

        Communication, Communication, Communication

        by tainted.pastry ·

        In reply to Well to be frank

        I’m kind of amazed some of the people posting replies here still have jobs.

        Anywho, communication is key. In the IT field where the knowledge base is relatively static (i.e. there is a limit to what can be known, unlike, say, art or marketing) your reputation is half of your performance.

        You MUST talk to them…if they wont listen..go above their heads. You have a right ot feel comfortable and be treated fairly at yoru place of work.

        However, as I said before, talk to them first…starting with your new boss.

        • #2723475

          The Best Defense is often not the Best Defense

          by zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ·

          In reply to Communication, Communication, Communication

          I agree – “Communication, Communication, Communication”. What is also important here is your own preparation. If you go in wanting to communicate with your boss (or the other two) and attempt to defend yourself at every turn, you will be perceived as not being sorry at all, but instead, to be attempting to defend your original “sin” (sorry – I dear say that word will get some religion focused posts as a result of using that word).

          LISTEN. Listening doesn’t involve any form of defence. Ask questions to ensure you understand what they are saying but be cautious not to defend or attempt to explain your previous actions/errors. Allow them to get all of their issues out on the table (and I’d suggest doing it individually – there is nothing worse than a gang bashing as each individual feeds off the others as they build their case against you).

          At the end of the meeting, thank them for their candour and their time. Take their issues away and think them through. Think them through tomorrow (often an immediate response is tainted by a hot head and emotion because no one likes being attacked), and then maybe the day after. Work out what you are going to do to remedy their concerns. Write down your plan and then with a cool and level head go back and again thank them for their comments and spell out what you intend to do to allay their concerns. Look for the their feedback and comments on your “action plan”. Remain positive through each meeting. Now the most important bit: Do what you told them you were going to do. Stick to your action plan and don’t be frightened to seek feedback regularly on how they think your are going (be reasonable; daily is probably severe overkill).

          Some people will read this and post suggestions that this is sucking up ? Give their posts some consideration because I am not advocating sucking up.

          1. Listen to the issues.
          2. Prioritise the issues based on what?s important to them.
          3. Work out an action plan.
          4. Confirm they concur with, and are aware of your action plan.
          5. Carry out your plan. Stick to it and seek regular feedback.

          I am a manager and have and have had many staff report to me. The above approach would at least get my attention and would have a reasonable chance of success, but unfortunately nothing is guaranteed. If this doesn?t work, then it may be time to get the resume out and start looking for your next opportunity.

          As a final note; I have a little anecdote pasted on my wall in my office. It say?s; ?The truth, whilst amusing and interesting, is totally irrelevant. Perception is the only thing that counts?. As a younger manager I used to tell my staff that ?perception is nine tenths of a persons reality?. One of my bosses pointed out to me that this was not quite correct ? in fact ?perception is nine and three quarter tenths of a persons reality?. The point is that if their perception is that you are a risk ? in their eye?s you are. You need to change their perception otherwise, the truth is actually quite immaterial.

          Hope this helps.

        • #2725454

          Ignoring the elephant doesn’t make it disappear

          by pmercer ·

          In reply to The Best Defense is often not the Best Defense

          I totally agree with Brent . . . others are saying ignore the fact that you believe others perceive you as a problem, which is dead on wrong. Yes, you do need to continue doing good work, and proving to them that you are not a problem, but going directly to them and asking for their feedback is the way that you will change the perception.

          Until they see from you that you recognize your mistake, and are interested in doing well, they will assume that you cannot be trusted to work independently, or that you deserve to be treated as a team member.

          It is time to acknowledge the elephant in the room, and make it disappear.

        • #2726699

          From someone who’s been there

          by cln ·

          In reply to The Best Defense is often not the Best Defense

          I totally agree with Brent. I once naively took an action that got me in a lot of hot water with the President of the company. Right away I went to him and explained what happened without making excuses. Basically he told me he “now questioned my judgement.” Fact is, that is his perception. 25+ years in the business and an unblemished record didn’t matter. I think I gained some ground by at least going to him directly and right away to try to clear up the “misunderstanding”. I went to him with documentation to make my point and this went over well. Two years have passed. I doubt that he ever will totally change his opinion. One more lesson learned in a long career.

        • #2723250

          From an MIS Director….

          by kris ·

          In reply to Communication, Communication, Communication

          I agree with the posting entitled, “All of this advice is crap”. Leave it alone and get to work. Let your work ethic demonstrate your true value as a team member. As it sounds, you’ve already conditioned your peers and superiors to perceive you in a less than desirable light. Change that. Keep your humor to yourself, you already know that it’s unappreciated. Keep the chit-chat down to a minimum, stay focused on work assignments. In time, your coworkers will come around. You didn’t condition them overnight and you’ll not recondition them any faster. Keep one thing in mind: A wise bird avoids crapping in his own nest.

        • #3296782

          Got to agree with this one!

          by davesims2 ·

          In reply to From an MIS Director….

          I would come to work and go heads down, make yourself the go to guy. Take the hard jobs, the “beneath me” jobs improve the process demonstrate your value daily and the rest will take care of itself. If it doesn’t then you tried, you developed skills for your next job and you can move on.

        • #2735881

          Communication or silence?

          by fjeanbart ·

          In reply to Communication, Communication, Communication

          Not knowing anything about your work environment, my personal advise would be to just play low-profile. I mean, do not try too much to change some image that YOU are perceiving others think about yourself. Instead, keep on doing what you were doing since it does not seem to be the problem, and STOP referring to something that happened to be a joke, a year ago.

          The message on your part was there, but still, whenever you insinuate a doubt in the minds of people who don’t personally know you, that’s where you got to: distrust. Which is NORMAL. Live with it, and just hope that your work, results and time will change that prejudiced attitude from your peers. Good luck, but keep that resume of yours updated, you never know…

        • #2725541

          communication or silence

          by j.williamsjr ·

          In reply to Communication or silence?

          Do not bring up joke again. if someone mentions that, say it was a mistakr that will not be repeated. I agree that you may want to look at other oppurtunties. But, i would give it 3 to 6 months for you to be included in meetings. I would ask the new boss why i was not included in meetings.

        • #2725516

          I agree with this strand of replies

          by lacox ·

          In reply to Communication, Communication, Communication

          I got distracted by the on-going discussion that branched off into Religion below, or I would have replied sooner! Whew!

          Not that you need me to weigh in, but the IT and management talent in this group of replies have it right; in that, your work ethic will shine through. So, get back to work, do the high level of work that holds you in high esteem with the other folks, and your boss will come around. It won’t be tomorrow, by the by, but your consistent good behaviors will get you out of daycare.

          How do I know? I also have a witty, and sometimes ascerbic, style that has taught me to know the whole crowd before launching the one-liners – but there will always be “one”. And for that “one” don’t sweat it, go on, and do the best job for which you are paid. If you really do have all that experience (and I have no doubt) THAT is what is the most important and it is THAT reputation that needs to be repaired. If you continue to worry and feel like Out Of The Loop Gal, your rep will become one of a paranoid and non-productive person.

          Oh! And if you were offensive? Apologies won’t fix it so, again, just go back to doing your job with excellence.

      • #2725521

        The whole story

        by usersend ·

        In reply to Well to be frank

        You are telling us about the fall out, but not telling us how what got you into this mess. I agree with James Linn in that this might have to just be a life leeson. If you have tried the heart to heart and kissed up a bit here and there you certainly might have to move on. With some people, perception is the start and the end of opinion formulation. Good Luck.

    • #2735128

      Bring it into the light

      by gralfus ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Talk frankly to those involved about this issue, preferably as a group. Invite a mediator to attend who is respected by both sides (if possible). Just letting it stew is not going to fix anything. You may not be able to salvage the situation, but you can take steps to try.

      I have run into the same sort of thing in a non-work environment. My humor tends to be sarcastic, and there are some people who will invariably perceive it as being a serious comment and react terribly to it. I have learned from this to be careful how I use humor until I know someone really well. I once quoted Dr. Evil from Austin Powers in a staff meeting and got blank stares because no one had seen the movie, leaving me feeling very awkward. So I am more careful these days.

      • #2723876

        I agree, seek a mediator

        by jemimus ·

        In reply to Bring it into the light

        Gralfus is rigt, in these kind of situations, where the mood between you and the others, specificly your boss, is already sour, usually tentions and emotions will only run high if you try to have a ‘heart to heart’ between just the two of you.
        You need to find someone neutral to host a conversation between you two. Most companies have a personal department, and it couldn’t hurt to ask them for advice and mediation in this matter, it is usually part of their job to help resolve workplace conflicts such as this. Make sure that you have worked out exactly (on paper) what it is you wish to resolve, be able to name examples of “mis-treatment” for instance, you need to be able to justify why you feel this way.

        • #2723814

          Just Confess

          by ramsharmatbvj ·

          In reply to I agree, seek a mediator

          I too agree that what all other said. In this situation, now it requires direct communication between just two of you. Show him that it was your mistake that your comments were not intended on anybody. And tell him that his behaviour is paining you. You will also make sure that this kind will not be repeated in future.

          Thanks,
          Ram

        • #2723740

          Will you help me please.

          by darrell scott ·

          In reply to Just Confess

          Many of these responses are similar, but the right words and approach can really make a difference. If you want to keep your current job, you have to do 2 things and do them properly. You have to apologize and then ask for help from your supervisor. Don’t make excuses and give explanations unless you are directly asked. (1)You say I’m sorry, I made an error in judgement, a mistake and I am sorry. End of sentence, you don’t even have to ask if the apology is accepted and no crying or blathering. Give your apology as a man or woman. (2) Ask your new supervisor for help. Tell him or her that you need help repairing your good name and reputation. If she is willing to help you, you will prove her effort to be a good choice. With her backing you can go back o doing the job you both want.
          Just a plain apology – no excuses and ask for help.
          What would YOU do if someone apologized to you and asked for your help?

        • #2723723

          How to make an apology into an attack

          by paymeister ·

          In reply to Will you help me please.

          If I say to my wife, “I sorry”, or “I was wrong” that’s OK. If I proceed to give an explanation, what I’m really saying is that her feeling upset is HER fault because she didn’t understand what was going on. “I’ sorry, I was just…” is not an apology at all – it is an attack.

          BELIEVE ME, I understand how a quick, dry wit can get one into trouble, but if I speak and it is taken wrong, it REALLY IS my fault, as I was not considering my audience.

          I agree that calling it one’s own fault and asking for help is a very powerful tool. It’s called Confession and Repentance in Christian circles, and is the exact prescription we all need, every day.

        • #2723683

          Unbelievable

          by aaron.c.esparza ·

          In reply to How to make an apology into an attack

          It’s amazing to me that the Christian Right finds it’s way into this little corner. Yeah, that’s correct…You’re trying to say that by employing true Christian values to a typical employment situation everything will work out for the best.

          What a bunch of freakin’ baloney…Get a clue!!

          It’s typical for such a shortsighted view to come from a religious standpoint. There’s a church on practically every corner in this country. Go find one if you want to preach. Otherwise, leave the advice to those that at least have something constructive to say about the situation.

        • #2723658

          Unbelievable

          by sweetlil66 ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          I don’t usually get into this, but here goes:
          What exactly was constructive about that post?
          Was there any advise?
          I’ve reread it several times, and I must be missing something, please point out your constructive advise for the situation.

        • #2723652

          Um, Aaron?

          by bixbyru ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          Hey there-

          As a practicing Pagan, I’ve little use for many Christians. At least the up in your face, “a friend of the Earth is an enemy of God” types.

          Don’t even get me started on history or the current President.

          That said, the previous poster simply said that in Christian circles the idea of confess and repent were valued.

          Most other religions (including mine) value those principles and they apply outside of the church, grove, mosque, degoba or whatever.

          If a guy screws up, a really good thing him to do is say “Oops. Sorry.”

          Let’s all not blast good advice, eh?

          Bix

        • #2723636

          Let’s get a grip shall we

          by nynviee_almere ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          Look just because someone mentions christianity don’t go flying off the handle. As it has been posted, many religions and non religious people use the same ideals on dealing with other humans. The basic steps to forgiveness are this
          1. admit what you did wrong, without excuses
          2. apologize, short and sweet, take full responsibility for your actions.
          3. give retribution. this comes in all forms, ask your boss what she feels you need to do to make things right with not only her but your other coworkers.
          4. Don’t do it again. Simple put, know who you are making jokes with, understand that your coworkers are not your buddies and you have to use appropriate behavior.

          I tend to be super direct with people but I have learned throu many years to keep my mouth shut around others until I know and are familar with them and have a good idea how they are going to react.
          Good luck and just in case get the resume polished up that way you always have a back up.

          Nynviee

        • #2723471

          Little over sensitive…are we?

          by tmeyerfb ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          It is not very nice to jump all over the person who is giving an opinion. Your rash response might indicate that you have several deep issues concerning religion/Christianity. Have you fully explored Christianity and found it lacking? Perhaps Materialism or some other “ism” is your view of the world and that’s your deal, but, don’t rip the person willing to be committed to something higher than themselves. Especially when they are right!

        • #2735874

          Huh?!

          by fjeanbart ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          YOU are making this a religious issue with your comment… Anyways, I totally agree with the original poster: it’s all about confession and repentance. Whatever your religion is. If the poster was referring to some “religious circle” (as written), that does not mean that the poster tries to promote some religion! IMHO, it is more like recalling people that being human and honnest is often the simplest way to get others sympathy and understanding. On the other hand, using an individualistic attitude such as trying to keep a good image whatever you’ve done (without accepting your error) is like insulting others intelligence, or like sending the message that you would not confront your own errors so as to correct them, and people just hate that – especially in any work environment.

        • #2725574

          Ditch On Right or Left , Still in the Ditch

          by tbbrickster ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          Hokey-smokes dude, you need to back off the Jolt! and take many, many deep breaths. Doesn’t matter which kind of reactionary you are, you’re just as loud and just as obnoxious.

          Give poster a break, he said what he does in his circle. And as other posters have said, forgiveness is a cross-cultural and philosophical concept.

        • #2725548

          My own medicine

          by paymeister ·

          In reply to Unbelievable

          Aaron,

          On rereading my post, I see that it comes off as smug and obnoxious. I’m truly sorry I offended you (and any others who didn’t post a reply). I’ll give more care to my words in the future.

          -Tim

        • #2723669

          Right on but maybe not quite

          by jimb37122 ·

          In reply to How to make an apology into an attack

          I agree with what the above had to say about confession and asking for forgiveness. i am a practical joker and sometimes it takes people time to learn ‘my style’. i have been told i don’t take things seriously enough. i do but only when they are serious. some people sweat too much stuff and a good sense of humor can break the ice or tension in many many situations.

          your style of work may not be theirs. it is not anything bad or good it just is.

          maybe you and your style won’t work out with your new boss. if you think it won’t go to monster.com but if you don’t mind just do your job and go home. eventually he will learn you and you him. if not as long as he is not making your life misserable grin and bear it.

          one more note on the comment by the other responder and how this maybe construed as the ‘religious right’ coming in. guess again. as a member of the ‘religious left’ this is something we practice too. it is also something dr. phil or oprah or anyone in psychology will tell you. … i think they call it ummmm… good human relations.

          good luck.

        • #2735803

          Shouldn’t sentences begin with capital letters?

          by donald b. stinnette ·

          In reply to Right on but maybe not quite

          Or did you just not pay attention in school? Your lack of proper sentence structure and punctuation discredit your statements.

        • #2723699

          All this advice is crap…

          by keyguy13 ·

          In reply to Will you help me please.

          I suggest that you remain true to yourself. If you truly considered it a joke when you said it then you really have nothing to apologize for. How your comment was heard is the other guy’s problem. If, like you said, the rest of the staff likes and respects you for who you are then continue to be yourself. make MORE jokes like the last one so that the person with the stick up their ass might re-evaluate THEIR own lack of humor. I imagine the stress you’re feeling is due to you thinking you have to conform and play nice, therefore making you miserable, therefore making you unlikeable.

          I suggest just giving it up and stop worrying about it. If your boss holds that much of a grudge over a joke then he/she doesn’t manage or work well with other people and will likely be replaced anyway.

          As for being ignored or mistreated, stop acting like they have a good reason and react appropriately when they treat you unfairly (i.e. address the disrespect immediately).

          In other words, stop being a pansy. Tell your boss to pull the stick out of their ass, that it was a joke and to let it go (make sure to say that sarcsticly, and with a fair amount of dryness)

          🙂

        • #2723627

          Ok and now back to the adult world

          by nynviee_almere ·

          In reply to All this advice is crap…

          That works for children and in school but in the real world where a company pays you to behave in a certain manner it doesn’t. Companies don’t pay your salary for your personality they pay you to do a job. And part of that is working well with others.
          If you follow the aboves advice and your fired then you deserve it.
          Before you walk through the door you put on your work hat and when you walk out the door to go home you take it off. Be yourself on your own time and not on the company dollar. If you want to behave badly and nuts to what other people think or feel then be prepared to work for yourself.

          Nynviee

        • #2723450

          It could be lonely

          by register1 ·

          In reply to Ok and now back to the adult world

          Don’t forget, if you are actually working for yourself, you might be your only customer. Not much positive cash flow in that.

