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People who complain versus people who don't

By maxwell edison ·
The comments posted on a variety of other threads compelled me to share an observation I've made over the years. (Not necessarily an observation about the people who post messages here, since I really don't know the first thing about them, but people I've run across, in general, throughout my life.)

The people who complain about the way things are, and who blame other forces (especially the government, big business, etc.) for all their woes, are never as satisfied, are never as well off, and are never as successful as those who don't. These (successful) people choose to move forward in spite of those types of things, and they never think that their failures are because of them. I can't think of a single exception to this.

Now that doesn't mean that a person can't voice an opinion about such things, to the contrary. But to let those things get in the way of one's own future endeavors, whatever they may be, is always a matter of choice. And the messages to which I refer, are not mere opinion, but rather a vehicle to place blame on someone for something.


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Exactly right

by jmottl In reply to People who complain versu ...

I think your point is exactly the reason that plays into why some people advance and others don't.

It's very easy to complain and blame, it's hard to not fall into that easy trap or to take on the issue and solve it or take responsibility to move ahead of the hurdles...

There's a great quote I use on my email --
"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers

Judy Mottl
Senior Editor, Career

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job protection

by john_wills In reply to People who complain versu ...

It is tied in with self-respect. I was once unemployed for 68 months but didn't give up looking for either IT or non-IT jobs. When signing for welfare one day I got talking with the man in front of me. He had previously been a sign painter for pubs. He was now on the scrap heap, he said, because pub signs were now produced on computers, taking up a lot less time and effort. He had himself not bothered, although "I saw it coming", to learn how to use computers this way, nor where manual painting might still be needed, nor yet to investigate new lines of work or take a class in something interesting. He wouldn't even take the Job Service's extra 10 pounds a week to do a course in any of the various trades they were teaching. I probably had more things to do in life than he had, but I was a lot less miserable in a similar situation. I at least got the 10 pounds extra some weeks, and have battered through to a lucrative and comparatively safe job. This man just moaned that "something should have been done" to supress new technology.
Next week I am going to a union meeting. The theme will be outsourcing and how we should try to prevent it. This is as contemptible in IT workers as it is in the sugar, steel, textile and catfish industries: more so, indeed, because we have the intellectual equipment - and, often, the capital - to understand where we are and to make the best of it.
An article in my book Albatross 0-595-19418-4 discusses attitudes to unemployment.

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People Vs The Status Quo

by GuruOfDos In reply to People who complain versu ...

I'd be the first to agree with you. My driving instructor gave me a piece of wisdom many years ago when I was 17 relating to learning to drive and the sorts of people you find behind the wheel of a vehicle but it can be applied to life in general and this scenario too. He told me there are four kinds of drivers (or people) in this world.

1) Active Judicial
2) Passive Judicial
3) Active Injudicial
4) Passive Injudicial

The first category relates to those who are able to judge a situation and to actively react or modify their behaviour according to external influences. If a bus pulls out in front of them, they can accellerate and steer or brake and steer to avoid an accident. They are in control no matter what happens to them.

The second category refers to those who can judge a situation, but don't react or are unwilling to react. They can see the bus is about to hit them, but they just close their eyes, grip the wheel and hope for the best.

The third pertains to those who make decisions, often rashly or impulsively, without being able to appraise a situation or relate circumstance to their decision. 'It's my right of way...if a bus pulls out, its HIS fault!'

The fourth covers the rest...those who can't evaluate events and conditions and don't react or take any notice. 'Bus? What bus? More pain relief please Doctor.'

The denizens of Category One are the acheivers and the do-ers. They make their voice heard when necessary (by participation, voting, action, etc.) but are able to adapt. If circumstances change, they are able to change with them. Category Two are the ones who can evaluate life's events and situations but don't do anything about it. They may make correct inferences or hold valid opinions, but are not the type to put anything into practice. 'We know whats wrong with the world...but let's not rock the boat!' Category Three are the 'blamers'. They can't make decisions for themselves, but are happy to blame their woes on the economy, the President, Tony Blair, Saddam Hussein or the management. Whatever may be wrong with the world, the job, my career, the Welfare System...'It's not my fault!'. Category Four don't know and don't care. They blindly play the cards they are dealt. If everything is fine, great. If not, surely someone will pick up the pieces for me?

The best people (in terms of success, achievement, survival or whatever) fall into Category One. The rest plod along, make a lot of noise, or just can't be bothered!

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by maxwell edison In reply to People Vs The Status Quo

I loved the driving analogy. Too many people asking for the "pain relief".

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by Oz_Media In reply to People Vs The Status Quo

Your analogy makes definite sense but I'm not sure if people actually fit a single category or a portion of several.
ie. Liberal Republican (thanks for THAT history lesson guys)

I see myself as Active Judicial but when it comes to political opinions, I don't care. For everything else in my life, I can, will and do control every aspect. As to what the government does, I couldn't care less, until it hits my front door then I deal with it, as for life; if I wake up it's going to be a good day.

