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Suggestions Please

By Tony Hopkinson ·
I'm on a training course soon on how to interview people for technical positions given by HR

This will make sure I'm aware that I can't ask stupid questions like
What colour are you ?
When are you going to become pregnant?
How old are you ?

That aside, this seems to be a great opportunity to have one or three digs at the bane of our existence.

Please note I'm not allowed to call them names, so any insults must be very polite. ]:)

Also it doesn't matter if they don't understand how insulting I'm being.

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You lucky bugger!

by Oz_Media In reply to Suggestions Please

What an opportunity. Don't forget to wear your Coke bottle glasses with tape in the middle, I think the pocket protector and Star Trek phaser keychain are standard.

Play dumb as a bag of hammers, tell them that it's no wonder they are hired for this job, you had no idea the amount of psychological knowledge it took.
Whenever they offer you instruction, try and find an analogy to relate it to from a SciFi, ie: "Just like when Han solo was frozen in carbonite!" or "Do you mean a guy with no positive values, like Darth Vader?" or when it comes to descrimination, you can suggest, "You mean like, you can't say the company doesn't hire Cylons because they only have one eye?"

Have fun, no need to name names, 'THEY' or 'THEM' will be appropriate if posted in this thread.

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Oz offers a terrific suggestion

by DMambo In reply to You lucky bugger!

To make it even more obscure, just make up the sci-fi references, eg. - If they state that you're not allowed to ask an applicant's age, say something like "****-lo! Do you think I just walked off the planet Tyylonn from Higgenbothem's fourth novel in the 'Red Sun of Gorgon' series? I mean, c'mon!!"

You can also try to ask questions related to the most technical areas as possible. "Does this applicant need to know (fill in the toughest reference yo ucan think of)?"

Enjoy the day off!! And ask for more donuts several times.

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Have Fun

by bigbigboss In reply to Suggestions Please

Actually, I won't try to make these people mad if I were you. But you can still have some fun.

They will conduct some mock up interviews with you playing the part of the interviewer. Ask them some question that will make them feel really stupid or quite embarrassing. Like "What was your worse experience in .... ", or "How did you fix an impossible problem ?"..

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Oh yes

by Tony Hopkinson In reply to Have Fun

Question Number 1

Given you have a HR background in what way are you qualified to judge a candidate's technical ability in IT?

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Possible answer

by onbliss In reply to Oh yes

We are judging the candidate's ability to work in our organisation. We leave it to the IT department to judge the candidate's technical abilities.

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ooh! Tony! Lucky......bleep!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Suggestions Please

I'm still having a persistently consistent run in with HR for various reasons; this may just colour this a tad....

(I know you understand the Geordie knack of understatement....)

My recent shots at them include asking questions over and over again...

"What do the current Employement Laws state about that? What section does that refer to? Are you sure that's not in The Human Rights Act 2000, too? Which of the Acts takes precedent?"

Oh, I hope I'm annoying them intensely, that's the aim of the game right now.

Polite insults? To HR? They'd go way over their heads. Be as subtle as a brick - that'll work.

One question that is almost guaranteed to flummox HR staff: Can I ask interviewees when their religious holidays are? If you need the answer, PM me, cos it's complicated!

Enjoy, Tony. I think you'll be able to come up with plenty of insults on your own, btw!


Edit: of course, you know to do the old Joe Pasquale one, don't you? Just hum "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves....." Gets to someone in the room every time...

Only remembered it cos my boss has just done it to ME!

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Hey Tony!! Here's some help...

by TechExec2 In reply to Suggestions Please

It's good that Human Resources exists to employ people whose only qualification is that they are.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, work in HR.

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by NickNielsen In reply to Hey Tony!! Here's some he ...

Those who can, do. Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, work in HR.

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Interview Questions

by gsquared In reply to Suggestions Please

If you just want to have some fun in practice interviews, ask things like: "I need to test your technical skills; How do you perform a full outer join on a check constraint in VBA?", "At what temperature do string arrays begin to decay?", "When RAIDing a hard drive, is it better to burn first and pillage later, or the other way around?"

If they won't let you get away with that, I really like the idea of making up fake Sci Fi references. Personally, I'd go with, "Yeah, just like Yoda said in Episode IX", for just about everything.

Of course, you could also use, "When Mal was 'interviewing' Jain to recruit him for Serenity, he said ...".

If you're just looking for something to insult HR with, try calling HR the "most important hyposapient function in the business". Most people won't get that one.

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polite? subtle?

by Jaqui In reply to Suggestions Please

are you freaking nuts?

I would start off with something like:

"It is a known fact that HR is useless for hiring for IT, since no-one in HR has a clue as to reality in an IT department.

now that this truth is out in the open here is the postings for all IT positions. any changes means that HR has fucked up royally and will be shot on site."

then give them a realistic general IT department job ad.

" all applications are to be given to the IT department for short listing and interveiwing.

HR is not allowed to do anything but put the ad out and collect the responses."

edited for typo

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