          If you’ve said that you were sorry, and meant it. And you’ve asked how you could prove to the boss that you have learned from your mistake, and are still fealling ‘stuck’, I’d suggest that you forgive yourself for making a stupid joke, forgive them for holding a grudge, and get back to doing what ever it is that they pay you to do. In other words, if you have repented, confessed and done penience, is now time to get on with life!

        • #2723752

          Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

          by mary ·

          In reply to I agree, seek a mediator

          Your HR staff should have training and experience to handle this type of situation. Perhaps your organization also has a conflict resolution policy — ours is small yet the policy exists. I would also document everything possible including dates of conversations with HR, email communication, etc.

        • #2723693

          Duuuude

          by csimpson ·

          In reply to Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

          The last place I worked a guy went to HR, everything worked great until the big layoffs came a year later.

          We were all retained for different periods of time until projects were completed (HelpDesk and/or Server Consolidations) This guy new more than anyone else about our entire network (HelpDesk) and everyone loved him, except the VP who he filled the racial slurs complaint against (Verified x3).

          We all, I do mean all, enjoyed lengthy projects everyone stayed for months. He was walked the day we were notified of the layoffs because he was a danger to the systems even though he had no admin access.

          Consider your tenure, what about not having a positive reference in the future after working for such an extended period of time.

          Why endanger your family?s income because a mistreatment that may be real or imagined (Paranoia: something IT people never have:~).

          Work is work not a social gathering, be pleasant but you don?t need to have friends at your job, when your job gets personal its likely that it?s no longer professional.

        • #3088751

          I have the same problem with my present boss and colleagues in EDP

          by trifon.atanassov ·

          In reply to Duuuude

          I have the same problem with my present boss and colleagues in EDP Department…
          At the moment all EDP staff is treating me like I am an 3 years old kid… In the beginind of “this all” all from department shows to me reluctance even if it was my birthday or name day. On my first celebration for my birthday – after a long hesitation it was the only one time celebration for seven years – all EDP spend money for one “green plush computer” – how green was my person… and one sweater.
          I continue to bring chocolate bonbons every year for my name days and my birthdays.
          Anyway I am an openminded person.

        • #2723587

          Good Joe

          by dlwpegleg ·

          In reply to Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

          I didn’t say “Good Lord” in the subject line because apparently that is not “politicaly correct”.
          You people do not even have all the facts of the “joke” and yet you seem to believe you have the answer to the problem. Was it a racial joke, homosexual joke, hayseed joke, blonde joke or just a humorous joke with nothing but the joke itself intended to entertain the audience. If the “joke” was in bad taste, then, of course, apoligize to the offended person. If not, then that is their problem and maybe they should consult with HR. ROFLMAO!!!!

          Get a grip, people. Freedom of speech is not abolished, yet.

        • #2723624

          Seek a mediator?

          by neil ·

          In reply to I agree, seek a mediator

          Why can’t you do this yourself? You started this so put it right. You’ve offended people so talk to them and understand why, and then just maybe you won’t do it again to them.

          Mediators are a way of taking the immediate problem away a one-to-one confrontation. What a coward! Well, you started it so you go and talk very humbly to the three people you offended and explain to them your humour. They might just understand or they might just inform you that your sort of humour is not theirs’….. deal with it

          Neil (UK)

        • #2723612

          Mediator = coworkers feel need to defend themselves

          by nynviee_almere ·

          In reply to Seek a mediator?

          I agree. Only seek a mediator as a last resort (you know as your seaching for another job). Once you seek outside help you are escalating the problem and making a bigger deal about it. The people that you ofended will then feel the need to defend themselves and it will be a battle.
          Go to your boss and confess, appologize, make repriations as nessicary and just don’t do it again.
          Seek an imediate end to the situation. Then just do your job to the best of ability. Don’t make them feel that their opinions and reactions were no big deal, to them they were, but at the same time don’t over do it. Since it has been a year since this happened it has gone on far to long and you need to face that it might just be too late to resolve the situation. So go forward with the idea that you want to fix the situation but have a backup plan brewing.

          Nynviee

      • #2723767

        Put in a notice

        by ronald ·

        In reply to Bring it into the light

        Write a letter and tell them you had it. tell them how wonderful it had been working there and tell them what great people they all our and how you would recomend them to anyone that needed there services. but that you can not take it any more and that you are going to go and drive a truck then enroll into a truck driving school kiss your wife good by and go drive a truck.
        then and only then you will know what kind of a failure you really are.

        • #2723720

          ???

          by paymeister ·

          In reply to Put in a notice

          Is this more dry humor?

        • #2723321

          Have you really changed?

          by buschman_007 ·

          In reply to Put in a notice

          I’ve dealt with coworkers before that have, what I believe to be, an inappropriate humor. I’m not sure if you said one thing that was extremely offensive or it’s a pattern of behavior. If it was one misfortunate comment then perhaps you can repair your tarnished image by just refraining from similar comments and keeping your nose to the grindstone or possibly even apoligizing to the offended party.

          But from the sounds of this, it’s your continued sense of humor that is getting in the way. It’s great to be well liked, but being well respected will get you farther in life.

          If you don’t change your behavior then it doesn’t matter how hard you work or where you work, you’ll fall into the same trap again. Save your jokes for happy hour and lunches with the receptionist. When at work be professional!

          JMHO,
          Mike

      • #2723611

        Just talk about it

        by jaymiller25 ·

        In reply to Bring it into the light

        I agree. Just sit down w/ them and talk about it. Be straightforward and honest, and I think they’ll respect that. Ignoring the big pink elephant in the room is not going to make it go away. I’d say “Okay folks…sometime back I said THIS as a joke..and you guys took it the wrong way.”

        Although it may seem uncomfortable to sit down and have this talk, I think the benefits of it are truly worth it.

        Good luck.

        • #2735860

          Stop being a smart-ass, it is insulting for many

          by fjeanbart ·

          In reply to Just talk about it

          As many said here, talk to your new boss one-on-one (the other two employees will follow the line). Whatever you’ll do the after will depend on that important discussion and how you feel about it – if it cleared the way for you, or the opposite…

          Another thing: for many, humor is a curtain for timidity. Try not to be a smart-ass whenever you talk to someone, especially in a professional work environment where people are NOT personally aquainted.

      • #2725444

        What to say

        by drew ·

        In reply to Bring it into the light

        I suggest you ask your boss to lunch (yes, YOU pay), if he asks why, tell him you want to get up to date on how things are going between him and you. Do this ASAP; do not wait until a week before your next review (looks manipulative). At lunch tell him you are concerned about your place in the organization and where things are going. Specify things that have happened recently and the conclusions you are drawing from them.

        Example:
        Last Tuesday, I was not invited to the project update meeting. In this morning?s meeting I wanted to offer a suggestion but you would not discuss it. After that, you gave me directions on what you wanted done in a very condescending tone of voice (The examples). These are just recent examples of something that has been going on for some time. I am getting the impression that you do not respect my work or my opinion (The conclusion).

        Follow up with a discussion to identify the real problem (which might be something you are not aware of). This can be very awkward for your boss, so be ready to offer several suggestions. Start with issues that you know are NOT the problem, to get him in the process of seeing you as a real asset. Move on to more sensitive items and end with the old problem from a year ago. When you bring up the old issue, add a comment and use a tone of voice that implies that you have already gone over that and apologized months ago. Example:

        Has there been a problem with the quality of my work?
        Have you seen a problem with my ability to follow instructions and deliver what is asked?
        Has there been a problem with my attendance?
        Do I seem unprofessional during meetings?
        Do you think I am pulling my weight as part of the team?
        (All of these points really BUILD you up in your boss?s eyes because they are strong points. If he/she wants to comment? LISTEN! When they say no, just move on to the next item on the list.)

        Have I done something to offend you? Do I owe you an apology? (More sensitive)
        ?and finally?
        Are you still steamed about that joke from last year? I thought we got past it, but if not, let me tell you that I am really sorry that it was taken the wrong way. I think from what we discussed here, I have not repeated the mistake. What needs to happen for us to move on?

        At the end of this, if you have not gotten any constructive criticism, you need to be more direct. For example:

        The current treatment by you and some of the other staff is just not acceptable. I am hoping that by bringing it to your attention, you will be more aware just how offensive it is. I am making a real effort to communicate to you and make any reasonable change I can. Are you willing to work with me to make things better?

        If your boss is still dismissive at this point, you can discuss it with his superior, but start putting out your resume because you are probably never going to get any farther in that company.

    • #2735095

      Time to move on

      by jimhm ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I would say if you have attempted to change their minds – about who and what you are, and its been as long as you say it has…. Well – I would get the Resume polished and on the street. And bid my new boss and fond goood bye –

      Then be very careful at the next place – learn the office politics before making jokes. So people just don’t understand different types of humor – I am a volunteer medic and fire fighter – we have a very warped sense of humor due to the things we have seen… Well – I learned a long time ago – the office can’t handle the EMS/Fire humor – so it isn’t used…

      Good luck … first impressions are lasting impressions and normally will never change.

      • #2723839

        OR dig in and work for change

        by jartisan ·

        In reply to Time to move on

        i recommend going for a win-win solution (ref Covey’s 7 habits books – you did know there are a few of them yes? 🙂 As a tactic change the venue to a more social setting, go to lunch with these people, meet them after work for a beer .. let them see you as you are in a casual environment. Also talk directly to them about being concerned that you commited a faux pas, and be prepared to grovel a bit if need be. People whos’ feelings have been hurt never mind a bit of sucking up to help get over it.

        on the other hand, if the people you work with hold a professional mind-set when on the job none of this should be necessary .. just clarify your houmourous intent in a direct cnoversation with the affected people, drop the worry about it and get back to work. That is what they should be doing also.

      • #2723805

        Def time to move it

        by r ·

        In reply to Time to move on

        I agree with most of the posts…
        Let’s face it, the more you do to try and make this type of situation better genrally pisses off the people concerned as in their minds your done!
        Move on and dont do it again.

      • #2723342

        I agree, move on

        by mmcdonal ·

        In reply to Time to move on

        This is partly due to my patience level with this sort of response. But it seems to me that their lack of understanding is due to a vendetta or that they are just gunning for you for some reason. And the more that you are respected, or the more qualified you are, the more of a threat you can be to some kinds of bosses. The other people against you, if they work for your boss, are probably toadies anyway.
        I would leave ON GOOD TERMS(!) and make your reasons clear in your exit interview ONLY why you left. But do this NICELY!
        The economy is getting better, so now may be a good time to move on.

      • #2735806

        Get while the getting is good…

        by notsochiguy ·

        In reply to Time to move on

        I agree with the posters that have mentioned that it may be time for a change. Seven years in the same company is practically a lifetime in the modern economy, and would be looked favorably upon by a lot of hiring managers.

        This reminded me of a story from when I was getting started out at a Big 4 consulting firm years ago (fortunately, I was freed from the collective after a short stint): There was a group of us that were contractors looking to get hired on full-time. During the hiring process, step 1 was to do one of those ‘psych’ interviews. One of my buddies on the team interviewed before me. They asked him what was the hardest job he’s ever had to perform, and he answered truthfully: in the first gulf war, he had to put his friend’s bodies into body bags.

        Long story short, they didn’t feel he was a good fit. He answered truthfully, and always did whatever they asked of him…but that wasn’t what ‘the firm’ wanted, apparently. He went on to land on his feet elsewhere.

        My points in sharing that story: 1). There are always other opportunities waiting, and 2). You can’t please everyone, nor should you beat yourself up when you can’t.

        Your ‘joke’ was apparently not bad enough to get you fired…meaning it was probably, at worst, in poor taste. If these people are the type to hold that against you after a year, do you really want to work with them?

      • #2725586

        Time to Move On II

        by bhalverson ·

        In reply to Time to move on

        I completely concur with JimHM.

        To provide a bit of background:
        I have a Master’s Degree in Psychology.
        I too have a quick wit and dry sense of humor.
        I have been in the IT field for over 10 years.

        Your image in the eyes of your coworkers is fixed, and largely unchangeable without some act of supreme heroism and demonstrable of some superior intellect that may never occur, and even if it did, it would not occur as a result of your own actions. Therefore, any attempts to change their perceptions will fail. DON’T go above their heads. You will add resentment to their perceptions.

        You will need to find another job, and keep a lid on your humor. It seems cruel, etc. but it is true. Save it for your time with your friends, the ones who understand you. It is a life lesson learned, that a damaging early perception is never changed.

        As an aside, the only other conceivable way to change the perceptions of your coworkers would be to get them all terminated and then have a whole new group of coworkers to work with. Of course, this is the other side of the “Perception is reality” concept, and is the only way I have seen this concept applied in corporate environments. If the corporate management perceives that it is the individual who caused their own termination, then that is the reality, and you had nothing to do with it. Of course, if in your perception, you were blameless as well, you would have no ethical dilemma with this course of action. This is a rather cold and callous way to live, but I have seen people make it work for them.

    • #2735038

      Specify Type of Humor

      by jupiter9 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I don’t know you, so I am only guessing at how you are perceived. The following might not apply to you at all, and I hope you don’t take it the wrong way if that’s the case. If it might apply, I hope you will try to think about the issues I’ve raised.

      There is humor that disarms people and lessens tension, and humor that targets some people at the expense of others.

      BOFH style comments may make you popular among other help-desk people, for example, but they’re completely inappropriate when dealing with any but the most sophisticated users. Even then you’re on shaky ground.

      Such comments give the impression that the only people you perceive as smart or valuable are people who already know what you know. You’re being paid to be an expert, to know more than these people. If they all knew what you know and were all as comfortable with technology as you are, you’d be out of a job.

      If your humor was perceived as targeting someone or a group of people, then you need to make a specific apology, if you haven’t done so. And not the “I’m sorry if you were offended” kind of semi-apology that is code for, “you’re stupid for not getting my joke and you’re too sensitive.”

      If you’ve done this already, you’ve made a very good start, and the other people involved will normally (but not always) try to “make nice” over the whole thing. If they don’t, asking what you can do to make things right will often go a long way. Guessing, or asking here, isn’t going to be as accurate as discussing it with the aggrieved parties.

      I wonder if it really is one single comment of a year ago that caused all these problems. Could you have been rubbing some people the wrong way for a while? They may not have said anything to you; they might even have overheard something, so you have no idea what they heard or thought they heard.

      I have no idea what you mean by these specific things they’ve done in return, either, so an example or more explanation would probably help:

      “Since that point, I believe that I am viewed as a “risk” and “not trustable.” Do they say this, do they imply it, what statements or actions show this?

      “I have been treated as if I am a 3 year old, and my opinions are not valued.” Opinions on what? Technical issues? Or people issues, which may not be perceived as one of your strong suits, since you managed to upset some people with your joking?

      “there is a lot politics and LOTS of misinformation that is also involved.” Politics is everywhere, but what kind of misinformation has been going on? To whom, from whom, about what?

      “out and out intimidation.” What exactly?

      Again, this is just a guess on my part, based on the kind of people problems I’ve seen in the past. But it sounds like you are being perceived as unhelpful or rude by certain people, and they refuse to work with you. Help involves more than the technical end of things.

      • #2723856

        Specific humor

        by jeremiah.prater ·

        In reply to Specify Type of Humor

        Reading through the posts I have noticed several good tips. One is that different types of humor have thier place – jokes that I told as an infantryman are not appropriate in a co-ed hospital.

        You also need to think about who is laughing at your humor. If it’s only you, or a small group laughing (while the recipient is not), than you have just told an inappropriate joke. Know your co-workers, and keep your mouth closed until you do. As you get to know them better, you will have a better understanding of who likes Little-Johnny jokes, and who thinks they are offensive.

    • #2735036

      Consider yourself lucky

      by dc_guy ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You still have a job. People have been terminated over the most trivial-seeming misunderstandings. People are not as sharp as they used to be. They may have an education but they have no wit and no sophistication. (Which begs the question of just what exactly is an education anyway.) Add to that potential for misunderstandig the fact that everyone has become just WAY too sensitive and you’ve got a formula for disaster.

      There’s more going on here than not taking a joke. Someone was seriously offended. You must have broken one of the PC barriers.

      It’s likely that if you’re patient you can out-wait them. Eventually “this too shall pass.” Dull-witted people tend to have short memories. Staff turns over. You may ride to someone’s rescue and develop a new cachet.

      The question is whether this job is good enough when it’s good to put up with it when it’s not. Only you can decide that. Just don’t harbor any delusions about things being stupendously better somewhere else. As one of the comic strips succinctly put it, “The world is being run by C-minus students.”

      • #2723875

        have someone spread good rumours about you

        by kevin ·

        In reply to Consider yourself lucky

        Sounds bad but this is what i’d do – make close friends with someone in an “opposing” department – you know, one of the rare few which have a sense of humor similar to techies – then hopefully the word will get around that “yeah, he’s a great guy but he’s got this weird sense of humor…”. this can happen on small level projects where you have to work closely with other departments. colleagues within the same department can help.

        in france, you’d generally hire an intern and brainwash them into singing your praises for you.

        what was the joke anyway?

