After Hours

A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.
To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher.
Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'
Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.
The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.

Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.
Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada .

Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.
When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.
Johnny, she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'
Johnny ponders the question and finally says, 'The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother.
That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.

Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a Seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their Promise.

They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded him onto their rowboat.

After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'

Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.

'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'

After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.

Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'

Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest.

So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears.

Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.

'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'


WAIT FOR IT. . . . .


'Aye' tis,

NOW hand me dat shovel.'

Be careful what you say

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks
over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAN "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAN "Of course I do.."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAN "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAN (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAN "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAN "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAN "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAN "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAN "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAN "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAN "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: --
silence --

HUSBAN
"sh1te."

Father and son in the pharmacy.

"Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."

"What about the 6pack dad?"

"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."

"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"

"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."