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One and only Wednesday Yuk

By santeewelding ·
Tags: Off Topic
I was shopping at the market where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of Romaine
A 2lb can of coffee
And
A one-pound package of bacon

As I unloaded them on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier rang up the sale, the drunk said, "You must be single."

I was startled, but intrigued, since I was indeed single. I saw nothing among the items that would tip the drunk off to my marital status.

Curiosity got me.

"Well, you know what? I am. How on earth did you know?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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haha

by Shellbot In reply to One and only Wednesday Yu ...

good one :)

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Confession

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to One and only Wednesday Yu ...

Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a
dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

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Yukky, indeed.

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Confession

Journalism.

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to devour her, right in front of her
screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and did what I had to."

The reporter says, "Well, I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?" The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

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LMAO!!!

by Jellimonsta In reply to Yukky, indeed.

Too Funny!!

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Wow, that one is FUN-NY

by Fregeus In reply to Yukky, indeed.

Good one, thanks for sharing.


TCB

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I don't know whether to laugh...

by NotSoChiGuy In reply to Yukky, indeed.

...because it is funny, or cry, because it is pretty much spot on!!

:^0 :_| ?

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cry

by jdclyde In reply to I don't know whether to l ...

as art imitates real life...

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Best one I've heard in a long time

by Darryl~ Moderator In reply to Yukky, indeed.

Thanks for sharing it with us

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:^0 :^0 -- good one

by The Scummy One In reply to Yukky, indeed.

I didnt see that coming :^0

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holy...

by PurpleSkys In reply to Yukky, indeed.

bahahahahaha....uh huh, that's the best one I've heard in a really long time

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