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Late Friday Yuk.

By Oz_Media ·
Hands Across Iraq

Dear Mr. Blix,
Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.

Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 1991, I thought I?d help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few ?Dos? and ?Don?ts?.

DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless trinkets to us Third World ?savages?. We will remember these tokens as we dance on your bleached bones. I joke!

DO:
Ignore my playful peoples penchant for recreational HAZMAT suit use. Moreover, ignore the glowing, three-tailed rats that are indigenous to Baghdad. While you?re at it, ignore the totally desolate warehouse full of rotting canisters at the corner of Saddam Is Great Avenue and Drown In Blood Yankee Dogs Boulevard.

DO:
Feel free to enter any building, factory, or hospital you desire. And while you?re busy violating my paranoid and fragile egos sovereignty, feel free to double-check the bedpans of the dying, gut the teddy bears of orphans, and pour into the dirt any and all bottles of weapons grade baby formula you might uncover.

DON?T:
Forget your high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction Poking Sticks or Nintendo Gameboys at the hotel. We know that without these useless, aesthetic ?tools? you cannot unearth the make-believe stores of plutonium I don?t have hidden underneath my opulent Presidential Palaces that my people willed me to build for my own noble pleasures.

DON?T:
Ignore the cultural relativism we know you studied in your Liberal Arts Colleges. We humble Iraqis have a far different culture than the advanced West. Whereas you respect the differences between languages, cultures and value systems, I want to kill. Kill you, your family, friends, grammar school teachers, the Israelis, whole bunches of Saudis and just for good measure, my new yet treacherous-looking barber Adnan.

DON?T:
Mock our cherished Iraqi way of life. While you might think it barbaric and backward, our seemingly brutal governmental system is based on sound fascistic principles that have helped keep the majority of Arabs in splendid desolate squalor for decades.

I truly hope your stay here is a positive experience. I pray that those of you I do not like do not accidentally get caught in the crossfire of the invasion you are busy inventing!

In Me I Trust,
Saddam


>>>NOW NOW GUYS, RELAX, IT'S A JOKE! OKAY? Have a great weekend ALL!<<<

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Not offended...

by maecuff In reply to Late Friday Yuk.

it takes a whole **** of alot to offend me..I'm married to a vulgarian..

Another stupid Friday joke..

A Zen Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

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OZ I really liked the

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Late Friday Yuk.

Glow in the dark three tailed rats.

However thay must be a product of Genetic Engerining rather than exposure to fission material. I right arn't I?

Col

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I wwouldn't know Colin

by Oz_Media In reply to OZ I really liked the

Maybe it's got to do with the Commonwealth building massive sheep regimes.

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To be serious for a moment ...

by jardinier In reply to Late Friday Yuk.

I have not met an Iraqi for some time, though I once knew someone who came from Baghdad.

The man in the bed next to me in hospital was Iranian. I know two other Iranians: one who runs a mini-market, and one who sells Persian carpets.

I think there is no doubt that Americans, and perhaps Westerners in general, just assume that these Middle Eastern people are somewhat inferior and perhaps backward.

Well let me assure you that they have a much better grasp of world affairs than Americans, and are extremely easy and interesting to talk to.

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Oz is the real joke

by Asleep_at_the_Wheel In reply to Late Friday Yuk.

you don't tell jokes, boy. You are a joke.

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AHHH

by Oz_Media In reply to Oz is the real joke

But I don't cower and I am not afraid to let people see my TR activity.

Come out of the closet little one, you too can have an opinion one day.

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OZ have you noticed that this very nice young person

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to AHHH

Has not attempted to answer questions like Various Problems Faced When Troubleshooting or I need Help?

Seems that he is only interested in having a Bash OZ day today andthen move on with his ramblings without making any constructive input to this forum.

He tends to remind me of Hitlers Brown Shirt Brigade did as they where told without ever understanding what exactly they where doing but then again when you teach children to behave this way what can you expect?

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Shall we do that?

by Oz_Media In reply to OZ have you noticed that ...

We could name Jan. 19th as bash Oz day each year.

I get it year round but this was truly one sad and not even close to addressing the discussion.

That would be fun, we could send cards to each other, eat cake and chips with pop.
We could even design a logo. **** maybe even start giving out 'I hated Oz on Bash Oz Day' t-shirts for tech points.

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Day or Month?

by mrbill- In reply to Shall we do that?

I would have thought a whole month would be needed to bash Oz properly, one of the 31 day ones. February is just way too short to get any good slams in.

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You're priceless

by Oz_Media In reply to Day or Month?

And thank God I don't have the money!

That's really nice of you to think of me and I'm flattered that you would be willing to spend a month slamming anyone, especially little ole me, but I don't even think I could bash someon efor that long without becoming bored. Perhaps just to EASE the burden on other peers we can limit it to a day, hour, minute or just a bashing prayer.

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