        • #2723825

          This is not high school dude

          by ddissent ·

          In reply to have someone spread good rumours about you

          You can’t be serious ……. are you? “make friends with someone in an opposing department and have them talk about how “cool” you are?”

          Thank GOD you don’t work at our corp. Actually I kind of wish you did because you my friend, would be hours and hours of non stop humor.

          I almost can’t believe I just read that.

          Hey – Here’s a novel idea. How about being a friggin ADULT about this and explaining your position to the people that are the issue here …. face to face.

          AND WHAT THE HELL DOES FRANCE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS???????

          *rant off*

        • #2723810

          high school?

          by husp1 ·

          In reply to This is not high school dude

          I agree with you on this too, People that are all for show have little go. the company that has this type of structure is a joke in itself.

        • #2723771

          sense of humor

          by cheufte ·

          In reply to This is not high school dude

          Thank you Uspidvan for showing what it is to have people with custom agent sense of humour like involved (I cross borders every week, and custom agents are the last people I would try to joke with, and believe me I like joking with less likely to be able to do so). And what not to do.
          Thinking you can simply force people to change their opinion about you by just confronting them, makes me fear a lack of social skills in a professional environment.
          I don’t know you Uspidvan, you might very well be a nice guy, but this is not what came out of your message. It shows how communication can be important as well.

          I have seen the alliance idea (having a workmate acting as your PR) being rather successful, but I saw the reverse effect as well depending on the quality of your PR, and this applies for the following cases:
          Having projects in different countries at the same time, I noticed different political games depending on the country.
          Employees in France have been under so much pressure these last few years (economic recession+ new hours regulations) that they could indeed inspire political strategies. Interns, which are virtually free are a great help indeed.
          Now in England, they basically create counter fires and make sure they are involved in solving it to regain popularity.
          In Italy, country of Machiavelli, they would even go further and create a counter fire with someone who is disliked by their manager. It is quite risky and requires high influential skills.

          I always make sure I have my business manager support. When he/she happened to leave, if I didn’t feel comfortable with the replacement, I made sure he made me an offer to leave in order spare him human management worries (HM problems are usually managers biggest fears).
          The most important is always to do a good job in a very professional way, and keep your client happy with you. Keeping a low profile, and providing quality work will always help to make up your small mistakes in middle/long run. Up to you to evaluate your social resilience. A polished CV is always good… anyway.

          Hope this will help.

          Cheers,

          Cheufte

      • #2723873

        Possible HR issue

        by clemmy ·

        In reply to Consider yourself lucky

        Have you approached your HR dept (if you have one).
        You say that you are being intimidated, over worked, overlooked.
        Does your job description state that you should be ‘included in important meetings’?
        Is the workload increase due to staffing levels or are you being asked to do things that are not in your job description?
        Is the intimidation a tangible thing, can you provide examples and witness’s to HR?

        Not everybody fits in, we all make the best of where we are and get on. It sounds like you’ve been targeted and maybe being pressured to leave of your own accord.
        I would suggest collecting as much information as you can and then approaching HR. Suggest a meeting with all parties concerned, including your boss. Try and iron out the differences, make a new start.
        If you get no success then it apears as if you have made the first move and are more than willing to be flexible. This will stand you in good stead for making an official complaint using the information you previously gathered.

        It won’t make you popular, but it shows you won’t be bullyed either.

        At the end of the day, it’s a pay cheque. You don’t live with these people. If it’s affecting your career then move. If not then do something about it, before it does.

      • #2723861

        Backfired, or standing infront of the Canon

        by north of the 49th ·

        In reply to Consider yourself lucky

        My comments align with some of the others and I know that it may sound like lecturing but after many mistakes and 20 yrs of industry related work maybe I have the right to speak like this.
        What did you do/Say.
        Did you break that unseen PC barrier.
        Did you utter the PEBKAC, Did you tell the Lights out joke,
        Did you reference the, I know 50 passwords and only 3 are mine?
        Did you drop a picture into a desktop folder on a users system?
        Did you VNC some SR users system while they were typing a letter?
        Did you start referencing Pinky and the Brain overtures?
        Did you quote from the (Memos for being A Successful Dark Overlord) Web page?
        OR are you a victim of the I AM GOD syndrome.
        These comments are all known to us and can bring great relief during those Mondays that started on Saturday during a so called standard power cycle.
        Each of these may be performed under a Professional/Moral guise, but when involving outsiders or even when you SR Staff members can be viewed a being of an untrustworthy character.

        The New Boss will always hear about previous things, as other try to get into his/hers good books. From personnel experience, a flippant remark will stain you record, visual or remembered for yrs?..and attrition can take years and years. And by that time you have made a couple of other comments.

        Know your clients, know your boss, and know your environment. Treat all of them with respect, even if they don?t deserve it.
        IF you are going to stay (and after a year of this, it may not be my first choice) you must be the icon of control and respect. People are your alliance and leverage.

        GOOD LUCK and Keep your wits. It may be all the saves you in the long

      • #2723600

        C minus students

        by nynviee_almere ·

        In reply to Consider yourself lucky

        LOL too funny, but unfortunatly right. In todays PC society anything and everything can be offensive. But because the bills still have to be paid you have to have a job.
        Just do your best to deflate the situation and know when to go on down the road. Just know that on the other side the grass might not be greener it might be on fire.
        Good luck, as a general rule I just do my job to the best of my ability get to know people before I become buddies with them and earn my paycheck. When in dought just be a good person and do the best you can. And when you mess up, as we all do, just apologize.

        Nynviee

    • #2723878

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by jason.ungerer ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I had a similar problem a good few years ago. What I did was confront the Boss and took him to a venue off site (like over a few drinks) and asked him what his thoughts were on the situation. At first he was not adding to the conversation, but then he let me have it and I knew where I stood. But when he got very ill, I had to fill in for him, which then showed my character and the rest of the colleagues saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

      • #2723795

        Been There, Dug Back Out

        by roundtheblock ·

        In reply to Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

        Been in a similar situation – I went down in flames due to totally inappropriate humor in presentation to CIO & top IS staff. Fortunately, my new manager defined the problem as a development goal – learn to make professional presentations. It took several years, but with his support I worked my way back up the credibility ladder. I even got to the point that I could use appropriate humor in peer presentations.

        As Ann Landers, the advice columnist would say, first ask yourself: “Am I better off in this job, or out of it?” If you want to stay, then…

        If your manager, who certainly sees a problem, can view this as a development opportunity you can have a win-win solution. You get your credibility back and your manager earns points for “turning around” a difficult employee. Your manager can be invaluable for this, if you can talk openly, since they represent the target audience. Establish a goal and concrete steps to achieve it.

        Good luck.

    • #2723877

      What the hell did you say?!

      by mugwump ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Are you absolutely sure that this “joke” is the origin of all your troubles? Unless you are willing to tell the “joke”, to give us an impression of how deep your troubles are, I can only guess: To me it looks more like a cultural gap between you and your fellows. The communication breaks in both ways, when you feel like being treated as a 3-year old. Did you ever try to talk about them about the way you and your fellows talk to each other?! Maybe its not just the joke but the lack of this sort of meta-communication. Just ask them, maybe there is a simpler answer and maybe talking about your realtionship to each other will already relieve much of the tension.

      • #2723867

        Let your work do the talking.

        by oddjob ·

        In reply to What the hell did you say?!

        Years ago I was a member of a bowling team, and was subjected to hostility from other members the squad because I too liked a laugh and a joke. No matter how I tried to impress them, it just wouldn’t work. Then one day, one of the older guys just said to me “concentrate on your bowling, and let the results do the job for you”. It didn’t win over everybody, but as my game improved immensley, so did my respect. And as it happened, the majority of those who looked down on me eventually gave up the game and moved on to other things. So just get your head down and show your true worth that way.

    • #2723872

      Kantoor Politiek (Office Politics)

      by zd(sa) ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Keep your side clean and stay away from Office Politics or Humour. Don’t make the same mistake twice – it could cost you your job. Focus on how your performance affects your role as an employee \ employer and base your successes on just that. Building trust takes longer than breaking it…

      Maby this could help:
      http://www.adaptivepath.com/publications/essays/archives/000251.php

    • #2723870

      Understand the problem….and then resolve it…

      by naiduken ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You say that “there are three IT department employees that are the problem (one is my new boss.)”…..Initially you accept that you were the problem….even if it were a light hearted joke…did you firstly apologise for the misunderstanding?…both verbally and written….it will cover you in the long run. And if someone does not accept that then I am sure they have an even more serious problem, espically if it is someone who manages people (your boss).

    • #2723868

      Um…How to put this…

      by psychotech ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Are you sure you’re not an @$$h013?? I have no idea what
      your comment was, or context, or personality of you or
      your coworkers. BUT, when you say ‘quick dry wit’, that
      indicates that what’s funny to you may come off as rude,
      caustic, deprecating, insensitive, etc. to most other
      humans. Especially non-IT humans who don’t carry the ‘I’m
      so much smarter and cooler’ gene that so many IT pros
      seem to have. I’ve worked with several such people, and
      though their kung-fu may be mighty; I generally get the
      raises/promotions b/c I go out of my way not to be a jerk
      to even the most defensive and tech illiterate users
      (sometimes it’s painful, but psychologically, it works out in
      the long run).

      Bottom line, before you speak: Check yourself before you
      wreck yourself.

      • #3310717

        had a similar problem me@jef-dahmer.com

        by be the spoon ·

        In reply to Um…How to put this…

        People are strange when you’re a stranger
        Faces look ugly when you’re alone
        Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
        Streets are uneven when you’re down
        When you’re strange
        Faces come out of the rain
        When you’re strange
        No one remembers your name.

        you are so gone already – no one remembers your name.

    • #2723866

      Joker in trouble – Help

      by jan.heystek ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Some times you need to be cruel to be kind.

      Logde a grievance regarding the matter and have it investigated, by following the letter of the grievance procedure.
      Also be sure to have your side of the story in the clear, as it will be looked at very closely.
      If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.

      It will take something like an audit and grievance procedure, which no one wants to be involved in to clear the air.

    • #2723865

      Be right and stick to your guns

      by philippe.therond ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Well, if you’re very competent in your field your boss will see the value of your work unless he’s an imbecile. All you’ve got to do is ensure that you actually deliver results and everybody will see you in a different light.
      As far as your humor, I am a believer that you should not say anything in a humorous type of fashion that you would not say in a serious type of fashion, ie. mean what you say. Humor is only a method of getting things accross. Some people get it, some others don’t. Choose your medium according to you interlocutor. If they can’t get it, well it’s a shame for them because there’s many things in life they’ll never get, but that’s not a reason to treat them with condescendence.
      You you tell somebody soemthing you don’t mean in a humorous type of way, we’ll you’ve just confused the hell out of them and you need to handle that.
      Be right and stick to your guns.

    • #2723864

      Don’t overdo

      by paul.oprea ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Motto:
      “Je suis comme je suis, on ne me changera pas”
      Marquis de Sade

      (I am the way I am, they won’t change me)

      A quick wit and sense of humor? Lucky you. Too much bitterness and oversensivity disguised usually as political corectness or a form of it. Somebody joking like a jerk? Reply smarter! Prove him you’re better not expose him to public disapproval or even drag him to court. These days, you tell a metaphor and somebody there calls in the police :-O Ok, not to be rude, gross, gore, redneck and alike it’s quite reasonable. But the world ain’t no mamsies pension.
      From your words I could conclude you consider changing your style. DON’T. Make you sure you don’t cross the line. But have fun in life, let whomever wants to be sour to have their way.

    • #2723863

      Honesty is a virtue

      by elsie ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Hi, what did you joke about??if it was threating to the security of your organization or the boss himself,well no wonder the kind of response.have you apologized about your joke??
      if u’ve tried everything to be as honesty as possible and to proove that it was just a joke.well i guess it’s time to move on and let by-gones be by-gones.

    • #2723862

      Learn from it

      by almer ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I had experienced something like this. I was given menial jobs and those that doesnt take much risk. And though i did my best for the new assignments given me, i really never progressed much because i am not given new technologies and trainings. As a result, i had somewhat lagged as far as IT career is concerned. I used to be the 2nd best in my batch (we are 13). But being jolly paid the price. It took me a long time to have gottn over that. I had moved on since, hopping from different industries and companies. But the pain from that experience still is with me. Lesson learned.

    • #2723860

      A little perspective is called for…

      by jbrare ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      To the people that suggest polishing your resume: I always keep mine updated. BUT, it isn’t time to start distributing yours yet. If yours is a good job, solid company, decent benefits, then finding the equal or superior position may not be feasible within a reasonable time frame.
      Locate a person that is cognizant of the situation, but hasn’t really taken a “side”. Use this person as an ombudsman. Ask for a meeting with all three people and the ombudsman. First, sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding. Without repeating (verbatim) the remark, highlight what you were really tying to say and why you saw it as humorous. Ask each of the people involved to explain what they heard rather than what you intended, and let each person know that it was a mistake that will not be repeated again. After all three people have had their “say”, ask the ombudsman if there is anything he/she can think of or suggest that would ameliorate the situation. Finish by assuring everyone that your behavior has been steady and correct for the past year and that it will continue to be so into the future. Thank them for their time and the opportunity to address this situation.

    • #2723859

      assertiveness as opposed to agressiveness

      by keithbluebird ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I would recommend that you find out if there is any assertiveness courses in your area. try the local YMCA or check with the summer colleges. The reason I suggest this is this. You have certain rights as a human being and one of them is the right to make a mistake once in a while. The course helps you to find the right method and wording iether to appologize to the proper person(s) who took the joke wrong or to help you speak with your boss in a frank but assertive way where he will get off your back and you will not be afrain of him or your supervisoprs. If you persist in letting it bother you it WILL affect your job performance.If you get into a popularity contest with your boss or others you will surely lose. Be friendly to ALL especially those whom you fear, because it gives them nothing to criticize and it will drive them crazy and they will decide it’s wasting time to keep a eye on you. And most of all do your job the best you can and expect some critisizm because that’s what suppervisors do. Secondly love what you da and smile a lot. People find it difficult to be unhappy at a happy person. Good Luck. hansonk@mts.net Let me know how things turn out. Canada here.

    • #2723858

      What was the Joke?

      by magneittech ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      The major problem here is understanting what the joke was all about. Politics happens in every company if however you joke smashed some egos! Then you might get a lot of diplomacy to solved it.

    • #2723857

      Welcome

      by nca00011 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You do not say what it was you did, was it stupid, or mean, or both. Are you well liked or are you just an enjoyable diversion in the office.
      You may never get over this, and New boss, New Office click, which you may not fit in, are those 2, the brunt of your joke. Prepare for the end, look for other options but not on Co. time, you can confront your boss and ask for an eval, and work at that or just hunker down and work and wait it out.

    • #2723850

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by techrepublic ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Some thoughts from a fellow in the field, the killing fields…
      Tread lightly:
      First of all think “tread lightly”. This does not mean that you have to bend over backwards. What it does mean is that you are able to operate in groups with the utmost care, listening, feeling for sensitivities and respecting the possible sensitivities of all involved including your own. Personalities are invariably very complex, so your well-meant joke happened to have landed on your bosses toes. You got in his way as it were. In spite of our intellect, we are also animals, so territorial games (unconscious) happen around us all the time. Better still we partake in them all the time, like it or not.

      Shoes:
      Try to put yourself in the shoes of the other. This will allow you to gauge where another is comming from and also avail the opportunity for you to discover something about yourself.

      Slime:
      Don’t go slimming up to him. Retain your integrity.

      Evangalists:
      Continue to do the good things you do with the people you get on with and be sure to have them make a little “noise”. Noise is what I call active marketing of yourself, there is nothing wrong with that. Try to imagine how others see you by focussing on how you want to be seen, or what it is that you admire in others in a similar position. Also try to learn something from the way your manager behaves. “You can learn the best lessons from your worst enemies”. Listen very carefully to what he says, write down exactly his choice of words. Study his body language. The way he positions himself, whom he tends to associate with. Even whom he chooses to sit next to.

      Move on:
      A primary prerequisite for harmony is that both parties are prepared to tango. If the damage has been done, and your manager is not open to what it takes to be a good manager then it is time to move on. And don’t take too long to reach this conclusion either it will cost you too much of your soul. And who knows there may be a better place elswhere waiting just for you.

      Lastly don’t take it personally perhaps he just got divorced, or robbed or having some troubles of his own.

    • #2723849

      Confront the problem

      by dspradlin ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I would suggest you confront the problem head on and have a heart to heart talk with your boss and explain that you made an error in judgement a year ago and appologize. This is assuming you like your current job and wish to remain.

      • #2723833

        What Kind of Boss is he??

        by cleanjoe ·

        In reply to Confront the problem

        Well,
        First I would pray about it(assuming you are a Christian). Then ask yourself ,is he a Boss with any kind of CLASS, if he is he would of forgot about it and looked at what you have done after the “JOKE”. Sounds like the one’s involved need to get a life, and realize that there are others things to take care of then causing trouble in an employee’s life. In the bussiness you people are in, Security is where you need to put the focus on not what happened a year ago. If you are a good employee (and I am thinking you are)your work will show out. If they don’t see it, go to them and ask if they have a problem with you , I have found that in some cases in my work area that most of the time that I make it bigger then it is. Then you can put it to rest.
        Hope this helps you.

