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Random Thoughts

By Shellbot ·
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
5. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
6. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
7. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
8. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
9. How the **** are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
10. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
11. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
12. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
13. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
14. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
15. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d1ck from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
16. Everytime I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)?ummm...Goonies"
17. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
18. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
19. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
20. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
21. Bad decisions make good stories.
22. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
23. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
24. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
28. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
29. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
30. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
31. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs
32. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
33. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
34. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
35. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@stard before dinner.
36. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my @ss everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
37. I wonder if cops ever get p1ssed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
38. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

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Thanks, Shell!

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Random Thoughts

Started mine with a grin.

PS.
If they're random how come they're numbered? :^0

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Autonumber

by NickNielsen In reply to Thanks, Shell!

makes all sequential.

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hehehe

by Shellbot In reply to Thanks, Shell!
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Oh boy...

by cmiller5400 In reply to Random Thoughts

Don't get me started

Excellent list. I agree with everyone of them.

#4 I actually burst out laughing when I fitured it out My coworker thinks I'm nuts...

#16 - I keep a copy of the NATO Phonetic alphabet posted in my cube for those moments :) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NATO_phonetic_alphabet

36: EVERY morning, dead on, no misses

37: I actually continue driving the speed I was going. I figure that if the officer was going to pull me over, they would have already

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Not always...

by TonytheTiger In reply to Oh boy...

37: I actually continue driving the speed I was going. I figure that if the officer was going to pull me over, they would have already

I was doing about 38 in a 35 when an officer started following me. I thought, "If I let up, he'll know that I know that I was speeding and pull me over... but if I don't let up after him seeing me see him, maybe he'll think my speedometer was off, and..."

before I could complete the thought, the lights came on... seems while I was looking at him, I wasn't looking at the "Speed Limit 25" sign :)

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Great thoughts!

by oldbaritone In reply to Random Thoughts

But I always wonder

Why are there so many more 'orse's arses than there are 'orses?

;-)

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Cloning?

by NickNielsen In reply to Great thoughts!
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Look on the bright side

by TonytheTiger In reply to Random Thoughts

35. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@stard before dinner.

You won't have to wash silverware for at least the rest of the day :)

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haha

by .Martin. In reply to Random Thoughts

totally agree with 18 and 31.

<i>9. How the **** are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? </i>
just roll it into a ball

<i>29. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? </i>
they want payback, so they sit and laugh at you ringing.

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