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Thanksgiving YukYuk

By jdclyde ·
Tags: Off Topic
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.
One day "little sister" called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed, running, straight towards my car! Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping, cheering wildly and applauding!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little 'test'.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family, son!"
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!
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<b>Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Be well, be safe.</b>

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Foreign topic

by gadgetgirl In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

but have the best I could find considering I don't understand what half of these are about.....

For that side of the pond: Happy Thanksgiving

For this side of the pond: Friday Yuk normal service will resume as soon as possible............................

10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving but Aren't...

1. "Reach in and grab the gibblets."

2. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

3. "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat!"

4. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

5. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

6. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

7. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to
hold her down."

8. "It's cool whip time!"

9. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

10. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip,
nothing squirts out.


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Bob and Martha

by jdclyde In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.

Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs
and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that
Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God
and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

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Can I say....

by onbliss In reply to Bob and Martha

....ewwwwww or am I just supposed to enjoy the joke :-)

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by jdclyde In reply to Can I say....
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How to bake a turkey

by jdclyde In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of scotch
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of scotch
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more scotch of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

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Ten Reasons Thanksgiving Dinner is Better than Sex

by jdclyde In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

Ten Reasons Thanksgiving Dinner is Better than Sex

10. You're sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.

8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.

7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.

6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.

5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.

4. Thanksgiving dinner is a "sure" thing.

3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!

2. You're expected to fall asleep after dinner.

And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:

1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

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The parrot

by jdclyde In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued:

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

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by jdclyde In reply to Thanksgiving YukYuk

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.<br>
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"<br>
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Keep your eye off the turkey dressing<br>
It makes him blush!!!!
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?<br>
A: Their age!
Q: How do you hold a turkey in suspense? <br>
A: I will tell you Monday!
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