        Joey Cummings

        • #2723522

          Is this guilt?

          by johna_smith ·

          In reply to What Kind of Boss is he??

          You obviously feel that the “joke” was inappropriate and I’m wondering if you are making more worry for yourself than is really necessary.
          Ask your boss if there is a problem, listen to the answer and apologise if you need to. Don’t explain or give reasons just say sorry. If you still feel that a problem exsists it may be time to move on

    • #2723847

      Communication

      by deadly ernest ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      OK, please bear with me if I am repeating someone else, I am on 21.6 kbps and do not check all the answers as I don’t have all night.

      Your main concern here is, and should be, your new boss. The excess work etc has to be coming from there, you need to make an appointment to sit down with that boss, in private, to discuss any issues they have.

      At the meeting take the line of ‘hey boss I get the impression that you may have a problem with me or my work.’ They should respond with either an explaination of why they do or ask why you think that. if they ask why you can then go into the work related issues of workload, not being involved in important meetings that you think you should be, what appears to be intimidation (state appears) and your getting the feeling of not being appreciated for the skilled professional that you are. You need to show that you are trying to resolve impressions and problems not being confrontational or accusatory.

      If the boss raises the old joke, then you can speak about it but do not mention it unless they do. You want to give the impression of a professional trying to resolve, in a calm way, an appearant problem in the work place.

    • #2723845

      The damage is done, move on!

      by perspectives ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have been in some pretty sticky situations, some due to me but most due to “lack of talent” IT suck-ups. I stayed and fought for quite a few years. Things change, people leave and I was kept on because of my track record. All in all I should have quit the job and moved on,before my reputation was tainted by a bad recomendation. The good part was that the friends that I did make were reasonably high up and gave me good recommendations. Document all of your successes,get letters of recommendations, create a good re’sume’, feel around for another job outside your company and kiss your present job good-bye. In a political climate-Learn to think before you speak, (consider what you want to say, remember to count 3 and carefully craft your words. Good luck.

    • #2723844

      Dead Horse Time

      by chrisevans ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You dont say what you did to cause this issue. I suspect it was considered fairly serious if all efforts at reconciliation are in vain.

      If this is the case, then as others suggest it may be time to learn a valuable lesson and move on.

      A fresh start will allow you to apply the lessons learned starting from a level playing field which is always going to be the best way in the long run.

    • #2723837

      suggestion

      by balbino_ph ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Ask an honest apology, be serious and low profile.I have an officemate which is always a Joker but some jokes hurts somebody, runaway and hide when in trouble.

    • #2723826

      IT workers need a union

      by jakcap ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      If we all participated in a union IT workers like yourself would not have to succumb to the ridiculous pet peeves of some pea brained MIS director.

      http://www.techsunite.org

      • #2723823

        oh my GOD

        by ddissent ·

        In reply to IT workers need a union

        people like you scare me

        • #2723789

          Gods Reply

          by husp1 ·

          In reply to oh my GOD

          Don’t blame him for this driviling idiot.

        • #2723759

          What the hell’s wrong with Trade union involvment

          by hargerd ·

          In reply to oh my GOD

          Workers need rights too!!!!!!

        • #2723758

          What the hell’s wrong with Trade union involvment

          by hargerd ·

          In reply to oh my GOD

          Workers need rights too!!!!!!

        • #2723725

          Be careful what you ask for

          by michaelpo ·

          In reply to What the hell’s wrong with Trade union involvment

          As someone who has been there, done that and paid the price, I can say, be careful what you ask for. Are you ready to give up some of every paycheck for dues? Ready to have someone else argue your points to management, clock in and out, support the underperformer in the next cube, because he is you union borther? Ready to go on strike without pay or worse, lose a job and/or a career? Been there, done that and would rather be on my own.

        • #2723695

          Could’nt be any worse than this!!!

          by jakcap ·

          In reply to Be careful what you ask for

          Be careful what you ask for
          As someone who has been there, done that and paid the price, I can say, be careful what you ask for.
          >Couldn?t be any worse than this!!!

          Are you ready to give up some of every paycheck for dues?
          >For peace of mind and better wages…Sure

          Ready to have someone else argue your points to management, clock in and out, support the underperformer in the next cube, because he is you union brother?
          > We’ll the cubicle beast sure as hell isn?t gonna go to bat for me..As for the underperformer in the next cube…he’s gone. Cubicle beast and her bosses sent his job to India…

          Ready to go on strike without pay or worse, lose a job and/or a career?
          >Loose my job?? Career?? There?s no job security in IT!! We are all temps. If technology changed tomorrow and you were not up to date I?m sure your beloved employer would replace you rather than train you at his expense… Don’t flatter yourself, to the corporate turds, you are an expense. Total overhead!!!!!.
          In there eyes you are “The TV repair man of the new millennium” and nothing more.

          Been there, done that and would rather be on my own.
          >Sound like a plan…

        • #2723252

          This is all so stupid

          by jaymiller25 ·

          In reply to Could’nt be any worse than this!!!

          Union for IT? Give me a break. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Alot of you sit there and complain about getting treated poorly and how you hate your job, etc. Well, then find another job! No one forced you to work there, so leave. Apparently you think you’re so smart that you’re doing them a favor by working there, so why don’t you guy just find work elsewhere?

          All the whining & complaining I’m seeing in here is just so ridiculous. I’m glad I don’t work w/ anyone like that…and if I did, I’d send them on their way.

        • #2735811

          Another Pea Brain

          by jakcap ·

          In reply to This is all so stupid

          Comon Mr. Gates we know its you. Cut it out or Im gonna cal Micheal Moore on you.

      • #2723757

        A Tech Union?

        by jrats_revenge ·

        In reply to IT workers need a union

        HMMMM Lets see here. All the aspiring tech people looking for jobs… all the unemployed, downsized, outsourced tech people looking for jobs… you actually think that a union will help that? I think that it would make it harder to find a job as most companies would not be willing to deal with all the hassels a union would impose. The last time I was a part of a union, they did nothing to benefit my position in my company nor did they stand in my corner when mediation was needed. All I got from it was a union due taken from my hard earned money every paycheck. What a waste.

        • #2725578

          IT Local 24

          by old#9 ·

          In reply to A Tech Union?

          Could you imagine a group of 100lbs, pocket protector wearing geeks on a picket line?

        • #2725376

          ON STRIKE!

          by rebel_angel_ ·

          In reply to IT Local 24

          We demand metal coffee mugs with RFID and encrypted wireless real-time status monitors tied to a coffee-consumption database that picks a winner every month for cash prizes via PayPal!

          We demand the right to work naked from home, and that all meetings be considered optional or conducted via speakerphone or web cam!

          We demand that cute co-workers dig us!

          We demand that RTFM be enshrined in company policy everywhere!

          We demand first dibs on all promotional items!

          We demand @least 3X the salary of IT workers in any other country!

          The FSF GPL is cool. We demand the right to use it, as well as the right to use obscure acronyms in everyday conversation!

          We have a need to walk out with stray bits of computer hardware for “research” and “work from home” purposes.

          A database is always the answer! Let us build them!

          Root access = power beyond all mortal ken!

          We know all your passwords.

          Be afraid. Be very afraid.

          Some of us have the oddest piercings and tiny tattoos in places you’d rather not see. That’s not a threat – just the simple truth.

          A couple of us are even Mac users.

          Until our demands are met, we’ll be jamming your networks with pointless requests and emails with FYI in the subject lines via anonymous wireless access points in coffee shops and bookstores nationwide! (Known as a “denial of meaning” attack).

          BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

          😛

      • #2723755

        Two of the pea brains speak

        by jakcap ·

        In reply to IT workers need a union

        You must belong to the pea brained group of MIS directors I was reffering to. Of course I scare you!! If you are not the “overwieght, bad perfumed, cigerette breath, cubicle beast, with the 4 yr liberal arts degree from the local community college” that runs the IT department then you must be one of the turncoats Techs that has your beak so far up the corporate butt that you can see what they ate for dinner last night. If more IT workers united, idiots like you would be back in finance where you belong.

        TECHS UNITE

        • #2723362

          Unions are dead

          by rebel_angel_ ·

          In reply to Two of the pea brains speak

          IT killed ’em.

          The problem with unions is that their power relies on “control” of fixed assets that are tied to a geographical location, like factories.

          IT killed Flint Michigan, then helped Michael Moore tell us all about it. Computerized financial/risk analysis makes it easy to judge where money can best be spent, without human elements intruding on the decision-making process.

          “The Factory” can be anywhere these days. This is especially true with software, but even in manufacturing. Miniaturization and robotics eliminate the need for most unskilled labor – which isn’t worth buying thanks to IT – unless it’s from a third world country.

          When software is the product, you can’t even get in the faces of the “scabs” without breaking the law. What are you going to do with a union, picket the internet? Tell everybody what a bad company so-and-so is? (the pr thing might work but who needs a union for that?)

          Throw in all the out-of-work techies roaming the planet and you’ve got zero incentive for employers to cave to the demands of an IT union.

          So imagine you actually manage to set up a union:
          – the cost of doing business locally goes up
          – large companies choose to base the bulk of their economic activities elsewhere (“Internationally”)
          – startups follow suit (facilitated by IT advances)
          – brains drain
          – massive unemployment in Europe and North America
          – governments make travel more difficult and impose bizarre new taxes in an attempt to stem the outflow of capital and know-how, using other excuses to do so
          – people start using their computers to hide their money in “virtual” currencies and lose respect for gov’ts in general (wire transfer anyone? paypal? asheron’s call & ebay?)
          – the living standards and expectations of other regions rise as they finallly get a piece of the pie and gain education/information thru various media
          – the religious right takes over in industrialized countries that are finally noticing the pinch and clashes with the newly wealthy (also) fundamentalist factions ruling the developing countries (hey! wait a minute …)

          Unions, bah! next you’ll be telling us COUNTRIES are still a good idea.

          lol … maybe I should go back to school.
          *dons EVA suit*

          Alas, Babylon …

        • #2723347

          Back to school

          by jakcap ·

          In reply to Unions are dead

          If going back to school will help with your writing career then by all means do so. Personally I think you ready now. The piece of fiction you wrote above took much talent and patience to compose.

        • #2723349

          gots it all wrong!

          by husp1 ·

          In reply to Two of the pea brains speak

          you seem to pass over the real issue. Unions are not there to help you”because the boss is picking on me.” Unions are for lagitament workplace complaints. my better half was a union stewert for 2 yrs and quit because people seem to think that she was there for all their personal cry baby sob storys( He’s pickin on me!) that is why you have HR. don’t let the weight of the world cave in your brain, If you are a member of a union then support them without the cry baby attitude!!!

        • #2725558

          From a former HR director

          by mchesmo ·

          In reply to gots it all wrong!

          Everyone in this log needs to remember that HR is managements representative. There is and never was any presumption of HR being neutral. They are the corporate risk managers, and policy adherence people. This goes both ways, we frequently have to tell management that they cannot do something they want to just as well as we tell employees that their complaint is not valid.

        • #2725456

          HR hahahahaha

          by jakcap ·

          In reply to From a former HR director

          Where is the perfect little world you live in??
          I wanna move there.

    • #2723821

      You need to take steps for you and your family

      by charles.brown@csbcomputer ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      What ever happened is water under the bridge. You need to move forward and that means cutting the humor out and working hard. These folks may move on and you need to get stable as this must be waring on you everyday.

      Second, get the resume out there and start looking, you never know what is in the future and you may find a brighter path.

      Do not sit back as you will feel better about yourself going forward

    • #2723820

      Maybe you’re working too hard…

      by joekool24601 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have similar personality traits, so I will give you the best advice I can. I don’t know what you said, so I don’t know in what way you have broken trust, or with whom (we could use some specifics and scope, without mention of names). From an outsider’s perspective, it would seem to me that if someone did or said something that might betray or appear to betray trust, then tried to “make up” for it, that they might be covering a real issue- which would further erode my trust in that person- in short, don’t try to improve your image- let your hard work and trustworthiness speak for themselves. (That’s what I call the “shut up and work” approach) Sounds a little harsh, but it might work over time in your situation. Also, in the future, I have learned a habit that detracts some from the joke I make, but has greater results. When I finish with the “joke” part of a joke, I very carefully read the reaction of my audience, and make sure I explain the humor (concisely) that I just injected into the conversation. This helps people to get to know me and understand me, so they can trust me (which is essential to my role as the sole IT staff for a 80-person office plus two satellites)! It looks like lots of other suggestions have been made, so hopefully we (your peers) have given you some direction in this matter. Hope we are of help to you!

    • #2723819

      You are done

      by educatesed ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Regardless of the ?modern work-around conflict resolution lingo B.S.? you are going to be advised. The truth is ?Your Done?. Advice to you, if your boss and two or three of his pilot fish do not like you. Worse, you are well liked and popular with other employees. You are finished. Be nice and polite and look for another job quickly. Let me guess. Employees who have singled you out, are now close with your new boss? I thought so.
      You not being invited to important functions related to your work. Not being taken seriously because of an indiscrete comment. Workloads you cannot possibly complete are all maneuvering efforts to have you fired or better yet. You will quit in disgust. The new boss does not like your since of humor. He cannot distinguish between a productive happy employee who keeps himself and the staff laughing throughout the workday versus, the Bootlicker, employee who is a borderline producer, however, is ?Johnny on the spot? with the admiring comment and answers all questions with the word ?Yes?. This new boss may be jealous of your since of humor. To make people laugh is a gift and to make them feel at ease a quality few are capable to deliver. Loose everything but your since of humor and move on. Good Luck, J. Blythe

      • #2723791

        I agree

        by ggrihn ·

        In reply to You are done

        I’m sorry to tell you that I agree that you have made an irrecoverable error. A similar thing happened to me, and the only solution was to transfer out before the boss succeeded in firing me. Be more discreet at your new job. Good luck!

    • #2723813

      Well there you are!

      by husp1 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Sorry to sound disparaging but you are finding out the one bad side of jokes, some people can’t take them. Best you can do is colateral damage repair IE maintain you professional standerds to your company regardless of what these people think. Maybe they will come around or maybe not depending on the jokes effects, did said joke cause these persons some time off their work schedual? Perhaps they just don’t have a sence of humor, sad to say I know a few of those type people. perhaps they take the job too seriously, this being the case don’t worry they’ll probably suffer job burnout in about 3 yrs. No matter how it works out you are learning a valuable lesson here. Keep the funny at home or on breaktimes, (I too have your problem, but found this to be the best solution) If people like your humor then they will aproach you at these times. Do not try to Impress these guys just do your job and it will eventualy will blow over.

    • #2723808

      Get the “Message”

      by relm ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      dgettere,

      Simple math to apply here. It has been a year since you have fallen out of respect and held as a valuable player. By your description you have not acted mature in the political environment you are in. (Sounds like a lousy work environment) Learn your lesson and change your ways. IF you cannot, then accept where you are and be happy with getting a paycheck. Otherwise, you have been given the meesage that you are not part of the team, as well as you have not shown that you want to be part of the team either. If you had, we wouldn’t be talking about this a year after the fact. The message is clear, “They do not value you and at best will tollerate you.”

      If I were in your shoes (And I have been)I would look for another position elsewhere. Find an organization which is open and encourages people to speak out, and think openly. It will be hard to find, but I have found a few. You may even consider that your character is one which lends itself to independent contracting. There you can commit political suicide and move on to another contract. I have seen those who have done well in that context. What would kill you in a permanent position is sometimes a good sell as a contractor.

      Good luck,

      BE:)

    • #2723804

      Not enough Info

      by mikefromco ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      As I see it, there are facts not in evidence here to make a good judgement. Many of the answers posted may be right but depends on the situation.

      1) What did you say that is being held against you for a year? That’s a heck of a long time.
      2) Are you just perceived as a smarta$$ generally? That would explain the treatment more than year old comments.
      3) A new boss seeks people he or she can trust, since they have to rely on them since he or she is new. Sounds like you picked the wrong horses to run with maybe?

      I’m really looking at #2 above. It may not even be intentional; and the harder you try, maybe the more obvious your quick wit becomes. I know since I can be a smartbutt myself at times. But I’m careful to engage brain before opening mouth…

      • #2723800

        Go to HR – NOT!

        by toms45 ·

        In reply to Not enough Info

        A couple of posts sya “Go to your HR department”, but before you do consider this. The HR employees are not there to act on your behalf. They are hired to protect the company, not the employees. I speak from experience having lodged a complaint – yes, it was well founded and supported by others – only to be given a lot of double talk. And, yes, I was dismissed for a trivial transgression not quite a year later with the APPROVAL of the HR employee who “handled” my earlier complaint. So, go the HR and complain if you want. Just make sure the old resume is ready to hit the streets and several head hunters are ready to help you find another position.
        Been there, done that, got a better job (and the T-shirt)!

        • #2723793

          beware of HR

          by jespalmer ·

          In reply to Go to HR – NOT!

