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Everything I need to know in life, I learned from the 3 Stooges

by BFilmFan In reply to Random Tracks

<p>I have determined that living a successful and happy life is contained in 3 Stooges short films.</p>
<p>Here is the list of life's lessons that the Stooges espoused:</p>
<li>You are a moron. This is acceptable as your friends are morons also.
<li>People in positions of power, judges, lawyers, cops, and politicians are all bigger morons than you.
<li>As a moron, you will be hired for work, for which you are totally incompetent. Your friends that assist you in performing this work are also equally incompetent.
<li>When angry with your friends, it is perfectly acceptable to poke them in the eyes with your fingers.
<li>It is also acceptable to beat your friends on the head with cast iron skillets, hot irons, hammers and large metal files. Due to superior physical conditioning, no one is ever injured.
<li>When you are angry with your friends, you are required to state the following phrase: ?I am gonna murderize ya!?
<li>Morons growl and bark when angry.
<li>Sexy women love men with bald heads or fluffy hair or a soup bowl hair cut, as long as you are a moron.
<li>Sexy women that live in expensive mansions should always be careful watched by a moron as they are always up to no good.
<li>If you are a bald headed moron, you can dress up in women?s clothing and lipsynch to opera records. No one will notice that you are a man.
<li>Morons use unusual ingredients when cooking, such as India ink, duck feathers, and soap flakes.
<li>Morons serving turkey at a dinner will often observe that the entr?e will squawk when carved, make noises and dance upon the table.
<li>All moron dinner parties must include a food right featuring cr?me pie. Pastries loaded with messy fruit filling may be substituted.
<li>Morons always defeat criminals and evil-doers with a few eye pokes and hammer head bashing techniques.
<li>Whenever Pop Goes the Weasel is played, morons must stand ready to fight as if in a boxing ring.
<li>Morons are notoriously lousy campers and hunters. The animals always have the advantage with their superior intelligence, even if their hides are severely moth-eaten.
<li>Morons are accomplished musicians. Note however that morons playing violins will often be whacked over the head with either the bow,the violin or both.
<li>Morons are often great dancers. You simply need your moron friends to fire up the swing band.
<li>Morons are not appreciated until they are no longer with us to make us laugh.
<li>And the only way to answer yes to a question is ?Sointanly Sointnaly nyuck nyuck nyuck.?</li></ol>
<p>So make your life easier in the IT world. Use a Stooge Lesson today!</p>

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