I think it is a result of once being very extroverted then after coming out of my coma I found I was very passive and introverted. I led this passive life for some time while I recouped and started a new life but now find I am in control of everything I do once again, except this time, with eyes wide open and an understanding of what I can and can't control.
I can control how my day unfolds, but I can't control what will happen tomorrow until tomorrow.

I see myself as being Active Judicial with a sprinkling of Passive Injudicial with the latter being only a way for me to cope with my day and not let circumstances annoy me to the point of making me sick. I'm good at just dealing with the worst news.

ie. My cat (don't laugh) just disappeared after being CLOSE at my side for 8 years (I actually weened him by bottle because his mother died), as much as I miss him, I had no control over his disappearance and just chalk it up to the fact that I would have outlived him anyway so I just accept it and deal with it and move on.

An old friend of mine died at age 28 a few weeks ago, he had an operation for Lukemia (which noone knew about him having) and died of pneumonia during the operation. Nothing I could do to control this, I just accept it as is without it upsetting me too much.

If something CAN be controlled I MUST HAVE THE REINS !!

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The trick here OZ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Strange

Is to learn to control the things that you can have control over and try to ignore the things that you have no control over and know the difference.

You then get along as best you can no matter what the outside infulences that you have no control over are. So if it is some political party or the local church that is trying to convert you, you just avoid them as best you can and then work out what to do when the brown stuff hits the fan.

It is the people that can do this that get ahead in life and the rest are left complaininf=g or worse still beklieving that the world owes them a living.

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Too true Colin !

by Oz_Media In reply to The trick here OZ

Yes that is my theory in a nutshell. Some things you have no control over, so why let them bother you or change your life.

Other things you have complate control over so it is easy to forsee and benefit from tha outcome. If I can't control it, Oh well, s*&t happens and you move on.

Bottom line, like my dad always said, "DEAL WITH IT!"

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Is it more important to...

by jkaras In reply to People who complain versu ...

achieve and be successful or live contently smelling the roses? Almost everyone I've met or know who is very successful have their noses in the air that they are better than everyone else and constantly worry how to get more rather than be content with the great things that they accumulated. These people tend to live short lives due to stress, failed marriages, and substance abuse. Granted they live for the moment like it was their last which is admirable but every decision is based on advancement not happiness. They marry for money, hang around people that can do things for them, and are extremly fake individuals. I have known many people that are down to earth and put more importance on the simple things constantly content with family friends as their wealth. These people live longer due to stress free attitude living a full life. Success doesnt equal happiness but it sure can buy some happiness :)
I'm not a parent but I wonder when I have children would I instruct them to be successful financially or search for their own success in happiness?
The point of complaining is to voice a need for change or a problem. Yes it can be tiring and annoying but everyone complains about something, just ask your spouse. You are in control of yourself to a point, but we have leaders and laws that restrict options to a promising future, just ask a single mom rasing her children off minimum wage with a deadbeat dad not helping. Her options are limited despite her positive outlook. If nobody voiced an opinion or complained would anybody get off their *** and make a change?

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I never defined success as acquiring wealth

by maxwell edison In reply to Is it more important to.. ...

You're equating success with acquiring wealth, while I am not. There are plenty of wealthy, yet unsuccessful people. Conversely, there are plenty of successful people who live a rather modest lifestyle. Besides, wealth is a matter of perspective. I suppose I would define success as the steady progression towards one's goals, whatever those goals may be. And if one remains on track to achieve one's desires (goals), then contentment and happiness will surely follow. You ask, "Is it more important to achieve and be successful, or live contently smelling the roses"? To that I would answer yes, on all counts. I want to achieve things that are important to me, I want to stop and smell the roses (I especially love the smell of a golf course early in the morning), I want some other things (some material, some non-material), and I want to be successful in the realization of that which I seek. But that's just me. Other people may have different goals than I have.

A person with a failed marriage would not be successful if having a fulfilling marriage is his/her goal. A person living a stress-filled life is not a success if he/she desires calm and tranquility. But on the other hand, some people thrive on the hustle and bustle that some would consider stressful. No one can define success for another. It's a self-defined path to a self determined destination.

The difference between your point of view and mine is that I won't accept the fact that forces outside of myself can prevent me from realizing my goals. True, there are things that happen which may present a new obstacle, things that are beyond my control, things that may have an affect on my plans, and I may have to re-evaluate and redirect myself from time to time. But I chose to make it my problem, thus the answer to any problem I face can be my solution. All of my limitations are self-imposed, just as yours are, whether you realize it or not. Don't get me wrong, however. Understanding that self-empowering principle is certainly no guarantee of success. But the person who realizes it does indeed have a huge head start, not to mention, a better chance at realizing those elusive dreams.

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There ARE forces...

by john_wills In reply to I never defined success a ...

outside myself which can control my life. The karma which brings things to me was not all formed by myself. But we can measure success in the way we react to our karma, i.e. in the dharma we recognize for ourselves. We have dharma/vocation/calling at several levels, e.g. the house I ought to acquire for my family needs and the residence I should now take up because of my circumstances; the applications I think I could program most satisfyingly and the applications clients and employers will hire me to program.

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