          I had a very similar experience. It looks like we are not alone. I spent a year+1/2 in a job where my boss and peer pretty much out and told me that I acted as though I thought I was smarter/better than they. Personally, I just wanted to do my job, but it was nearly impossible. When I went to HR with my problems, they took the manager’s side, which forced me into a defensive position.
          Long story short – I started looking for another job, got hired into a different company (I clearly spelled things out about my personality during my interview), and am VERY happy to be out of that oppressive situation.
          Good luck

      • #2723706

        Agree – not enough info

        by purpose_1 ·

        In reply to Not enough Info

        Cut-n-run is not a good solution. Quiting got me blacklisted & made my situation worse for years.

        An alternative thought is to get more info… from yourself. Since you cannot control or even know for sure what someone else is thinking the only thoughts/feelings you can change are your own. Ask yourself 4 ?s for every thought you have abt the situation.
        1. Is it (what you think) true?
        2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
        3. How do you react when you think that thought?
        4. Who would you be without the thought?
        (?s from thework by byron katie)

        Dude, If you want help working through this – a 2 hour LD call with me in FL is cheaper than the heck you are going though. Hang in there bud! You can survive & thrive!

    • #2723797

      Another comment

      by r ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      This thread could have been done and dusted by now if you would have just EXPLAINED YOURSELF PROPERLY IN THE FIRST PLACE. What did you do?
      Step up to the plate, explain what you did….then we ALL can stop playing the Sherlock Holmes game and give you an ON TOPIC answer!

    • #2723794

      That’s Life…

      by iconsult ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      In my 20+ years of IT Consulting, I can say that every once in a while the dynamics and politics at a site run amok. Almost invariably it’s not anything that I’ve said or done that’s out of line, but anything you say can take on a life of it’s own.

      The good news is that the market has picked back up and they demand is overcoming supply, so, no matter what your skillset, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in getting another gig… particularly with a long tenure at your current one.

      You will have to discuss the reasons you left that position, but I offer the following very legitimate reasons: When asked by your potential interviewers why you left, its very reasonable to say, “The company was moving in a technical direction inconsistent with my skillset” or “The new management of the company felt they could cut costst by bringing in younger, inexperienced technical people and squeeze out those of us that had been around a while and are making a fair wage.”

      Practice what you’re going to say. Good luck.

    • #2723792

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by philh123 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Go and talk to your boss – tell him you wish to re-set the ground rules

    • #2723790

      Then again…

      by rkarlage ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Speaking as a System Engineer, Administrator and Manager of my company’s IT department, this is a tough issue to resolve. The 2 options are “give it time” and “polish your resume”. The problem with giving it time is your managers are also accountable to management who may be aware of the ‘joke’. Politics often rule over good sense in business. This makes it tough for them to let it pass. However, the best solution to any mistake is excellent work in the future. Time solves many problems and it’s best to not prolong the issue by pleading your case again and again. You can either tough it out or move on. Admitting to yourself that you made a mistake and doing your best at your job are the things that impress your managers (unless they’re bad managers). Unfortunately, mistakes are often weighted 10 times more than good performance is. Keep your resume up to date and do your best work. I hope the best for you.

    • #2723782

      “C Students”

      by checker_chgo ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I believe that it was President Woodrow Wilson, a former Princeton University president, who lamented that, “The world is run by C Students” when he was trying to establish the League of Nations circa 1917. So, unfortunately, it is not likely that you’ll find the circumstances better elsewhere. You may, however, find that if the full disclosure and apologies don’t work where you are, a fresh start somewhere else may be a good way to go. Good luck.

      • #2735689

        C Students – another quote

        by mike-kelley ·

        In reply to “C Students”

        From an old Washington Post clipping I keep:
        “The A students become college professors. The B students go to work for the C students”
        -G. Gary Ripple, Dean of Admissions for the College of William and Mary expressing one man’s theory (not his) on the value of school grades.

    • #2723778

      Time to move on

      by jbewlay ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Personally speaking if you are working for/with people with no sense of humour, my experience indicates there is a big problem with ‘team’ working.

      In your situation I would tell your boss to shove it, it seems to me he is on some kind of ‘power’kick. There is plenty of work for good It people, why put yourself through it. Of course if they are pay9ing 100-150K per year then you might have to ‘bite the bullet’ but if not ‘wise up’ have your life and tell others to do the same.

    • #2723777

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by mcys03100 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Learn from it, old saying “engage brain before mouth” saying that I would think we have all
      done it at one time or another, and regetted it
      afterwards.

      mcys03100

    • #2723776

      sometimes nothing will fix this

      by jeasterl ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have been “blacklisted” by the IT department at my collage work place I figure because of true comments I made 7-10 years ago (I call a tech an idiot because he claimed a expensive board was bad and wouldn?t touch it till we bought a new $500 (1997) board and the only problem was a ?renamed? autoexec.bat and one time told someone that the IT department didn?t know everything) it has finally come to the point that they have said “you are no longer needed here” after 13 years of working at this college. The past 5 years I have applied for a dozen positions I was well qualified for and not had a single interview. it is time for me to get out I am starting my own business.

    • #2723772

      A joke that mis-fired?

      by paul.tomlinson ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      More details of the joke, please, it must have been ‘bad’ to still be rumbling on a year later.

      You say you are now viewed as a “risk” and “not trustable”, there is “a lot politics and LOTS of misinformation”, you are ‘admired’ by the other workers, hmm!
      Also, you now have a new boss – I may be reading too much into this, but did your ‘joke’ have anything to do with the old boss leaving? If so, the extra work and lack of meetings is to avoid the same again.

      Depending on the nature of the joke, just keep head-down and work through it, without humour!

    • #2723770

      rice paper

      by sauceco ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Well, it sounds to me like you have failed to walk the sheet of rice paper without tearing it grasshopper.
      In the modern workplace where everyone is expected to be cut from the same politicaly and ethicaly correct cloth, there is no longer any place for truly free speech, or a night at the improv.
      Sometimes we take too lightly the seriousness of the reality that we are infact working. Occasionaly we try to inject a little levity to lighten the up the day, but ultimately what we say or do could in some way offend or disturb a co-worker (or in your case… management).
      Personaly I would be concerned about being in a meeting with Dr.Evil? and might even question the strength of the glue that was holding my employee together.
      If this job is irreplacable to you then I would seek a meeting with those offended and your companies H.R. department, make sure to have ready documentation of the oppression you are experiencing. I’m sure they will have documentation pertaining to thier feelings and content of your comedic outbursts.
      Perhaps you will discover that you are simply not funny, and like a bad mime (great…now I’ve offended mimes everywhere), that can be annoying on an accordion playing scale. (no offence to accordionists, I really love hearing “lady of spain” for 3 consecutive hrs. at a recital… really.)
      If this job does not mean that much to you, get while the getting is good and move on. There are scads of employment oppertunities in I.T. and the world is your oyster (my apologies to persons with shellfish allergies).
      I am curious as to what you said, did you jokingly threaten to walk through the server room with an industrial magnet? Or was it something of a racial nature? Tell us… we need to know now.

      • #2723379

        I’m beginning to feel like we are all a part of an H.R. psych survey

        by sauceco ·

        In reply to rice paper

        Howdy chippers,
        I have waited all day for this person to respond to the one burning question…WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY ?!?!?

        No response, no care. Go find a gig flipping grease pucks at rotten ronnies. And please don’t forward me a resume.

      • #2725568

        Reality check

        by jackuvalltrades ·

        In reply to rice paper

        I’ve read through many of the replies to this person’s conundrum and I have to say that I believe most of you miss the point altogether. I am in a similar situation myself and although I will freely admit that I own part of the problem, the simple truth of the matter is that some people will find any reason to use you as a combination doormat/stepping stone. Regardless of your abilities, technical or interpersonal, you will always find others who do not like you and will do everything in their power to sabotage you and your career. Here is my advice, for what it is worth:
        1) Document everything. Make sure that you communicate anything important via email and save all of the email relevant to the conversation. If you have a discussion in person or via telephone, write down all of the salient points. Keep this record with you at all times and lock it up or take it with you at the end of the day.
        2) Do not involve a mediator or HR (unless you are interested in committing career suicide) until you have enough evidence to prove a pattern of behavior and then only do this when you are ready and willing to walk out of the door because unless their treatment of you is illegal, you will lose.
        3) Polish your resume and start networking. Be ready to leave, but be aware that you are taking your problem with you. Never forget, you are always part of the problem and unless I am badly mistaken, you are no more capable of changing your essential personality than the proverbial leopard.

        For all of the rest of you, it is not germaine to know what the joke was. Quit trying to fix the past. Knowing what the joke was is irrelevant to the problem at hand. For those of you who think communication is the answer, let me be blunt: if the boss and his sycophants don’t like him already, more communication is counter-productive. While it is true that most humans will accept an apology and try to move forward, take it from me, there are many who are borderline sociopathic and will use whatever you do or say against you. In my experience, middle management attracts this kind of person. Involving HR or a mediator is normally disastrous for all, but especially the employee. HR’s main job is to protect the company, not the employee.

        The upshot of this rant is that some times you are just screwed. If you can leave, do it, because it is highly unlikely that you or they will ever change in a meaningful way and the company is on their side, not yours.

        Not fair? Life rarely is….

    • #2723769

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by the admiral ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Simple suggestion. Just work. Don’t say nothing, only speak when spoken to. With the comment you made you lost face. The only way you will get your face back is if you just did your job.

      Plus just find another job.

    • #2723768

      You have options….

      by flyers70 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I think you’re move should depend on whether or not you think you have a future at the company you’re at.

      If you like the company and think you have a future, leather up a bit and tough it out. Maybe a favorable re-org will come your way. Perhaps consider a lateral move, if it’s possible.

      If you don’t think you have a future there, I’d bail. If you are going into work, knowing you can’t go anywhere and are made miserable by your surroundings, that is reason enough to polish your resume.

    • #2723764

      Just Be Up Front

      by chaslbolt ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      First, do you act the same way.. Many times someone who is a jokester acts silly – and it is caused by lack of confidence. If this is you, make an effort to change your presentation.
      Second, ask for a personal meeting with each of your bosses – confess that you screwed up and regret it and are trying to amend. If you are honest, they will see it…..

    • #2723761

      Please consider telling us more!…

      by lbrum ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      For example, I can’t give you any advice if I am not able to enter your boss’s shoes.
      So, knowing specifically how your “joke” could affect him is a requirement to assess the situation. Obviously that was no real joke – it was some derisory stuff that could be (or seem to be) applied literally to the person.

      Now there is another issue: The personality of you new boss is certainly one that makes it very difficult for you to deal with – and possibly to everybody.

      Usually, an “open” person would let you know why he did not like it – but instead he just took an attitude of simply wanting to get rid of you in an “indirect” way. Maybe he just does not have the guts to go about it frontally (usually insecure people are not very esay to dialogue with… they’re always suspecting people and feeling offended with everything and they keep ressentments for very long).

      My initial assessment of the situation is:

      You’re in a big mess (sorry), which is caused by these events / actions / omissions:

      Your immaturity (sorry again). A new boss is a VERY delicate thing. You must avoid all sorts of “strong” stuff with ANY important person – and your Boss (whether you realialize it or not) is simply the MOST important person in the World, period. You work for him 8/7 or more – isn’t that a lot in your lifetime?

      Then, you did not try to solve the situation WITH YOUR BOSS. He/She was the first person to clean your act with. I say “was” because I’m afraid it is too late now. This is probabbly beyond your capabilities anyway, but you SHOULD have tried to clear the issue with him/her right away in a honest, humble and dignified way, namely by APOLOGIZING. (You need a lot of mental/emotional maturity to be able to face another human being and say up front that you’re wrong without any dose of aggressivity / defensiveness, I can understand that). Another thing is that you seem not to have UNDERSTOOD the situation until it’s too late. But the fact is that you STILL appealing to others to help solve this some other miraculous way – when there’s only ONE (or NONE at this point in time).

      Finally, assessing the odds and the relative chances each path brings I’d say that there are are ONLY 2 paths left:

      1) Try to make it up with the Boss.

      This is not very likely to work (I explained why above, just to recap, because of old ressentments and eventual lack of maturity of one or both of you). After all you still HAVEN’T changed, have you?… And the same goes to your Boss.

      2. Try your luck somewhere else.

      This is, IMHO, the best path.
      First, you will have a clean slate in your new place, with a new Boss.
      Second, you are now armed with the knowledge given by all this, you now know the lesson and you are able (hopefully) to control yourself better and to pre-evaluate whom you are dealing with, before pulling out your double-edged humor…

      Sorry if I said something you didn’t like, but… you asked for it and I honestly feel that this will give you better insight, re-usable in future situations.

      If I’m the one helping you to move away, then I’ll have helped some. if not, then at least I hope you can live with win-lose situation that you got into with your boss without your ego to suffer much. I’ve been there. I know.

      • #2723656

        Re: Please consider telling us more!…

        by bixbyru ·

        In reply to Please consider telling us more!…

        Um, he wasn’t necessarily derisive.

        I got in a peck of trouble at a job site for quipping that while in college I’d majored in computer crime.

        It all depends on the context.

        Bix

    • #2723749

      Oral Podiatry

      by texaseye ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      After putting your foot in your mouth, you have two options.
      1) Go to the new boss, explain the situation, and apologize.
      2) Change organizations and get a fresh start. Considering that the process of getting rid of you has started, (lots of work, cutting you out of the loop) controlling the process by finding another job before you are forced out may be your best option.
      Humor is a very personal thing. Until you know someone very well, you use it at your peril. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t fun, but restricting your use of humor at work is probably the safest thing you can do to preserve your income.
      If you believe you are a very funny guy, try doing stand-up humor on the weekends. That will tell you how well you identify with your audience without jeopardizing your income.

    • #2723747

      If You Do Move On –

      by awkgeek ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      “try” NOT to burn any bridges. The opportunity to work there may present itself again in the future, maybe even under more favorable circumstances (the three giving you “hell” are no longer there).

    • #2723745

      Cleaning Up

      by mastorey1128 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Without any more information than was provided, I can only offer these comments.

      First of all, if it’s really been almost a year since the offending incident, you may do more harm than good to remind people of your faux pas now. Think about what you can do to re-gain trust and respect where it’s missing.

      If you are still haunted by the incident, then I suggest you publicly acknowledge the gaff, apologize for any offenses that were perceived, and move on. (Publicly acknowledging your mistake will show everyone that you are sorry, and that you are willing and able to take responsibility for your actions, thus gaining some lost respect).

    • #2723744

      Be Yourself

      by figarcia ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Not all jokes are appreciated. Sometimes what is a joke to you is offensive to others.
      The best policy is to think before things happen, be sure you offend no one. Now, after the fact, be yourself, apologize and mean it if you did wrong. If you find, no apology is required, commit to your work and hope that your humorless boss will be zapped one day as it happens to all IT types. (Humor or no humor, we all will be outsourced one day)

    • #2723742

      What Do You Want to Create?

      by coachrick ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have read many of the posts to your call for help. Most are reactive in nature, albeit some offer possibly useful advice. Perhaps some of them offer ideas for you to consider or actions to try.

      I suggest that you first determine, very clearly, what do you wish to create? An apology? A clean slate? New rapport with these three co-workers? Save your job?

      Spend time on moving this forward and less on what was done. There is no changing the event, so what can you do to change the future? What are you willing to do to make the change occur? And what can you put in place for yourself so that you will not recreate similar events in the future? Competencies, commitment, systems.

      Know that “The meaning of my communication is the response I get.” It doesn’t matter what you *mean* to say, it matters more how it is received. We all listen with our personal filters ON and that influences what we hear as well as what we believe.

      I agree with those that suggest that you speak with those with whom you feel you have injured your relationship in an effort to resolve any conflict, re-establish trust and move it all forward as best as they and you will allow.

      If you find these types of conversations difficult, then I suggest you get a copy of the book “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Stephen R. Covey. You may find the skills taught in this book most useful in these types of conversations.

      An in spite of what some have said, “There is no failure, only feedback.” What is the feedback you are getting from this experience?

      Be real,
      Rick

    • #2723737

      Problems and solutions approach

      by drfthompson ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You have two problems from your description: Your boss and your coworkers.

      For the boss problem I suggest obtaining a copy of Boundaries: Face to Face by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has a chapter on how to have “the talk” with bosses and coworkers.

      An attitude of genuine repentance and humility in a talk with your boss can go a long way to breaking any misjudegment he or she has about you and your work. Ask how he/she would suggest you proceed at this point and also ask about his/her expectations of you at this point.

      For the problem peers, you likely have a jealousy situation to deal with. You said that most other employees like and appreciate what you do. After you “clear the decks” with your boss, ask his/her assistance with the problem employees.

      You might want to run the situation past your HR rep for a reality check before doing either of the above.

      One thing to keep in mind is that we are neither as good as we think we are, nor as bad as others make us out to be. If you are a person of faith, prayer also helps.

    • #2723734

      Get your affairs in order, and GET OUT

      by timmitchell ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I too work in a very political environment, and I can tell you that in these type of organizations, perception is reality. Even though you are not to blame in this situation, and you are still the same good employ as you were before the purported inappropriate joke, you will likely carry a negative label during your tenure there. People are quick to judge and slow to change their minds, unfortunately.

      I would approach a few trusted people and gather some letters of recommendation, and then start job hunting. Better to leave now than have them force you out and have a firing on your resume.

    • #2723731

      Go away program

      by techmail.cmccubbin ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I had an old boss who once told me that he never fired people he just made them go away. He made life so miserable thatthey decided to leave. Having been the recipient of more than one go-away program in my 30+ years on the job I can say that it looks like that’s what you’ve got here.

      Polish the resume, learn your lesson, and more on. But when you do make certain that you have a good reference from your boss (preferrably in writting).

    • #2723726

      Lesson Learned

      by vltiii ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You made your bed now lie in it. Before making jokes you should have a better understanding of the crowd that it’s being delivered to. I don’t think anyone will have any advice on how to get out of this. The only solution is to actively work to re-earn their trust and put a little more thought into the impact your jokes will have.

    • #2723724

      Meet It Head-On

      by pka ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      This happens when you start playing in the work place. It’s a wonder you weren’t somply fired at the outset. But you probably need to meet with the three involved and explain your feelings. Then if you feel discriminated against follow your companies grievience proceedure against the three. But you’ll probably save time by moving on to another job and this time stick to business.

    • #2723717

      Life lesson is good point.

      by jayster7 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      We all have done similar things like this, but now I always just try to do my job and just keep all conversation ‘general’ until you really get a feel for the people you’re working with. It sounds like since your boss is a newcomer, he/she wasn’t prepared for your brand of humor. I think if the issue is out in the open, the situation may be salvageable, but be prepared to hear your workmates truthful perceptions of you. Also try not to draw sides regading this. It can’t be an issue of part of the department against the other part. That will polarize things further.

    • #2723708

      Joker in trouble-Help!

      by icompute ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You said your comment was about a year ago? Are you sure you’re not still feeling awkward? Perhaps you should just let it go and see what happens. If you are behaving differently in front of your co-workers they will behave the same way to you. If your new boss truly came in with a tainted image of you that’s a problem but, again…are you sure it’s just not you feeling embarassed?

    • #2723702

      are you there to make friends or to work?

      by webdvlpr ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      who cares what other people think! If you feel you’re doing your job and not getting the respect you deserve, it’s time to go to HR. If not, then it’s time to get a new job.

    • #2723698

      Taste what you say before you say it, as you may have to eat it later

      by soundsolutionsinc ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Yes, sometimes even the funniest lines can have dramatic negative effects. One of my coworkers has horrible grammar – not just in email, but in any document he writes. You need to read it 4-5 times to try to understand what he meant. He sent out an email to our department, that we would be having a bar-b-que on Friday and wanted to know what everyone would be bringing. It was so poorly written, I had to read it a couple times to try to understand what he meant (I don’t consider myself an expert, but I do try). I lost it – I replied back to the department that I would bring a grammar checker. Many laughed at my joke, but he didn’t. An old friend once told me that a joke is only funny if everyone is laughing at it. If it’s at someone’s expense, than it isn’t a joke. And not funny.

      I apologized to my coworker and also got slammed in my performance review.

      So would you rather be funny, or employed?

    • #2723696

      Dont give up

      by officetrouble ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Hey dgettere,

      Just go on with things as if it has never happened. Don?t let it get to you, you might be worried for know reason and usually everything works out in the Long run and you maybe reading into this to far. If you are really worried, find out from some one you trust and see if there is talk, if so then talk to the boss about it and if that does not work and you are still uncomfortable, well then you need to make the choice. Hope it blows over and keep your job or start looking for a new one.

      • #2723630

        Re: Don’t give up

        by neil ·

        In reply to Dont give up

        Don’t listen to this idiot. You’ve made some enemies and you need to build bridges. Start talking to the people you’ve bothered if you want to keep your job AND you want to be happy in it.

        Neil (UK)

    • #2723694

      Problem Definition is Off

      by susan ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      referring to text “there are three IT department employees that are the problem (one is my new boss.)”

      So long as you see others as the problem, you will not be able to overcome your shunning and dismal status on your job. It is hard to get ahead without, at some point, really understanding the impact of your behavior on others. Apparently, the impact was far worse than you are even now willing to accept.

      You can’t change anyone else. YOu will get more mileage out of really accepting that you need to change. This is worth your investing some effort in, because it will give you more control over yourself and your behavior, so you can choose when to use your wicked sense of humor (and when not to) rather than find yourself in unpleasant and career-damaging predicaments such as you are in now.

      From someone with a quick wit who can, too, get herself in trouble with it…this is what helped me.

    • #2723690

      Face Reality

      by aaron.c.esparza ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      The reality of working in both a highly politicized environment, and also a department where as you say not everyone “gets” you, is that you have to be extremely careful what comes out of your pie-hole. Everything you say, whether it is in a conference room or by the water cooler, is fodder for those who may just need something to talk about or who may be your detractors and have an agenda regarding your early departure.

      This becomes even more apparent in an environment where department employees are less professional than they should be, either because of a lack of personal maturity or because certain behavior has been tolerated for a long time and is considered the norm, by both coworkers and management. After all, when people do not complain, most managers do not look for yet another issue to resolve.

      I worked for years in a department where rude behavior, extreme gossip, back stabbing and general vindictiveness were acceptable behavior. Shame on management (multiple levels) for letting something so endemic occur for so long. I finally found a way to leave my coworkers behind and head for more professional (and greener) pastures in another department. Yes, it took a long time for the realization that my job satisfaction was inexorably tied to my coworker’s behavior (at least partially) and an even longer time to train myself into another discipline so I could move to another job. I’m much happier now!

      So, whether it is a matter of everyone else’s perception of you that you need to be positive (it’s a good idea when one of those people is your boss) Or…you actually are an insensitive jerk who continually says the wrong thing, face the reality of the situation and see yourself for exactly how much power you have to change the situation. Moving on is probably the easiest option since it is very hard to change the perception people have about you, especially when that perception is reinforced by a group or even your own actions. In my previous department, I worked for years quietly despising the behavior of my coworkers, never able to speak entirely freely and never able to discuss my personal life (no, I’m not gay). Only when I decided to leave and actually left did I once again feel free to express my politically correct views of the business issues and people I work with, and even discuss my personal life amongst coworkers.

      Dude, FACE THE REALITY, DECIDE ON A COURSE OF ACTION, THEN ACT. You’ll never be happy until you do.

      Good luck!

    • #2723689

      Be forthright

      by dennis.irvine ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have been in the business world for 30 plus years and most of those in an Executive Management position. I can tell you with a high decree of confidence that a single poor joke is not the issue. It might be a straw that is adding to the weight, but it is not the primary issue. You also need to keep in mind that most people who are the butt of some joke always assume that there was some level of truth in the joke. Some people handle that better than others.

      Anyway, my advice is to be upfront and forthright. Ask for a meeting with your boss and seek to find the “real” issue. Tell him/her that you perceive there is an issue and that you honestly want to understand it and hopefully make an honest attempt to correct it. Ask them to fully explain how they feel and their view of the problem. Then ask them to layout a plan that you can follow to improve the situation.

      If you do this in a sincere and nonthreatening fashion you should be alright. Remember it is not a meeting to justify your actions or to lay blame on someone else. It is a meeting for you to understand your situation and what you can do about it. Ask questions, but remember to “listen” to the answers. Don’t expect to “fix” things in one meeting, seek a plan to improve things over time.

      From my point of view, at least, if I have an employee you is willing to understand the issues and seek to improve them, I am always willing to work with them.

      Hope that helps.

    • #2723685

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by mgeyre ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Like a lot of the other correspondent I would like to know what the joke was and just as importantly who was it said to? If you are considered a risk and untrustworthy I would suspect that the “joke” was said to some one outside of the IT department (possibly outside the company) and painted the department and/or the previous manager in a very bad light. Did the “joke” have anything to do with the previous managers departure? If this was the case it could explain why some members of the IT department have a problem with you. Was the new manager promoted in-house and part of the “joke”? (that would explain why the manager has a problem with you) or were they brought in from outside and told about your actions? If their predecessor left because of your “joke” then once again I would suspect that your actions portrayed the department and/or the manager in a bad light so the new manager would be unlikely to trust you, you will have to win their trust. You say you have tried to fix the problem, how? It is no good appealing to the people who like you, talk to those you are having problems with and if necessary get an adjudicator in to try and reach a mutually acceptable solution, and remember your “joke” made you the bad guy so you need to try harder than anyone else to resolve the problem. Lastly you need to consider where you want to be not just in the immediate future but in 2, 5 or 10 years time. Try to resolve the issues now because if you do move on, bad news has a way of following you to new jobs.

    • #2723684

      Keep it on

      by sandb alis ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I do not have a solution and probably nobody would. But what I know is do not try to change yourself. This is because you risk to lose the respect of the others. What really matters is the professional performance. if you keep it high there is nothing they can do. However, if one day you’ll want to get out of this, keep handy your resume. Anyway, do not show them their attitude affects you. And it shouldn’t.

    • #2723670

      Career Staller or Unhealthy Environment?

      by alsaz ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I would suggest defining whether what you have here is a career staller (something that you do that sabotages your own good work) or an unhealthy work environment. Take a good hard look at the situation and then make your own decision.

      Your dry wit may be a career staller which will follow you wherever you go. If you can accept culpability and are willing to work on the issue then you’re probably better off where you are.

      Confront the three individuals separately, air the issue, accept responsibility, and as another poster suggests, ask for their help. If they are in management, believe me, they either want you gone or want you to improve. If you open the door to improvement they have almost no choice but to assist. If they want you gone, then they’ll have to get that out in the open and you’ll truly know where you stand. Regardless of the eventual outcome, you’ll be way better off in the long run for having faced the issue head-on with these three. You’ll either earn a LOT of credibility for your guts and initative or worst case you can tell your next employer how professionally you acted.

      If you can truly say that the situation isn’t a result of a career staller, then you’re in an unhealthy environment and should get out. Don’t waste time, continue to be professional, and get that resume going.

      Good luck.

      • #2723662

        Correct! Confront and Resolve

        by driv ·

        In reply to Career Staller or Unhealthy Environment?

        ALSAZ is correct. YOU need to confront (nicely) and resolve the conflict with each individual YOU have an issue with. (or) be like a whiney 3 year old and get off the monkeybars cause the big kids wanna play.

    • #2723665

      Advice to find advice…

      by r3d ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You really need to look at the company’s policy regarding this and also find out if they have a method or procedure to follow when bringing this to light. You should contact a personnel rep to discuss your case and possibly have factual evidence to back-up your statements of hostility/prejudice. If you want legal information on the subject, try this link: hxxp://www.timslaw.com/hostile-environment.htm : This will help give you better understanding about the legal issues/rights surrounding your problem as no one but an attorney can legally give you “legal” advice as to how to handle the situation.

      Remember, this doesn’t have to get “ugly”, it just has to send a message to all parties that you mean business about your job duties and that you want this “problem” resolved without prejudice.

      I wish you luck in your endeavors and hope this is a learning experience that you can look back on, in the future, and laugh… 🙂

      R3D

    • #2723664

      A tough row to hoe …

      by rbriem ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      There’s a lot of good advice in these replies, and a lot to chew on. But obviously (and unfortunately), no one can give you “the” answer to your problem, since only you know the full situation and personalities.

      Depending on your life situation and geographical location, you may not have many options; you may just have to stick it out and make the best of it, or you may be able to move on. But whatever you decide to do, it would definitely help for you to invest in a little career education. There are a number of good books (“Career Warfare” is one of my recent reads that I would recommend), and if you can afford it, find a good life coach that specializes in career issues and transitions – money very well spent (a couple hundred a month, roughly).

      As far as being “liked, respected, and admired”, my son’s 4th grade teacher decided he didn’t like to teach math, so he didn’t; when we complained, the principal told us the teacher had been teaching for over 20 years and that was a “good guy” with a “dry sense of humor” who was “well-liked by his peers”, and did nothing about it. So these are good attributes, depending on your point of view and on what you want from your job/career.

      Good luck with this – I’ve been in similar situations, and I know how much they bite.

    • #2723661

      Ummm?

      by bixbyru ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Part of fixing a problem is knowing the details. What were the joke and context?

      Bix

    • #2723653

      Just be honest m8

      by matmak ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Sit down with the person on a one to one and be honest.

      explain to him or her how you are feeling and that it may be just paranoia on your part, but feel that due to the comments made earlier, he/she may have the wrong impression of you and that you wish to remedy the matter. Explain that the views expressed where not meant as malicious or inference in any way, merely your poor attempt at humour that you feel may have given the wrong impression in relation to what your really like.

      It takes a big man to apologise knowing you could make matters worse, but whats your life like on a daily basis at present?

      I’m guessing being more conscientious than is necessary, constantly waiting to get hawled into the office.

      Get it over with one way or another m8 at the end of the day at least you’ll know where you stand and whether you have to start looking or that you can relax and do the job you where hired to do.

      Hope this helps m8

      Best regards

      Martin Mak

    • #2723650

      Necessitate Silence

      by syahmmund ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Greetings & Well Wishes

      If you are a qualified network engineer as Iam I advise you to necessitate silence, & concentrate
      on your work. If you are an IT Manager same thing
      goes along with no talking politics at all. The higher managers or owners of your org. have this
      responsibilty. Patience & smoothing sailing!
      Sign,
      Sayyid Ahmad Mundhir

    • #2723649

      Bite the bullet if you haven’t already

      by blueknight ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Your stated dilemma lacks information; for example, did you ever sit down face-to-face with those “problem” people (yes, including your boss)?
      If you haven’t, bite the bullet and do it. If what you said was heard as offensive (you weren’t specific), make apologies. Stop trying to “do” things to fix the problem, and start speaking to those who are/were offended about it. The old saw about “actions speaking louder than words” isn’t going to work here.

      Eating a little humble pie won’t kill you and talking face-to-face with each person individualy may, or may not resolve the issue. At least they can’t fault you for that.

      I also have a quick, dry sense of humor. Fortunately I have the good sense to self-edit things before I say them. Cultivate the ability to assess the situation AND those present before you make supposedly humorous comments. Not everyone enjoys a dry sense of humor.

      If you can repair the damage, great. If not, and you can continue working in that environment, good. Otherwise, learn from your mistake and find another place to work.

      I’ll bet you can now appreciate why there is so much (probably too much) political correctness used these days.

    • #2723643

      Re: Joker in Trouble

      by neil ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      What did you do or say/write?
      Be careful; you don’t know other peoples’ backgrounds and you might just have touched a very sensitive nerve without realising it.

      Do you know the people you’ve bothered? Great, go and apologise and explain yourself. You’re not much of a practical joker if you hide behind anonimity.

      It’s still a problem?….. think very hard about how your sense of humour affects other people. Maybe some people are really pissed off with you, in which case get a grip on this and stop what you’re doing because you are actually a right royal pain in the arse. And just remember that it is very hard to work with somebody of that type of character (regardless of how much they may smile and be pleasant to you)

      Think

      Neil (UK)

    • #2723635

      the damage is done – plan your exit strategy

      by rustyw007@customerselects.com ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      It has been my experience that most people (including myself) have a very difficult time changing their perception of someone once an original impression hase been formed.

      (Is there someone you know that perhaps you have an opinion of – and *nothing* will change that opinion?)

      I expect the reality of your situation is that you have only 2 choices:

      1. start planning your exit stratgey
      2. “live with it”

      Speaking to your boss/associates (even via a mediator) will most likely only be perceived as “confrontational” and only further “cement” their opion of you (no matter how incorrect that opinon is).

      I been down this road too, and tried to stick it out, but in the end, I left the company (where the majority of people liked me and vice-versa); and, it was the best thing to do.

      Good Luck, and I hope whatever you decide works out well for you.

    • #2723626

      Hodgepodge

      by wdsnead ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Well, it looks like you have already received a plethora of responses so mine will be as short as possible.

      1) Do you really enjoy your job and your work?
      If so, and this is a corporation you are
      working for then maybe you want to sit back
      and ride this out as management comes and
      goes. The only constant is enjoying your work.
      2) Meeting with the ?offended? personnel is a
      good idea, with a mediator, if you have
      realistic expectations. Think about what you
      really expect to happen from such a meeting
      and determine if it is realistic. If your
      main purpose is to change their minds then
      that is probably not realistic for this
      meeting. If your main purpose is to share
      information and create an open dialog then
      that might be realistic. Remember that there
      is also the chance that this process can even
      deeper the resentment toward you.
      3) Don?t jump from the frying pan unless there is
      a cool pool underneath. The IT market is
      still tight and having a job under people you
      don?t like is better than having no job, or at
      least one making even less pay. Don?t react
      but take this as an opportunity to learn, as
      others have said; patience is truly a virtue.

      Be blessed,
      David

    • #2723622

      One Hope

      by paul.tiffany ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      If you can’t forge a working relationship with your boss, you’re dead. Find some time for a frank discussion of the problem and solicit help. If he/she isn’t willing, update your resume.

      I’ve worked in very difficult environments on and off for many years. I’ve often used humor to levitate the situation. Every once and a while it backfires. The worst was when I was asked on short notice to attend a project coordination meeting on an international project that I was already preparing to lead. At the meeting, some guy I had never heard of kept making premature decisions about issues without discussion or need for immediate resolution. During the break, I asked my boss, “Who was this jerk?” Answer: “He’s your new boss.”

      I knew I could not continue working from someone I did not respect in the slightest. Before I could decide what to do, he tried to fire me for “inappropriate use of company resources”. I had re-e-mailed an animated Xmas cartoon sent by his boss (which he didn’t know)to about a dozen people I worked with. Before he could actually take any action, his boss found out (from someone else) and fired him. Those few weeks were a nightmare.

    • #2723613

      make sure you don’t tell that story

      by rimasbiz ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      In some ways they believe a story about you; don’t believe it yourself. When you have a clear image – and are content and accepting – of who you are, that definitely affects others. Of course, they may not be acting in good faith themselves.
      In the event, do good work but at your own tempo and use a “tai-chi” approach to what you perceive as intimidation. Be gentle to yourself and the others and realize you’re all a bunch of humans after all, neither one of you have any hope of seeing the entire story, but you can always create a new story.

    • #2723610

      There is no gravity – Earth sucks!!!

      by bit.cruncher ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      The problem here seems to be that managers are promoted for their political affiliation – or lack of same. People in IT are hired based on ability. Political people have no sense of humor and don’t know how to deal with – or repond to – jokes. Especially if the joke is made at their expense.

      We call people who gain their job throuh political means brown noses, and try to take them with a grain of salt since they usually hold power over us. But in all actuality, political “correctness” in the office takes a good bit of skill.

      Also, if you use symbolic logic to analyze their words, a good politician can stand and talk for 3 hours and not say one single word. Everything cancels out. You need to learn how to do that with your jokes, and to smooth things over will take time.

      Political hacks are also the kind to hold onto a grudge. If you want to mend that fence, take some time sucking up to them. That’s how you mend the fence. If you can’t handle that – you need to leave and find another job. Or continue to wallow in your current mire.

      Sorry I don’t have better words to share.

      L8r

    • #2723593

      Joker in Trouble

      by hand2hand ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Hmmm, just remember for every techie dealing with a problem on the job (punch line….) there are 10 other educated professionals looking for one.

    • #2723591

      Try something radical

      by mindscaper ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Try something radical – tell the truth. Of course, only the truly intelligent will recognize it for what it is – but their reaction to your honesty will in turn be a measure of who and what they are – and, indeed, if YOU want or need to be associated with THEM. I empathize with your problem and hope all turns out well.

    • #2723586

      More 2 it than U think… sounds like an excuse to make you an outsider

      by girlgeek04 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I too have a whacky sense of humor and I have often suffered from hoof in mouth.

      Since your BOSS is one of your major detractors, I am inclined to think this old incident is being used as a cover/excuse to squeeze you out. Am I just paranoid and overly suspicious? Well, yes, but that does not mean I am incorrect in my presumption. When a company wants an employee out but does not have the guts to plain ‘ol lay you off or fire you outright, they often do things that will make you want to quit. (You did mention that their are a lot of politics involved here.)

      If your boss was not among your detractors, I would say it was just office politics. Since your boss is I think it would be wise to scrape together your dignity and focus your energies on getting together your exit plan. Rewrite your resume, network with your industry contacts, take a class to update your skills or learn new ones, get your finances in order and move on to a new job. Start today and find the new opportunites waiting for you!

    • #2723578

      May this help:

      by rcdorner ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Gossip is the sharing of confidential or negative information with someone who is not a part of the solution. Sharing or spreading information anything less than positive about someone else, Is nothing less than to discredit and discount that person?s life. A person sharing or spreading derogatory information makes no less statement about themselves than being of malice, and lacking any substance in character. Do remember that time and truth walk hand-in-hand. If what one says about others is untrue, in time people will know that it’s not true and it will come back to haunt you.

    • #2723568

      Dealing with Attitudes

      by vjiori ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Not knowing the “joke”, I can’t fully comment. Assuming it was not something and average person would regard as way out of line, then your co-workers and boss should grow up and get over it by now. Unfortunatelt, the are way too many attitudes in IT and too many back stabbers. You may be under harassment and might want to consult an attorney. I have seen these situations before. It only takes a few buttholes to ruin it for everyone.

    • #2723565

      Confront the problem

      by drmemory ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      It has been too long on its own! There are two possible paths to resolve interpersonal issues in the workplace, directly between the individuals involved or with management process. Since one of the individuals injured is now your boss, you SHOULD be humbled by the experience and not afraid to say so. Are you worthy of forgiveness? Although trustworthy, have you truly changed your behavior as a result of this experience? Are you willing to have your future behavior judged by those injured as a demonstration of your heartfelt apology?
      On the other hand, gather your letters and resume and hit the street. You may have committed the classic ‘career limiting’ mistake.

    • #2723557

      It’s business not personal

      by alpha1611 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      There is more than one angle to put the fire out. First if you are truly well liked and respected then we need to calm down and relax. You have a job to do so lets keep doing it and let your work and leadership speak for its self.

      The few things you mentioned are fairly simple to correct. You mentioned not being invited to important meetings..perhaps your new boss does not understand you should be a part of them. That’s his/her job so speak with him/her regarding that.
      The isssue with piling work on you…if you are as respected as you say, learn to DELEGATE…be a team player as well as a team leader.

      Out and out intimidation, that’s an HR issue, again speak to your boss and document the meeting and record if possible. If that doesn’t help ask your HR generalist to arrange a meeting.

      Regarding the two others…the hell with them. you are there to maximize shareholder value by doing your job, not from being liked by EVERYONE.

      My last advice is simmer down with the jokes and let them come to you for advice. Let your actions speak for themselves. Life could be a lot worse. I also recommend a vacation, you need to get out more. You might want to consider doing some volunteering. You’ll be surprised!

    • #2723537

      Sorry to break it to you

      by court it ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      but if they’re holding on to this after a year, then they’re not going to let go of it. I made a similar mistake, but I actually told a supervisor the real reason things had gone to heck in a handbasket and I knew at that moment, deep down, that it was time to cut my loses and either find another job or get pulled to another division. But, I thought that by doing a really good job I could work past it. We turned around the division, posted wonderful numbers, my unit was carrying 4 other units, and the day before the bonus period ended I was terminated for “lack of personal organization skills” (the dreaded messy desk). Sometimes, there’s no getting past things. It’s always good to try, but if that little voice starts telling you that you’re good and truely hosed, listen to it.

    • #2723535

      Just the facts, please.

      by biginjin ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      First of all, most people are forgiving people if approached properly after being offended. Exactly what did you say and how bad do you assess it yourself – say if someone else had said it to you? Sometimes people who think they are funny are just plain annoying to other people and no amount of appology will change that. Any chance you are you a Sagitarius? I’m not “into” astrology, per se, but I have noted different signs seem to have specific characteristics and one of Sagitarius’s is “sticking your foot in your mouth.” I have to say, I am very forgiving, but I can be offended to the extent that I will forgive you, but I just want you out of my face! Maybe that’s your situation.

    • #2723534

      This discussion powered by the Energizer Bunny

      by dc_guy ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I see this thread is still going strong. I can’t possibly catch up with all the messages that have been posted since I last looked. But the gist of what I’ve seen prompts me to make just one point:

      A lot of people in IT are not fully mature. Even the many of the ones in positions of authority. After all, a lot of folks gravitated to this profession because of the opportunity to spend more time with technology and less with other people.

      The people I’m talking about don’t have good people skills, don’t have a good sense of priorities, and in general are not doing an outstanding job.

      When you have a problem with one or more of them, sometimes there simply is no way to solve it. You may not be dealing with regular people who respond “correctly” to the kinds of things all these nice people here are suggesting to you.

      So if you can’t fix this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not trying hard enough or that deep down inside you’re not a nice person.

      Stuff like this goes on in IT shops all the time. You may have to settle for something far less than perfect.

    • #2723515

      Yeah, What did you say?

      by olu.deyaolu ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have sat back and read every last reply to your original posting. I feel that most of the responses are not coming from Managers or Engineers, ’cause they just seem to be jumping in with advice they think is right. In order to get the right advice you must recount the joke. As mugwump said maybe it has nothing to do with the joke, maybe it is a series of off comments. Maybe you have BO. I feel too many people have made this discussion about them and if you want to refocus the aim of your initial posting you need to come out with that joke again. Best of luck.

      • #2723491

        Just another opinion

        by kazemoth ·

        In reply to Yeah, What did you say?

        Lots of responses. I have the same prob. Misunderstood humour. My immediate boss thinks that I am funny and have a “unique way” of raising issues and putting my views fwd, but the next boss up thinks I am a pain in the proverbial. Upshot is, with my immediate, I can joke – at meetings with the next monkey up, I sit and bite my tongue and doodle. And try not to laugh as my mind gets carried away. Yeah, talk to them, but if it doesn’t work – nobody can be liked by everybody – just do the job. cheers

      • #2723430

        This is not an IT issue

        by robertmi ·

        In reply to Yeah, What did you say?

        It is an HR issue. As a manager of thirty some years and one having a dry (some would say caustic) wit, I have often found that people are prepared to deliberately misunderstand humour if it suits their purpose. Because we don’t know the precise circumstances, only you can guage whether or not your joke fell flat because it was too nonPC or because there is another agenda in play. Always remember that you are in a rat race, and there will always be rats who will use your own comments against you in order to promote their own advancement. I always thought my humour was appreciated until I was counselled about my ‘cynicism’ at a performance appraisal. After that, I chose my audience more carefully, and remembered to tell the odd joke against myself to provide a wider context for my humour. What to do now? Hope for the best and keep working hard – it might blow over – but prepare for the worst. Polish the resume and develop your exit strategy. Unless the issue is affecting your everyday working relationships i.e. getting in the way of business, I would not bother trying to correct the misconception.

    • #2723485

      Joke?

      by chris029 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      If one bad joke is enough to sour a person to you then something is amiss. Are you sure a joke is the problem and there are not other issues you need to deal with??? I have a hard time imagining the kind of person that would allow one situatation to be the judge of a persons character.

    • #2723484

      Joke?

      by chris029 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      If one bad joke is enough to sour a person to you then something is amiss. Are you sure a joke is the problem and there are not other issues you need to deal with??? I have a hard time imagining the kind of person that would allow one situatation to be the judge of a persons character.

    • #2723476

      Wouldnt worry your head over it to much

      by chippo121 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Wouldn’t worry your head over it to much,

      Your new boss is probably just jealous of you,
      sounds like you have many friends within you department, maybe your boss doesn’t?

      It can you hard for a authority figure to take the back seat…

      Try to ignor there little click and just smile alot when your around them,
      that’ll but the willy’s up em!!! send them paranoid hahahaha

    • #2723472

      They need to get a Life

      by franktech ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I too have the same dry humour. If you have only offended 3 people, your doing well. If these people are so thin skinned I would really give them more. Life is too short to worry about about humourless fools who still hold a grudge after a year.
      Take it to the next level and make them suffer!

    • #2723448

      Solution

      by black panther ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Every problem contains it’s own solution

    • #2723433

      Random Thought

      by svpaladin ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Without knowing the joke, I can’t tell if that’s still a sore spot.

      Assuming it’s not the joke itself, then the other point that could be a problem is the repentance you’re taking. Are you being “repentant” around the “problem 3” but still yourself around the rest of the office/friends? Is your repentance the type of repentance they’re seeking? Sometimes burying your head in your work isn’t the type of repentance they want.

      Are those other 2 people big friends of the boss and your potential competitors? If so, they’re keeping the joke around to keep you down and themselves up. Not much you can do there but keep on trying to impress the boss despite their influences…

    • #2723426

      sounds like…

      by okami-san ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Sounds to me like your co-workers need to grow-up!

    • #2723419

      Been there

      by don_c ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You are well like,respected and admired by all but there are three individuals that have a problem well I be myself cause you didn’t get like and admired by your expertise and you didn’t get respect by you personality and far as your boss is concerned I would confront him in a professional manner and explain to him the situation and then from then on I would treat him in a professional manner and for the other two if they are two nobodies than chin up chess out arms back an #@*%!them You have to enjoy your carrer or it will feel like a job and thats not good

    • #2723416

      there is only one solution in my view

      by outsourcer ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      There is only one solution in my view – that is to confront the issue head on. Take the initiative, ask your new boss to lunch – discuss the issue openly, express your concerns over his misinterpretation of your “joke”. Formally close the issue by reassuring him you have learned from the experience and will temper your comments more appropriately next time.

      • #2723408

        and then

        by anne.powel ·

        In reply to there is only one solution in my view

        And after you state that you have learned, try a Dale Carnegie or personal relations class to help you ACTUALLY learn to look before you leap and think before you speak as all the other contributors have advised.
        It is not hard at all to just open mouth/insert foot–I used to do it all the time. It takes a lot of practice to stop before speaking!
        Good luck.

    • #2723413

      Deep Impressions

      by kevin.galea ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I had a similar experiance. I worked for a company for 3 yrs. In that time I was viewed with little respect from my IT manager. No matter how hard I tried in efforts and works, he always didnt think I was capable. He would give all the important projects to the other techs and I always got to do tasks that 1st Level helpdesk person could do. Eventually he was retrenched by our new manager. I tried again to set a good impression, unfortunatly she thought the same as my former manager, as he would have taken her through an orientation. Shortly later as she re-organised the team, she demoted me from a Technical Anaylist to a Technical Service Officer. After 3 yrs there, all I could do was leave and take on another role. Now I have learnt from the experiance. Most of all I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open. I hope this helps.

    • #2723385

      up front

      by miltbern ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I think that the best advice I can provide is to have you confront the new boss with a privte discussion about this recognition problem and why and how it came to exist. Explain the reality and don’t forget to add that it is a few that are concerned and the majority of co-workers understand what you meant originally.

    • #2723381

      Live and Learn

      by joe_at_stavka ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      As one with a “dry wit” myself, I feel fortunate that my former manager sent me to the Dale Carnegie Course. Dale Carnegie’s first principle applied to me and may apply to you: “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.” Often, “dry wit” falls into one of those three categories. Thus, on a “going forward” basis, you might consider adopting Dale Carnegie’s Principle #1 as your own.
      It has helped me.

      I agree with other writers that communication is vital in a situation such as this. You have a great deal to gain by patching up your relationships at work. Still, given your current situation, you might profit by examining your options.

      Two of your points in particular might make testing the market worth your time. Specifically:

      1. “at my job for seven years, in my industry for ten, and . . . in the IT industry for fourteen . . .”

      a. After seven years in the same company you very well might have fallen below the market

      2. “I have tried to fix the problem, but . . . three IT department employees that are the problem >>>(one is my new boss. <<<)? b. Depending how "new" your new boss is, you might still be able to use your old boss as a primary reference Finally, the economy has begun generating jobs at a fast pace. Hope this was of some value. TTYL DJ

      • #2735847

        Carnegie? A brain-washer…

        by fjeanbart ·

        In reply to Live and Learn

        “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”… That’s the first rule?!? Hmmmm…. sounds like a manifesto for the perfect little yes-man, the chanting for a perfectly vertical society in a market economy environment where the boss has more human value than the employees and is unable to accept that p?ople communicate differently, that are unable to look behind the envelope… A manifesto which is perfect only for sales people. A BRAIN-WASHER!!

        If people are not able to admit their distinctive nature as human beings, then I guess that whatever the quality of your job, your doomed to be “down-leveled” by some uneducated boss who follows the Carnegie religious manifesto serving God-$$ to the letter…

        You have 2 choices: move some place else where people are not stuck-up and have not abandoned their circumspection for judging others (bosses are fast at judging people, they often think their “rank” authorizes them to do so), or follow the trend and shut up… 😉

      • #2735846

        Carnegie? A brain-washer…

        by fjeanbart ·

        In reply to Live and Learn

        “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”… That’s the first rule?!? Hmmmm…. sounds like a manifesto for the perfect little yes-man, the chanting for a perfectly vertical society in a market economy environment. Where the boss has more human value than the employees, and is unable to accept that people communicate differently, where he is unable to look behind the envelope… A manifesto which is perfect only for sales people. A BRAIN-WASHER!!

        If people are not able to admit their distinctive nature as human beings, then I guess that whatever the quality of your job, your doomed to be “down-leveled” by some uneducated boss who follows the Carnegie religious manifesto serving God-$$ to the letter…

        You have 2 choices: move some place else where people are not stuck-up and have not abandoned their circumspection for judging others (bosses are fast at judging people, they often think their “rank” authorizes them to do so), or follow the trend and shut up… 😉

    • #2723357

      True joker is never in troubles

      by execs ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Well, Sorry to hear for what you are going through but as long as you like what you doing, and want to stay in the same company you have to ignore that you been ignored. Please understand, life is too short for s… like that. Get yourself higher goals, pass some extra tests and move forward with your career. Dont dwell on hatered. Even if your joke was not innocent, it doesnt matter. Prove with your actions that you are better professional. Prove it to yourself not your boss/s
      I promise if you do this your world will change.
      Good luck
      Dmitriy D. Kasvin

      PS. The majority of mistakes that people made, were made with a serious face. Keep smiling!!!

      • #2735687

        Best advice I have seen yet!

        by it cowgirl ·

        In reply to True joker is never in troubles

        I agree with Dimitry!
        I am in the same position as you at work. I said something stupid in one of my many comments while being a smart-ass and am being snubbed.

        I just do my work as best as possible, am proactive to help my users and my boss and am improving by pushing forward on more certs and learning anything new from my boss.

        You should excel at your job and smile like the cheshire cat. Be friendly but keep to yourself.

    • #2723331

      3 Things to do

      by somanychoices ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Firstly….
      Analyze yourself….
      make a list of your pros and cons that you bring to work each day. Look at those pros and cons, hopefully at this point you have more pros.

      Second….
      Arrange some time to speak with your boss. (if your boss puts you off 3 times goto personell/human resources and make the arrangement through them).
      When your in the meeting be open minded you need to be able to receive constructive criticism. Its’ gonna come.
      Address a few pros and the con you want turn into a pro. Your Feelings are important to the company, it creates a positive work environment.
      A positive environment means more productivity and efficiency. All companies want that.
      Your identifying your weak areas to them is a big bonus, it creates onus on their part. Companies today have so much responsibility towards employees it isn’t funny.

      Third…and most important

      DOCUMENT and ACT on it…

      documentation will provided resource to back tracking and reminders.
      acting on it will give you the experience you need to avoid this in the future.

      We all make mistakes. Hopefully we learn not to do it again.

    • #2723298

      This is your opportunity knocking

      by waidz176 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      As they say – something doesn’t have to be true to be believed and cause damage. What you did might have been a joke – but you lost credibility and have no one else to blame. You’re an IT guy I’m sure you can find another job elsewhere. Cut your losses now. This is your opportunity to move on and find a company where you can start afresh without all the bs. The great thing about life is that you always have choices. Stop complaining. As they say complain once and they are the fools – complain twice and you’re the fool. Good luck.

    • #2735884

      Life Goes On

      by Anonymous ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You live and you learn. Just do your job. It’s alright to speak to people, but everyone does not perceive things the same way. Your humor may be offensive to someone else. Just treat it as a lesson learned and just do your job. Be cordial, but keep the “conversation” to a minimum. Time changes all things. I was in a similar situation where I got into a heated discussion with my boss (ex). He was a real loser in the first place because he ended up getting fired for embezzlement and lying under oath. All of the things that he said that I said about him were brought to light and people saw that the things that were said were just not true. Just don’t strress yourself out. You know who you are and what kind of job that you do…Time heals all.

      • #2735786

        Quit

        by qhcomputingny ·

        In reply to Life Goes On

        Quit and find something else, usually when you aren’t included in meetings that you used to be included in either you are going to get fired soon, or they will just use you as a scrub until you quit. Don’t let either happen, walk into your bosses office, tell him he can’t hold a candle to your IT skills, and walk out the door. You’ll find something new and probably better anyway!

        But that’s just my opinion…

    • #2735875

      time and money, corporate reponsabilty for companys own interest

      by fa214447 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I could suggest that also in my carreer there was a moment where i had a similar problem but it passed, but i was fortunate…helped by statistics!! … what proves that it can be important: but just continue to work good is not always possible.
      What i retain, and what economicalllly makes sense is that corporate responsibility is important: I have a “filosofic” suggestion…
      Your job should garantee your income level for your life, therefore attributing gradually a right on capital, representing an complementary loan in some cases . So if you could not stay in the company, the rights you gradually was collecting should be a part of the companys capital and transferred to that company whose giving you a suitable job, and finally a suitable retirement. When they are not your best employer, when he has not a suitable job, you should be facitilated to leave the company and accept another job… Or if you have collected sufficient rights take an early retirement, and join me in my web project.
      (In Belgian, where I promote this, and where it could be realised in conjunction with a basic income, as promoted by USBIG,AIRE,BIEN…)
      My webside http://www.virtual-capitalisation.be is promoting this. English content will be published soon, but who’s interested can already mail to basicincomelabel@skynet.be

      • #2735851

        *G* you need some help…

        by fjeanbart ·

        In reply to time and money, corporate reponsabilty for companys own interest

        Your link seems to force us to use Internet Explorer. I use Netscape. Sorry to say this, but you really need help with IT background so as to decide on the technology you use for your Web Site (the accessibility issue of your Web site is a big zero) … 😉

        • #2735751

          thanks fo observation, i’ll adapt when i’ve time.

          by fa214447 ·

          In reply to *G* you need some help…

          this is when you trust microsoft, you create a html from office and it is not compatible.
          But it is a one-retired-man website… and for the moment the content is in mainly in dutch. The second language will probably be french, because of the Belgian national languages… If i had only time, money and some people working for me…

    • #2735748

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by jays37 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Dont’t sweat it. Just avoid these for now. Three out of … not bad. You’re worrying too much. As for the new boss, he is new. He’ll get over it.

    • #2735738

      Been there, done that… don’t trust HR

      by rezlab ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I had a similar experience where someone complained about me to HR over something said while we were discussing a Halloween costume contest in a meeting. I was called into HR about a month afterward, and the HR person was so rude to me that she made me wait overnight to let me even know why she wanted to talk to me. I found out what happened later from the complainer herself and apologized to her, but the HR person said it was retaliation to apologize and my boss wrote me up! That is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard! So the moral is this: Don’t trust HR, don’t tell jokes at work, and don’t ever apologize!

    • #2735729

      build on positive attributes

      by jamesbaxter ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      you may want to find that what you did has some very small positive attribute regardless of damage it may have done. You realize that even negative incidents create celebrity of a person or place at which it occurs. This is sometimes a tool that can lend merit in an area of expertise such as working in front of large groups as in teaching and entertaining. This also shows fortitude as someone who does more than just think about a process but acts on it as well. In retrospect you would be considered a day dreamer had you done nothing; and the do nothings seem to lag in our society.

    • #2735701

      Run

      by pvp ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I ended up unemployed (the offshoring thing was another factor) and in a mental hospital.

      I no longer do IT, and won’t accept a job that doesn’t require a loaded gun to keep new managers in line.

    • #2735656

      To Err is human too bad not too many fit

      by tech_wiz03 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      It has been my experience that once you booboo in this fashion there is no turning back the hands of time. The old saying to Err is human to forgive is devine, unfortunately co-workers supervisors and management often lack the humbling qualities that would remind them they are also supposed to be human.
      My advise, polish the resume, forgive them because you are a capable of this sincere motion, and move on with a lesson well learned. Also, make sure not to use this possition (or anyone affiliated) as a reference, you won’t know what they will say behind your back.

      regards
      rick

    • #2735650

      Reply To: Joker in trouble – Help!

      by jimmy.fitch ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      A new boss who obviously has formed his opinion on what the other two have told him, and your discription on how you are treated, sounds to me like they are trying to run you off. You have been in the business for 14 years, why are you hanging around? You need to start looking for other employment, before you are made so miserable you quit out of frustration or they terminate you.

    • #2735643

      Communication is essential

      by johnofstony ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Have you communicated your feelings to the three personnel who seem to be the main problem? Do they know you’ve publicly asked for assistance? If not, why not? If you seriously can’t communicate with them, get another job. I’ve changed jobs 10 times in the past 30 years resulting in a very interesting and varied career. If you have technical experience which is vital/important to your employer, let your boss know it and what a loss it would be to lose you; make this move after you’ve secured at least 2 job interviews – and watch their reaction.

    • #2725570

      No Need to Stick a Fork In, Dude You’re Done

      by tbbrickster ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Time to say “Adios muchachos,” you’ve worn out your welcome. When you get to the new place, let’s hope you bring a new attitude. You say you have a “quick wit and a dry sense of humor.” You better learn to back it off now, at the current job, BEFORE you go elsewhere. If you don’t, it will just be more of the same.

    • #2725566

      From a former HR Director

      by mchesmo ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      As a former HR Director in a very large organization I have the advice I would give professionally and the advice I would give pragmatically. Professionally, I would (and have told) employees that they need to communicate with the people they are having difficulty with in the office. The unfortunate reality of 99% of these situations is that the offending parties humor has been inappropriate in the work environment for a LONG time and has just now come to the surface because it has become so egregious that someone has finally had enough. Sorry to sound pessimistic about this but I have seen it over and over again and it is always the same story. My advice is will be unfortunately be hard to swallow but it is the truth, you need to change your behavior in the work environment, your ?dry? sense of humor will be seen as sarcastic and negative by many employees. If your work environment does not promote or enjoy this type of humor (and not many do) it will be seen as unwelcome and offensive. Your opinion as to whether it is appropriate or not is inconsequential, these things are measured by the norms, policies and procedures of the office/company as a whole. Bottom line is that if you are unwilling to change your behavior you need to move on to an environment that appreciates your humor. My guess is that this is not the first time you or your boss has heard about this issue. To resolve this issue you will have to give some serious consideration to the fact it will take real personality change. This position may not be worth that to you. You must remember that the company is larger than you are; they have deeper pockets and are subject to an unbelievable amount of liability if your statements offend another employee (can you say Violence in the Workplace investigation), this may seem ludicrous but it is reality. HR managers simply cannot put the company at risk for a lawsuit of this nature. Most Violence in the Workplace policies include some type of language that references ?offensive behavior?, this is the chink in a companies armor that a attorney needs. Even if the suite is totally without merit it will cost the company tens of thousands of dollars to defend against not to mention the PR issues and just hope that you are not publicly traded company. Work is not a popularity contest.

    • #2725512

      Bad deal

      by fishbones ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      IMHO you are pretty much screwed.

      Credibility is something that takes hard work to build, but a small thing like a “joke” can burn it all up in an instance.

      I have never been in an environment where someone who has lost credibility has been able to rebuild it. As IT profesionals, you are bound to have been in environments where the user community blackballs a tech, or won’t let so-and-so work on their machine becuase of negative previous experiences.

      The fact is, your “joke” has put you in this category. Polish up your resume and start looking around, becuase IMO the only way you are going to resolve this is if you change where you work, and the people you work with, and start off with a clean slate.

    • #2725448

      Caution

      by riffl ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      In a business setting, one should never attempt humor unless you are 100% certain how everyone will react and that all present will ‘get’ the joke. Those who don’t ‘get’ it will see your joke as a form or ridicule and will hate you forever for singling them out for humiliation.
      There are a lot of humorless curmudgeons out there who can carry a grudge to the grave.
      Good luck in your next job.

    • #2725443

      Look for an advantage

      by acdesigns ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I always try to make a problem work to advantage. Look for alternative options. You may discover one which will make your position more favourable. This has happened to me several times. Eg a car accident where I lost a car I liked, resulted in the opportunity to choose a new one which has worked to my advantage economically. How you interpret this into your own situation is entirely up to you. Always consider alternatives. You might look upon this unfortunate experience as a switch which turned on something good one day, but be sure to act with caution and common sense, rather than make a rash decision.

    • #2725432

      One Option Totally Missed

      by bhalverson ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Now that the discussion has gone on ad nauseum, it is time for some humor – nothing like making a bad situation worse!

      The only option left to you dgettere, is to become “The Bad, Uncomfortable Joke Guy” Try to out-do your bad joke with even worse jokes. Use your dry humor creatively to “walk the fine line” between being insulting and irritating. Make sure to do your work, but always go overboard with your humor, not to make others laugh, but to get them to forget the last horrid comment you made! Try to see how far you can go before they say, “That’s it, You’re out of here!” Then just laugh and say, “You’re joking, right?”

      The problem is, you are trying to fight a losing battle. It is better to suck it up, yuck it up, and play the role you’ve created until you are undone. It sure promises to be a heckuva lot of fun!

      Let us know when you are on the job market. We all know you won’t make this mistake again.

    • #2725385

      Bummer

      by livedead ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      I have this friend who does this kind of “stuff.”
      For 300 dollars he can make them “see the light” if ya know what I mean…..
      🙂

    • #2725276

      Perceptions are everything

      by cynic_with_reason ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      A cynical observation I once made was misconstrued and played out, over and over again, for years. Having inadvertantly gored someone’s ox, I was made to pay, and I feel your pain: it is not a pleasant experience. I think you are playing by a different set of rules than those who seem to be oppressing and suppressing you. Think it through: you may be in a no-win situation. As for me, I learned to gauge my audience closely before attempting humor or sarcasm or cynicism, since some innocently uttered witticisms can be used against you. Sad to say industry has regressed to such a petty state, but it seems to be a reality in many places.

    • #2724422

      Manage It

      by inxale ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      Do not confront your boss , you will make it harder seeing he as the support of +2

      Do not go to HR until you believe you have enscapsulated all possible experiences of potential bullying. It does not matter what information you have , to prove you was bullied is still going to be hard. Document everything.

      If you live in the UK visit the CAB. Not sure if similar exists where you live if outside the UK

      Read this. It will help.
      http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/

      Do not leave , play it cool. Create a diary. Do the jobs no matter how hard. It is you who will gain the experience. Document your jobs what you did, how long it took you. Prepare yourself for what might be unfair selction in a redundancy environment. Get your certification outside work. Consider yourself lucky. You have been given warning signs very early. Plenty of time to prepare the defence of your future.

    • #2719507

      Speak Up

      by cmptrgy ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      You said,”I don’t know what to do, I feel like the more I do to improve my image, the more I am ignored.”
      Have you directly confronted your, “New Boss”, to discuss the problem? If you don’t talk to your boss, you may never find out the truth. Perhaps you are trying too hard to impress him and you may be able to iron the problem out in 10 min. What’s the worse he can do? Take that thought and realize that that he could do it any way. What have you got to lose? At least you will know where you stand and you will sleep better knowing the facts.

    • #2701481

      The Joke

      by dgettere ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      The joke was made in an IT meeting where for whatever reason the old director suddenly (after 4 years) decided we needed to become more proactive. He said that I needed to give everyone on management a copy of all usernames/passwords for all servers & network equipment. (I had already been providing him a copy when changes were made) I told him “when I get my new contract with large bonus.” Everyone laughed except director. He then proceeded to ignore me, have others do my job, and just acted like a 5 year old. A few weeks later I approached him and asked what was wrong, he told me, we had a long chat and I apologized to him, and also in the next IT meeting even after he said I didn?t need to. I also told him that I would curb my “humor” since not everyone got it. He then retired soon after, and a new director was named who was a co-worker that only ever heard one side of the story.

      • #2701451

        That’s it???

        by maecuff ·

        In reply to The Joke

        Wow, what a reaction to a very benign comment. Hell, I would have been burned at the stake a long time ago if that is all it takes to become a pariah.

      • #2701398

        Your company really sucks, dude.

        by dc_guy ·

        In reply to The Joke

        Now that I’ve read the joke in question, I’m REALLY wondering what else contributed to this. I cannot imagine even the most boneheaded manager overreacting so badly to something so trivial.

        Are you positive that this is the whole story? Did you accompany the joke with an attitude, tone of voice, facial expression, body language, something that could have been interpreted or misinterpreted as flagrant disrespect? Was it a follow-up to some previous conversation that got you off on the wrong foot with this guy? Were there other incidents that he didn’t come down on you for, so this was just the last straw?

        The fact that other people went along with this so willingly and with such enthusiasm — and are even keeping it going after the perpetrator has left — begs the question of what else happened before this incident.

        Judging from your dialect I assume this is an American anecdote. Americans are fickle people with short attention spans. It’s almost impossible for us to hold a grudge for very long that doesn’t derive from physical violence, fraud, or years of being mistreated. This behavior is completely out of character for us.

        I still think there’s more to this than meets the eye. It would be good practice for you to find out what it is.

        • #2713468

          holy pointy-headed boss batman

          by rebel_angel_ ·

          In reply to Your company really sucks, dude.

          You’ve slipped into some dimensional anomaly that renders your universe identical to the Dilbert continuum. Look for feline HR Directors and small talking dogs with rayguns.

          Shortly a demon named Phil will show up with his infernal spoon and “darn you to heck!”

          Get out of there, man. It’s a big wide world with plenty of opportunity.

          F ’em if they can’t take a joke.

        • #2714358

          Hit the nail on the Head

          by franktech ·

          In reply to holy pointy-headed boss batman

          I agree, someone should take these humourless twits to a comedy festival and they might be able to find a sense of humour.

    • #2701283

      i had similar problem!!

      by theboss ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      i had similar problem at my new job.. tho it didnt started bcuz i made a joke or anything.. it was already their bcuz of fucked up management. when i was fed up of it after 10 days.. i gave resignation letter with a reason mentioned above..they immedeatly fixed it and requested me to stay with them..fixed their attitude and now they kiss my ass..

    • #3085279

      jokes

      by ericl_w199 ·

      In reply to Joker in trouble – Help!

      yea our ceo accually told one of the peons at our company to send out an email to tell us to stop laughing all the time.apparently he was on the phone with a lady in the back office where no customers are, and heard us all laughing about some story a co worker told us.considering the ceo couldnt even send out the email himself shows one thing and then to tell us to stop being happy at work…talk about idiotic managers.

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